Title: I'm Not In Love
Author: Sherry
Email: junruichen@aol.com
Summary: Draco comes to a revelation.
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Rating: NC-15 for the implication of SLASH.
Author's Notes: A nice clichéd songfic. Something I've been meaning to do for a while now. Sorry for the bad writing, but this needed to get out. And I wanted to give you something in return for the long wait for the next part of Gregon. I swear, it will be out in a few days.
Songfic to the song I'm Not In Love by BBMak.
Author's Warnings: Not betaed and it is SLASH.
"Did you hear?"
The whispered words from the table in front of him piqued his interest. He gave the two girls huddled around a book an appraising eye, leaning closer so he could hear them. Lavender Brown and Parvati Patil -- they always had the juiciest gossip and it would be unlike him not to be up on the news. Hell it might just be about Potter. He grinned at the thought of his lover.
"Oh yes," Brown squealed. "It was so sweet! If someone had told me that he would be head over heels over Harry I would have laughed myself silly!"
The girls giggled, unaware of the steaming Malfoy glaring at their backs. Who?! Who would dare pine over my Potter! he growled, hot jealousy coursing through his veins. Potter is mine!
Malfoy was just about to jump out of his seat, march over there and demand who the hell was going out with his lover -- and he had a damn right to know! They had been going out for almost two years, out for over half of that. When will they ever learn, Malfoy thought as he envisioned the different curses and hexes he would cast on this...this...harpy. No one touches him but me! They should know by now that he is mine! But when Brown and Patil started speaking again, he made himself sit down when it was all he could do when he wanted to go over there and demand who they were talking about. They would probably tell him more if they didn't know he was listening in.
"Did you see how protective he was? How he spends each and every moment with Harry?" Patil added.
"And how he's totally changed for Harry? God! I never thought he could ever change and here he is, a totally new person! And all just for Harry!" The two of them giggled again, calming down when Madame Pince hushed them. "He's nothing more than a pussy cat!"
"It's so sweet!" Patil whispered.
"They must really be in love," Brown gushed.
Snap! Malfoy looked up in surprise as he saw his broken, bent quill in his hand. He hadn't realized that he had clutched it so lightly.
Love?! Malfoy thought incredulously. He had known that this thing between he and Potter was just a phase. He and Potter fit well together -- they were like two peas in a pod, salt and pepper, a hand in a glove -- Okay, enough with the clichés! But it was true. They worked well together. Their contrasting looks, conflicting personalities, but somehow through all that, they...matched. And we're hell in bed together, he though with a smirk. But Potter in love...? That was whole thing entirely. If Potter was in love, then there was no way he would ever stay with him. He was to damn good to have more than one relationship and he doubted that whomever it was that fell for the great Harry Potter would interested in sharing. He knew he wasn't. Potter was his! Let that other guy find his own Boy Who Lived!
"Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy -- who would have thought?" Patil got out, in between giggles.
Malfoy froze. Me? And Potter? In love? he thought with alarm. He shook his head as if his own will could dispel the notion of it.
He didn't love Potter. No, he couldn't. Their relationship was based on a mutual need. He was hot for Potter and Potter seemed to be same -- It's purely sexual, he tried to convince himself.
He was so lost in thought, he barely realized that Patil and Brown had gathered their books and left the library.
He had changed? he thought dazed, trying to remember what it was about him that seemed "different" in the eyes of others. He had been a little less...aggressive ever since he started going out with Potter, but that's only because he was finally old enough to understand that there was no point in it. That wasn't because of Potter. No, he told himself. NO! he thought vehemently.
He grabbed his book, stuffing it into a bag. He jumped out of his chair, the feet scraping on the floor and the sound echoing off the walls. He ignored that glare that Pince sent his way and sauntered out of the library.
Pussy cat?! They see me as a pussy cat?! Malfoy growled his frustration, not caring about the puzzled glances being shot his way.
"Is that Malfoy? Where's Harry? Aren't they like always together now?"
His eyes flashed at the passing comment from an Hufflepuff, but he ignored it. Love, he scoffed. Like I could be in love with such a goody-two shoes! Potter should be glad he's such a good lay!
He knew Potter had feelings for him -- have reveled in it. The great and mighty Harry Potter, falling for a Malfoy. It was laughable! But every time Potter had tried to bring up... He shuddered at the thought. Love, he spat in revulsion. Every he had brought it up, he managed to curb it away. What they had wasn't love, it couldn't be.
