Title: The Note

Author: Amanda

E-mail: AmandaB9@aol.com

Rating: R

Warning: DARK. Major character deaths of many characters.

Summary: What if Buffy didn't stop the Glarghk Guhi Kaghunas demon from killing all her friends?

Disclaimer: I sadly do not own them. Joss and everyone over at UPN still gets to have their fun – for now!

Timeline: Alternate Ending of Sorts to ….



It was 2:30pm when the phone in Rupert Giles' flat rang. In the conversation that followed, which lasted roughly 20 minutes, he received the news that Buffy Anne Summers had died- again.

This time, however, the means of her death had been suicide and there would be no bring her back. Just as there had been no bringing anyone back when her close friends and sister had been killed a few week earlier.

Catching the first flight back to America, Giles refused to believe the idea that Buffy had killed herself. He convinced himself it had either been some demon, or possibly the government. (Giles found it difficult to completely dismiss the notion after Maggie Walsh and the Initiative.)

Upon re-arriving in SunnyDale, California, Giles immediately went to apartment of the caller. Afraid to knock on the door out of dread of having to see Anya again and having to talk with her, Giles stood in front of her door for a good five minutes before tentatively rising his right hand and letting it gently rap the door.

Anya greeted him with a look of total sorrow and hopelessness that seem all too familiar.

"Hello. Um… may I come in?" Giles hesitantly began.

"Of coarse," she replied, opening the door wide enough for him to squeeze through. The haggard looking Anya shut the door quietly but in the silence it sounded too loud and harsh to Giles' ears.

Giles couldn't stand it anymore. "It isn't true," he told her, cursing his voice for shaking.

He watched as Anya's eyes filled with tear before she nodded. "It is," she whispered.

Giles couldn't believe that. Part of his brain reasoned that Buffy hadn't really been happy since… since Glory, and had only really gone down hill. However another part of his brain just couldn't face it.

Feverishly, Giles thought that maybe this wasn't even Anya at all. She hadn't mention money or sex and has only been supportive. It was all some trick.

"It… it must be some sort of demon. He could have made us believe…" Giles began but stopped when Anya dug through several papers and handed on to him.

"It's her note," Anya stated and Giles need no explanation. Not wanting to, but unable to stop himself, he began to read.



'Dear World,

I've got to leave you now, my pain is just too great to bear. I've killed my best friends in the whole world and can't stand it any longer.

Honestly, I've dream of this day since Willow brought me back. Willow. She only gave me help and comfort. Tried to make me better and I killed her. Watched as the demon choked the life out of her and the others.

Willow, Xander, Tara, and Dawnie. All dead because I didn't believe they could exist. They all haunt me day and night. I feel crazier now then I did when I was insane.

Once the demon had finished them off I smiled. I actually smiled because I thought that I would suddenly become sane and live happily ever after with my married, loving mother and father.

When Spike arrived once the sun set, only a few minutes too late, he saw the slimy demon eating to his heart's (or maybe hearts', I thankfully don't know about its insides) devour. His meal included the dead bodies of two witches, one ex-key, and the only still true human who was unfortunate enough to befriend me.

I thought that maybe Spike was the reason I hadn't gotten 'sane' yet. He looked disgusted and confused but pushed that aside long enough to fight the demon charging at him.

After tying the monster I sent to kill those close to me up and listening to me babble about keeping me insane, Spike pieced together what he could and held me down as he fed me the anti-dote.

I must have cried for three full days after that but now I have no tears left to cry. I know I won't be going back to Heaven. I'll be spending my time in a Hell Dimension worse than anything my friends could have imagined they were pulling me from months ago. It's okay though, I know I deserve it.

I am sorry to everyone I hurt. To Anya because of Xander. To Cordelia for messing up your life so much. To Giles because of everyone- you must be so disappointed in me. To Angel because I've given up after I told you never to. To everyone I couldn't save and their families. I am more sorry than you'll ever know.

1 Buffy Anne Summers'

Giles' hands were shaking and his eyes were filled to the brim with tears. When the note slipped from his hands, all he saw was a blurry object fall.

Anya was crying and repeating how sorry she was through sobs. Giles turned his back to the girl and hastily wiped his glasses on his shirt.

Breath coming out in deep gasps, Giles found he could barely breathe. Anya relocated herself so she was now in front of Giles again. Facing her, he realized she was going through this all also.

Finally allowing comfort to be given, Giles didn't pull back when Anya wrapped him in a huge hug. Together they rocked back and forth silently.



THE END



=(Amanda(=