'O.K Rimmer, how'd you do it?'
'How did I do what, sir?'
'Pass the smegging exam.'
'!!!!!!!'
'Rimmer, Rimmer, I'm talking to you…stop jumping around!!'
'Sorry sir…did I really pass?'
'Yes, you did. Now how'd you do it? Did you cheat? To what…miracle do you credit you passing the astronavigation exam?'
'Kochanski, sir.'
Hollister turned to Kochanski, who was smiling at Rimmer, she knew he could do it.
'Kristine, I am really, *really* disappointed in you.'
'I'm sorry sir???'
'Did you or did you not supply Rimmer with illegal learning drugs?'
'What? Arnold passed the exam by himself, I helped him to revise but that was it.'
'Oh.' Hollister looked surprised. 'Well Rimmer, I suppose… you're an officer.'
But Rimmer had done his funny little dance and fainted.
* * *
'Do I look O.K?' Kochanski twirled around to show Rimmer her new dress.
'You look stunning, you know you do!'
'Are you sure?'
'Yes! Do I look O.K?' Rimmer had bought a new suit but felt shabby compared to Kochanski.
'What, you mean O.K for an officer?'
Rimmer was taking Kochanski out for a meal to celebrate him becoming an officer. And he wasn't taking her to a fast food place, or for a pizza, they were going to the officer's club! Rimmer had dreamed of being an officer for so long…now it had come true. And it was all down to Kochanski.
Walking down the corridor, Rimmer felt immensely proud that Kochanski was his girlfriend.
'So are we talking the Mercedes or the Rolls?' Kochanski teased.
'Even better, we're taking the lift.'
'You know who you remind me of?' Kochanski said.
'Who?'
'James Bond! I've never seen you in a suit before, you look quite sexy.'
'Like I don't normally?'
* * *
'I've booked a table for two, for 9 o'clock.'
'Right this way sir.'
Rimmer loved being an officer; two people had called him 'sir' already. He pulled a chair back for Kochanski and took her coat. She took the menu from the waiter and said something in Esperanto. The waiter nodded and walked off.
'What did you say?'
'I just ordered some drinks.'
'In Esperanto?'
'Yes, don't you speak…oh of course you don't! Sorry, I thought you knew.'
'Knew what?'
'That in the officers club we mostly speak Esperanto.'
Rimmer went white, his chest seemed to seize up and he undid his top button. 'You…speak Esperanto here?'
'Yes…'
Rimmer took a deep breath.
'Don't worry Arnold, I'll order for us…and you're only speaking to me.'
'Oh, okay…' Rimmer felt fine now.
There was a shout from another table, the Captain's table.
'Kristine!'
Kochanski seemed to know the man who was walking across to them.
'Hi. Haven't seen you in ages. ' She blushed.
'Kristine, just wondered if you'd like to come and join us?'
'Well actually I'm having dinner with my boyfriend.'
The man looked at Rimmer, 'Him? Oh well, bring him along. The more the merrier, eh?'
'Oh, okay.' Kochanski stood up. The man went back to the Captain's table.
'What the smeg are you doing Kristine?' Rimmer whispered.
'It's rude not to, plus you can talk to the captain. Make a good impression.'
'But I can't speak Esperanto.'
'Oh.' Kochanski looked disappointed, 'but we can go over there anyway.'
Before Rimmer could stop her, she was walking over to the Captain's table. Rimmer followed.
He sat down next to Kochanski and looked around the table. Todhunter, the Captain, the bloke who had invited them over, and 5 other very important looking men.
The conversation went on mainly in Esperanto, but Rimmer picked up bits of it. He was annoyed at Kochanski, this was meant to be their night, he had planned it all. Dinner, champagne, etc, etc. Then back to his quarters, Lister was out that night.
When the waiter came to take their orders Rimmer was at a loss. He didn't understand anything on this damn menu. He ordered something, he didn't know what it was. When the Captain was in the middle of recalling a very long anecdote Kochanski leaned over to him.
'Having fun?' She whispered.
'What do you think?'
'Are you annoyed with me?'
'Yes.'
'We'll have dinner another night.'
And they had to leave it at that because the waiter came with their meals. Rimmer didn't know what he was eating, but it tasted all right. If only Todhunter and the Captain would stop giving him those weird looks.
* * *
The rest of the night went okay, but Kochanski and Rimmer walked back in silence. They stopped outside Kochanski's quarters. Kochanski was about to go in but Rimmer stopped her.
'Kristine, I'm sorry about before, I wasn't annoyed with you. It's just I wanted it to be special.'
'It *was* special – okay maybe it wasn't, but I promise I'll let you take me out to dinner again.'
'Alright then.' Rimmer grinned. 'Don't I get a kiss?'
'No.'
'Why not?'
'Because the meal you had, it was octopus testicles.'
And she shut the door.
Rimmer walked back to his quarters.
Do octopuses *have* testicles??
* * * * *
A.N – Hope you liked, please review. Okay, nothing much happened there but next chapter will be more about Lister and the crew's reactions to them dating. Please tell me what you think. Good or bad.
