The midmorning sun beats downs mercilessly upon the three travelers
dragging their chains. Unrelenting they walk on the wide-open, dusty road
heading towards a designated destination.
" Well, how'd he know about the ring?" Frodo asked examining the ring then put it back in his pocket.
" Frodo, elves of the old do develop paranormal psychic powers to compensate for their lack of youth. Clairvoyance falls in to that category," said Aragorn.
" He said we wouldn't get it. He said we wouldn't get the fortune we seek all because of our obstacles," Legolas said in a melancholy tone.
" Well I say he's an ignert, old, foolish elf," Aragorn said flailing his chains in the air, " I told you I know the bounty for the destruction of the ring is quite unstinted. And your cousin has this weapons shop and an abundance of tools to give us the liberty of free movement."
Suddenly a sleek, sliver-tipped arrow zips past the travelers and hits an old elm nearby Frodo. All three hit the ground, look around, and await the next arrow.
" Hold it right there," said a little elf boy leaping out from a tree and promptly fires another shot.
He walks over to a twisted, iron gate and seemingly guards it. Aragorn and Frodo put up their arms in surrender and get up off the ground. Legolas just stands up and dusts himself off.
" You men from the bank?" inquired the elf boy.
" You Itoko's boy?" Legolas asked.
" Yessir!" he replied, " He told me to shoot whosever from the bank."
" We ain't from the bank, young feller," Frodo stated.
The elf boy walks slowly but sternly towards them with a bow drawn and ready.
" Well sir, my father told me to shoot people with papers," he said.
" We ain't got papers either," Frodo replied.
" And nix the census man!" he said.
" Now there's a good boy," Frodo said nervously still with his arms up as well as Aragorn, "Is your father about?"
The elf boy puts down his bow and arrow and unlocks the rusted gate. Hinges squeaking, gravel moving, the gate opens to them and reveals a mansion covered in ivy and spider webs. All four walk down a long, river stone road leading to the front door of this amazing mansion, but the elf boy makes a turn off the road and points to a dilapidated work house. Inside an older elf sits on a stool and hovers over his workbench. His concentration is unmarred as he tinkers with a silver bow. The trio drags their chains over to him.
" Hello Legolas," the elf said, " Who yer friends?" He then goes back to work.
" Pleased to meet your acquaintance, Mr. Greenleaf. My name is Aragorn, son of Arathorn," he boasted.
" And my name is Frodo Baggins," Frodo said timidly.
" How ya been, Itoko?" Legolas asked without enthusiasm, " It's been what? Twelve, thirteen years?"
Itoko rests the silver bow and small tools upon the workbench and slowly gets up from the stool.
" I 'spect you want them chains knocked off," Itoko sighed.
Dusk falls upon the barren land and seems to bring no hope for tomorrow. Inside the ivy and spider web mansion burns a faint light. The fireplace burns an eloquent blaze. Across the way in the center of the dining room there is a cherry wood, dust covered, dining room table. Upon that table sits a copper urn filled to the brim with a thick, meaty, gray stew. Frodo, Legolas, Aragorn, Itoko, and Musuko, Itoko's son, sit around that table. Stew depleting, spoons clanking, they eat the dinner and catch up on old times.
" The bank foreclosed on Cousin Ceribrium. Hanged himself a year come last Tuesday," Itoko said waving his spoon around.
" Uncle Radlive?" Legolas asked eying his bowl.
" Anthrax killed most of his cattle. The rest don't milk. He lost a boy to mumps," he said.
" Where's Amyaka, your wife?" Legolas asked.
Itoko looks up from his meal and stares at his son.
" Couldn't say. But she up and r-u-n-n-o-f-t," he said.
Legolas practically drops his spoon and stares wide eyed at his cousin. Aragorn breaks the nerve-racking silence.
" She must be looking for answers," he said.
" Well, good riddance as far as I'm concerned," Itoko said, "I do miss her cooking though."
" This stew's awful good," Frodo said chewing on a thick piece of meat.
Itoko picks up a piece of meat from his own bowl, and begins to examine it thoroughly.
" Ya think so. I slaughtered this horse last Tuesday. I'm afraid she's starting to turn," Itoko said.
Frodo stops chewing, stares wide-eyed, and drops his spoon. The rest continue eating the tainted stew.
Aragorn, Frodo, Itoko, and Legolas sit around the dim lit living room with ancient furniture scattered about. The radio plays softly in the background.
(violins playing Canon in D major)
Frodo, sitting on the badly upholstered sofa, taps his foot to the beat while Legolas, sitting next to him, just listens. Itoko is sitting to the right of the radio across from Legolas and next to Aragorn, who is brushing his hair vigorously. The final note rings out of the speakers and the announcer comes on.
