No one had ever made him feel this way - warm, malleable like clay and molded into all and everything within his lover's embrace. He luxuriated in the sensations of lips caressing his mouth, and the intermingling of breath like an exchange of souls. He bared his throat to kisses - submissive - reveling in the thrill of that unknown. When was he ever submissive other than beneath this mouth and within these arms?
I want to be part of you. I want our bodies to melt together and there to be no distinguishing between us. We are two halves of one whole, and I need to be whole again.
He groaned, shifting beneath the body above him and pulling it down closer to his own. His hands moved over it as a blind man would "see" a sculpture; and truly it was a work of art. It was strong and lean like a race-fit thoroughbred, and yet as delicately wrought as a dragonfly wing; with skin like silk and a dancers grace. Tightly wound muscles bunched and trembled with pent up desire longing for release - fueled by the inexperience of youth. It was beautiful, and it was dangerous, and it belonged to him.
Don't hold back. I want you. I need you.
I love you.
That first night, after the very first "session" Lex had posed the question:
"Why did you agree to this? I know you aren't gay Clark. If you were, you wouldn't be pining after Lana, you'd be moping over the quarterback."
The answer had been quietly returned. It was the truth, but only part of the truth.
"You wanted it. I needed it."
Lex threw it back at him.
"That's bullshit Clark, and we both know it. I know there are "loose" girls who would be more than willing to show you a good time, and you aren't stupid. If you really wanted to get laid you could have just about anyone you wanted - and I never got the impression our friendship was enough for you to let me fuck you. So you tell me - why this, why me?"
They lay together, side by side, with their faces close upon the pillow. The sadness in the grey eyes had driven away Lex's frustration, and he'd reached out a hand to caress Clark's cheek. He could not look away from those eyes, and could not speak for some time.
"What is it?" he'd whispered finally. "What did this to you?"
"I was afraid."
It had not been the answer Lex expected.
"Afraid of what?"
Clark had sighed, and in his expression Lex could see he chose his words carefully. His voice trembled, and he seemed on the verge of tears although the grey eyes remained dry.
"That I would be - different - that I would hurt them - girls. You're stronger and - God, Lex - you're male. You know what's normal."
Lex had almost laughed, but the look on Clark's face squelched any humor he might have felt.
Normal? Why Clark might have thought he wasn't normal, he would not disclose - even after Lex assured him in both words and actions everything was in perfect working order. As for his fear that he would hurt someone....
Sometimes there was a fine line between pleasure and pain.
Clark did hurt Lex on occasion. In the heat of passion he sometimes forgot to hold back, and as he let go and his physical needs plunged his mind into an unthinking haze of blind instinct; Lex sometimes had to give him a reminder. It was not often, however, that a reminder was necessary. Lex was not a weakling by any means; despite the opinions of many of his acquaintances. He was extremely fit and strong, and it soon became a game with him to see how much he could take from Clark.
He'd discovered he could take quite a bit, and that sometimes the pain only heightened the pleasure.
Like now.
He tore his mouth from Clark's, flickering his tongue over the full lips as they parted and thus prolonging the kiss, but was forced to throw back his head as his body arced against the pain. It was done in silence. He would not utter a sound. Silence was part of the game.
I want more.
He moved his body; sending the message without speaking the words. Clark obliged, and Lex felt the shoulders beneath his hands unknotting as momentum increased. A hint of desperation began to creep into Clark's actions, and that desperation increased Lex's desire tenfold. He bit his lip, raised his head to meet his lover's kisses once again, and breathed a soft moan into Clark's mouth.
"Thank God I'm flexible," was his last coherent thought before Clark did let go completely.
God it hurt! It hurt like hell to be twisted up like a pretzel, forcibly invaded, and pounded to a pulp. He'd learned, however, to fight back - to ride the pain through with his own body. He moved in perfect synchronization, and showed no restraint when he dug his fingers deep into the flesh of Clark's shoulders and locked his legs around Clark's body to pull it tight against his own. He felt as if their bones were grinding together and surely must either fuse or shatter under the strain. The pain grew, spreading to every muscle and every nerve until Lex felt as if he would scream and when a hand slipped down his belly and touched him - just so - the pain exploded into ecstasy.
