Anyone remember the Flashdance craze of the eighties?

CHAPTER FIVE--WHAT A FEELING

Continued from The Witch

"Del, are you even listening to me?" Caroline leaned to the left trying to land in his line of vision. He accommodated her by leaning in the opposite direction.

"Del!?"

"Whoa, did you see that woman sitting by the door? Blonde hair, blue eyes and big-" His eyes caught Caroline's accusing ones at that moment. His hands had started to draw breasts, then quickly dropped back down to their table.

"-big hair. Really big hair." He finished lamely, attempting to look innocent.

They were sitting at a center table in Remo's for a late lunch at Caroline's request. Del had assumed it was just for business, which made for a boring lunch in his opinion. Even though they were no longer engaged, they were still good friends. He had to admit it was an unusual arrangement but that was Caroline for you. She was a special woman.

Caroline rolled her eyes. Del was just so obvious and self involved. He had a nose that could sniff out every attractive woman within fifty feet of him. The man would never change. She had to admit there was some comfort in that. She wondered again, not for the first time, why she had wanted to marry him last year. She pushed her drier-than-usual lasagna around on her plate.

"Sorry, Caroline. I'm all yours. What did you want to talk about?" He gave the impression he was looking at Caroline but his eyes still managed to swivel around her and check out the blonde. It was a gift.

"I don't know how to begin. It's kind of embarrassing." She stopped, looking down at her hands in her lap. "Well, you remember when we were dating and engaged, right?" She laughed nervously. "Of course you do, how stupid."

Del blinked several times in confusion wondering where this conversation was going. He opened his mouth, couldn't think of any thing to say and shut it again.

Caroline was rambling on. "-at least, I should remember if I did or not. I'm sure I did but Annie said I never did. I know it's past history and all but I need to know." She laughed hesitantly.

Del wrinkled his brow perplexed. "Need to know what, Caroline?" He was getting impatient. It looked like the sexy blonde was finishing her lunch, which meant she would be leaving in a few minutes. If he could get Caroline to make it snappy, he might be able to time his departure just right. Maybe he could accidentally run into the woman, which would lead to casual conversation. It was all in the planning. He had noticed from across the room that she wore no ring on her left hand. Once again, he thanked his lucky stars for purchasing that Porsche.

Caroline had taken a deep breath. "Didn't I tell you I loved you when we were dating?" She watched his face as she asked, looking for assurance.

Del didn't even hesitate. He was shaking his head as he answered. "No, don't think so. Unless you said it when I was sleeping." He grinned at her.

"But I'm sure I did, I know I did. Remember that time when we.. no, maybe not that time. How about the night you proposed? The night it rained?" Caroline felt encouraged until Del shook his head.

"Nope, not that night either."

Caroline looked shocked. "So I never told you I loved you? But we were engaged. We were going to get married."

Del knew he wasn't the brightest guy around but even he thought this conversation was confusing. He noticed Caroline's crestfallen face.

"Hey, Duf. Cheer up. It can't be that bad."

"How can you say that? Didn't it bother you?"

Del shrugged. "Well, that's just you, Caroline. You're just not good with expressing your feelings. I knew you loved me. I figured you would say so eventually. Besides, I could tell when we had sex. It was great." He leered at her.

This was too much information for Caroline to wrap her brain around at one time so she grasped the one item that upset her the most. "But, but...I am good at expressing my feelings. I do it every day." She threw her fork down on the table in protest.

Del laughed. "Okay, then tell Remo what you think about his lasagna today. I dare you." He waited, tapping his fingertips on the table. A movement from the corner of the restaurant caught his eye.

"Uh, Caroline. I suddenly remembered I have this thing to do. I'll see you later." Del jumped up and headed for the front door, just opening for the departing blonde. Watching through the plate glass window, Caroline saw him fall into step with the woman and head down the street. She had a sudden feeling of being completely alone. Maybe it was because the proverbial rug had just been pulled out from under her feet.

"So, Carolina, how was your lunch today?" Remo was standing over her, hands clasped together in front of him.