*Well that winds up Gandalf Stormcrow's Flour Hour. This is Gandalf Stormcrow playing that good, old timey music, and remember when you want to make a mess of flapjacks or bunch of biscuits use cool, clean water and good, pure Gandalf Stormcrow flour.
Aragorn finishes brushing his hair and applying his pomade then he closes the tin.
" Guess I'll be turning in. Say Cousin Itoko I suppose it'll be the acme of foolery to ask you if you have any hairnets?" Aragorn asked.
" Got a bunch in yonder bureau. Amyaka's as a matter of fact. You could help yourself. I won't be needing them." Itoko said and immediately began to whittle again.
The three sleep soundly amongst the brittle hay in the hayloft of the barn. Aragorn with his hairnet, Frodo drooling uncontrollably, and Legolas also drooling.
" All right boys!" said a hoarse voice over a bullhorn.
" Argh. How's my hair?" Aragorn asked arousing from sleep.
" Boys! We've got you surrounded!" said the voice.
" Damn! We're in a tight spot!" Aragorn exclaimed sitting up and staring out of the hole in the loft.
He stands up and shuffles towards that hole. What is revealed is a bunch of orcs and two armored cars.
" Don't try nothing fancy!" yelled the orc captain over the bullhorn, " Your situation is very troublesome."
" Damn! We're in a tight spot!" he said looking out unto the orcs.
Legolas and Frodo wake up at this point.
" What in the Sam hill?" Frodo said sitting up.
" Legolas's cousin turned us in for the bounty," Aragorn said still looking out the hole.
" What the hell you said?" Legolas said standing up and running towards Aragorn then grabs Aragorn and shakes his fist in Aragorn's face.
" Itoko is kin!" Legolas said ready to punch Aragorn.
" Legolas, I know we're kin, but with this depression on. I've got to do for me and mine," Itoko said standing near the orcs' armored car.
Legolas peers out of the hole and looks Itoko straight in the eye.
" I'm gonna kill you," Legolas said, " Itoko Greenleaf, you miserable son of a-"
Gunfire is immediately fired upon the trio, who duck behind the brittle, wooden wall. They fall upon the cold, hard floor.
" Damn his eyes! Father always said never trust Itoko," Legolas yelled and smacks the floor. He crawls to the hole and yells at the orcs.
" Come and get us, coppers!" Legolas screamed at them and looks down.
He sees an orc pouring gasoline on the dry barn door.
" Now we're gonna smoke you out," said the orc captain.
" Damn! We're in a tight spot!" Aragorn said.
Another orc with a torch in hand walks slowly towards the barn door.
" Light 'er up!" said the orc captain.
The second orc throws the torch onto the gasoline and it immediately goes aflame.
" Ain't ya boys heard of negotiating?!" Aragorn screamed out, " Can we talk this thing out?"
" You low down, yellow belled, scum!" Legolas screamed out.
" Legolas, calm down. Watch out for that fire now, orcs!" nervously said Aragorn pushing Legolas away from the hole.
(gunfire rings out)
" That's enough, sonny," the orc captain said to the sub gun toting orc. Another throws a torch in the hayloft. Aragorn screams.
" I hate fire!" Legolas said picking up the torch, walking out to the hole, and chucks it out. It lands near one of the armored cars and the flame makes a beeline towards it.
"Watch out people! She's full of live ammo!" said the orc captain. The car lights on fire, the windows shatter leaving glass everywhere, and the ammo starts to go off.
" Take cover boys!" said the orc captain.
Suddenly honking is heard. A small, rusted, thing of a car comes swerving towards them.
" Get out of the way boys!" he said.
The hole filled armored car jumps up into the night sky and still is going off while the small car busts through the barn door. Inside sitting on a stack of books is Musuko.
"Get in boys! I'm gonna r-u-n-n-o-f-t !" he said looking at them.
The trio climbs down the burning ladder. Frodo grabs a pig and runs around screaming, Aragorn fans the flames, and Legolas jumps in to the car.
" Come on in boys!" Legolas said, " What are you doing here, Musuko?"
Frodo with the pig enters the car screaming. Aragorn comes in and Musuko puts the car into gear.
" You ain't the boss of me!" Musuko said flooring the pedal with a block of wood attached to his boot. The trio screams as the heap of rust plows out the back of the burning barn.
"You candy cotted, so's and so's. I curse your name!" Musuko screamed out while standing by the dry, desolate, dirt road with the pig. Legolas grabs a rock and throws it near him.
" Go on home and mind your father," Legolas said. The boy and his pig turn and walk away.