A cry escaped his throat at last, and he found himself mindlessly accepting the continued assault with no heed at all to the pain. Only a moment later - with one last violent surge - everything came to an end.
It was a slow drift back down for both of them.
***********
The very first time Clark had allowed his control to slip, Lex had encouraged it. Lex had paid for it the next morning when he woke bruised and hardly able to move, and henceforth did not encourage it very often. He still woke up feeling as if he'd been run over by a truck the day after such a romp, but the results were that over time Lex came to fully understand Clark's fears far, far better than he'd ever anticipated. It became glaringly obvious that Clark was never going to have a normal sex life.
It wasn't that Clark couldn't fulfill a woman - he could be extremely gentle - Lex knew that side of him too. It wasn't that a woman couldn't fulfill Clark - he certainly wanted Lana Lang in a very bad way and had expressed interest in other pretty girls as well. What complicated matters was the fact he would never be able to relax in bed with a woman. The constant fear and the nagging worries would dog his every move. What if I lose control? What if I hurt her? Unless she had the strength of Xena, amazon princess, he probably would hurt her eventually. The only "safe" haven would be the arms of another man.
Which was not what he wanted; and the only man who understood that was Lex.
The "hows" and "whys" were always at the back of Lex's mind; although he had learned not to ask them. Why was Clark so strong? How had he gotten that way? There was also more than a little bit of fear on Lex's part as well. Even when Clark made love without inhibition, letting himself go, there was a definite feeling of something lurking beneath the surface. Lex could feel it beneath his hands in the rigid set of Clark's shoulders.
What else was he hiding? Just exactly how strong was he?
There was a Porche in one of Lex's garages with the roof ripped open that Lex was desperately trying to forget existed. There were several other incidents he kept pushing out of his mind in a frantic attempt not to figure out the mystery. Over the course of the last few weeks he'd decided he didn't want to know the answers. Nothing mattered to him anymore beyond keeping Clark close to him, something which frightened him as much as it thrilled him, and he felt the answers to Clark's mysteries might very well drive them apart.
At this point in time, neither Clark nor Lex were emotionally stable enough to handle life alone. Lex knew how it would go for himself - a downward spiral towards self destruction. It would kill him. Now that Lex knew Clark better he understood the fragility within him as well - the kid walked a very thin line between sanity and madness. He was barely coping.
Why?
Lex was not sure he wanted to know.
I've become too attached to him. God. Why did I let that happen?
I killed for him.
Fuck.
He pulled the Ferarri into his usual parking place behind the Beanery and turned off the engine; sitting in the drivers seat and staring into the brick wall in front of him. Every misgiving he'd ever had regarding the "affair" with Clark came rushing up to slap him in the face. His father would disown him and he'd very likely not only be disgraced and humiliated but arrested as well if it ever became public. Jonathan Kent would try to kill him. Even if none of that occurred there could never be a future in it. Lex had no idea how long he'd be in Smallville. Clark would be going to college soon. Lex was expected to marry a bubble headed socialite and raise an heir to the throne of LuthorCorp. Clark was most likely destined to.....
To what?
He recalled a conversation held in this very alley.
"This may not be what you want Clark."
"It may be all I ever have."
A quiet tap on the car window jolted Lex out of his thoughts, and he looked up to see Chloe Sullivan standing next to the car with a hesitant smile on her face. She would do well to be hesitant, as Lex's first instinct was to be irritated at the interruption. A split second later he decided he was glad of the interruption, and returned her smile as he got out of the car.
"Hello Chloe."
"Hello. Hey I'm sorry to startle you. You just looked - well - like you needed it." She laughed. "Lame excuse I know but...."
"No, as usual your journalistic instincts are correct. I was thinking a little bit too deeply. I'm glad you came along." Lex held the door for her (chivalry was alive and well in European boarding schools) as they entered the Beanery. The rich scents of coffee beans and steamed milk assaulted them immediately. Lex guided Chloe to a table and nodded at a nearby waitress.
"Glad to be of service."
"Your usual?"
She laughed. "You'll spend that fortune of yours buying us coffee, but yeah, sure."
