Mallory looked at her Legolas. Her Legolas, how wonderful that sounded. If only it was true. Mallory stared at the poster a little longer. The match she was holding burnt down to her finger, burning her.

" Ow! Damn it." She muttered as she sucked on her burnt fingers. Hastily she opened the match booklet again. Her spell was all set up. In the silence a small table with a red velvet covering could be seen with a small brass bowl full of myrrh and sandalwood incense. The room was lit with seven white candles, which burned brightly in the darkness. Sadly Mallory had to perform the last part of preparation of the old crone spell. She took the scissors in her hand and grasped the likeness of her favorite elf. Quietly she cut into his beautiful face. Little pieces fell into the burning incense, none burned just yet. Finally when the whole picture had been cut into tiny pieces and added to the incense she lit the concoction with one of the candles. She slightly grimaced as they sizzled and took the life of the fire. As they burned she said

" The presence in this room,

Denies both time and tomb,

Metal of strength ,

Blood of earth,

Out of time,

I draw thee forth,

Viola violae,

Leno amoris.

Tinctus animae," She stopped for a moment to look again at her paper, and took a drink of her coke. A little dribble came off of her lip and landed on the paper. That made her jump and spill more Coke on the paper. The last words of the spell were ruined. She had to improvise. c'mon Latin class!' she thought.

"Custos laetitiae

S- crap it's a s-word. Spirito."

She waited for something to happen. The incense burned down slowly. It's red light was dim but it was smoking greatly. She was waiting for a blast of light and he'd appear or something. But there was nothing. Disappointment was heavy on Mallory's heart. She didn't know what she expected, but she expected that it would work somehow. Sighing she stood and blew out the seven candles one by one. The darkness fell with each breath she blew at the living flame. All went dark except the faint red glow of the burning incense. Again she took a deep breath and sighed. But then so did someone else.

Tensing, Mallory knew that someone was in the room with her. She didn't sound that deep when she sighed. Stepping back to get the light switch her body slammed against something that wasn't the wall. Just as she was about to scream a hand covered her mouth and another hand grasped her arm. Her captor was breathing very hard. As soon as she felt the soft leather against her skin she knew who it was. She moved slowly to the hand at her mouth, she grasped it gently and pulled it from her mouth, it moved along with her. Her heart was pounding fiercely as she turned slightly to look at the face of her captor. Suddenly she yelped and threw herself against him, giggling and crying at the same time.

It was he, Legolas, master archer, elegant elf, and one damn hot guy. Mallory hugged him for all he was worth, the strange thing is that he hugged back.

" What the hell am I doing here?" He said in a very uncharacteristically, as his hands roamed Mallory's back.

" uh," Mallory sputtered, trying to think of a lie in her shock and happiness and the beautiful feeling of his hands on her.

" Where am I?" He asked again, but quieter and calmer and much closer to Mallory's face. She stared dumbfounded into his deep eyes. She closed her eyes when his lips met hers, the kiss was soft, gentle and the most luscious thing she had ever experienced.

" Where's the ring?" He murmured. She could barely make out the words in her daze of sexual arousal.

" What ring?" she finally answered.

" The One Ring, I want it. And I'm going to kill whoever holds it." He stated so quietly that even in Mallory's close proximity she barely hear it. His mouth lowered to hers again, this kiss was deeper, more passionate. His words made no effect on Mallory as her desire for him flooded out any other thought. His hands knew just the right places to be. Not only was he a master archer, but a master lover as well. He lifted her leg around his waist and lifted her off the ground, supporting her against the close wall.

Slowly, ever so slowly did the words he spoke what seemed years ago begin to seep into Mallory's aroused brain. He was ravishing her body, which she had no qualms about but somehting was definitely off with her Legolas.

" Huh?" she asked breathlessly. His hands were on her second most sensitive area on her body.

" What?" he replied as his fingers played with her breasts beneath her shirt.

" You, ah, said something about killing?" She could barely hang on to her own thoughts. His hands and mouth were driving her insane!

