Everything I Touch
Chapter 3
*****
For those of you waiting for the next chapter of Paybacks: don't worry. I haven't ditched that story, but I gotta write this one while everything is so "clear" to me…yeah, clear as mud :o) I'm just having too much fun pretending I'm Bosco right now!
*****
It's one p.m. and my alarm is going off. Funny. I don't even remember setting it. I've gotta be in roll call in an hour and a half. I reach over and set the alarm for 1:30. That should still give me enough time.
1:30 already?! Damn. I'm so tired. Yesterday took a toll on me. Goes with the territory though. I better take a quick shower. I gotta wake up.
I stroll into the locker room. The clock on the wall says 2:20. Ten minutes to get dressed. No sweat. I really hope nobody talks to me right now. I'm not in the mood to talk. I don't wanna answer any questions.
Wonder who's going to be the poor sap that gets partnered with me today. Maybe I should warn them about my bad luck. The bad luck that seems to be so contagious. Ma. Hobart. Mikey. Faith. Ross. They all caught it from me. Just in different degrees. Who's it gonna be today?
"Hey Bosco."
Dammit Sully! Can't you tell I don't wanna talk to anyone? Can't you read my expression? My body language?
I don't bother to look at him. "What?"
"I asked Lieu to team us up today."
"You *asked* him to partner *us* up? Are you crazy? You hate working with me!" I'm being pretty harsh. I shouldn't have jumped on him like that. He had a rough day yesterday too. I'm not the only one. I gotta try to remember that.
"Yeah, well with everything that happened yesterday neither of us has a partner. I'd rather work with you. Don't ask me why. I'm not sure myself."
I have to warn him. Let him know what he's getting himself into. Give him a chance to save himself while he can. "Sully. You might want to rethink that."
"What? Why?"
"I, uh, I seem to be passing on some pretty bad luck these days."
"In case you haven't noticed Bosco so have I. Can't get any worse than yesterday can it?" Sully turned and headed to roll call.
"Only if I get you killed Sully," I say quietly.
I've got a copy of the Policeman's Prayer in my locker. After 9/11 they gave everybody one. I figured it couldn't hurt to hang on to it, but I keep it tucked away. I've got an image to protect. Can't have anyone thinking I'm a bible thumper or that I'm scared or something. Man, how bad is my attitude? How wrong am I to think that?
I'm not really sure why, but I pick up the prayer card and put it in my jacket pocket. Right over my heart. I hope someday God will forgive me for all the screwed up things I've said and done.
I walk into roll call just in time, and grab an open seat by Sullivan. Man he looks tired. Do I look that bad? My mind drifts to the short conversation we had a minute ago. "Neither of us has a partner." Davis. Damn. I'm such an insensitive bastard! I never even asked how Ty is. I've been dwelling in my own problems.
"Sully," I whisper. He looks at me. "How's Davis?"
He shrugged. "OK."
I nod nonchalantly. Whew! That's a relief.
The Lieutenant's voice interrupts my thoughts. "OK, be careful out there. Sullivan. Boscorelli. I'd like to see you in the command office."
No! Not the command office. Not again. I can't go in there. That damn diagram. I can't start my shift off with that.
Slowly we walk to the office, and once again I'm drawn over to the blackboard. I can't help but stare at it. I've gone over it for hours, and still all I can see is Faith. It's no different today. Nothing has changed. I look down at my shoes. Don't look at the board. Don't look at the board. Stop thinking about it. You have work to do.
"Boscorelli." It's Lieu.
"Yeah." Does he have the ballistics report? I don't think I want to know.
"I want to talk to you and Sully about what went down yesterday."
Please no. Don't make me do this again Lieu. Not again. Ross is dead because of me. Faith is in trouble because of me. What more needs to be said?
I walk over to Lieu and Sully. "What?" I ask coldly. "What else could you possibly need to know?" I'm trying to act as "normal" as possible. I'm usually pretty cold. Right? Am I overdoing it? Lieu didn't say anything. Guess I'm OK then.
