Disclaimers and notes: Slayers and all related belong to all he various owners. The song 'Wonderful Remark' is written by Van Morrison, and is absolutely cool (great voice… worth listening to if possible ^_^). The only thing that I have any claims to within this fic is the blender which is my mind getting hold of the song and some slayers characters – this writing is what came out of the blender when it was done. I make no claims to the characters, the song, or anything related. ~…~ denotes song lyrics or thoughts. Also note that since this is a fic based on "Xelloss' view of the world" there is no way to say if this is in any way accurate, or if it is so far off reality that it's not funny. Just a theory. Oh, and I wrote this well over a year ago and in under four hours of total working time, so excuse the lack of fluency in the writing, if you would? --- BlackLightning42
Wonderful Remark~How can you stand the silence
That prevails when we all cry? ~
Gone. All of them gone. And entire town wiped from existence but a single error in calculation. That one careless move from the enemy taking with it dozens of lives.
They were all gone, would never be again. The reality of it was horrible – that the working men, the women waiting among the various homes, elderly sitting and speaking to one another, and children. The children were the worst, hearing their dying screams as the magic washed over them, not understanding why they were in so much pain, and why everything was suddenly becoming dark.
Not even the bravest souls could stand up to that, assaulting them in the sudden realization of what the battle had caused.
Not Lina Inverse, she wept resignedly, not wishing to do so – but not able to stop herself. There was too much to deal with in the wake of the explosion. They hadn't known any of the people, but the incredible loss could affect anyone. She didn't say anything when Gourry appeared next to her, holding her as she wept ever quietly, she was too overcome to resist.
Gourry for his part was also very much effected, but found it to see past the tears and try to bring comfort to Lina. It was all he could think of to do that might justify his current feeling of uselessness. He had been unable to help, and people had died. He pulled Lina close to him, letting the move comfort him as much as it did her.
Amelia and Zelgadis stood farther from the wreckage of the town, horror touching the face of even the emotionless Chimera as he held Amelia to him. It was amazing to see the lives so suddenly snuffed out. It was far from pleasant, knowing that a life, so many lives, independent souls who he had never known, yet was made sadder by the fact that he never would. They were gone.
It was only one face that was untouched by the horrible event, his everlasting grin the only emotion seen to them.
The lives lost didn't mean anything to him.
"Damn you," Lina spat at him through her tears, glowering at the Mazoku that always seemed happy, joyous even, regardless off the situation. She raised one hand to roughly wipe the tears away from her face and shooting an accusing look at Xelloss.
"What did I do?" he replied in all innocence, grin intact. What was so horrible about loosing a few human lives? Lina killed people all the time.
"How can you be so untouched by all this!?" Lina snapped, the stress of her sorrows being converted into anger. She could deal with anger, not the helpless feeling of watching that many people simply cease to exist.
~How can you stand the violence,
That erupts before your eyes? ~
"I didn't kill them," Xelloss answered with a shrug. It didn't concern him, really. And he didn't have to answer Lina, but he would anyway to humor her.
It was true that the sight hadn't affected him. He watched people die all the time, many of his own doing, usually in great masses. There was nothing new about this.
He had heard the children crying just as they had – but only someone who had lived for as long as he had could appreciate further fact about it. They were just more children. There would always be more children. To loose a few here was nothing. It was probably better for the population in general to loose a few every so often. A human's life was so short in the great line of events that were controlled by the gods, that to loose one a few years early was no great loss at all.
Yes there was blood, yes children cried. He wasn't responsible for them.
It wasn't so bad really. They had died quickly. There were many worse ways to die – slowly, from disease, or old age. Young death was a blessing for humans; none of them seemed to realize this.
The others, Lina and her band of lackeys, seemed to blame him for everything that had happened in the town. In reality, he had done nothing at all. But then, perhaps that was where the problem was. They seemed to think that he should have been helping. Oh well. He had his reasons for staying out of it.
It was a horrible death for many of them, but death in itself was horrible – so what difference did it make. He couldn't see anything, and really, he didn't think that he was missing anything.
The humans were made weak by their compassion for one another. He had to separate himself from it.