" Yes." He whispered as he lowered his head to hers. " I said" he kissed her lightly, " I'd kill those" kiss, " that have the Ring," kiss, " which is you, and," he broke off as he gathered her in his mouth once again.

" A-and what?" Mallory muttered after the kiss. She didn't know why she was still speaking but her arousal was waning and growing at the same time. Legolas drew away from her and gave her an evil grin.

"And I shall kill you as soon as we're finished." That immediately snapped Mallory out of her arousal.

" Excuse me?" She said in surprise, hurt and fear.

" You know what I said." Once again his mouth claimed her in a searing kiss that Mallory pulled away from.

" Get off!" Legolas stared hard at her, a cold gleam in his eyes. He dropped her legs and let go of her body. She slid down the wal l as her legs refused to support her. She looked at Legolas.

"Who are you?"

" Legolas Green leaf, at your service, Prince of Mirkwood." He stepped back and bowed courteously. He seemed to have no lasting effects from their embrace, not moments ago. " I suppose I must now get to the torturing and killing. Such a terrible waste." His eyes raked over Mallory's body. She seriously didn't know whether to take that as an insult or a complement.

" I- I.." She stuttered. Legolas laughed cruelly.

" You what?" he spat, but suddenly his face lost it's hard features and softened, as did his words. " Are you scared?" He took a step to close the distance between them and rested his hand on her cheek. Mallory looked into his bright blue eyes, now kind and gentle, and nodded. Deep in her gut she knew something was wrong with him. Legolas smiled a small smile before suddenly reaching back and slapping the cheek he just held. She cried out. But that was the last straw. A man hits her only once.

" Where is it?" Legolas yelled. " Where is the ring!"

" There is no such thing!"

" No such thing? Then what, pray tell, have I been following since I left Mirkwood, before you transported me here?!"

" It's all in a damned book. You're not even really real!!" Mallory screamed. Something flickered in his eyes.

"Do you wish to feel the sting of my hand again? Was that not real? Am I so non-existant that I did not have you moaning like a whore just moments ago?" His words slashed at her, but his tone was again soft. She could not deny any of it.

" There is no such thing as the One Ring here, in this world!!!"

" But I must have it!!" Again he shouted in her face. " I must have the ring!"

" Here," said Mallory as she tugged off one of her dull silver rings and handed it to him. " If you need a damn ring take this!!" Much to her surprise Legolas took the ring.

" It's so pretty!" He said as he looked closely at it. As suddenly as he came into her world his mood changed. He was happy and gleeful. He grabbed her about the waist and turned her around in the air. He let her slide down his body and he kissed her very passionately.

" I told you all I wanted was the ring," he murmured before capturing her mouth again. Mallory could only let him work his magic on her body as her shock worked its way through her body. But finally Mallory realized that everything was okay. He was absolutely nutters and very sexy, why couldn't she? Mallory gave into her flawed Legolas and let him make love to her.

Later on, much later on, as in like the next week when mallory was so tired and sore that she couldn't even lift herself from the floor to answer the phone ( what do ya think elves do over their time on earth but save up stamina for the one great person?), did she find out that she did flub up the spell and she got Legolas' evil twin. But much to her happiness, he was content to love her unconditionally for no reason, kill anything she wanted, and have sex as much as she'd like, whenever she'd like. Plus she realized that if anyone went to battle, he'd win no matter what. He liked to fight and she could prove it. She did hold the scars.

Thus, Mallory became the ultimate Mary-Sue of the evil Legolas.

A/n: This is just my twisted thinking. Which would actually be fun, even the dark part of it. I got the idea from an essay on why we (women) are so obsessed with Legolas and Orlando Bloom(who is afraid of all of these fics yep girls he's a technophobic) and wow she was so true. Be damned if I know the author, but the I know the summary was about why we like him. Oh well.

So it turns out not to be Legolas but Legolas' evil twin who only wants to love and have sex like rabbits and fight battles and get the ring of power, but he only really cares about her. As in the real Legolas doesn't really care about sex like every elf and doesn't care about love, but more adventures, living peacfully working for peace and music.