The waitress took their order and Lex sat back in his chair; rolling his shoulders in an effort to crack his back. He was as sore as hell. He debated whether or not he should schedule an appointment with his chiropractor but dismissed it after the idea of explaining just what had thrown his spine out of alignment gave him second thoughts. Exactly what would one call that position?
"Have you seen Clark today?"
"Yeah, I saw him in school, why?"
Lex groaned inwardly. Thanks Chloe for reminding me that I'm fucking around with a high school kid. This encounter was not going well. Served him right though. He did ask.
Only because I can't get enough of him.
"Just curious. You two seem rather joined at the hip lately." he smiled lazily. "Something going on I should know about?" He accepted his coffee from the waitress and when he leaned forward again over the table he felt his back pop.
Better.
Chloe laughed, but there was a tinge of sadness in it that was mirrored in her blue eyes. "I hardly think so, if you are implying that we're a couple. Clark spends entirely too much time mooning over Lana." She hesitated and gave him a very frank stare. "I've noticed you've sort of stopped playing matchmaker lately."
"I'm having second thoughts about whether Lana is the right girl for him."
"Now that you've gotten to know the pom pom girl better?"
"Now that I've gotten to know Clark better."
Lowering her eyes, Chloe looked into her mug; and suddenly she seemed much older than seventeen. "Congratulations."
Lex knitted his brows, puzzled. "For what?"
She looked up again. "If you've gotten into Clark's head far enough to know what kind of girl is best for him, that's more than I can say and I've known him much longer."
Green eyes met blue.
"Are you waiting for me to say its you, Chloe?" Lex asked softly. "I know you're in love with him."
"We're just friends Lex, nothing more."
He said nothing.
She chuckled, but he saw the tears. "Maybe you don't know him as well as you think you do if you mistake friendship for love."
"I see how you look at him Chloe." he responded. "When you think no one is looking. I see how you perk up every time he walks in the room, and the hurt in your eyes when he talks about Lana....I'm not blind."
"Neither am I." she said abruptly.
Lex grew very still, and his eyes never left hers.
"Leave him alone Lex."
I can't.
"Are you threatening me Chloe?" he asked quietly.
It was a question he'd asked of people before. Most of those people had very quietly disappeared later when the question had been answered, in deed, as "yes."
"I'm asking you." she replied. "Regardless of whatever else I may feel for him, he's still my friend. I don't want him to get hurt. Don't think you can waltz in here and sweet talk yourself into anything and anyone you want, especially Clark."
You don't realize how far into Clark I've already been Chloe, Lex thought rather viciously.
"Clark is a friend, Chloe, and last thing I would ever dream of is to see him get hurt. Perhaps you're the one misinterpreting things here. No, I don't think you're the right girl for him, but I'd much rather see him with you than Lana. If anyone is hurting him its her." He softened his tone. "We're on the same side here. Okay?"
He could see in her eyes she didn't believe him, and that was fine. She could believe what she wanted. She knew nothing.
But if she did find out the truth.....
She could be far more dangerous than Lionel.
For the second time that day Lex started doubting the prudence of continuing his relationship with Clark despite the knowledge they would both be miserable. In the long run was it going to be the best thing for either of them? Lex was rather surprised to find he actually cared. He'd once been willing to give up everything - his money, his status, his self - for Ryan. Did he love Clark to do what was best for him - by giving him up?
"Just - don't play games with him Lex." Chloe said finally, and she stood, no longer smiling. "I have to go. Thanks for the coffee."
He sighed as he watched her go, then checked his watch. It was almost time for him to attend his meeting with the town's building inspector across the street at the Talon.
The man had better not present Lex with any bad news.
He might regret it.
************************
Lex avoided Clark for two weeks. One of those weeks he was simply busy at the fertilizer plant, getting things in shape for the EPA inspectors. The second found him out of town on a spur of the moment trip to Cancun where he met a woman and spent four solid days in her bed - both of them totally drunk out of their skulls. Neither of them used their real names and would never see each other again. Lex did not want to think about his father, Smallville, or Clark; or anything at all for that matter and four days of drinking and sex pretty much wiped it all out of his mind. When she left him finally he spent the next three days holed up in his hotel room still drinking and engaging in several bouts of crying which left him feeling sick and exhausted.
