Author's Notes: I always wondered what was going through Miaka's mind as she made her final wish. Miaka knew that she and Tamahome were going to be split up, and that she would never be able to enter the book again. Understandably, it was her own world that was being split apart, but what were her thoughts before making such an unselfish wish? This fic is one possible answer.
Warnings: Mild swearing.
Dictionary: All foreign words in this story are italicized.
Kaijin = Phrase used by the priestess in order to ask a wish of their god.
-chan = Suffix added to the name of a good friend or companion.
Obligatory Disclaimer: I own no part of Fushigi Yuugi or any of its characters.
Play Your Aces
Turn the page. That's all we had ever done. Just...turned the page. I think it was Yui who had said it, Yui who had first began translating it since she was the only one of us who knew how to speak the language.
Amazing what can come when you simply turn a page.
I never asked become to the priestess of Suzaku. I never asked to be transported to another world where I would gain and lose everything all at once. I never dreamed that I would find the love of my life, but at the same time lose my best and closest friend barely within a few hours of one another.
But then again, I guess Fate doesn't give you a choice. You're only allowed to ask questions after the deal is set. It's like a card game. You draw a hand and can only pray that it will be a winner.
The problem is, you see, I've never been really good at playing cards. I was usually handed an eight of clubs or a five of spades, but never that beloved ace that I always needed. Never was the outcome of the game in my own hands.
But that has all changed since me and Yui entered the Universe of the Four Gods. For once I'm the one with all the aces, the one who holds the future of everybody in her hands.
And it scares me. I never asked for this. All I did was turn one lousy page. I learned and gained so much, yet the price for what I came to know was so heavy. Oh Yui, where did we go so wrong? What made us hate each other so much?
One wish. The last one. That's all I have left to fix everything that has occurred. Nakago is dead. I made sure to seal Seiryuu with that second wish so nobody else would have to suffer because of that bastard. And Yui...I saved her with my first one. Now everything should be all right, shouldn't it?
Yet looking around me, I can still see just as many in need of a savior. Suboshi and Nakago did so much damage to my world. There are so many people that they hurt. If only...
If I use my wish to restore this world, I will lose Tamahome forever. Our story will become just like Tatara and Suzuno, never seeing one another until we die. I don't want to live without him. We've gone through too much already to be separated...
But then...if I wish to be with Tamahome, so many people will have suffered because of my selfishness. And what about what Tokaki and Subaru told the two of us? About Suzaku not being to grant us the our desire to be together? Surely the god of love should be able to do such a thing, shouldn't he?
I'm confused, and I wish I could put that ace back in the deck. I can't bear to leave Tamahome, yet if I stay with him, I will be no better than...Nakago.
I feel like crying, but I have to be strong. For the others. They all died protecting me, now it's my turn to return the favor and fulfill their hopes. I clench a fist, shutting my eyes tightly as my insides swirl around in turmoil. What am I going to do?
Suddenly, I feel Tamahome's arms go around me, and I look into his eyes, straining for my answers. It is because of him that I wasn't devoured by Suzaku. Because I love him. And because he loves me.
Do we really need a wish to keep loving one another?
We have gone through so much, yet we have only come out stronger than before. He protected me when I needed protecting, he loved me when no one else would, and he understood when everyone else was confused. It was because of him and the others that I became a better person, that I came to understand that I have to believe in myself before I can become a stronger person. It is because of them that I learned...love.
Tamahome and I are inseparable. We yearned for one another during the three months I left him in the book. After Nakago poisoned him, it was our love that brought us back together. In the end, even Seiryuu's power couldn't tear us. There is nothing that can stop us.
We don't need an ace to win this round of a cards.
I can hear the others suggesting what my final wish should be. In a few of them, I can hear the old selfishness I used to have. In others, I can hear the same hopes and dreams. Tasuki's voice appears above the rest.
Try, 'You'd better make Tama-chan a guy of this world, or else!' "
I smile faintly. That's the Tasuki I came to know and love among the rest of my protectors.
They don't understand. How can I explain to them what Tamahome and I already know? How can I tell them that death is only the beginning, that not even dimension can destroy the love we have for each other? Silencing them gently, I try to explain to the truth of my heart.
"Thank you everyone, for being so concerned for us. But I didn't think it was something to ask of Suzaku. All of you have shown me...that there's something that even I can do. I've always thought I was insignificant. I've always blamed my environment, my parents, my school, my exams...I've always felt as though I was being pushed around. But I was wrong. I'm choosing to take the exams. Nobody's forcing me to take them. You've given me the ability to believe in myself, the ability to think of other people...and to know there are people who love me! You've all taught me how to do that..."
I eagerly accept Nuriko's hug when he comes to me. I'm going to miss them all so much...They still don't understand, but I guess that's all right. They'll know what we know someday.
A building above me begins to crumble, and I know it's time. I step back, grasping Tamahome's hand tightly and turn my face to the heavens above, my eyes glistening with unshed tears. Softly, I ask my god for one last favor.
"Kaijin! Restore this world!
Who needs some silly old wish anyway? Tamahome and I have an ace up our sleeves that not even the gods can beat. We'll make it with or without Suzaku's help. They'll see. Nothing can separate us. The love between Suzaku's warriors and their priestess is something that no barrier, not dimension, time, or death, can ever break. Tamahome promised me that we would always be together, and as long as I believe, I know that someday, even if it takes death to bring us together, that our wish will be fulfilled.
A promise of hope, of love and renewal, is all I need to go on. There will be regrets, I'm sure, but there will be so much more to look forward to. For the first time in my life, I'm not afraid to finish this game of cards.
Because I know I already have all the aces I'll ever need.
Final Notes From the Author:
I always wondered what was going through Miaka's head when she made that last wish. It was an extremely unselfish move on her part to give up her chance with Tamahome. There are a thousand different things she could have done, yet she chose to restore her own world so more people wouldn't suffer. Very admirable on her part.
On another note, yes I know there are some grammatically incorrect phrases in this story, but that's done on purpose in order to keep Miaka relatively in character. Fifteen year old girls do not think in complete, grammatically correct sentences. Especially girls like Miaka, ne? ^_^
Anyhow, I hope you enjoyed it! And I do hope I kept Miaka in character. ^_^
-Chaotic Serenity