The Letter
by Banshi
Part Four
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*THOCK*
The knife sank into the wood a quarter inch from Duo's left ear. The American had agreed to be the target, if his braid was safely tucked away behind him. Trowa wouldn't have it any other way.
*THOCK*
To his credit, Duo wasn't even flinching, and had continued to breath evenly. The knife had been an eighth of an inch from his right hand. Trowa was impressed. Normally, if Catherine was practicing with anyone but him, she had them sweating bullets by the third blade. Here Duo stood with seven.
Trowa let his eyes wander up to the trapeze act, rehearsing above them. They were a new addition, the old flyer family having left before they could be trampled by Gundams. The new guys were pretty good, but their knowledge of their equipment was still uneasy.
Duo had tried explaining some of the machinery to them when they were taking down the high wire and setting up the trapeze. To their credit, it was only the machinery that they didn't trust, because it was new to them. In their old act, the swings had been directly attached to a big top support, not a metal lift.
*THOCK*
Trowa's eyes flew back to the human target. Way too close to the braid that time Cathy. And he had no doubt that Duo would let her know. The last knife touched the hair that stuck out where the braid began. Another few millimeters, and she would have sliced a chunk out of the base.
"That's the last one Duo, you can move now." Catherine walked up to the target and started removing the knives as Duo moved out of her way. He was cradling his braid protectively.
"Little close on that last one, don't'cha think?" He stuck his tongue out at her when she merely laughed in response. Trowa shifted his gaze back upwards as Duo walked towards him. He felt the mild heat coming off of Duo, as the loudmouth stopped and also looked upward.
"Do you think they'll be ok with the lift set up?"
"For tonight. If it's a problem, we can rig it the way that they're used to."
"So, how'd I do?"
"Good enough to take my place in the show tonight." Trowa didn't need to look at Duo to know that his eyes had widened and his jaw had dropped.
"Wh- what?"
"It's the last night of the week. I thought you would like to be in the show at least once, no matter what you decide." Trowa looked back down at his friend.
"That's cool Trowa, thank you." The light that had suddenly sparked in Duo's violet eyes dimmed just as quickly. "Um, Trowa...about deciding..."
Trowa silenced him.
"After the show Duo. I promise."
Duo nodded, and looked back at Catherine. His expression changed again into shocked horror. "Ohmygodtrowa! What am I gonna wear!"
Trowa chuckled and lead him to the costumes.
Trowa watched the show only for a few moments. Duo had found a costume that was dark enough in color to make him happy, though Catherine had teased that his usual outfit was more than theatrical enough. They did exchange his dark red shirt for a dark purple one. Blood colored clothing in a knife-throwing act wasn't necessarily a good thing.
They weren't on yet, but Trowa left anyway. He needed to be alone to think. Tonight, the big decision was due, and Trowa needed to do some serious soul searching before he gave it.
The night was warm, and the circus grounds were tree-lined. He wandered away until he could only hear the music and the crowd faintly. Applause drifted to him on a manufactured breeze, and he briefly wondered how Duo and Catherine were doing. He had had to choose between seeing Duo in the spotlight and thinking over his choices.
Depending on what you figure out, you may get another chance to watch Duo from the audience another time. And isn't he worth some careful consideration? Trowa nodded to himself as he settled into the lower branches of a tree. He had always been more at home above the ground. Now was no exception.
For some time Trowa searched his feelings, discovering what they were. He asked himself the really tough questions.
How do I feel about Quatre? How does that compare to what I feel for Duo? Are my feelings for Duo there just because Quatre married Wufei? Am I really feeling anything at all?
By the time people started filtering out of the main tent, during thunderous applause, Trowa had things figured out enough to act. He even had the perfect way to let Duo know, without having to watch him fidget.
The plan was worthy of Heero Yuy himself. This thought made Trowa briefly wonder how Heero had expressed his feelings to Relena. Though, considering Relena, Heero might have just agreed with whatever she had started.
Bringing himself back from that tangent, Trowa headed for his trailer to gather what he would need.
Duo was buzzed from performing with Catherine. All those people cheering at him had been an intoxicating feeling. He bounced to where they had stashed his shirt and jacket and traded the purple thing back for them.