Don't think that you got me
Don't think that you can tame me and change me
Don't think that it's all because of you
He changed because he saw how stupid and idiotic it was to be a bully all the time. After all, even bullies have to grow up. And you would think that 16 was old enough to finally see it. It wasn't because of Potter. And if Potter thinks he can just twitch his little finger and have me come running he's got another thing coming.
Pussy cat! He shook his head. He wasn't some neutered pet.
Just because I don't run around
Just because we're forever together
Don't think of a four letter word to use
So what if I don't want anybody else but you
So what if you're all that I ever really wanna to do
I know what you're thinkin' but that doesn't make it true...
He knew it seemed like they were in love. They were together almost every day. They ate meals together, spent their free time together, they even studied together. But that was because he didn't want anybody else getting their damn claws into what was rightfully his.
He may have stopped seeing other people, he may have stopped wanting anybody else, but who wouldn't? This was Potter they were talking about! Any girl or guy would have to be nuts not to want Potter. He was a damn fine guy. It's natural to want nobody else once you've had him. He just couldn't help but think of Potter -- hell, ask anyone. They knew it. Who would think of anybody else if they had Potter?
But I'm not in love! He burst through the doors out of the school, jogged a few paces away from the school. And Potter... Well maybe, Draco admitted. But what they had wasn't love! He would know it if it was...wouldn't he?
No! He answered his own thought. He would know. This...this wasn't love!
Believe me baby
I'm not in love
No not at all
What makes you think
You make me fall
I slip but no I'm not in love
He may have some feelings for Potter, but that was it. Hell it's hard not to develop feelings for a guy you've been with for almost two years. It was perfectly understandable. But what he felt for Potter isn't, couldn't be love. It just couldn't, no matter what everybody else says.
Love, he thought scornfully. If he was in love with someone it wouldn't be Potter.
He needed to think this through. He couldn't have the entire school thinking he was in love with Potter. It would just be too much. His blood ran cold at the thought of the entire school, laughing at him, thinking that he was as fallible to the Potter charm as the rest of them. He was nothing like them!
Potter was probably laughing his head off. He had Malfoy crawling all over him, just waiting to do his bidding. Well if that was what he thought, he had another thing coming to him! Draco Malfoy bent to no one! He will not be changed just for a passing fancy!
Don't think that you got it made
Don't think it's so easy to keep me
Never know it could all just fade away
This needed to stop, he realized. He had to stop it. But there was only one way he could think of...he had to stop seeing Potter. Unconsciously, he cringed at the thought.
It sounded so easy, but why did he feel as if he wanted to curl up and die when he thought it?
He had successfully avoided Potter for two weeks. He avoided eating in the Great Hall -- stealing a few bites to eat after or before meals from the House Elves. And when he wasn't in class, he spent a lot of time in the Dungeons -- he rarely went out any more. And when Crabbe and Goyle commented on his behavior, he just told them that it wasn't any of their business and they shut up.
His only complications were the classes the Slytherins had with Gryffindor, Care of Magical Creatures and Potions. It was easy to get out of being partnered with Potter in Potions. After all Snape thought of him as his prized student. So when he went to the Potion Master, he didn't have a problem getting Snape to not partner with Potter. He just told him that he had been having difficulties with Potter lately and would rather not be foisted onto him at this time. Even though Snape jumps at the chance to make Potter miserable, he still granted Malfoy's request, with a little hesitation. And with Care of Magical Creatures it was easy as Hagrid never partnered him with Harry, even after they had gone public with their relationship. He never understood why, had lamented over it more than once.
But...
But he was miserable.
He thought he would finally return to his old self once he had cut Potter out of his life, but instead of feeling whole again, he felt as if he had lost an important part of his life. He thoughts were on Potter, his dreams were of Potter -- everything reminded of Potter.
That statue was the one that they had snogged behind, that curtain the one they hid from Filch, struggling not to make a sound. He apologized to that idiot Weasel over there on that patch of grass and that there...that was where he and Potter first had sex.
He couldn't sleep, his dreams of Potter haunting him. He couldn't eat, barely forcing down the food that he made himself get. He couldn't concentrate on his studies -- every time he sat down to study his mind would stray to one raven haired boy.
And the constant whispers behind his back. the comments the whole school were saying. It was as if the entire school knew what was going on.
"Did you hear?"
"I heard Malfoy broke up with Harry!"
"He couldn't have! They are soo in love!"
"Oh poor Harry! Poor Malfoy! I wonder what would make the two of them break up!"
"No way! Malfoy adores Harry! He wouldn't hurt him!"