It wasn't to say that he enjoyed the death – but there wasn't really anything he could do about it anyway. He didn't not enjoy their deaths either – as a Mazoku he could feed from their fear, therefore it did in some ways even benefit him, but it was a fleeting satisfaction – there just wasn't any difference he could have made in the grand plan of events.
So why bother?
He envied their deaths, to a point. At least they could die, and didn't have to go on watching others die before them. That was worse than death itself, for some. They would not understand unless they were Mazoku – and if they had been, it wouldn't have been an issue anyway.
Some things were just better left unknown.
~How can you tell us something
Just to keep us hangin' on? ~
"Why didn't you do anything?" Lina demanded of him, his smile never fading in the face of her anger. The mighty trickster had nothing to fear from the weak sorceress. She would have made a grand and powerful Mazoku, if only she would agree to it, but as a human she useless by standards of the Monster Race.
Xelloss thought of all he knew of the situation. It wouldn't be wise to let a human, with their short lives, in the face of the insights an immortal would came across, "It's a secret." That was a safe answer. She was used to hearing that from him – and she might not be as inclined to try to kill him as she may have been had she know the truth of the situation.
"I don't give a shit why you think it should be a secret." Lina growled, eyes narrowing dangerously.
He could feel her magical level soaring, and knew that she was preparing a spell for use against him. A powerful one too, not that it would have any effect on a Mazoku of his standings.
"You should. You may find out something you'd rather not know." That should satisfy her. He knew well that it wouldn't really, but it would usually be an answer enough to make her shut up.
Even if he wasn't going to do anything about saving the humans, he would grieve their passing, just as any other soul. They were the same as Mazoku, in a way, just born of less fortunate bloodlines. Or perhaps more fortunate – ignorance is bliss, after all.
The others really couldn't understand a creature as complex as a Mazoku with the time they had been given to live by the greater powers. He could tell them just enough to curve their curiosity.
He would never tell them a complete truth – there were no 'real' truths in the world – but he would tell them something that was just close enough to being believable that they may take his word for what he said.
Not that his word was worth much, to humans.
But then, he didn't have any great concerns for humans. They meant nothing to him – their lives were too short for him to become too attached to. If he were to try to learn of one, they would be long dead before he made any connection to them. As much as he could care for some of them, he wouldn't let himself do so. Mazoku bonds took too long to form.
A human's life was over in the blink of an eye for one of his kind, and he had no wish to know any of them well enough to be concerned for them. There were so many souls that he would never know, would never understand. He could walk down a street in a large city and know that any people he met he would probably never see again.
Even in their screaming deaths – they were just a few of so many that he couldn't care for them individually.
~Something that just don't mean nothing
When we see it you are gone ~
"I'm leaving," he told them, pulling his spirit completely back to its place on the Astral plain. They would do just fine without him being there.
Better without him being there. They were humans, and needed to grieve for other humans. He could feel no regret for the lives lost in the sense that they could – and didn't belong in their presence during the time they spent in reflection of what had happened.
Lina watched him go, anger still flooding through her, born and made more savage by the adrenalin that had been boiling in her system since the event that had triggered the entire problem. Cepheed, what was wrong with that idiot Mazoku?
What business did he have, beyond that, to tell he that she didn't understand what had just happened. She knew damned well that he hadn't even tried to prevent that loss of life.
But then, Mazoku cared nothing for the lives of others. It was often a wonder that they cared for their own lives at all.
She felt Gourry's hand on her shoulder again. She remembered why she was angry. They had lost the people they had been fighting to save. Maybe with Xelloss' help they could have accomplished the task.
What he thought she wouldn't want to know was beyond her, but then that was probably why he had said it was beyond her comprehension in the first place. She understood her place as a human, though it irked her at times to lack the eternity of the Mazoku in which to learn new magic, and knew that there were some things that Xelloss knew that she never would. Perhaps Xelloss knew more than she did of eternity, but then, she knew more than he on the subject, on different levels of comprehension.
With a sigh, she looked back at the smoldering remains of the village that had previously stood so proud in the area.
