Everything I Touch
Chapter 4
****
I should probably state that I own NOTHING! So don't go suing me or anything!
****
Sully and I finally made it back to the squad. I have no idea what time it is, or how long we were at the scene. I suppose I could look at my watch. It's almost as if time has stopped. OK, maybe not stopped, but it sure is crawling. All I know is at this rate my shift will end, and the rest of the country will be three months ahead! That's how slow it seems!
I wish I hadn't come in to work today. I really thought that getting back out here was what I needed to do. Just hop right back into the job. You know like when you're a kid learning to ride a bike; you fall off and you get right back on and try it again. But today...today I just can't get into it.
Hell, I'm riding with Sullivan. That's just not right. It should be me and Faith. Believe it or not I miss her. Our conversations, the teasing, the arguments. I miss it all. Why was I such an ass about the counseling thing? I know why. Cause I don't need it. I'm fine. Always have been. Always will be. I just wish I could have made her see that. I wish she would have realized that when I'm with her I'm not alone. Even if I don't talk to her. Hell, if I needed to I would.
"Bosco. Bosco!" Sully was yelling at me.
I look at him with the question "what" written all over my face.
"We're here."
What the hell is he talking about? We're where? I look around to see if our surroundings tell me anything. All I see are apartment buildings. That's not much of a help. I look back at Sully. He rolls his eyes.
"The rape call," he leaves his words hanging in the air. Yeah, as if that helps me figure out what's going on. "Bosco we just got a call about a rape at this location!"
"We did?"
He's looking at me like I'm crazy again. "Bosco *you* just answered the call," Sully was annoyed. "Don't you remember?"
"Oh, yeah. Yeah I remember." I try to shake it off as I climb out of the car. I'm on complete auto pilot. I have no recollection of answering the call. "Uh, where are we supposed to be going?"
"Apartment 310."
"Right...right." I start toward the building.
"Bosco."
"Huh?" I turn back to Sully.
"You OK? You seem a little distant."
"I'm fine. Let's just get this over with."
We have to take this woman in to Mercy to get checked out. Maybe I can talk Sullivan in to just laying low at the hospital. My mind is wandering way too much, and with my luck I'll end up getting another partner killed.
"Sully. Let's go see Davis."
"I don't think he wants to see me."
"Whaddaya mean?" I'm totally confused. Why wouldn't Davis want to see his partner? I'd wanna see Faith.
"Long story."
"Well I'll go see him. Where is he?" Sully gives me the room number, and I head up to see Ty while he hangs out in the ER for the lab stuff on the rape victim.
"Yo Davis. How's it going?" I try to sound cheerful. I really hate hospitals, and worse yet is visiting a friend in the hospital. Especially another cop who may have been shot partly from my stupidity. If I hadn't egged on C-Note maybe they wouldn't have gone after the guy who shot his brother. Damn. Is this my fault too?!
"About as well as it can be." Man he sounds tired.
"Yeah. Sorry man."
"Not your fault."
If only he knew. I gotta think of something else to say to him, but I'm not real good in these situations. "Got me ridin' with Sullivan today."
"You and Sully?"
"Yeah, what a trip huh? He requested it."
"You and Sully?"
"I know. It's totally messed up." I smile, but it doesn't feel right. I shouldn't be happy, even for a second. Not after what happened yesterday.
"Where's Faith today?"
Aw man. Do I have to explain this? "She...uh, she killed a guy yesterday. So, she's got a few days off."
"She doing OK?"
"I don't know. Haven't really talked to her about it."
"Maybe you should. It's not an easy thing to deal with for some people."
"What the hell does that mean?! You think she's gonna crack?!"
"Whoa Bos. Take it easy. I'm just saying, killing somebody...that's a big thing. You know?"
"Yeah. I guess. Sorry." I gotta get outta here before I make a complete ass of myself. I can't believe I just jumped all over Davis like that. "I'm gonna take off. Just wanted to say hi."
"Thanks. See ya."
As I walk down to the ER all I can think about is what Davis said. Maybe I should go talk to Faith. She probably needs someone to talk to. I wonder if anyone told her about the possible investigation. If so I wonder who told her. I hope she's all right. I should really go see her. What time is it? My watch says 7:30. Damn it's going to be a long time til the shifts over. I don't think I can wait that long. I gotta get over there now.
"Hey Sully."
"Yeah."
"I gotta go over to Faith's. You gonna come along for the ride or stay here?"
"Bosco you can't go over there now. We still have like three hours left."
"I'm going. With or without you. Which is it?"
"We can't just up and go to Faith's in the middle of our shift."
"Why are you so insistent on always going by the book?! I need to talk to Faith *now*! I'll be back to pick you up later."
"Bosco! What are you going to tell Central?"
"Nothing! We're at Mercy on a rape. Remember?! We're out of service!"
Sully's giving me his "you're crazy" look again. It's really starting to piss me off. Can't he understand that I need to talk to my partner?