He came to his senses while lying on the floor of the hotel bathroom mindlessly counting the different colored squares of tile that made up said floor. The tile was cool against his face, and smelled of lemons, but the scent of alcohol and vomit still lingered in the air. He'd just finished throwing his guts up, and his temples pounded with the beginnings of a migraine headache to rival having a bullet rip through his brain. Not, he thought stupidly, that I know what it feels like to be shot in the head.
For a moment he considered trying it.
Out in the room the phone starting ringing, making Lex wince as the sound stabbed through his head. It had been ringing on and off all day, and he had ignored it, but now his alcohol induced numbness was wearing off and the ringing was making his head hurt even worse. It kept ringing as he dragged himself to his feet and stumbled out into the mess of his room to collapse on the bed.
The room spun.
Lex closed his eyes, and answered the phone. His "hello" was slurred and barely audible.
The voice on the other end was fuzzy with static and extremely agitated.
"Where the fuck have you been?"
"Hell." Lex replied promptly. "How did you find me?"
The question was ignored.
"When are you coming home?"
"Maybe never. How did you find me?"
"You're drunk."
"No. I'm hung over. I've been drunk but I'm not now. How did you find me?"
No answer.
Lex slammed the receiver back down into the cradle. He counted, and got to seven before the phone rang again.
"I threatened Hannah." the voice stated immediately.
Stupid bitch.
"What do you want Clark?"
"I want to know what the fuck is wrong with you."
"Two "fucks" in one conversation Clark, does your mommy know you use that word?"
He's either going to get really pissed, or cry, Lex thought.
It took a moment for Clark to answer, but as usual he surprised Lex by choosing neither option.
"I miss you." he said quietly. "Come home." - and he hung up.
Lex lay on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. He heard Clark's voice repeating "come home, come home" in his mind. It pulsed there with every heartbeat and the throbbing of his headache.
I want to go home.
To Smallville.
To him.
And oddly, it wasn't Clark he thought of this time when he started to cry.
He thought of Chloe, and the pain in her eyes as - like Lex - she looked at Clark and loved him in secret with a heart aching as if it would burst. He thought of Chloe because he knew she was right, and when all of it came to a screeching halt - Clark was going to get hurt.
But Lex could not give him up. It would kill them both.
No win situation.
Such was the life of the damned.
Lex Luthor's personal hell....
His own heart.
I want to be part of you. I want our bodies to melt together and there to be no distinguishing between us. We are two halves of one whole, and I need to be whole again.
He groaned, shifting beneath the body above him and pulling it down closer to his own. His hands moved over it as a blind man would "see" a sculpture; and truly it was a work of art. It was strong and lean like a race-fit thoroughbred, and yet as delicately wrought as a dragonfly wing; with skin like silk and a dancers grace. Tightly wound muscles bunched and trembled with pent up desire longing for release - fueled by the inexperience of youth. It was beautiful, and it was dangerous, and it belonged to him.
Don't hold back. I want you. I need you.
I love you.
That first night, after the very first "session" Lex had posed the question:
"Why did you agree to this? I know you aren't gay Clark. If you were, you wouldn't be pining after Lana, you'd be moping over the quarterback."
The answer had been quietly returned. It was the truth, but only part of the truth.
"You wanted it. I needed it."
Lex threw it back at him.
"That's bullshit Clark, and we both know it. I know there are "loose" girls who would be more than willing to show you a good time, and you aren't stupid. If you really wanted to get laid you could have just about anyone you wanted - and I never got the impression our friendship was enough for you to let me fuck you. So you tell me - why this, why me?"
They lay together, side by side, with their faces close upon the pillow. The sadness in the grey eyes had driven away Lex's frustration, and he'd reached out a hand to caress Clark's cheek. He could not look away from those eyes, and could not speak for some time.
"What is it?" he'd whispered finally. "What did this to you?"
"I was afraid."
It had not been the answer Lex expected.
"Afraid of what?"
Clark had sighed, and in his expression Lex could see he chose his words carefully. His voice trembled, and he seemed on the verge of tears although the grey eyes remained dry.
"That I would be - different - that I would hurt them - girls. You're stronger and - God, Lex - you're male. You know what's normal."
Lex had almost laughed, but the look on Clark's face squelched any humor he might have felt.
