"...And I hear them saying
That you'll never change things
And no matter what you do
It's still the same thing
But it's not the world that I am changing
I do this so, this world will know
That it will not change me."
(Garth Brooks "The Change")


Donatello watched his brother practically inhale the food that he had brought. "So tell me," he said. "What were you and Leo talking about?"

Raphael started talking with his mouth full of bread and the only words Donny caught were Leo and night stand. "Why in the world was Leo telling you about a night stand?"

Raph swallowed with a gulp and belched. "Not a night stand...a one night stand."

Don looked at him for a minute. "Okay, sure. Whatever. Don't tell me." But he was puzzled by Raph's sly grin. "What about you and Mike?"

Raphael actually laughed out loud at that and started choking. He coughed and spit food everywhere.

"Oh, gross," Don groaned wiping the front of his plastron.

"Mikey and I were just remembering putting April's head on the picture of the centerfold," Raph managed, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

Donatello didn't look amused. "You know, she never was convinced that I had nothing to do with that."

"You're just mad you didn't think of doing it yourself," Raph shot back attacking the food again. He washed it down with the can of soda and leaned back with a sigh. "You may remove the tray now."

"Oh boy can I?" Donny replied sarcastically, but he picked up the tray and set in down on the floor. "So what do you want to do? I'm not too good at this baby sitting thing."

"Call me a baby one more time and I'll use my sai to make sure you never sit again," Raph warned. He closed his eyes. "What I really wanna do is go to sleep."

Donny sighed. He knew he should have bribed Mike to take another watch. "Come on Raph, wake up and don't be such a grouch." Raph opened one eye and glowered at him. "I tried to tell you not to break those bricks."

Raphael stood up and started to pace. He was really starting to feel stir crazy, not to mention tired. "I promised Leo a busted lip for saying 'I told you so'." He picked his sai up from the table and started to twirl them.

"I'm not Leo," Don reminded him. "Look Raph, why don't you sit down. You're making me nervous with those things."

Raphael looked at him with an evil smirk. "My sai bother you?"

Donatello sat up a little straighter. "Not really. But in this small of a space and in your agitated state...well why tempt fate?"

Raph sped up the twirling motion and inched closer to his brother. "You have some hang up about blades. I don't even know how you manage to use a butter knife."

Aggravated, Donatello growled. "If I tell you about my problem with bladed weapons, will you sit down and stop doing that?" Don leaned away from Raph as he spun the sai inches away from him.

Raph stopped abruptly. "There really is a reason? I thought you were just a wimp. No offence."

"None taken," Don replied heatedly letting Raph know he did take offense at the wimp comment. "And there really is a good reason. I made a promise to someone a long time ago. When we were only ten."

Raphael nodded slowly. "Okay." He sat on his bed and set the weapons beside him. "This had better be good."

(Flashback)

Donatello slept peacefully in his bed. He was feeling so warm and comfortable, he never wanted to get up.

"Morning time!!" Michaelangelo ran in and bounced up and down on Donny's bed. After a couple of jumps, he leaped off to land on the bed across from him. "Wake up, Leo!"

Donny groaned and covered his head with a blanket. Michaelangelo wasn't usually so happy in the morning, He usually had to be dragged out of bed.

"Come on," Mike urged jumping from bed to bed, "Splinter's taking one of us with him on an outing today. To get supplies. So get up if you wanna go."

Don peeked his head out. Outings with Splinter were rare and if he could go, he might be able to talk his sensei into a side trip to the dump. People always threw away such good stuff, Donatello tossed the covers aside, which unfortunately Mike got tangled in.

"Whoa!" Mike cried as he fell backwards onto the floor.

Having heard the crash, Splinter came running into the room. "Michaelangelo, are you injured?"

Mike grinned. "Ah, no Master. My shell broke my fall."

Splinter smiled in relief as Mike got to his feet. Donatello was also out of bed, but he frowned realizing Leonardo was not awake.

