The Letter
by Banshi
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Part Three
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Duo's palms were sweating, his pulse was pounding and he was short of breath. And Trowa wasn't even in the room. Hell, there wasn't even a room for them to be in.
The American stood at the edge of the circus grounds, just watching the people come and go. He had yet to see either Trowa or Catherine, but was content to watch the other performers move around.
He occupied his mind with mundane observations, trying to calm himself enough to be sociable. He was so nervous about seeing Trowa, without the other guys there to be buffers. He wasn't sure how he should act, knowing that Trowa knew how he felt. Should he try flirting? Should he act like he normally did? Should he tone it down, in deference to Trowa's, probably raw, feelings?
Duo was frozen with indecision, and he didn't like it.
This wasn't like him at all!
Duo jumped as a hand gripped his shoulder. Spinning around, he looked into a slightly amused green eye.
"Trowa! Jeez, you're the only one who ever sneaks up on me like that. Man, you nearly gave me a heart attack!" The color came back to his face, and the startled look was immediately covered by his grin. He really hated his automatic mask sometimes.
It was a measure of just how much he trusted and cared for Trowa that the startled look had manifested at all.
"I'm sorry Duo."
No he's not. Duo felt his grin widen as he caught the mischievous glint join the amusement.
"So, what am I supposed to see first? Do I get to see the cats, or do I have'ta swear to Catherine that I won't get you into trouble first?"
"Catherine would like to say hello. Then you can just wander around and watch us set-up." Trowa shrugged and walked towards the circus grounds.
"Sounds good. Do I get to see the cats later though?" Duo bounced to Trowa's side and fell into step beside him.
That would be so cool.
Trowa's smile was very, very small, as he shrugged again and lead the way to the tents.
The energy of the crowd enveloped Duo as he watched the performances. It was contagious, and he felt like an awestruck kid. Like he had when he had come to see the show with Hilde during the war.
His train of thought followed that track and his emotions sobered as he watched the sword swallowers. He remembered coming to the circus, watching Trowa perform with a vague ache in his heart, then finding out that Trowa didn't remember him.
That hurt, and to think that I didn't realize why. Now Duo could laugh at his own density, but it had been so confusing then.
And it took Quatre to bring him back. It was a stinging, bitter thought, and Duo shoved it away. He had vowed that his feelings for Trowa were not going to destroy his friendship with Quatre.
Friends were too few and far between to allow a rift.
His eyes followed a spot-light as it swung up to the high-wire, and held his breath.
Trowa moved gracefully and confidently through his routine, drawing gasps and applause from the crowd.
Beautiful. Duo found himself cheering loudest of all, which got a couple of kids to look at him like his hair had just turned blue.
Grinning like a lunatic came in handy right then.
He turned his attention back to the lithe acrobat, as the routine finished, the applause and cheers from the crowd thundered though the big top.
Duo's eyes followed his friend as he descended, noting that not even the half-mask could disguise the lack of expression on Trowa's face.
Though Duo was used to it, the look caused a ache to well up in his chest again. His own dual nature warring as it simultaneously demanded that he snap Trowa out of it and leave well enough alone.
A nod from Trowa as their eyes met over the divider settled the matter firmly in the 'interfering little bastard' camp.
Duo grinned back at his friend, and knew that Trowa had seen the mischievous cast to the expression.
Duo found Catherine making tea after the show, a couple hours later. The crowds were leaving and the performers were cleaning up and winding down by degrees.
"Sit down Duo. Trowa's checking on the cats and probably getting out of costume. He'll show up in a minute."
Duo sat and accepted the cinnamon-smelling tea.
"You guy's were great tonight! I thought my heart would stop during the knife throwing."
Catherine chuckled. "I didn't think Gundam pilots were so easily unnerved."
Duo huffed, exaggerating his pouty/hurt expression. "We're not. You guys had that whole tension-building thing going on. The showmanship was great."
"Thank you." For the second time that night, Duo had been unaware of Trowa's approach.
Ok, that is unnerving. I'm a thief, a damn good thief. I have a radar better than Heero's in my head. So how the hell did he do that...TWICE!
It took will-power to not rant aloud as Trowa settled himself and accepted his tea.
"Did you like the show?" Duo's eyes widened as his brain rushed to process that Trowa had actually started a conversation. When he regained his composure, he could swear that he saw amusement in those green eyes again.
"Yes, I did. You were fantabulous, you had the kids behind me so enthralled that they stopped chucking popcorn at my head." He finished with a brilliant smile, and was rewarded with a laugh from Catherine and a chuckle from Trowa. It was bliss.
"Thank you again." Trowa sipped his tea, and Duo was about to ask Catherine about the balance of her throwing knives when the stoic young man spoke up again.
"Did you get to meet anyone else before the show?"
"Um, no. I was still gawking at everything." Catherine looked as surprised at Trowa's chattiness as he felt. She stared at Trowa for a moment, then stood, excusing herself. Leaving Trowa and Duo alone in her trailer.
There was a long, awkward silence as Duo realized that this was the first time that they had had a chance to talk in private, and he couldn't think of a single important thing to say. Trowa's quiet voice pulled him from his frantic clutching at conversation starters.
"Did you really like the show?"
"Of course! I wouldn't have said I did otherwise. I never lie y'know." He didn't see why Trowa had needed the confirmation. So he asked.
"Why?"
Trowa thought a moment, then a slight smirk materialized at the corner of his mouth.
"Your good opinion is rarely given, and therefore more worth the earning." The statement was so un-Trowa from syntax to length that Duo's eyes widened again.
At this rate I'll need eye drops when I get back to the apartment.