Maybe Xelloss was right – but that didn't mean she had to be happy about it. Or any less angry with him for leaving her in the dark.
~Clinging to some other rainbow
While we're standing, waiting in the cold ~
It was frustrating. He was off on some new mission for his master, while they were left in the ruins of the town that they had fought so hard to save. It wasn't for lack of effort from them that the town had died – they had fought hard for the cause. It was the simple fact that no matter how strong you are, there will always be someone stronger. It was this stronger being that had, with a swipe of their hand, destroyed the town.
With a sigh of frustration, Lina leaned back into Gourry, not bothering at the time to care over how it appeared. It was just too much.
Xelloss didn't care at all about the lives lost, it seemed. She didn't particularly care for him one way or the other, but it bothered her to no end that he could simply leave when they were in this state, and that he could not even shed a few tears to symbolize the general feeling toward the situation.
He had just left, and it was unconceivable that he might be able to do this without remorse.
He had left them in their weakened state without even showing some emotion of his own on the subject.
With a final nuzzling into Gourry's chest for a last reassurance, she freed herself from his arms and turned to the others. "Let's get going."
Amelia and Zelgadis nodded gravely to her, and without any real communication within the group they began to travel away from the battlegrounds. All could imagine the scent of the burnt ruins in their minds for long after they had left the range of the affected zone. Perhaps even the scent of blood that was not present in any place but within their heads.
There was nothing left there anyway, nothing but a blackened crater – not after the explosion. No chance of survivors. They'd had the fortune to be outside of the town when the shit had hit the fan and it was the only reason that they were still alive.
It was painfully quiet as they moved – but even of the sound of the leaves under their boots was painfully loud to their exhausted thoughts. It had been far too long a day, and it wasn't over until they reached the nearest live town to spread the news of the unfortunate battle.
It hurt worse to know that the one the most able to help hadn't done so. Xelloss was a world-class bastard when he wanted to be.
Dulling her mental growling, Lina concentrated on nothing but putting one foot ahead of the other. She was too tired, and thinking hurt. She would become too angry, or angry in the wrong way, to try to think of things when she was tired to the extent she was currently at. She would be better to reflect later on the events, with a mind that was better able to process everything that had happened.
~Telling us the same old story
Knowing time is growing old ~
A blink of an eye.
That's all a human's life was to him. All that it could possibly be.
Why was it affecting him to see them dead prematurely, then?
Because to them, it wasn't the blink of an eye. To them it was an eternity in itself. How many eternities had he destroyed in the past?
Too many, it struck him at last.
But it didn't matter, did it? Humans were below him; he didn't have to worry about their lives, unless of course they were particularly exceptional humans.
None of these ones had been. So their lives didn't matter.
Not at all.
That was all that mattered to him – finding the powerful humans, destroying the rest. Finding the humans that might be of use to the Mazoku. That was important too.
He didn't have to care about the others. They were expandable.
Right?
So why did he care so much anyway? Why did it eat away at him, Lina's accusing eyes burning at his mind.
"Sore wa himitsu desu," he muttered to himself. He didn't want to know.
Lina didn't listen to him when he said that. He doubted that he should be listening to himself.
But he would. There was no time to hesitate. If he hesitated in his resolve, he would be dead.
So the humans had died.
So what?
~That was a wonderful remark
I had my eyes closed in the dark ~
He didn't want to know what was happening. To know what was happening was to be miserable. Ignorance is bliss.
He didn't want to know why the accusations suddenly meant so much to him coming from one of his greatest enemies. He didn't have to care, because he was Mazoku, as simple as that.
So why were accusations of uncaring plaguing him constantly now? A human life meant nothing to him, and should mean nothing to others of an acceptably long lifespan. But for some reason it did matter to this one, and he was uncertain as to why.
But still, it didn't matter. All he had to do were his tasks for Zelas-sama. The rest didn't matter, and he had no reason to worry over it.
With a sudden emotion of frustration, he teleported from the astral plain to where the humans he was following were at the time.
Human were so limited in their abilities to travel. They had been walking for days to reach Seyruun, and still weren't there. A Mazoku would have teleported and been there easily. So little time permitted to them to live, and they had to waste it traveling. Pathetic.