" What's the danged problem?" Legolas asked as he walked over to the smoking car. The other two stare at the car.
" Well, how'd he know about the ring?" Frodo asked examining the ring then put it back in his pocket.
" Frodo, elves of the old do develop paranormal psychic powers to compensate for their lack of youth. Clairvoyance falls in to that category," said Aragorn.
" He said we wouldn't get it. He said we wouldn't get the fortune we seek all because of our obstacles," Legolas said in a melancholy tone.
" Well I say he's an ignert, old, foolish elf," Aragorn said flailing his chains in the air, " I told you I know the bounty for the destruction of the ring is quite unstinted. And your cousin has this weapons shop and an abundance of tools to give us the liberty of free movement."
Suddenly a sleek, sliver-tipped arrow zips past the travelers and hits an old elm nearby Frodo. All three hit the ground, look around, and await the next arrow.
" Hold it right there," said a little elf boy leaping out from a tree and promptly fires another shot.
He walks over to a twisted, iron gate and seemingly guards it. Aragorn and Frodo put up their arms in surrender and get up off the ground. Legolas just stands up and dusts himself off.
" You men from the bank?" inquired the elf boy.
" You Itoko's boy?" Legolas asked.
" Yessir!" he replied, " He told me to shoot whosever from the bank."
" We ain't from the bank, young feller," Frodo stated.
The elf boy walks slowly but sternly towards them with a bow drawn and ready.
" Well sir, my father told me to shoot people with papers," he said.
" We ain't got papers either," Frodo replied.
" And nix the census man!" he said.
" Now there's a good boy," Frodo said nervously still with his arms up as well as Aragorn, "Is your father about?"
The elf boy puts down his bow and arrow and unlocks the rusted gate. Hinges squeaking, gravel moving, the gate opens to them and reveals a mansion covered in ivy and spider webs. All four walk down a long, river stone road leading to the front door of this amazing mansion, but the elf boy makes a turn off the road and points to a dilapidated work house. Inside an older elf sits on a stool and hovers over his workbench. His concentration is unmarred as he tinkers with a silver bow. The trio drags their chains over to him.
" Hello Legolas," the elf said, " Who yer friends?" He then goes back to work.
" Pleased to meet your acquaintance, Mr. Greenleaf. My name is Aragorn, son of Arathorn," he boasted.
" And my name is Frodo Baggins," Frodo said timidly.
" How ya been, Itoko?" Legolas asked without enthusiasm, " It's been what? Twelve, thirteen years?"
Itoko rests the silver bow and small tools upon the workbench and slowly gets up from the stool.
" I 'spect you want them chains knocked off," Itoko sighed.
Dusk falls upon the barren land and seems to bring no hope for tomorrow. Inside the ivy and spider web mansion burns a faint light. The fireplace burns an eloquent blaze. Across the way in the center of the dining room there is a cherry wood, dust covered, dining room table. Upon that table sits a copper urn filled to the brim with a thick, meaty, gray stew. Frodo, Legolas, Aragorn, Itoko, and Musuko, Itoko's son, sit around that table. Stew depleting, spoons clanking, they eat the dinner and catch up on old times.
" The bank foreclosed on Cousin Ceribrium. Hanged himself a year come last Tuesday," Itoko said waving his spoon around.
" Uncle Radlive?" Legolas asked eying his bowl.
" Anthrax killed most of his cattle. The rest don't milk. He lost a boy to mumps," he said.
" Where's Amyaka, your wife?" Legolas asked.
Itoko looks up from his meal and stares at his son.
" Couldn't say. But she up and r-u-n-n-o-f-t," he said.
Legolas practically drops his spoon and stares wide eyed at his cousin. Aragorn breaks the nerve-racking silence.
" She must be looking for answers," he said.
" Well, good riddance as far as I'm concerned," Itoko said, "I do miss her cooking though."
" This stew's awful good," Frodo said chewing on a thick piece of meat.
Itoko picks up a piece of meat from his own bowl, and begins to examine it thoroughly.
" Ya think so. I slaughtered this horse last Tuesday. I'm afraid she's starting to turn," Itoko said.
Frodo stops chewing, stares wide-eyed, and drops his spoon. The rest continue eating the tainted stew.
Aragorn, Frodo, Itoko, and Legolas sit around the dim lit living room with ancient furniture scattered about. The radio plays softly in the background.
(violins playing Canon in D major)
Frodo, sitting on the badly upholstered sofa, taps his foot to the beat while Legolas, sitting next to him, just listens. Itoko is sitting to the right of the radio across from Legolas and next to Aragorn, who is brushing his hair vigorously. The final note rings out of the speakers and the announcer comes on.