I sit down across the table from Lieu. Sully's on my right. Lieu starts asking us questions. I can hear him talking, but I'm not listening to him. I'm looking just past him so that I can see the diagram. Not that I need to look at it anymore. I have it memorized. Right now I'm just staring. I'm not really seeing it. I'm not even thinking…just staring. My mind is empty of all thought. What a great feeling. I don't want this feeling to go away.
"Boscorelli!" Sully nudges me as Lieu yells my name.
I jump slightly. Startled out of my safe little world. "Sorry. What?"
"I was saying the lab is backed up, so I'm not sure when we're going to get the ballistics report."
"Right…right," I glance at Sully then back to Lieu. "Can we go now?"
He sighs. "Yeah. I guess that's all for now."
Sullivan and I get our radios, and head for the squad. "Who's drivin'?" I ask.
"I will if you don't mind."
"Knock yourself out."
Man. I wish Faith was here. Sully and I got nothing in common. If we don't start a conversation soon I'm going to lose what's left of my mind. The longer the silence goes on the more I think about yesterday…and Faith. But what the hell do I say to him?
"Uh, so Sully, how's the wife?" There. That should be a safe conversation.
"She left."
Ah shit! "Uh sorry. What happened?" Augh! Why did I ask what happened?! Now he's either going to be pissed at me, or I'm going to have to hear the whole damn story.
"Bosco were you listening at all when we talked to Lieu?"
Uh oh, Sully's pissed. "Actually…no."
"We think Tatiana's son is the witness that can put away this Russian creep, but she's not happy with the way I acted yesterday. So she took her son, and left." I look at him. I hope he can see that I feel bad for him. "That's the short version, and that's all you're getting."
I nod. That's fine. I don't need to know anymore. What I need to know is who shot Ross. I need to know. I don't know what I'm going to do if it's Faith. I really don't.
Wonder if she has any idea? I wonder if she's even thought about the possibility?
Feels like I've been looking out the window of the squad for hours, but it's only four o'clock. I can't take this. I can't handle sitting here in this car. I need air. I need to walk around.
"Sully?"
"Yeah."
"Can we stop? Walk around a little. I need some air."
He's looking at me like I'm crazy. Why do people always look at me like that? "You feeling alright Bos?"
"Fine. I just can't sit in this car anymore."
"Yeah OK." Sully parked the car, and we started to walk.
I don't think either one of us knows where we're going, but it's better than sitting in that damn squad car.
We've been walking for about fifteen minutes. Neither of us has said a word. At the same instant we both stop. "Shit Sully," I whisper as I look at the street signs.
"Damn. How'd we end up here?" he asks.
"It's just around the corner," I say. But I didn't have to say it. We both know where we are.
"Yeah," he whispers.
I look up at him. I'm afraid to go around the corner, but maybe if I do it'll help me figure out how Ross died. I have to. For Ross. For Faith. For me. "You comin'?"
He took a deep breath. "I guess."
As soon as I see the restaurant with its windows boarded up I can hear the gunshots. I can see everything as if it was happening right now, and I'm watching it like a spectator. The memories haunt me, and I can tell they have the same affect on Sully.
Together we walk to the corner outside the restaurant. "Sully, what was it like in there?" I ask quietly.
"It was hell on earth. I went in…we went in to arrest the guy for assault. Next thing I know I'm on the ground, and bullets are flying by. I got my gun out, but I couldn't move. I was no match for them. It was so loud I couldn't call for help. I didn't know what to do. I didn't really know what was going on. I didn't know where Davis was."
We walk back across the street to where I sat the day before as the scene was cleaned up. Sully continued as he stared at the ground. "When everything stopped I called for Ty. He was OK, but then it started again. The guy was in the restaurant. He was reloading. He started to spray the restaurant with bullets. Next thing I know Ty jumps up and shoots him. Then Ty asked if I was alright, and I was, but Ty got hit. He didn't even know it at first. Didn't even feel it."