Caroline hesitated only a few seconds. "Fine, Remo. Just fine. Thanks." She forced a smile.

"Very good, very good." He wandered off, yelling at a busboy to clean tables and leaving Caroline to ponder the reason why she was so afraid to express the deepest of feelings.

"You gave Richard the tickets so he could take that witch to the opera? Caroline, you were supposed to ask Richard to go with you. What is the matter with you? Were you raised in Mister Roger's neighborhood?" Annie had staked out Caroline's sofa in her robe, reclining full length in her usual fashion. She had her daily cup of coffee balanced on her stomach.

"I know, I know, I know. But he was so mad and I was just trying to make it up to him. I don't want him to hate me." Caroline started to chew on her lower lip. She had been sitting at her desk staring at Richard's empty seat and daydreaming. Since it was Saturday morning, she could sit here all day and stare. He would never know.

All she could think about was Richard spending his nights with another woman. According to him, this woman was perfect for him. He never mentioned the woman's' name all week and in fact, hardly spoke at all. He didn't even rise to Annie's baiting. She sighed hopelessly. He must be crazy about her.

And so her thoughts went in circles until she was dizzy. Her work was lagging behind schedule and her mood was as dark as the clouds that had been gathering in the sky. She walked over to the large picture window that looked out over the busy city street. Somehow it had turned into fall without her even realizing it. She had been so obsessed with looking forward to each Saturday night with Richard that she had not noticed the weeks disappearing into months. She realized that Annie had been talking.

"-with any luck, the transportation strike will start early and Richard and his date will be stuck on the subway, desperately trying to claw their way out, slowly running out of oxygen, their eyes popping-" Annie was grinning widely as she pictured the scene.

"An-nie!" Caroline grinned back at her despite the vindictiveness. "What transportation strike?"

"God, Caroline, don't you ever read anything but the comic section of the paper? It's been in the news for days. It looks like we'll have to walk for awhile if they don't settle it." Annie yawned in boredom. This was about as intellectual as she wanted to get.

Annie brightened, sitting up on the couch. "Hey, I know what you need, Caroline. When I get home from work, we'll go out and get drunk. I won't let you even think about Ritchie."

Caroline turned back to her window. "Sure, whatever, Annie." It wasn't like her to be so depressed. She would have to stop thinking about Richard and all the 'only-ifs' that had been plaguing her. . .only if she had realized ages ago how wonderful he was, only if she had turned to Richard instead of Joe when he returned from Paris, only if she had admitted to Richard that she wasn't in love with Del, that she was just desperate. . .Caroline stood looking outside and seeing nothing but her memories. Before she realized it, the room had grown dark.

"Okay, Salty, let's do something to waste time until Annie gets home." Caroline headed upstairs and over to her bedroom closet. She had put off cleaning that place for years. Maybe now it was time. It would certainly take her mind off other things. Depression never lasted long for her. Her natural cheerfulness always took over.

Digging her way to the back, Caroline found clothes, shoes and hats she hadn't seen in years. The local thrift store would be overjoyed with the stuff. A muffled giggle could be heard from behind the racks as she pulled out plaid pants, long granny skirts and cowboy boots she had bought as an impulse. She couldn't help the 'omigod' as she pulled out an old sweatshirt with a torn out neckline.

"I don't believe it. My Flashdance sweatshirt. Okay, the rest of it has to be in here somewhere," she muttered from the back of the closet. Caroline staggered out of the closet, dressed in her pink tights, gray sweatshirt and thick legwarmers. She doubled over in laughter at the sight of the eighties flashback in the mirror. She quickly sorted through her old tapes and found what she wanted.

The music from one of her favorite movies filled the loft. She turned up the volume as loud as she dared. Pointing a toe, she lifted one leg and spun around. She remembered when she was a teenager playing the song over and over, dancing until she was exhausted. She had substituted ballet steps for those of Jennifer Beals dance steps, turning, twisting and leaping to the music. Caroline could feel happiness flow through her again.