His eyes scanned his surroundings, searching for the tall acrobat. No luck, but Catherine invited him back to her trailer for tea. Hopefully Trowa was waiting for them. Duo's stomach clenched. He promised!
Catherine waved him on ahead of her as someone called her name. Duo gladly went to her trailer, trying to remember where she kept the tea cups. He stopped with one foot in the door. He gasped in a breath and held it, his eyes widening.
Tea was already set up for three. Propped up against one of the tea cups was a simple white envelope with his name written on it in spiky handwriting.
Duo finished stepping into the trailer slowly, shutting the door behind him. He reached for the paper with trembling fingers, no longer sure that he wanted an answer. Wasn't it better to be unsure than to have to pick up the pieces of your heart?
But what if he says yes? That decided it. Duo cautiously opened the envelope and pulled out the single sheet of paper.
Duo,
This seemed a suitable vehicle for expressing myself. It is, after all, the manner which you chose. I admire your courage in relating your feelings, and can only hope to imitate it. For this situation, I think I will adopt your motto.
I have run from the feelings that your letter invoked in me. I am hiding from you now. I refuse to lie to you, you deserve the truth.
I have loved Quatre since he emerged from Sandrock after that first battle. I loved the ideal that Quatre represented. He is everything that should be preserved in our world. Realizing how I felt, it was obvious that I only loved half of Quatre the person. I was blind to his faults, even when he shot me down. And it only got worse after my amnesia.
This was unfair to Quatre, and I'm glad that I never acted on those feelings. Quatre is much better suited to Wufei, who sees, and loves, all of him.
It was also unfair to you. You are very real, and that couldn't compete with my deified vision of Quatre. Thank you for making me see what I was doing. Thank you for making me stop. Your intervention freed me.
I don't know if I love you. What I feel for you is nothing like what I felt for Quatre. I am going to assume that this is a good thing. It means that maybe I see a little of the real you. I found it more difficult to hide while I was around you this last week. And that is a very good thing.
I realize that this uncertainty on my part may just be making things worse for you. However, I have something important to ask you, and I need you to know my reasoning before you answer.
Will you help me?
Will you teach me to feel as deeply as you do?
I want to return your love. Teach me how.
Please.
The letter was unsigned, but Duo had no doubt about the identity of it's author. He stared at the uniform, slanted but slightly spiky handwriting. The sharpness suited Trowa. Yeah, yeah. So he has cool handwriting. What about what it says?!
Duo shook himself, and looked over the letter again, trying to get his brain to comprehend it's meaning. Then he tried to decide if his heart could handle the non-commitment, maybe-emotion that Trowa was expressing.
Hell yes!
Duo felt his face stretch to accommodate an extra-wide grin. The smile was huge, even for him, and he fairly tingled with joy. Trowa was willing! He had a chance! Duo couldn't contain it any longer and bolted out the door, the letter clutched tightly in his hand. Trowa was around here somewhere.
Trowa kept his eyes fixed on the door to Catherine's trailer. He huffed in relief when one of the other performers called Catherine off to the side, leaving Duo alone.
Trowa held his breath when Duo paused in the door, and started chewing his lower lip nervously as soon as the braid disappeared inside.
Would Duo accept the half-measure? Several eternities seemed to pass while Trowa waited.
The trailer door opened with a loud bang, emitting a black, red and chestnut streak, which burst into the middle of the crowd before pausing.
Duo swung his head around, causing his braid to whip around in a semi-circle behind him. Trowa was so startled by the sudden, quick movements, that it was a moment before he registered Duo's expression.
A wider, truer smile had never been seen. It was breathtaking. Relief flooded though Trowa, and he stepped out of the shadows so that Duo could see him.
The American caught sight of him and swooped towards him within the same heartbeat. Instead of being caught up in the enthusiastic embrace he had expected, Trowa found himself staring into a pair of insanely happy but serious violet eyes.
Finding himself unable to speak, he tilted his head and raised an eyebrow in silent question. Duo answered it with another question.
"Do you really want to?"
The eyes were so beautiful, with the storm of emotions showing in them. All Trowa could do was nod. For Duo, it seemed to be enough.
Suddenly Trowa felt strong arms around him, holding him against Duo. The American's scent invaded his senses, warmth surrounded him. He paused, then put his own arms around Duo and stepped backwards, pulling them both into the shadows.