Normal? Why Clark might have thought he wasn't normal, he would not disclose - even after Lex assured him in both words and actions everything was in perfect working order. As for his fear that he would hurt someone....
Sometimes there was a fine line between pleasure and pain.
Clark did hurt Lex on occasion. In the heat of passion he sometimes forgot to hold back, and as he let go and his physical needs plunged his mind into an unthinking haze of blind instinct; Lex sometimes had to give him a reminder. It was not often, however, that a reminder was necessary. Lex was not a weakling by any means; despite the opinions of many of his acquaintances. He was extremely fit and strong, and it soon became a game with him to see how much he could take from Clark.
He'd discovered he could take quite a bit, and that sometimes the pain only heightened the pleasure.
Like now.
He tore his mouth from Clark's, flickering his tongue over the full lips as they parted and thus prolonging the kiss, but was forced to throw back his head as his body arced against the pain. It was done in silence. He would not utter a sound. Silence was part of the game.
I want more.
He moved his body; sending the message without speaking the words. Clark obliged, and Lex felt the shoulders beneath his hands unknotting as momentum increased. A hint of desperation began to creep into Clark's actions, and that desperation increased Lex's desire tenfold. He bit his lip, raised his head to meet his lover's kisses once again, and breathed a soft moan into Clark's mouth.
"Thank God I'm flexible," was his last coherent thought before Clark did let go completely.
God it hurt! It hurt like hell to be twisted up like a pretzel, forcibly invaded, and pounded to a pulp. He'd learned, however, to fight back - to ride the pain through with his own body. He moved in perfect synchronization, and showed no restraint when he dug his fingers deep into the flesh of Clark's shoulders and locked his legs around Clark's body to pull it tight against his own. He felt as if their bones were grinding together and surely must either fuse or shatter under the strain. The pain grew, spreading to every muscle and every nerve until Lex felt as if he would scream and when a hand slipped down his belly and touched him - just so - the pain exploded into ecstasy.
A cry escaped his throat at last, and he found himself mindlessly accepting the continued assault with no heed at all to the pain. Only a moment later - with one last violent surge - everything came to an end.
It was a slow drift back down for both of them.
***********
The very first time Clark had allowed his control to slip, Lex had encouraged it. Lex had paid for it the next morning when he woke bruised and hardly able to move, and henceforth did not encourage it very often. He still woke up feeling as if he'd been run over by a truck the day after such a romp, but the results were that over time Lex came to fully understand Clark's fears far, far better than he'd ever anticipated. It became glaringly obvious that Clark was never going to have a normal sex life.
It wasn't that Clark couldn't fulfill a woman - he could be extremely gentle - Lex knew that side of him too. It wasn't that a woman couldn't fulfill Clark - he certainly wanted Lana Lang in a very bad way and had expressed interest in other pretty girls as well. What complicated matters was the fact he would never be able to relax in bed with a woman. The constant fear and the nagging worries would dog his every move. What if I lose control? What if I hurt her? Unless she had the strength of Xena, amazon princess, he probably would hurt her eventually. The only "safe" haven would be the arms of another man.
Which was not what he wanted; and the only man who understood that was Lex.
The "hows" and "whys" were always at the back of Lex's mind; although he had learned not to ask them. Why was Clark so strong? How had he gotten that way? There was also more than a little bit of fear on Lex's part as well. Even when Clark made love without inhibition, letting himself go, there was a definite feeling of something lurking beneath the surface. Lex could feel it beneath his hands in the rigid set of Clark's shoulders.
What else was he hiding? Just exactly how strong was he?
There was a Porche in one of Lex's garages with the roof ripped open that Lex was desperately trying to forget existed. There were several other incidents he kept pushing out of his mind in a frantic attempt not to figure out the mystery. Over the course of the last few weeks he'd decided he didn't want to know the answers. Nothing mattered to him anymore beyond keeping Clark close to him, something which frightened him as much as it thrilled him, and he felt the answers to Clark's mysteries might very well drive them apart.
At this point in time, neither Clark nor Lex were emotionally stable enough to handle life alone. Lex knew how it would go for himself - a downward spiral towards self destruction. It would kill him. Now that Lex knew Clark better he understood the fragility within him as well - the kid walked a very thin line between sanity and madness. He was barely coping.