Richard knocked at her door. And knocked again. He knew she was home because the loud music announced it to everyone in the building. Maybe she was having a party but if she was, she would have talked about it all week. Maybe she had company but he doubted that. He hadn't seen or heard of any guy in her life since Dr. Joe, the vet.

Since ringing the doorbell brought no response either, Richard pulled out his key. Entering slowly, he poked his head around the corner of the door.

"Hello? Caroline?" The first floor was empty. He realized the noise was coming from her bedroom. As far as he was concerned, that room was off limits. He stood at the bottom of the stairs listening to the music and what sounded like stamping feet. This was puzzling. Since he was growing concerned and time was marching on, he hesitantly climbed the stairs to her bedroom.

His first sight of her was amusing. She was leaping into the air, bending and flinging her arms in all directions. At least, this is what it appeared to be to a layman. He wanted to laugh out loud but managed to smother his grin. In the next few seconds, he noticed that Caroline was dressed in a sweatshirt with a torn out neckline revealing some cleavage and one beautifully shaped shoulder. That fact that she looked extremely sexy was not lost on him. He fought against the feeling, clearing his throat loudly.

Caroline spotted somebody out of the corner of her eye. She screamed in shock, backing into her closet and tripping backwards over the piles of shoes she had hauled into the middle of it. Richard waited patiently. A minute later, Caroline stumbled out with her hand on her heart.

"My god, Richard, you scared me to death."

"Sorry about that. I knocked several times, really." He stopped suddenly, realizing the implication of standing in Caroline's bedroom with her actual BED right next to him. He tried not to think about it. "I needed someone to tie my tie." He flipped the end of the tie with his thumb and forefinger.

Richard standing in her bedroom, looking undoubtedly handsome in his black tux. Now there was a daydream Caroline could use. She stood staring up at him with her mouth open.

"Hello? Anyone home?" Richard asked.

"Um, you look really nice, Richard. You should dress like this more often." She had to laugh at the absurd thought. Richard echoed her thoughts.

"I'm not dressing like this to color in cartoons." He said dryly. "How about the tie?"

"It's very nice. Black's a good color on you." She teased him. Richard rolled his eyes and sighed impatiently. Smiling, Caroline reached up and tried to tie it with no success.

"Here, sit on the bed." She gently pushed him down on the mattress and climbed up behind him. Reaching around his neck, she started tying his bow. She had to lean close to him affording her the chance to smell his aftershave mingled. She tried not to think about the fact that she was close enough to kiss his neck. She idly wondered what his reaction would be if she had the nerve to do exactly that.

"So, Caroline, what were you doing up here besides trying to put your back out again so I would have to take care of you?"

"I started just cleaning out my overstuffed closet. But then I found this old outfit. Of course, I couldn't resist trying it on after all these years."

"Of course." He deadpanned, wondering where this was going.

"So then I couldn't help dancing."

"So that's what that was."

Caroline had dropped one end of the tie so she started over. "I was dancing to music from a favorite movie of mine from high school. Flashdance. Ever watch it?"

"Never heard of it."

Caroline froze. "You're kidding. Wow, you missed a great movie. I'll rent it sometime and we'll watch it together."

"Oh goody."

"Hey, you owe me for scaring me half to death and then expecting me to tie your bowtie for your date. It's the least you can do."

Richard just grunted and then cleared his throat nervously. "Actually, I came by for another reason. I was wondering if, by any chance, you might want to, well, if you're not doing anything tonight, if.." He stopped and licked his dry lips. Being in her bedroom and sitting on her bed unnerved him. Caroline had finished the bowtie, climbed down and was now standing in front of him. She looked at him enquiringly.

He started again. "Would you like to go to the opera with me? I know it's short notice since we would have to leave in thirty minutes, so I would understand if you said no. That would be fine. It was probably a stupid idea, so-"

"Okay." She answered, smiling at him. He couldn't help but notice her blushing cheeks that light up her usual light coloring.

"Do you think you can be ready that fast?" His usual dry tone of voice was back.