"Leonardo, it is time to get up," he called.

"Ok, Master," Leo mumbled sitting up. He coughed and then grimaced as if it hurt,

"You ok, Leo?" Mike asked. "You look kinda puce green."

Leonardo groaned at that and held his stomach. Splinter was instantly at his side and laying a gentle hand on his forehead. "How do you feel my son?"

"Awful, Sensei," Leo admitted. "Do I have a fever?"

"Yes, you do feel warm." He helped Leo lay back down and pulled the blankets up to his shoulders. "You rest, My Son. I will bring you some tea later." He got up to leave and motioned Don and Mike to follow him. "Try not to get out of bed until I return, Leonardo. No practice for you today."

He walked out of the door with his other two sons trailing.

"No practice?" Mike whispered to Donny. And then he spoke up. "Hey Splinter. I think I have a fever too."

Splinter ignored him and they went into the kitchen where Raphael was waiting at the table.

"So can I go with you Sensei?" Mike asked. "Huh, please can I?"

"Take me Master, please," Donatello begged.

"You went last time," Raphael said.

Splinter held up his hands to stop the arguing, "Donatello, you did accompany me the last time, so it would only be fair for one of your brothers to go with me now."

"Me! Me! Me!" Mike said excitedly.

Splinter folded his arms and looked sternly at him. " And what about your fever, Michaelangelo?"

"Uh..." Mike's mind froze.

"Yes, just as I thought. Raphael, you may go with me."

Raph jumped up. "Yes!" he said excitedly. He ran for his hat and coat.

Splinter handed Don a piece of paper. "Here are your chores for this morning. Raphael can help you when we return, but I expect the two of you to get as much done as you can. I also expect you to practice your katas for a half hour after breakfast." He walked to the door where Raphael stood waiting. "Leave Leonardo sleep for as long as he likes. If he wakes before we return, try to get him to drink some tea." He pulled on his cloak and kissed each of his sons. "Behave yourselves while I am gone."

"Of course, Sensei," Donny said.

"Don't we always?" Mike asked with an innocent grin.

Leaving that unanswered, Splinter and Raphael left.

After a quick breakfast, Mike and Donny wandered into the training room. Neither one felt much like doing katas and with Splinter nor Leo being there, no one could make them either.

"We should really do something," Donatello said.

"Yeah I guess." Mike looked around the room a little. "Wanna spar?"

Don shrugged. "Not really."

"Hey, I know!" Michaelangelo said excitedly. He ran over to the far wall and pulled down the nunchucks. "How 'bout weapons?"

Donny bit his lip. "No, we shouldn't Mike. We're not allowed." Weapons training was definitely off limits without Splinter there. Even Leo, who could do almost anything he wanted, wasn't allowed to touch the weapons without their sensei.

"Come on! Pick one."

Donatello scratched his head. Now would be a good time to pick a weapon. Splinter wanted them familiar with all the weapons, but he suggested picking one and becoming a master of it. Leo had already decided on the katana and Raphael claimed the sai. Michaelangelo couldn't seem to make up his mind between nunchucks and tonfa, but Donatello really hadn't made a choice. However, he seemed to be leaning toward the kama. None of his brothers liked them. Mike said it reminded him too much of the grim reaper.

Donny grinned and took the pair of kama from where they were hanging on the wall.

Mike started spinning the nunchucks around, but tried to go too fast and hit himself in the leg. "Ouch!"

"Be careful, Mike. I don't want to have to explain why you're knocked unconscious on the dojo floor. And too many bruises will give us away just as easily." Donatello turned the kama over in his hand to get the feel for them. He ran a finger down the edge of the blade to see how sharp they actually were. Not surprising to him, they were pretty dull. Splinter said that when they were older they would sharpen the blades.

"Hey Donny," Mike said suddenly, tilting his head to listen. "You hear that? Raph and Splinter must be back already."