There was another with them now, who had rejoined them shortly after the event of the last town's demise. She looked human - of course, he could look human too - but a human would never have been able to teleport to the area instead of walking in.
Strong magical abilities were a trait of both Mazoku and Ryuzoku.
Of course, it wasn't really her place to blame him for not helping when she didn't either –but that was rather typical of dragons in his experience. This one was a bit different, he'd noticed, but the presence of other dragons had taken its effect on her nonetheless.
She had accused him of doing nothing to help the people of the village, she had said something that should have bit deeply into his pride. But instead, he chose to ignore it completely.
He had shrugged it off as easily as she had said it. Or at least tried to, it wasn't necessarily easy, even for the high-ranking Mazoku. But if he ignored the comment, it couldn't haunt him.
So he ignored it quite easily.
Taking form behind the maker of the comment, he put into place his typical sinister grin.
"Good morning, Filia-san!"
~I sighed a million sighs
I told a million lies – to myself – to myself ~
The voice grated into her nerves, his presence set her entire being on guard. The presence of the monster was unbearable, and she didn't know how any of the others could tolerate his simple existing.
"What do you want, Namagomi?" he hated that name, he made it quite clear. Good, she had struck a nerve.
The name hurt badly, and Xelloss almost cringed back at it. But he didn't – that would mean that she had won. And he didn't care what the opinion of Golden Dragons on him was. He had fought hard to earn their disdain, and had full intention of keeping it. It's not an easy task to single-handedly wipe out a race of people. He wanted her to know how much stronger than she he actually was.
"What, am I not allowed to greet you?" uh oh, she was going for the mace. Damn, that thing hurt. Well, at least his question had been answered.
She wanted nothing to do with him. Task accomplished.
He didn't want her to want him around, most certainly, the others didn't and he feed from their hatred of him. Filia was just all the more fun for her dragon heritage.
He wanted more than anything else to have her disapproval, at times. It justified his existence to have people's hate directed at him, at time.
He looked over the glaring faces of the others in the group. Filia had been at the back of the group – interesting for a Golden Dragon to lower themselves to following behind humans. Lina looked angry, as did Zelgadis. Amelia looked mildly frightened of him, notably inching towards the Chimera. The biggest surprise was that even Gourry seemed to be glowering at him.
A great honor to get the idiot swordsman to remember who you were.
"I suppose not," he answered himself before Lina could try to Fireball him. He didn't really want to leave them right away, the anger coming from them was a very interesting thing – but he also didn't want to be completely shunned from the group.
If they wouldn't let him follow, Zelas would be very upset. He wasn't popular at the moment anyway, so there was no reason to make it worse.
That was all that really mattered.
~How can we listen to you
When we know your talk is cheap? ~
"Damn him," Filia muttered lowly under her breath, far too quietly for the others to hear. Cepheed, she hated that Mazoku.
"What the hell is wrong with him?!"
Apparently, Zelgadis was much more inclined to be heard swearing at the Mazoku. Filia grinned at that. At least she wasn't the only one to hate Xelloss so strongly.
She turned to look at the others in the group. Apparently they were all sharing her opinion of Xelloss at the moment, and it didn't bother her at all that they were. That ass deserved all the hatred he received.
As merciful as Gold Dragons were made out to be, she had no sympathy for the destroyer of her people.
"Let's keep going," that was Lina, sensible – if somewhat hot tempered – 'leader' of the group. Lina held them together, despite her constant distraction. They needed someone to keep them together.
Filia nodded, she ignored the others for the time, just falling into step with the traveling humans.
Why did Xelloss have to torment them, and why did they have to listen. She could understand that the humans would listen to what he said – he was older than they were by quite a bit, and aware of more magic than they, for the most part, were.
What she didn't understand was why she felt herself being inclined as well to listen to the Mazoku. She knew well that he would say anything just to get a reaction from her – but for some reason kept listening.
As if he had something important to say.
Which he quite notably didn't, as time after time listening to what he had to say she had either been disappointed or incredibly angry.