Just as he asked that, Caroline realized how she must look to him. She could feel beads of sweat on her forehead and even more running down in rivulets between her breasts and down her back. She knew her hair must have been standing up in dirty tufts and was probably full of dust balls. Even as she moved slightly, she could feel two days of hair stubble on her legs catching on her tights. She started biting her lower lip in embarrassment. She nodded.

"Well, I'll just go downstairs and wait." He waved his arm in the general direction, backing up at the same time.

As soon as he left the room, Caroline burst into activity, peeling off her outfit and scouting through her closet for an appropriate dress. Why he wasn't going with Celeste never entered her mind. The only thing she felt was pure happiness. She and Richard were finally going on a date. Surely even he would consider this a real date.

Richard sat on the couch, wondering if he had done the right thing. Maybe he shouldn't overanalyze it. They were two good friends going to the opera. Period. That was all. God knows he had tried all week to ask Celeste out for the evening. But every time he dialed her number, he chickened out and hung up before she answered. Just the thought of spending the evening with her depressed him. Then he figured he would just go alone. He had done that most of his life, so this night would be no different. But that second ticket just mocked him. It would be a shame for a perfectly good ticket to go to waste.

Asking Caroline to go with him was not a last minute idea like he made it seem. He wanted to ask days ago but he didn't want her to get the wrong idea. He had already been sensing different vibes from her. Lately when she came over to his side of the desk, she had commented on something and laid a hand on his arm or shoulder. This touchy-feely part of her was happening more often. It just wasn't like her.

He walked over to the desk and sat at his chair, restless. Salty jumped up on the desk and sat, eye to eye with him. Richard glared back at the cat.

"What? I gave her thirty minutes to get ready. That's plenty of time." He said defensively. Salty just stared at him. Richard was the first to look away in exasperation.

Caroline found one of her favorite black dresses. Made of silk, it fitted and flowed in all the right places. There was one good thing about having a time limit. It forced her to find a dress to wear without trying on half the closet. She rushed through her shower, cutting her legs only four times out of sheer nervousness. She looked in the mirror in approval. She did clean up nicely.

Since the opera was conducted in Italian, Caroline never understood one word of it. But the storyline of love found and then lost forever was obvious from the actions and emotions. Carried along with the story, she could feel tears of empathy for the main female character. This seemed to parallel her own life. After the final act, the lights came on. Theatergoers around them stood to file out, chattering to each other.

Richard and Caroline just sat. Richard looked straight ahead, sensing she was upset and not daring to look at her. He reached into his pocket for a Kleenex. Caroline dabbed at the tears running down her cheeks silently.

"So, how did you like it? I thought it was good, excellent actually." He knew was just making conversation.

Caroline just sniffled.

"Are you okay, Caroline?"

She nodded. "It was just like my life. Everybody leaves. I'll probably end up alone at the end too. There must be something wrong with me." She whispered.

Richard turned towards her. "Caroline, there is nothing wrong with you. The guys that left you weren't right for you or they wouldn't have left. Just be patient. I'm sure things will change." He said softly.

He looked straight ahead again. "It was a depressing opera. Maybe we shouldn't have come." He stood up and held out his hand to her.

Caroline sniffled again. "I bet you loved it."

It was raining softly as they exited the lobby and stood under the canopy. Throwing on their coats, Richard stepped close to the curb to hail a taxi.

"Won't do you any good." Commented one of the doormen. Richard turned to him in puzzlement.

"They're on strike." The doorman added. He consulted his watch. "As of ten minutes ago."

Caroline and Richard looked at each other. Luckily Caroline had grabbed her umbrella on the way out of the door. Richard pressed his lips together in frustration. Why did everything go wrong in his life?

"Richard, let's just take the train-"

"Nope, not running neither." The doorman answered. "No buses, no taxis, no trains, nada."

Caroline and Richard stared helplessly at each other as the rain increased in intensity. The air temperature had dropped drastically with the onset of fall. Caroline pulled her coat closer around her slim frame. The remainder of the theatre patrons had parted swiftly in all directions.

"Why don't you call Del? I know he only has a Porsche but at least you'll get a ride home."