*Well that winds up Gandalf Stormcrow's Flour Hour. This is Gandalf Stormcrow playing that good, old timey music, and remember when you want to make a mess of flapjacks or bunch of biscuits use cool, clean water and good, pure Gandalf Stormcrow flour.
Aragorn finishes brushing his hair and applying his pomade then he closes the tin.
" Guess I'll be turning in. Say Cousin Itoko I suppose it'll be the acme of foolery to ask you if you have any hairnets?" Aragorn asked.
" Got a bunch in yonder bureau. Amyaka's as a matter of fact. You could help yourself. I won't be needing them." Itoko said and immediately began to whittle again.
The three sleep soundly amongst the brittle hay in the hayloft of the barn. Aragorn with his hairnet, Frodo drooling uncontrollably, and Legolas also drooling.
" All right boys!" said a hoarse voice over a bullhorn.
" Argh. How's my hair?" Aragorn asked arousing from sleep.
" Boys! We've got you surrounded!" said the voice.
" Damn! We're in a tight spot!" Aragorn exclaimed sitting up and staring out of the hole in the loft.
He stands up and shuffles towards that hole. What is revealed is a bunch of orcs and two armored cars.
" Don't try nothing fancy!" yelled the orc captain over the bullhorn, " Your situation is very troublesome."
" Damn! We're in a tight spot!" he said looking out unto the orcs.
Legolas and Frodo wake up at this point.
" What in the Sam hill?" Frodo said sitting up.
" Legolas's cousin turned us in for the bounty," Aragorn said still looking out the hole.
" What the hell you said?" Legolas said standing up and running towards Aragorn then grabs Aragorn and shakes his fist in Aragorn's face.
" Itoko is kin!" Legolas said ready to punch Aragorn.
" Legolas, I know we're kin, but with this depression on. I've got to do for me and mine," Itoko said standing near the orcs' armored car.
Legolas peers out of the hole and looks Itoko straight in the eye.
" I'm gonna kill you," Legolas said, " Itoko Greenleaf, you miserable son of a-"
Gunfire is immediately fired upon the trio, who duck behind the brittle, wooden wall. They fall upon the cold, hard floor.
" Damn his eyes! Father always said never trust Itoko," Legolas yelled and smacks the floor. He crawls to the hole and yells at the orcs.
" Come and get us, coppers!" Legolas screamed at them and looks down.
He sees an orc pouring gasoline on the dry barn door.
" Now we're gonna smoke you out," said the orc captain.
" Damn! We're in a tight spot!" Aragorn said.
Another orc with a torch in hand walks slowly towards the barn door.
" Light 'er up!" said the orc captain.
The second orc throws the torch onto the gasoline and it immediately goes aflame.
" Ain't ya boys heard of negotiating?!" Aragorn screamed out, " Can we talk this thing out?"
" You low down, yellow belled, scum!" Legolas screamed out.
" Legolas, calm down. Watch out for that fire now, orcs!" nervously said Aragorn pushing Legolas away from the hole.
(gunfire rings out)
" That's enough, sonny," the orc captain said to the sub gun toting orc. Another throws a torch in the hayloft. Aragorn screams.
" I hate fire!" Legolas said picking up the torch, walking out to the hole, and chucks it out. It lands near one of the armored cars and the flame makes a beeline towards it.
"Watch out people! She's full of live ammo!" said the orc captain. The car lights on fire, the windows shatter leaving glass everywhere, and the ammo starts to go off.
" Take cover boys!" said the orc captain.
Suddenly honking is heard. A small, rusted, thing of a car comes swerving towards them.
" Get out of the way boys!" he said.
The hole filled armored car jumps up into the night sky and still is going off while the small car busts through the barn door. Inside sitting on a stack of books is Musuko.
"Get in boys! I'm gonna r-u-n-n-o-f-t !" he said looking at them.
The trio climbs down the burning ladder. Frodo grabs a pig and runs around screaming, Aragorn fans the flames, and Legolas jumps in to the car.
" Come on in boys!" Legolas said, " What are you doing here, Musuko?"
Frodo with the pig enters the car screaming. Aragorn comes in and Musuko puts the car into gear.
" You ain't the boss of me!" Musuko said flooring the pedal with a block of wood attached to his boot. The trio screams as the heap of rust plows out the back of the burning barn.
"You candy cotted, so's and so's. I curse your name!" Musuko screamed out while standing by the dry, desolate, dirt road with the pig. Legolas grabs a rock and throws it near him.
" Go on home and mind your father," Legolas said. The boy and his pig turn and walk away.
" What's the danged problem?" Legolas asked as he walked over to the smoking car. The other two stare at the car.