His smooth and almost believable information might trick the humans, but she knew better, and why she time and time again followed his ideas was a mystery to her.
~Damn him, ~ she thought again, not daring to say it aloud for being overheard. It had been a long day for her, especially finding out what had happened to the town that the others had passed through.
If only she had known, she might have been able to help – and it tortured her that she had chosen that day to return to the temple of the Fire Dragon King for duties. Xelloss had known of the event, and done nothing.
That was why the others were angry with him, and her it gave just another reason. How could he do that?
It may not have been essential to ensure the survival of those particular humans, but it was the principal of the affaire that angered her more than what had actually happened. How could he let innocent people die, just to please his master? Zelas had probably not even had any say in the event.
There had been no reason to let the people die.
Clenching her fist, she walked on with the humans that she had come to call friends. What if, under some twist of fate and in another reality one of her friends had originated in that town, or if she had frequented that town and had other people she cared for there?
It bothered her – she might not have known the people who died, so their deaths saddened her, but had no real lasting affect. What if she had known them?
~How can we ever question
Why we give more and you keep? ~
He knew they wondered over his motives. But then, he didn't really care what conclusions the humans chose to draw.
But her – she was more interesting. Dragons seem to brainwash their young ones, and by the time they figure out the truth they're too involved in the image of their people to renounce it. At that point, she was just beginning to learn the truths. It was going to be hard for her, not that it was really his problem.
He would have liked to know what she thought of his actions. He wasn't looking for her approval, by any means – but it would be interesting to know what a Gold Dragon thought of his actions, he was curious. Especially a Dragon of her current status.
He also noted that she seems to understand him better than any of the others in the group she traveled with. Not surprising – she had lived hundreds of years longer than they had. She might not have the time he had, but she was much closer to eternity than they were.
She understood what he did – whereas the others didn't. But even she didn't understand why he did it. Maybe some day he'd tell her – but then he'd have to kill her before she related the information to anyone. He didn't want to do that quite yet.
~My poor Filia – You've been born to a worse reality than the humans have. ~
Smirking to himself Xelloss took form again where the humans and their dragon companion had stopped to rest. The looked like they needed company. Things were too quiet.
~How can your empty laughter
Fill a room like ours with joy? ~
It was quiet. That was all that really mattered.
It had been several days, all said, since the town had been lost, but still the day was fresh and clear. It was with them constantly, Filia could tell. They were all much more quiet than usual.
The guilt of the situation still nagged at her, but she nonetheless had forced herself to get over it quickly – there was no reason to loose sleep over what had already happened. Her emotion now was anger – at Xelloss for not doing anything.
A dull chuckle sounded behind her, but not to her surprise. She had been expecting him to appear for some time and was almost surprised that it took him so long. She ignored the fact that he, as usual, had phased in behind her – something that angered her to no end.
"What do you want, Xelloss?" she sighed, not dignifying his existence by turning to face him. She just continued to stare straight ahead.
"Just wanted to say 'hi'!"
His false happiness annoyed her. His false laughter annoyed her. Everything about him was fake – the form they saw of him wasn't even his own.
It wasn't her that answered that comment, but it might as well have been, for the emotion she had towards the Mazoku at the time.
"Go to hell, Xelloss," Zelgadis growled, glowering at him. Filia saw easily the hatred that the Chimera had for the 'priest' – it was made quite obvious, and it was accentuate to see the cold glare aimed at the Mazoku that was behind her.
She could almost feel Xelloss' grin behind her, the everlasting smirk that frustrated her to no end. "I've been there. Some prime real estate if you like warm places."
No one answered him.
"You aren't still mad, are you?" Filia could see the innocent face that he had put on inside her mind. She also knew that no one would believe it for a second.
She turned to face him at last, and found his face to match the expression she imagined he'd have. He didn't really need an answer, and no one supplied one. It was easier to ignore him, anyway.
With a sigh, Filia lost all interest in his presence and headed for the stairs of the inn – let Lina deal with him. She was going to get some sleep.
Or at least pretend to be sleeping – the presence of the Mazoku made her far too nervous to actually sleep.