Why?
Lex was not sure he wanted to know.
I've become too attached to him. God. Why did I let that happen?
I killed for him.
Fuck.
He pulled the Ferarri into his usual parking place behind the Beanery and turned off the engine; sitting in the drivers seat and staring into the brick wall in front of him. Every misgiving he'd ever had regarding the "affair" with Clark came rushing up to slap him in the face. His father would disown him and he'd very likely not only be disgraced and humiliated but arrested as well if it ever became public. Jonathan Kent would try to kill him. Even if none of that occurred there could never be a future in it. Lex had no idea how long he'd be in Smallville. Clark would be going to college soon. Lex was expected to marry a bubble headed socialite and raise an heir to the throne of LuthorCorp. Clark was most likely destined to.....
To what?
He recalled a conversation held in this very alley.
"This may not be what you want Clark."
"It may be all I ever have."
A quiet tap on the car window jolted Lex out of his thoughts, and he looked up to see Chloe Sullivan standing next to the car with a hesitant smile on her face. She would do well to be hesitant, as Lex's first instinct was to be irritated at the interruption. A split second later he decided he was glad of the interruption, and returned her smile as he got out of the car.
"Hello Chloe."
"Hello. Hey I'm sorry to startle you. You just looked - well - like you needed it." She laughed. "Lame excuse I know but...."
"No, as usual your journalistic instincts are correct. I was thinking a little bit too deeply. I'm glad you came along." Lex held the door for her (chivalry was alive and well in European boarding schools) as they entered the Beanery. The rich scents of coffee beans and steamed milk assaulted them immediately. Lex guided Chloe to a table and nodded at a nearby waitress.
"Glad to be of service."
"Your usual?"
She laughed. "You'll spend that fortune of yours buying us coffee, but yeah, sure."
The waitress took their order and Lex sat back in his chair; rolling his shoulders in an effort to crack his back. He was as sore as hell. He debated whether or not he should schedule an appointment with his chiropractor but dismissed it after the idea of explaining just what had thrown his spine out of alignment gave him second thoughts. Exactly what would one call that position?
"Have you seen Clark today?"
"Yeah, I saw him in school, why?"
Lex groaned inwardly. Thanks Chloe for reminding me that I'm fucking around with a high school kid. This encounter was not going well. Served him right though. He did ask.
Only because I can't get enough of him.
"Just curious. You two seem rather joined at the hip lately." he smiled lazily. "Something going on I should know about?" He accepted his coffee from the waitress and when he leaned forward again over the table he felt his back pop.
Better.
Chloe laughed, but there was a tinge of sadness in it that was mirrored in her blue eyes. "I hardly think so, if you are implying that we're a couple. Clark spends entirely too much time mooning over Lana." She hesitated and gave him a very frank stare. "I've noticed you've sort of stopped playing matchmaker lately."
"I'm having second thoughts about whether Lana is the right girl for him."
"Now that you've gotten to know the pom pom girl better?"
"Now that I've gotten to know Clark better."
Lowering her eyes, Chloe looked into her mug; and suddenly she seemed much older than seventeen. "Congratulations."
Lex knitted his brows, puzzled. "For what?"
She looked up again. "If you've gotten into Clark's head far enough to know what kind of girl is best for him, that's more than I can say and I've known him much longer."
Green eyes met blue.
"Are you waiting for me to say its you, Chloe?" Lex asked softly. "I know you're in love with him."
"We're just friends Lex, nothing more."
He said nothing.
She chuckled, but he saw the tears. "Maybe you don't know him as well as you think you do if you mistake friendship for love."
"I see how you look at him Chloe." he responded. "When you think no one is looking. I see how you perk up every time he walks in the room, and the hurt in your eyes when he talks about Lana....I'm not blind."
"Neither am I." she said abruptly.
Lex grew very still, and his eyes never left hers.
"Leave him alone Lex."
I can't.
"Are you threatening me Chloe?" he asked quietly.
It was a question he'd asked of people before. Most of those people had very quietly disappeared later when the question had been answered, in deed, as "yes."
"I'm asking you." she replied. "Regardless of whatever else I may feel for him, he's still my friend. I don't want him to get hurt. Don't think you can waltz in here and sweet talk yourself into anything and anyone you want, especially Clark."