"It was a quote from Pride and Prejudice. Catherine read bits to me while I set up rigging."
The smirk stayed put, and Duo had to fight to keep his gaze from straying to that mouth. He swallowed convulsively, and covered his sudden nervousness by sipping his tea.
"Well, thank you. I really did enjoy it." He offered a small, genuine smile, and hoped that his 'I'm harmless' message got across. "I don't know how you guys can keep putting on such a stellar show."
"It's easier being consistent here than it was being able to complete my missions all the time."
Duo nodded, even as he automatically shifted his focus to see if anyone could hear their conversation. He caught himself, and flushed as he noticed that Trowa had raised an eyebrow in question, sensing what he had been doing.
"Old habits die hard. Especially the paranoid ones." The eyebrow raised a little more. "I've had them longer."
Trowa nodded, and seemed to sink back into thought, leaving Duo alone with his.
They both finished their tea, and cleaned up. Whatever Catherine had seen in Trowa's eyes, she wasn't going to rejoin them. Duo was about to start making the customary good-nights when Trowa spoke up again.
"It occurs to me, Duo, that neither of us know the other very well."
"We know enough to keep each other alive in a fire-fight, and to trust each other with our lives". Duo protested, but knowing where Trowa was headed. He willed his heart to stay intact for just a few more moments.
"Of course, but neither of us know what each other's favorite color is, despite your wardrobe. It's things like that which I wish to learn. If you don't mind." Trowa tilted his head, the non-expression back with a vengeance, even as Duo felt his own, more animated, mask slide into place.
"It'll be tough, neither of us are open by nature. Do you think we can do it in a week?" Trowa already held his heart, how much more was he willing to risk?
"I am willing if you are. It seems necessary to me. If ... I cannot give what you ask, then this may salvage our friendship, such as it is."
"I would like that." It must have been the most emotional phrase he had ever uttered before another human being. Trowa nodded his acceptance, and they left the trailer.
When Duo went to sleep later that night, he noticed that the apartment didn't seem quite so cold and barren as it had earlier.
Trowa was enjoying himself this week. Duo had shown up every morning a little earlier than the morning before. Catherine found it amusing, and made sure that they had something for breakfast a little earlier every morning. Duo always brought enough coffee for Howard's entire crew, and inevitably consumed half of it.
Trowa caught a small smile on his face as he pictured this new morning ritual. And how wonderful would it be if you could see it every morning? Trowa analyzed the thought, after he got over the mild shock. The emotion behind it had not been romantic, he decided. Instead, it had stemmed from an intense desire that this routine would never end.
But what is waiting for you doing to Duo? Didn't you suffer when you didn't know how Quatre felt? How much worse is it, now that he waits for your answer? All questions, and Trowa experienced a sinking feeling as he found himself answering them.
This joy was only until the end of the week. Then his future was going to smack him in the face.
It could smack you in a good way. Of that, he had no doubt, and the slight smile came back.
"Hey! Morning Duo." Trowa heard someone call out, and headed out of his trailer to meet his friend. His eyes found the bouncy American immediately, but the rest of him froze.
Duo was back-lit by the rising 'sun', so only his silhouette was visible, outlined by wisps of color. The black of his clothing, the dark honey color of his hair as the braid flapped behind him. For two heartbeats, the form stole Trowa's breath. Then Duo spotted him and came fully into view as he changed directions.
"Morning Trowa! Did you sleep well?" Duo waved the giant thermos in greeting as he spoke.
"Good morning Duo. Yes, I did, thank you. And you?"
"Ok, I guess. No worse than usual. Where's Catharine hiding breakfast this morning?"
Trowa permitted his smile to manifest, and was awed by the wide-eyed reaction that the expression got from Duo.
"It's in her trailer, I believe." They changed direction again, walking side by side to Catherine's trailer.
"Good Morning you two. I was worried I was going to have to eat all this by myself." Catherine teased as she let them in.
"What, me miss a stunning spread and this wonderful company?"
They all laughed as they went inside, even Trowa. He found it as liberating as he had when Heero was staying with them. It was good to be among friends.
"Y'know what Trowa? I still haven't figured out what Catherine thinks you guys need me here for. Nothing's happened this week that an extra pair of hands would have fixed any faster."
Trowa paused a moment, trying to decide whether or not to share his observations.
"I believe that she is worried about me, and thinks that having a friend traveling with us would help. She knows that there are some things that I won't tell her. Perhaps she thinks that I have told you."
"And I'm the only one out of the four options who doesn't have permanent living arrangements." The comment was meant to be a humorous self-depreciation, but Trowa heard the bitterness underneath. Somehow, it was more terrible to hear the tone because it was in Duo's voice.
"And you manage to get everyone, even Heero and Wufei, to talk to you." His praise was rewarded by a true and happy smile. He found himself struggling to breath evenly again.
"Last time I checked, death threats didn't really count as talking. But thanks anyway."
They lapsed into silence for a moment before Duo started humming under his breath. Trowa found it comforting him again, as it had while he was spying on Duo.
You should probably tell him about that.
No, it would give him hope. I will not give him that, only to shatter it later.
And what if you say yes, and this just turns things sour?
Trowa noticed that he had become more talkative in the last week, even with himself. He much preferred talking to Duo.
"Should we check the rigging? They may have something for you to do with the pulleys."
"Sounds great! Do I get to see you rehearse again?"
"Not on the high-wire. Catherine would like a partner for the knife throwing though."
Duo paled, and Trowa noted that the American's chattiness wasn't the only contagious trait.
Next thing you know, you're going to be sneaking salt into his dessert. Trowa smirked.
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continued in part four