~When you're only playing with us
Like a child does with a toy? ~
So, she hadn't acted the way he had hoped. Oh well. He had hundreds of years to torment her.
"Oh dear, I seem to have upset her," he announced to the people who remained in the room, laughing lightly.
"What do you want Xelloss?" Lina asked him at last.
Not that he had any intention of answering truthfully anyway. That would take all the fun out of it. "Just thought I'd stop by and see what the weather is like around here… Imagine my surprise running into you!"
They didn't answer him. That was okay. He didn't want to be answered, really.
His goal had been to get a reaction out of Filia – and while it wasn't the reaction he had hoped for, it was good enough. At least she was alone in her room now – he could talk to her there.
She couldn't stop him from following her – he could teleport anywhere with ease. Now he would have his chat with the Golden Dragon.
A simple silence spell over the room, and the humans wouldn't even notice that there was anything wrong in the rooms upstairs. Lina might detect a slight variation in the magic levels, but there were lots of low-level magic users around, and he had cast a low level spell.
It would be very easy now, and with that in mind he pulled the physical part of his body into the Astral plain with a swoop of his black cape for show, and found his way to where her room should be.
Poor little dragon – he'd have what he wanted no matter what it took to get it. Not that he wanted much, but she would resist him on every angle of the subject. Poor little dragon. But then, she was so amusing.
~How can we feel the freedom
Or the flame lit by the spark? ~
She could feel the magic twisting and winding itself around her room – her senses were far too keen to ignore it. So, he had chosen to follow her.
Probably to kill her, not that it would surprise her at all. She had almost been expecting it from the great destroyer. She was not eager to die, but some things couldn't be avoided.
*
Her apprehension was apparent, and the nervousness that surrounded her was a wonderful feeling. Anxiety and fear, and all things that came before the fatal blow.
But this time his blow would not be fatal… at least not to her body.
"You fear me," he stated nonchalantly, taking for in the darkest shadows of the room. It would make her much more nervous, he knew. Perhaps if she was nervous she would more readily give him a pure answer.
If only dragons practiced what they claimed to things would not be so difficult. Filia was just as full of secrets as he was – but he would admit that he kept them, at very least.
"You expect me to welcome you with open arms, Namagomi?"
If only she knew who she was saying that to. He really didn't thinks that she did – or she would treat him with much more respect, or perhaps less if circumstances were correct.
"No," he grinned, and knew that she could see that at least in the lantern lit room. She probably couldn't see his open eyes on her where she sat at a desk writing notes of some sort in a leather-bound book.
She didn't answer. Notably he'd have to try something different. "Why do you hate me?"
"You destroyed my people!" He could see easily the rage that burned in her eyes, accented by the lantern light that originated from so close to her. She answered too quickly, and he knew that, as with most dragons, it was a rage that had been programmed into her through repetition.
Fear the destroyer. He will do naught but harm to anyone.
Hmm, she had already begun to doubt her people, she had admitted to the group of humans, if perhaps not consciously to herself. Logic might turn her around.
"You're alive, aren't you?" he kept the grin planted firmly on his face from a thousand years' practice, suppressing a smirk. "and your elders, and the others?"
"Of course."
There it was, in her eyes, that flicker of sudden knowing – oh, she wouldn't tell him that, but it was there and he could feel it. He didn't need to be told. He also didn't need to make the next statement. She had already realized it.
The doubt still growing in her eyes, slowly pushing past the rage, as strongly as she denied it. "So you didn't destroy them all."
It was almost beginning to hurt as he pulled the smirk away from his face that would prove him guilty of any satisfaction, "Legends have a tendency to be exaggerated over a span of a thousand years. Surely you've wondered about this?"
The doubt took over – she knew what he was referring to.
He wondered for a few seconds if it would be wise to continue his stream of information when she had so suddenly become aware of her complete doubt of her people where before she had teetered on the edge of believing their fallacies.
"In the end, there's no difference between Cepheed and Shabranigdo – they each fought to their own end. When all has been said, you and I will be the same."
~How can we ever come out even,
When reality in stark? ~
End