'How did I do what, sir?'
'Pass the smegging exam.'
'!!!!!!!'
'Rimmer, Rimmer, I'm talking to you…stop jumping around!!'
'Sorry sir…did I really pass?'
'Yes, you did. Now how'd you do it? Did you cheat? To what…miracle do you credit you passing the astronavigation exam?'
'Kochanski, sir.'
Hollister turned to Kochanski, who was smiling at Rimmer, she knew he could do it.
'Kristine, I am really, *really* disappointed in you.'
'I'm sorry sir???'
'Did you or did you not supply Rimmer with illegal learning drugs?'
'What? Arnold passed the exam by himself, I helped him to revise but that was it.'
'Oh.' Hollister looked surprised. 'Well Rimmer, I suppose… you're an officer.'
But Rimmer had done his funny little dance and fainted.
* * *
'Do I look O.K?' Kochanski twirled around to show Rimmer her new dress.
'You look stunning, you know you do!'
'Are you sure?'
'Yes! Do I look O.K?' Rimmer had bought a new suit but felt shabby compared to Kochanski.
'What, you mean O.K for an officer?'
Rimmer was taking Kochanski out for a meal to celebrate him becoming an officer. And he wasn't taking her to a fast food place, or for a pizza, they were going to the officer's club! Rimmer had dreamed of being an officer for so long…now it had come true. And it was all down to Kochanski.
Walking down the corridor, Rimmer felt immensely proud that Kochanski was his girlfriend.
'So are we talking the Mercedes or the Rolls?' Kochanski teased.
'Even better, we're taking the lift.'
'You know who you remind me of?' Kochanski said.
'Who?'
'James Bond! I've never seen you in a suit before, you look quite sexy.'
'Like I don't normally?'
* * *
'I've booked a table for two, for 9 o'clock.'
'Right this way sir.'
Rimmer loved being an officer; two people had called him 'sir' already. He pulled a chair back for Kochanski and took her coat. She took the menu from the waiter and said something in Esperanto. The waiter nodded and walked off.
'What did you say?'
'I just ordered some drinks.'
'In Esperanto?'
'Yes, don't you speak…oh of course you don't! Sorry, I thought you knew.'
'Knew what?'
'That in the officers club we mostly speak Esperanto.'
Rimmer went white, his chest seemed to seize up and he undid his top button. 'You…speak Esperanto here?'
'Yes…'
Rimmer took a deep breath.
'Don't worry Arnold, I'll order for us…and you're only speaking to me.'
'Oh, okay…' Rimmer felt fine now.
There was a shout from another table, the Captain's table.
'Kristine!'
Kochanski seemed to know the man who was walking across to them.
'Hi. Haven't seen you in ages. ' She blushed.
'Kristine, just wondered if you'd like to come and join us?'
'Well actually I'm having dinner with my boyfriend.'
The man looked at Rimmer, 'Him? Oh well, bring him along. The more the merrier, eh?'
'Oh, okay.' Kochanski stood up. The man went back to the Captain's table.
'What the smeg are you doing Kristine?' Rimmer whispered.
'It's rude not to, plus you can talk to the captain. Make a good impression.'
'But I can't speak Esperanto.'
'Oh.' Kochanski looked disappointed, 'but we can go over there anyway.'
Before Rimmer could stop her, she was walking over to the Captain's table. Rimmer followed.
He sat down next to Kochanski and looked around the table. Todhunter, the Captain, the bloke who had invited them over, and 5 other very important looking men.
The conversation went on mainly in Esperanto, but Rimmer picked up bits of it. He was annoyed at Kochanski, this was meant to be their night, he had planned it all. Dinner, champagne, etc, etc. Then back to his quarters, Lister was out that night.
When the waiter came to take their orders Rimmer was at a loss. He didn't understand anything on this damn menu. He ordered something, he didn't know what it was. When the Captain was in the middle of recalling a very long anecdote Kochanski leaned over to him.
'Having fun?' She whispered.
'What do you think?'
'Are you annoyed with me?'
'Yes.'
'We'll have dinner another night.'
And they had to leave it at that because the waiter came with their meals. Rimmer didn't know what he was eating, but it tasted all right. If only Todhunter and the Captain would stop giving him those weird looks.
* * *
The rest of the night went okay, but Kochanski and Rimmer walked back in silence. They stopped outside Kochanski's quarters. Kochanski was about to go in but Rimmer stopped her.
'Kristine, I'm sorry about before, I wasn't annoyed with you. It's just I wanted it to be special.'
'It *was* special – okay maybe it wasn't, but I promise I'll let you take me out to dinner again.'
'Alright then.' Rimmer grinned. 'Don't I get a kiss?'
'No.'
'Why not?'
'Because the meal you had, it was octopus testicles.'
And she shut the door.
Rimmer walked back to his quarters.
Do octopuses *have* testicles??
* * * * *
A.N – Hope you liked, please review. Okay, nothing much happened there but next chapter will be more about Lister and the crew's reactions to them dating. Please tell me what you think. Good or bad.