Don looked panicked. Someone was moving around in the kitchen. "Quick! Put the weapons back!" Even if it was just Leonardo out of bed, their brother would be sure to tell Splinter they were doing something they'd been told not to do.

Mike scrambled to put the nunchucks back on the wall and Don placed the kama where he had taken them from. The two of them started to run through the katas they were suppose to be practicing in case their sensei peeked in the room. Five minutes passed and no one came to the dojo to check up on them.

Mike threw a half-hearted punch and stopped his routine. "Maybe it was just Leo."

Don nodded. "Yeah. Stay here, I'll go check and see if he needs anything."

"Or maybe..."Michaelangelo said thoughtfully. "It was a sewer monster!" He looked a bit afraid.

"There's no such thing as monsters," Donny scoffed.

"Maybe it's an alligator. I heard someone on TV say that there are alligators in New York's sewers."

Don sighed. "You watch too much television. You can't believe everything people on TV say." He walked to the door. "It's just Leo." He paused and looked back at his brother who stood motionlessly, still looking afraid. "Wanna come with me, Mike?"

"No way!" Mike said shaking his head. "You go and I'll wait here."

Don bit his lip nervously. With a quick decision, he ran over to the wall and took the kama back down.

"Leo will tell on you!" Mike exclaimed.

"If he does, I'll tell Sensei he was out of bed." Don slipped quietly out of the dojo and headed for the kitchen. To his surprise it was empty, but the small cooler where they kept food was open and on quick inspection Donatello saw that it was also empty. He clutched the weapon tighter and doubled back to the bedrooms. Leonardo was sleeping peacefully in his bed.

Donatello leaned against the bedroom door and let out a shaky breath. He held the kama closer to him, debating what to do. A loud crash out in the living room made him jump. He gulped and walked almost silently to the living room.

"Please be a rat, please be a rat, please be a rat," he whispered. Sometimes, the rats got into their food. But that was before they got the cooler. Rats weren't strong enough to lift the lid.

"Please be a strong rat," Don changed his chant to fit this new revelation. "Please, just be Splinter!"

He made it to the living room and saw a stand toppled over. But what disturbed him more, was that the door to their lair was open. He knew Splinter had closed it when he left. Donatello picked the stand back up and inched closer to the door. With a deep breath he walked outside the lair.

He turned to the right and made it about five feet from the lair when a pair of hands reached out and grabbed him. Donatello shrieked and drew back the kama and stabbed forward with it as hard as he could. He heard a brief yell and fell as the hands let go. Before he could get to his feet something heavy fell on top of him.

Don screamed and pushed with all his might while clawing at the rock on the sewer floor to get free. He kicked and fought and when he was at last free, he saw what fell on him. It was a human! He got to his feet and ran back into the lair and slammed the door, frantically trying to engage the lock, but it was broken!

Donatello looked down at his shaking hands. They were all red. Blood. He just stared at his hands for a few seconds and then looked down at the rest of himself. He was splattered with the human's blood. "Oh God! Oh no. What have I done?"

He ran to the kitchen and got an old towel to wipe the blood from the door and the floor. Donny tried to use the towel to wipe himself off, but it just seemed he was getting more on himself. Desperately, he ran to the bathroom, turned on the shower at full force and jumped in.

"Donny?"

Don froze at the sound of his brother's voice. "Yeh Mike, I'm...I'm just taking a sh..shower."

Mike scratched his head. "Why?"

"Because I am! Just...just get out Michaelangelo!"

"Fine DONatello!" Mike snapped emphasizing his brother's full name. He frowned. "Uh, who was in the kitchen and took all the food?"

Don clenched his fists. "A rat. A, big, strong rat! Now get out!"

"Michaelangelo? What is going on? What is all the shouting?"

Mike turned to see his sensei standing in the doorway of the bathroom. "Oh hi, Master Splinter. Donny's acting funny. He said a big rat took all the food in the kitchen. I don't think he meant you though, Sensei. Heh heh."

Splinter sighed. "Go and help Raphael with the chores. I'll speak to Donatello."