What was even more infuriating was the fact that Granger and Weasel were some of his biggest supporters, coming up to him asking what wrong with the two of them and what they could do to help. Malfoy shook his head in disbelief. He could remember a time when they would rather take the Dementor's Kiss rather than help him.
He knew it couldn't go on. He was not himself without Potter, but he wasn't himself with him either. That was the whole point, wasn't it?. To finally be like he was before Potter. That was what he wanted, to become his own man again. But he couldn't function without him, if the last week was any indicator. As much as he tried to deny it, it was true.
It'll pass, he reasoned, but he couldn't believe his own words. Time, all I need is time.
Malfoy stared at the ceiling from the his bed. He wasn't going to get any sleep tonight -- why fight it? He swung out of bed, donning on his robes. Maybe a walk?
He stepped out of the Slytherin Dungeons, his feet walking in no place in particular. His mind was lost in thought and when he suddenly stopped in front of the Astronomy Tower, he couldn't remember how he had gotten there.
The Astronomy Tower... It was the first place where he and Potter kissed. Everything changed that night, two years ago...
It was like someone else was controlling him. The next thing he knew he was climbing the stairs up the tower and stopping at the top.
He shivered slightly, pulling his robes closer to his body.
The sky was bright, the stars twinkling merrily and sending their light down to earth. But Malfoy didn't even noticed them. All he could see were two twinkling stars, giving off an eerie green light, reminding him a lot like Harry's eyes...
What if I just can't sleep at night
I see your face in the starry skies
So high above
But girl, I'm not in love
"So what are you doing here?"
Malfoy jumped at the voice behind him. He spun around. "P..Pot...Potter! What are you doing here?"
Potter strolled over to the other boy. "I asked you first," he said pointedly.
Malfoy tensed up. "I don't have to answer any of your questions."
Potter shrugged, settling next to Malfoy. "Maybe not, but I think you at least owe me an explanation for the past week, Draco."
"Don't call me that Potter!" Malfoy snapped. "And I don't owe you a damn thing!"
Potter raised an eyebrow.
"I don't!" Malfoy repeated. There was a pause and Malfoy glared at Potter, trying to wipe that expectant look on his face. "Stop it Potter!"
With a jerk, Potter grabbed the front of Malfoy's robe and pushed him against the cold stone. "Don't say you've got nothing to say to me! You avoid me for a fucking week, people are saying we broke up and you don't even come and tell me differently?! If you want to break up with me, then do it!"
This was it. This was the chance that he wanted, to break it off with Potter cleanly. This was what he wanted. Then why couldn't he get the words out of his mouth? Why was his mouth dry all of a sudden?
It would be so easy to say the words. I want out Potter. I can't do this anymore. I'm breaking up with you. But for some reason, standing right in front of Potter, with his face only inches away from his and looking into those green eyes of his, those green eyes that he had seen fill in the past with hate, with passion and lust and finally with love -- yes, he finally admitted it, with love -- he just couldn't say it.
"I...I...I--"
"What? You what? Just spit it out Draco!"
"I...I...I love you!"
Malfoy reddened at his sudden burst. He hadn't meant to say...he didn't! His pulse was racing, his mind going miles in seconds...He didn't mean to say it!
Potter looked shocked as well. He dropped his hands, taking a small step away. "You what?" he gasped.
Oh shit! Potter didn't feel the way he did. He had misread him. OhGodOhGodOhGod... It was too late now, he couldn't uncross the bridge...not when he burned it behind him! "I love you," Malfoy admitted quietly, forcing himself to look at Potter when all his instincts were telling him to cut and run.
Potter looked into his eyes and moved closer, a small smile on his face. And then the nest thing he knew he was kissing him. He had grabbed Malfoy by the front of his robe and had arched up to meet him halfway.
Malfoy was swimming, his head above the clouds. He was almost unable to control his joy, his excitement coming through the kiss. He couldn't believe how much he missed it: the feel of Harry's tongue dancing with his, the hot trail of his hands as they moved down his body, the heat that they made together. When they finally let go to get air, Draco was breathless, his breath coming in hard pants.
Harry leaning closer, his eyes smiling and a large, silly grin on his face. "What took you so long?"
Draco looked at Harry in disbelief. Then he smiled too. "I love you!" he repeated wondrously, almost reverently. "I love you!" And with that Draco took Harry with his mouth, drowning whatever it was that Harry was going to say.
But if he had let Harry speak, he would have heard the words that echoed his own.
I love you.
So what did you think? Find a ton of errors? Did I do something wrong? Tell me! Review!