Title: Belonging
Author: Subaru
Author's Note: This is my first published piece of fanfiction. C&C welcome. It was written spur of the moment in my comp class this evening when I should've been taking notes.
Warnings: Mild spoilers for episode 13 of the anime as well as a touch of shounen ai. Don't blink, you might miss it.
Disclaimer: I don't own Yami no Matsuei. It's owned by Matsushita-sensei. It's a really great series. Support the industry! Buy it!
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It wasn't until that moment, when I saw him engulfed by the flames of Hell, that I realized the gift he'd given me. For my whole life and beyond, I'd closed myself to everyone, the pain and hate from betrayal coursing through me as though it was new. The pain of my family's abandonment; the hate for the doctor who was to care for me but instead tortured and killed me.
Yet, in spite of my forced emotional seclusion, he welcomed me with open arms. He tolerated my coldness and cared even that much more. He cared even when I didn't need it and he even protected me at risk of himself. I couldn't understand why at those times...
At first I thought he was simply kind to everyone. His outrage showed every time someone living or dead was hurt on his watch. Suffering glittered in those eyes of his despite his smile every time he failed to protect someone. It seemed as though everyone was special to him, thereby making no one special at all. But, I was wrong.
I had been jealous of others who came into his life... Jealous of the way he loved them all, they way pined and died just a little when he lost them. Maria, the vampire with an angel's voice; Kazusa, the little girl targeted by a demon; Mariko, a highschool girl who witnessed her best friend's horrific death; And... Hijiri, the violin prodigy... He wanted so badly to be close to them, to protect them, to save them. I could feel his pain in my heart.
I felt his pain as my own for the first time when Tsubaki-hime died. I cried. All the way back home, I cried. All night long. His arms held me so gently, occasionally stroking my hair through it all. Even though I killed her, he stayed to comfort, forgive and understand.
He understood.
And when he felt less than human, I was able to give him the same comfort with soft words and touches. We moved out of the snowy alley to shelter under a small archway. There he rested his head on my thighs and twined his fingers with mine. Even then I didn't know...
Not until I found myself bounding through the black flames of Hell did I realize. Not even then really, not until he spoke. "I've lived too long... And I'm tired..." In that instant that when I imagined a life without him, I truly understood.
I flung myself at him, dropping to my knees and wrapping my arms tightly around him as if to save him from his despair or drown in it with him. "Then exist only for me!!" I begged, sobbing against the crook of his neck. "I don't want to be alone anymore! The place I belong..." I choked on my own words. My fingers curled tighter in the plain robe he wore. "The place I belong is with you... Always with you...!"
As words and tears spilled form me, he returned my desperate embrace, tentatively at first but then more fiercely.
The flames danced around us, closing in and bringing true final death near. At that moment I understood. His feelings flowed into me, stripping me of all fear.
Ai shiteru.
He had given me the gift of love. Not only from himself, but in the short time I'd known him, it had blossomed in my hate-filed soul as well. In our short time together, he had overcome a lifetime's worth of suffering and taught me how to love.
Hot tears poured over my cheeks as I clung to him as though he were life itself. For me... he was. In that moment we lived only for each other. The flames grew hotter and the ceiling came tumbling down. As darkness engulfed us, I squeezed him tightly and gave voice to his feeling... and mine... flowing through my heart.
"Ai shiteru... Tsuzuki..."