"Damn," I whisper. I swallow hard. "I'm sorry Sul." We sat in silence for a minute just looking at the restaurant.
"What was it like out here?"
I take a deep breath. "Hell on earth sounds about right. Ross and I were following C-note. I knew he was after the guy who capped his brother. We followed him and his gang here. We pull up, and they open fire. Ross and I just sat in shock. Then they saw us, and started shooting at the squad. So we scramble out of the car, and get behind it. We called for help. Right then we didn't even know you where here. Then I saw your RMP out front, so I radioed that in. Every time we tried to see what was going on we had bullets whizzing past our heads. Then it stopped. I was so relieved. I looked under the car, and they were coming toward us. They were reloading. They were gonna pin us, but I wasn't going out that way," I look toward the street, and begin pointing things out to Sully. "We were right there. C-note's SUV was there, and the guys shooting at us were right there. So I ran from the squad to the SUV to draw the fire. Figured it was the only way out. Ross covered me, so did Faith. She was over there," I point to the side street. "I didn't even know she was there, but she met me at the SUV. Then there was silence. It was finally over." I hang my head. "When I got back to the squad Ross was dead. I thought that by drawing the fire it would help protect him, but it didn't. I got him killed."
"Bosco you did the best you could."
"No, you don't get it. I screwed everything up."
"How's that?"
"Ross is dead, and it looks like Faith may have shot him when she was covering me. Friendly fire. If I hadn't tried playing hero he'd still be alive."
"No Bosco. If they were pinning you in you'd both be dead."
"But Faith wouldn't be involved."
Sitting here at the scene is worse than staring at that diagram. Here I can see the distances perfectly. I can see the possibilities, but I don't see any other explanation.
Why did I have to be the hero? Why couldn't I have taken my chances crouched behind the squad with Ross? Why did I insist on following C-note in the first place? It's all my fault.
God, everything I touch lately…
Chapter 3
*****
For those of you waiting for the next chapter of Paybacks: don't worry. I haven't ditched that story, but I gotta write this one while everything is so "clear" to me…yeah, clear as mud :o) I'm just having too much fun pretending I'm Bosco right now!
*****
It's one p.m. and my alarm is going off. Funny. I don't even remember setting it. I've gotta be in roll call in an hour and a half. I reach over and set the alarm for 1:30. That should still give me enough time.
1:30 already?! Damn. I'm so tired. Yesterday took a toll on me. Goes with the territory though. I better take a quick shower. I gotta wake up.
I stroll into the locker room. The clock on the wall says 2:20. Ten minutes to get dressed. No sweat. I really hope nobody talks to me right now. I'm not in the mood to talk. I don't wanna answer any questions.
Wonder who's going to be the poor sap that gets partnered with me today. Maybe I should warn them about my bad luck. The bad luck that seems to be so contagious. Ma. Hobart. Mikey. Faith. Ross. They all caught it from me. Just in different degrees. Who's it gonna be today?
"Hey Bosco."
Dammit Sully! Can't you tell I don't wanna talk to anyone? Can't you read my expression? My body language?
I don't bother to look at him. "What?"
"I asked Lieu to team us up today."
"You *asked* him to partner *us* up? Are you crazy? You hate working with me!" I'm being pretty harsh. I shouldn't have jumped on him like that. He had a rough day yesterday too. I'm not the only one. I gotta try to remember that.
"Yeah, well with everything that happened yesterday neither of us has a partner. I'd rather work with you. Don't ask me why. I'm not sure myself."
I have to warn him. Let him know what he's getting himself into. Give him a chance to save himself while he can. "Sully. You might want to rethink that."
"What? Why?"
"I, uh, I seem to be passing on some pretty bad luck these days."
"In case you haven't noticed Bosco so have I. Can't get any worse than yesterday can it?" Sully turned and headed to roll call.