"Del home on a Saturday night? You've got to be kidding. Let's just run home. Maybe if we run really fast, we won't get too wet." She grinned at him, her depression gone.

"Yes, maybe if we run fast, we'll outrun the raindrops." He was sarcastic once again. "Caroline, your place is ten blocks from here. And you're wearing heels."

"I'll be fine. We can share this umbrella. Come on. It'll be fun, an adventure." Caroline popped open the umbrella and held it up towards him.

He sighed loudly to show his annoyance. "An adventure.." He repeated after her as he grabbed the umbrella handle and held it over them. They had to squeeze together in the center to stay dry.

"Now isn't this fun, Richard? We'll be home before you know it." She snuggled even closer to him as they walked several blocks.

"No, Caroline, this isn't fun. My pants are sticking to my legs and I swear my shoes have already shrunk one size. Maybe we should stop and get a cup of coffee to warm up."

"I'm not cold. It's a wonderful night. Come on out and play." Caroline was almost giddy with happiness. It felt like some kind of a release from all the tension she had felt for several months. Tonight had felt to her as she always thought it would. A night spent with her best friend and someone she loved. She wanted to tell him but something made her wait. Instead, she stepped out from under the umbrella and spun around on the sidewalk, arms outstretched as the rain pelted her. She hummed snatches of the tape she had listened to earlier.

". . .what a feeling. . I can have it all. . ."

"Caro-line." He emphasized the last syllable of her name as he always did when he was irritated or impatient. "You'll catch pneumonia and I'll have to take you to the doctor again."

Caroline stopped spinning and looked at him, wondering if he had ever found any fun or enjoyment in his lifetime. A heavy down pour immediately followed a sharp crack of thunder. Richard ran over next to her with the umbrella, putting himself between Caroline and the curb. A large truck drove by at the exact moment, hitting a large puddle near the curb and drenching Richard from head to toe.

"Richard, you really need to change out of those wet clothes. You'll be the one getting sick." Caroline ran around the corner of her kitchen into the downstairs bath for towels. Richard stood in the middle of the living room watching the ever-growing puddle around his feet.

"I never get sick, Caroline." He shivered.

"Never, Richard? How can you go a lifetime and never get sick? I think you're a little overdue." She handed him a towel.

"It's been a challenge working around you." He sneezed.

"Richard, it's all my fault. If you hadn't stepped over next to the curb, I would have been the one soaking wet. I feel really guilty."

"As well you should." He sneezed again and wiped his nose with the end of the towel. Caroline draped her towel over his wet head and pulled him towards her, drying his thick blonde hair.

Richard held his breath as she gently rubbed his scalp. Their faces were closer than he knew they should be. He looked into her beautiful brown eyes just inches away and tried to distract himself with something disgusting, like..like.. yes, cock roaches. Black, squirmy multi-legged bugs. That should do it. He should be absolutely repelled by her.

He leaned in closer and gently touched her lips with his. Damn.

He could feel her lips respond to his but he knew this shouldn't happen. This was too complex. He backed away, looking down at the ground.

"Caroline, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for that to happen. That was just stupid. I-I have to go home now." He dropped the towel on the floor, picked up the umbrella and fled. All the way home, he muttered to himself how colossally idiotic he was and wondered how much a move to Paris would cost him. He knew there was no way Caroline would just forget about what happened. She would analyze it to death and drag him into her debates. How could he have slipped up like that?

Caroline stood staring at the empty space that Richard had inhabited only minutes ago. She had wanted that kiss so badly. And gotten it. All she got out of it was Richard's face shutting down and being told a kiss was stupid. Stupid? Maybe she was stupid.

Caroline wiped up the water on the floor, the only evidence that Richard had even been there tonight. Taking off her heels, she headed upstairs with her wet feet squeaking with each step. She peeled off her wet and now probably ruined evening dress and fell back on her bed. Staring at her ceiling, she relived the evening again including their stupid kiss. Maybe this memory was all she would ever get out of their relationship after all.

TO BE CONTINUED IN CHAPTER SIX