A/N: My parody of Frodo's mind. LOTR fans, please don't hate me. :p
Frodo's Journal
Week one: Sam is really getting on my nerves. I swear… I think that guy is smoking something. No one can be that happy all the time. Come to think of it, the only time I ever see him that happy is when he's with me. Creepy…
Aw hell. It's starting to rain again. And the stupid ring that my uncle left me whispers. Either that or the little pixies that live in it are complaining about the floor space. Hey, if wizards and three foot tall people with hair in odd places exist than anything can happen.
I'm hungry… I could really go for some pizza… the guys tried to steal some carrots from this dude's yard. I took their wallets when they weren't looking. Too bad the nearest pizza place is a billion miles away. What am I going to do with $30 and a picture of some girl's butt? No wait… that's me. Hey… I look good!
Week two: Aragorn could really use some deodorant. It really sucks when you're about the height of some guy's armpit. When was the last he washed his hair?
I'm really getting sick of those freaking guys on the stinking black horses. They keep following us around. Who stuck knives up their asses anyway? Every time they come close this god damn ring starts talking to me again. I think I'm the only one that can hear it. But I'm not crazy! I swear I'm not! Everyone thinks I am though… but I'll show them! I'll show them all! Starting with that guy over there! Mwahahahahaha!!! Never mind… I'm too freakin' tried.
I almost died today. But some hot babe saved my ass in time. She did this cool thing with the water, and… I wonder if she has a boy friend…
Week three: Wearing the same clothes for over 20 days in a row can really take its toll. I feel and smell like shit. These guys are my friends and all, but now I know I wouldn't want to live with them. I pity their future wives. I think Sam is starting to hit on me. You know, he's actually kinda cute…
I should have brought my cell phone…
Legolas needs a hair cut. It's so damn long you can knit a scarf or something out of it. I wonder if he was ever a hippy… aside from that, I also think he's gay. Who else tries to act like he's Robin Hood?
The dwarf with the ax could lose a couple of pounds. When he runs he jiggles. What did he eat to look like that? Lard?
Week four: I wonder what happened to Gandalf. I think he ditched us for the horse. Never trust old men with pointy hats.
God dammit I'm so bored…
I'm, too sexy for this ring, too sexy for this ring…