"Only if I get you killed Sully," I say quietly.
I've got a copy of the Policeman's Prayer in my locker. After 9/11 they gave everybody one. I figured it couldn't hurt to hang on to it, but I keep it tucked away. I've got an image to protect. Can't have anyone thinking I'm a bible thumper or that I'm scared or something. Man, how bad is my attitude? How wrong am I to think that?
I'm not really sure why, but I pick up the prayer card and put it in my jacket pocket. Right over my heart. I hope someday God will forgive me for all the screwed up things I've said and done.
I walk into roll call just in time, and grab an open seat by Sullivan. Man he looks tired. Do I look that bad? My mind drifts to the short conversation we had a minute ago. "Neither of us has a partner." Davis. Damn. I'm such an insensitive bastard! I never even asked how Ty is. I've been dwelling in my own problems.
"Sully," I whisper. He looks at me. "How's Davis?"
He shrugged. "OK."
I nod nonchalantly. Whew! That's a relief.
The Lieutenant's voice interrupts my thoughts. "OK, be careful out there. Sullivan. Boscorelli. I'd like to see you in the command office."
No! Not the command office. Not again. I can't go in there. That damn diagram. I can't start my shift off with that.
Slowly we walk to the office, and once again I'm drawn over to the blackboard. I can't help but stare at it. I've gone over it for hours, and still all I can see is Faith. It's no different today. Nothing has changed. I look down at my shoes. Don't look at the board. Don't look at the board. Stop thinking about it. You have work to do.
"Boscorelli." It's Lieu.
"Yeah." Does he have the ballistics report? I don't think I want to know.
"I want to talk to you and Sully about what went down yesterday."
Please no. Don't make me do this again Lieu. Not again. Ross is dead because of me. Faith is in trouble because of me. What more needs to be said?
I walk over to Lieu and Sully. "What?" I ask coldly. "What else could you possibly need to know?" I'm trying to act as "normal" as possible. I'm usually pretty cold. Right? Am I overdoing it? Lieu didn't say anything. Guess I'm OK then.
I sit down across the table from Lieu. Sully's on my right. Lieu starts asking us questions. I can hear him talking, but I'm not listening to him. I'm looking just past him so that I can see the diagram. Not that I need to look at it anymore. I have it memorized. Right now I'm just staring. I'm not really seeing it. I'm not even thinking…just staring. My mind is empty of all thought. What a great feeling. I don't want this feeling to go away.
"Boscorelli!" Sully nudges me as Lieu yells my name.
I jump slightly. Startled out of my safe little world. "Sorry. What?"
"I was saying the lab is backed up, so I'm not sure when we're going to get the ballistics report."
"Right…right," I glance at Sully then back to Lieu. "Can we go now?"
He sighs. "Yeah. I guess that's all for now."
Sullivan and I get our radios, and head for the squad. "Who's drivin'?" I ask.
"I will if you don't mind."
"Knock yourself out."
Man. I wish Faith was here. Sully and I got nothing in common. If we don't start a conversation soon I'm going to lose what's left of my mind. The longer the silence goes on the more I think about yesterday…and Faith. But what the hell do I say to him?
"Uh, so Sully, how's the wife?" There. That should be a safe conversation.
"She left."
Ah shit! "Uh sorry. What happened?" Augh! Why did I ask what happened?! Now he's either going to be pissed at me, or I'm going to have to hear the whole damn story.
"Bosco were you listening at all when we talked to Lieu?"
Uh oh, Sully's pissed. "Actually…no."
"We think Tatiana's son is the witness that can put away this Russian creep, but she's not happy with the way I acted yesterday. So she took her son, and left." I look at him. I hope he can see that I feel bad for him. "That's the short version, and that's all you're getting."
I nod. That's fine. I don't need to know anymore. What I need to know is who shot Ross. I need to know. I don't know what I'm going to do if it's Faith. I really don't.
Wonder if she has any idea? I wonder if she's even thought about the possibility?