Donny was just thudding his head against the shower wall when he heard his master call his name.

"Please Master," Donny begged trying to sound as respectful as possible. "Please just go away."

"It's alright, My Son. I already know what happened."

Don blinked in surprise and turned off the water. He watched the red water go down the drain. "Did...did you see him?"

"Yes," Splinter answered gently. "Come out, Donatello and we will discuss it."

Splinter sighed again as Donatello's trembling hand pulled back the shower curtain. He wrapped a towel around his son. "How did...how did you know?"

Splinter ushered Donatello out of the bathroom and into his study down the hall. They sat across from each other. "I smelled the blood upon approaching our home. After sending Raphael into the lair, I checked nearby and found him. I saw the kama and was able to surmise what had happened."

Don looked at his hands and twirled his fingers. "Did I...is he..." His voice dropped to a whisper. "Dead?"

"Yes."

Don closed his eyes tightly. "I didn't want to. He grabbed me. It wouldn't have happened if I hadn't touched the kama. Like you told me."

"I am not saying that it is alright for you to disobey me, Donatello. But if you hadn't had the weapon with you, you may have been killed." He sighed. "Look at me, My Child."

Don looked up and was surprised to see a quiet understanding in his master's eyes.

"It is a fact of our existence as ninja, Donatello," Splinter began with a touch of sadness. "It is the reason for which you are training. A ninja is, among other things, an assassin. A killer."

"Master, please don't be angry with me, but..." He looked down again. "I couldn't do it again. All that blood...Maybe I can't be a ninja."

Splinter smiled. "Donatello, you have a good heart and a quick mind. These can also be good traits for a ninja."

"You mean, I can use my mind as an alternative to violence? A ninja...pacifist?" Don asked.

"In part. But I know should the need arise, you will be able to defend yourself and your brothers. Just as you did today."

Donatello looked doubtful. "Master, I will never touch another bladed weapon. Ever."

Splinter nodded. "That is a vow you make to yourself, My Son. I will not hold you to it. Because, as I said, should the need arise, I know you will defend your family by whatever means necessary. However, I will not force you to practice with any bladed weapon."

"There goes mastering the kama," Donatello said with a sigh.

Splinter chuckled. "Did I ever tell you that my favorite weapon is the bo?"

(End Flashback)


When Donatello looked up from telling his story, he saw his brother laying on the bed, his eyes closed and snoring softly.

Don jumped to his feet. "Wake up, Raphael!"

Raph's eyes popped open and he yawned. "Oh damn, I'm sorry Donny. What was you sayin'?"

Donatello growled. "Here I am, telling you my biggest secret and you fall asleep! And you're not even suppose to be sleeping!" He picked up the pillow from the floor and hit him with it.
"It's six in the morning and I'm up with my ungrateful, idiotic, egotistical brother, who tries to take on defenseless bricks and he loses!" Don hit him with the pillow again. "Well go to sleep, Raphael. See if I give a damn if you fall into a coma." Feathers from the pillow started flying everywhere and Don tossed it to the floor angrily.

Raphael looked up at him with a big grin. "Whatever happened to the ninja pacifist?"

The door opened and Splinter came in looking puzzled. Feathers were drifting down and he blew one away that had landed on his nose. "What is all the shouting in here?"

"Oh Donny was just showing me how he gave up on being violent." Raphael laughed.

Donatello shot him a angry look and then turned to Splinter. "Master, with your permission, I'd like to go to bed."

'Oh shit' Raphael thought. He wasn't looking forward to Splinter's watch.

"Hey Donny," he said. "Why don't you stay for awhile. We can play that one game you like...you know with the horses and kings and castles and stuff."

"You mean chess, Raphael?" Don asked.

"Yeah that's it. We could..."

"No Raphael," Splinter interupted. "Donatello needs to rest and you and I can use this time to...talk."

Raphael suppressed a groan. Donatello simply laughed and bid them both good-night before walking out the door.