Without the crowd's curious eyes on them, he could revel in the sensations Duo was causing. They just stood and held each other, Trowa could feel fine tremors running through Duo's arms, but was enjoying playing with the end of his braid too much to be concerned.
It was when he felt Duo's shoulders hitch that he gently pulled away so that he could look back into those eyes. They shone with unshed tears, glimmering, but no moisture escaped to run down the smiling cheeks. Towa ran his thumb over Duo's cheek as if he were wiping them away, the motion asking his question.
"I'm just so happy! And that's so corny, but I don't care, and that makes me even happier!" Trowa smiled at Duo's explanation, and received a brighter smile in return. That brought his attention from Duo's amazing eyes to his lips. Trowa's thought shifted along with his gaze, from concern to curiosity.
Well, he's yours now, and you're his. Why not? Trowa leaned forward hesitantly, unsure of what he was doing. Duo's lips met him half way, and his eyes closed.
He was unprepared for the burst of so many different feelings and emotions that ran through him. Such a simple, gentle thing, this kiss, but Trowa felt his knees go weak, and he clung to Duo to keep himself standing.
As Duo's lips moved languidly over his, the emotions sorted themselves out and intensified. Only his years of self-control kept him from whimpering at the joyful pleasure of it.
Duo pulled back to give them both a chance to breath, and Trowa knew he had a dazed expression on his face. For once, Duo didn't say anything, just looked at him.
Trowa gathered himself under that loving scrutiny until he identified what exactly it had been that had blown him away.
A warmth spread across his chest that had nothing to do with Duo's shared body-heat. A light skittered through his soul, breaking him away from the pain and uncertainty. He felt his eyes widen in recognition of the dominant emotion.
Out of the corner of his eye he saw Duo's expression change from curious to alarmed. Trowa smiled to reassure him before pulling him close again.
It was just a kiss. I can't decide something this important based on just one kiss! No? How about two?
Trowa's joyed confusion was answered by an internal voice that sounded suspiciously like Duo. I can live with that.
Duo's lips met his again, briefly this time, before Trowa pulled away again. He had something important to say.
"That was the last thing I needed in order to be sure. And I am sure now".
Duo looked confused, and the beginnings of fear encroached on the joy in his eyes. Baka! He thinks you're going to push him away! Never. Trowa leaned in, to make sure that Duo heard him.
"I love you too".
An electric jolt ran from the top of Duo's head strait to the tips of his toes. His heart stopped as he tried to understand what Trowa had just said. He loves me! helovesme helovesme helovesme...
Grinning like a fool, his mind running in circles, Duo hugged Trowa for all he was worth. He intended to never let go. Then he remembered that Trowa needed to breath occasionally too, and loosened his hold a little, but didn't back away at all.
The shocks from Trowa's kisses were still running through him. That, mixed with the intense joy of Trowa's confession, conspired to render his usually prolific vocal chords silent. He couldn't think of one coherent thing to say. ... helovesme helovesme helovesme helovesme ... He decided that incoherent would have to do.
"Iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou ..." He landed soft, quick kisses all over Trowa's smiling face. It was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. He was acting , and thinking, like one of those overly-enthusiastic romantic heroines in a cheesy movie, and he was too happy to care.
Trowa's warm, callused hands on either side of his face stopped his movements. Both of them were smiling delightedly, and they stood there, just looking into each others eyes for a long moment.
As he had been lately, Trowa spoke first.
"Cathy's probably wondering where we are". Duo nodded in agreement.
"We should probably join her". Duo nodded again.
"She'll want your decision". Duo bit his lip.
"You are going to stay with us, right?" Duo nodded so fast he made himself slightly dizzy. Trowa laughed, sending delightful shivers down his spine. All this emotion was making him a little silly. He reached forward to hug Trowa again.
"Gimme a second to calm down, or she's gonna think I'm drunk". Duo pouted a little and put a miniscule distance between himself and Trowa. It was Trowa's turn to nod.
They both took deep breaths to collect themselves, then walked arm-in-arm to Catherine's trailer. Trowa kept his slight smile, and Duo continued to grin like a lunatic.
They were facing a curious Catherine before actual thought resumed in Duo's mind.
Life is good.
And the words had never been truer.
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continued in part five