Feels like I've been looking out the window of the squad for hours, but it's only four o'clock. I can't take this. I can't handle sitting here in this car. I need air. I need to walk around.
"Sully?"
"Yeah."
"Can we stop? Walk around a little. I need some air."
He's looking at me like I'm crazy. Why do people always look at me like that? "You feeling alright Bos?"
"Fine. I just can't sit in this car anymore."
"Yeah OK." Sully parked the car, and we started to walk.
I don't think either one of us knows where we're going, but it's better than sitting in that damn squad car.
We've been walking for about fifteen minutes. Neither of us has said a word. At the same instant we both stop. "Shit Sully," I whisper as I look at the street signs.
"Damn. How'd we end up here?" he asks.
"It's just around the corner," I say. But I didn't have to say it. We both know where we are.
"Yeah," he whispers.
I look up at him. I'm afraid to go around the corner, but maybe if I do it'll help me figure out how Ross died. I have to. For Ross. For Faith. For me. "You comin'?"
He took a deep breath. "I guess."
As soon as I see the restaurant with its windows boarded up I can hear the gunshots. I can see everything as if it was happening right now, and I'm watching it like a spectator. The memories haunt me, and I can tell they have the same affect on Sully.
Together we walk to the corner outside the restaurant. "Sully, what was it like in there?" I ask quietly.
"It was hell on earth. I went in…we went in to arrest the guy for assault. Next thing I know I'm on the ground, and bullets are flying by. I got my gun out, but I couldn't move. I was no match for them. It was so loud I couldn't call for help. I didn't know what to do. I didn't really know what was going on. I didn't know where Davis was."
We walk back across the street to where I sat the day before as the scene was cleaned up. Sully continued as he stared at the ground. "When everything stopped I called for Ty. He was OK, but then it started again. The guy was in the restaurant. He was reloading. He started to spray the restaurant with bullets. Next thing I know Ty jumps up and shoots him. Then Ty asked if I was alright, and I was, but Ty got hit. He didn't even know it at first. Didn't even feel it."
"Damn," I whisper. I swallow hard. "I'm sorry Sul." We sat in silence for a minute just looking at the restaurant.
"What was it like out here?"
I take a deep breath. "Hell on earth sounds about right. Ross and I were following C-note. I knew he was after the guy who capped his brother. We followed him and his gang here. We pull up, and they open fire. Ross and I just sat in shock. Then they saw us, and started shooting at the squad. So we scramble out of the car, and get behind it. We called for help. Right then we didn't even know you where here. Then I saw your RMP out front, so I radioed that in. Every time we tried to see what was going on we had bullets whizzing past our heads. Then it stopped. I was so relieved. I looked under the car, and they were coming toward us. They were reloading. They were gonna pin us, but I wasn't going out that way," I look toward the street, and begin pointing things out to Sully. "We were right there. C-note's SUV was there, and the guys shooting at us were right there. So I ran from the squad to the SUV to draw the fire. Figured it was the only way out. Ross covered me, so did Faith. She was over there," I point to the side street. "I didn't even know she was there, but she met me at the SUV. Then there was silence. It was finally over." I hang my head. "When I got back to the squad Ross was dead. I thought that by drawing the fire it would help protect him, but it didn't. I got him killed."
"Bosco you did the best you could."
"No, you don't get it. I screwed everything up."
"How's that?"
"Ross is dead, and it looks like Faith may have shot him when she was covering me. Friendly fire. If I hadn't tried playing hero he'd still be alive."
"No Bosco. If they were pinning you in you'd both be dead."
"But Faith wouldn't be involved."
Sitting here at the scene is worse than staring at that diagram. Here I can see the distances perfectly. I can see the possibilities, but I don't see any other explanation.
Why did I have to be the hero? Why couldn't I have taken my chances crouched behind the squad with Ross? Why did I insist on following C-note in the first place? It's all my fault.
God, everything I touch lately…