You don't realize how far into Clark I've already been Chloe, Lex thought rather viciously.
"Clark is a friend, Chloe, and last thing I would ever dream of is to see him get hurt. Perhaps you're the one misinterpreting things here. No, I don't think you're the right girl for him, but I'd much rather see him with you than Lana. If anyone is hurting him its her." He softened his tone. "We're on the same side here. Okay?"
He could see in her eyes she didn't believe him, and that was fine. She could believe what she wanted. She knew nothing.
But if she did find out the truth.....
She could be far more dangerous than Lionel.
For the second time that day Lex started doubting the prudence of continuing his relationship with Clark despite the knowledge they would both be miserable. In the long run was it going to be the best thing for either of them? Lex was rather surprised to find he actually cared. He'd once been willing to give up everything - his money, his status, his self - for Ryan. Did he love Clark to do what was best for him - by giving him up?
"Just - don't play games with him Lex." Chloe said finally, and she stood, no longer smiling. "I have to go. Thanks for the coffee."
He sighed as he watched her go, then checked his watch. It was almost time for him to attend his meeting with the town's building inspector across the street at the Talon.
The man had better not present Lex with any bad news.
He might regret it.
************************
Lex avoided Clark for two weeks. One of those weeks he was simply busy at the fertilizer plant, getting things in shape for the EPA inspectors. The second found him out of town on a spur of the moment trip to Cancun where he met a woman and spent four solid days in her bed - both of them totally drunk out of their skulls. Neither of them used their real names and would never see each other again. Lex did not want to think about his father, Smallville, or Clark; or anything at all for that matter and four days of drinking and sex pretty much wiped it all out of his mind. When she left him finally he spent the next three days holed up in his hotel room still drinking and engaging in several bouts of crying which left him feeling sick and exhausted.
He came to his senses while lying on the floor of the hotel bathroom mindlessly counting the different colored squares of tile that made up said floor. The tile was cool against his face, and smelled of lemons, but the scent of alcohol and vomit still lingered in the air. He'd just finished throwing his guts up, and his temples pounded with the beginnings of a migraine headache to rival having a bullet rip through his brain. Not, he thought stupidly, that I know what it feels like to be shot in the head.
For a moment he considered trying it.
Out in the room the phone starting ringing, making Lex wince as the sound stabbed through his head. It had been ringing on and off all day, and he had ignored it, but now his alcohol induced numbness was wearing off and the ringing was making his head hurt even worse. It kept ringing as he dragged himself to his feet and stumbled out into the mess of his room to collapse on the bed.
The room spun.
Lex closed his eyes, and answered the phone. His "hello" was slurred and barely audible.
The voice on the other end was fuzzy with static and extremely agitated.
"Where the fuck have you been?"
"Hell." Lex replied promptly. "How did you find me?"
The question was ignored.
"When are you coming home?"
"Maybe never. How did you find me?"
"You're drunk."
"No. I'm hung over. I've been drunk but I'm not now. How did you find me?"
No answer.
Lex slammed the receiver back down into the cradle. He counted, and got to seven before the phone rang again.
"I threatened Hannah." the voice stated immediately.
Stupid bitch.
"What do you want Clark?"
"I want to know what the fuck is wrong with you."
"Two "fucks" in one conversation Clark, does your mommy know you use that word?"
He's either going to get really pissed, or cry, Lex thought.
It took a moment for Clark to answer, but as usual he surprised Lex by choosing neither option.
"I miss you." he said quietly. "Come home." - and he hung up.
Lex lay on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. He heard Clark's voice repeating "come home, come home" in his mind. It pulsed there with every heartbeat and the throbbing of his headache.
I want to go home.
To Smallville.
To him.
And oddly, it wasn't Clark he thought of this time when he started to cry.
He thought of Chloe, and the pain in her eyes as - like Lex - she looked at Clark and loved him in secret with a heart aching as if it would burst. He thought of Chloe because he knew she was right, and when all of it came to a screeching halt - Clark was going to get hurt.
But Lex could not give him up. It would kill them both.
No win situation.
Such was the life of the damned.
Lex Luthor's personal hell....
His own heart.