I'm three blocks away from her apartment, and I have no idea what I'm going to say. How do you start a conversation like this?
Hey Faith. Guess what. You might have killed two guys yesterday.
Hey Faith. They think you shot Ross.
Hey Faith. You probably killed my partner yesterday.
Somehow I don't think any of those are appropriate. God I hate this! I hope someone else already told her. Though as much as I hate this I should be the one to tell her seeing we're as close as we are.
The walk up to her apartment didn't take very long. Maybe this was a bad idea. I knock on the door before I have a chance to change my mind. Man I'm really nervous. I still don't know what I'm going to say. The door opens, and Faith is standing in front of me. She looks pretty good, though I can tell she hasn't slept much.
"Bosco? What are you doing here?"
I jam my hands in my jacket pockets. I can't look at her. "We need to talk."
"You OK?"
"Fine. Why do you always assume I'm not?!"
"Habit I guess. Come on in."
No turning back now. "Fred and the kids here?"
"No, they're out."
"Good." I start pacing back and forth in front of the couch because I'm not ready to talk yet.
"So...who you riding with today?"
"Sully." I don't trust myself with more than one word responses yet.
She laughed. "You and Sully?"
"Yeah."
"You and Sully?"
"Why does everyone say that?!"
"Cause Sully can't stand working with you."
"Well, he's the one who requested it."
"You're kidding?"
"No." I'm still pacing.
"Bosco would you stop. You're giving me motion sickness."
I stop.
"Bosco what's going on?"
How do I tell her? I have no idea. I can't believe this is happening. Hasn't she been through enough? I never should have come here. But how do I leave now?
"Bos?"
I finally look at her. "Have you talked to Lieu since last night?"
"No. Why? What's going on?"
I take a deep breath. My heart is beating so fast it feels like it's going to jump out of my chest. Here it goes. "You might wanna sit for this."
"Bosco quit stalling and tell me what the hell is going on!"
"He called me into the office last night. Had me look at the diagram from the scene." I look down at the floor. I can't do this! It'll destroy her, and whatever is left of our relationship.
"And?!"
"It looks like...like you may have--" My mind is screaming at me to stop. I can't do it!
"May have what?" I can see how nervous she is.
"Shot Ross," I whisper.
"What?!"
The words begin pouring out of my mouth. "God Faith, I looked at that diagram for hours last night. I hardly slept, but I can't come up with another answer." I look at her, and I can see the tears in her eyes. My stomach is churning. This is making me sick. "It doesn't look good Faith."
She sat down on the couch staring straight ahead. "I-I s-s-shot Ross?"
"They aren't certain. The lab's backed up, so they don't have the ballistics report yet."
I sit down by her. "Faith I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I thought it might be better if you heard if from me."
She didn't look at me. She kept staring, but I could see the tears rolling down her face. I hate this. I hate seeing her cry. It makes me uncomfortable cause I don't know what to do. Usually when I'm on the job Faith is the one who takes care of the criers because we both know I suck at the compassion part of the job. And in my life I don't get too close to people, so I don't usually have to deal with emotions. Sure, I've seen Ma cry loads of times, and depending on the situation, seeing Ma cry either pisses me off or makes me wanna cry...not that I cry.
Seeing Faith like this though...it kills me. I slowly reach over and put my arm around her. Then I pull her close to me. It feels weird holding her like this, but it also feels right.
As we sit there I can hear the radio playing in the background. It's a song I've heard a hundred times, but never really *listened* to.
I CAN'T BE LOSING SLEEP OVER THIS, NO I CAN'T AND NOW I CANNOT STOP PACING GIVE ME A FEW HOURS I'LL HAVE THIS ALL SORTED OUT IF MY MIND WOULD JUST STOP RACING CAUSE I CANNOT STAND STILL I CAN'T BE THIS UNSTURDY THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING THIS IS OVER MY HEAD BUT UNDERNEATH MY FEET CAUSE BY TOMORROW MORNING I'LL HAVE THIS THING BEAT AND EVERYTHING WILL BE BACK TO THE WAY THAT IT WAS I WISH THAT IT WAS JUST THAT EASY CAUSE I'M WAITING FOR TONIGHT THEN WAITING FOR TOMORROW AND I'M SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN WHAT IS REAL AND JUST A DREAM WHAT IS REAL AND JUST A DREAM WHAT IS REAL AND JUST A DREAM WOULD YOU CATCH ME IF I FALL OUT OF WHAT I FELL IN DON'T BE SURPRISED IF I COLLAPSE DOWN AT YOUR FEET AGAIN I DON'T WANT TO RUN AWAY FROM THIS I KNOW THAT I JUST DON'T NEED THIS CAUSE I CANNOT STAND STILL I CAN'T BE THIS UNSTURDY THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING WHAT IS REAL AND JUST A DREAM
A tear falls from my eye, and I wipe it away. I can't cry! Not here. Not now. "Faith, look at me," I say softly. "Please. Look at me."
She finally looks my way. "Remember last night when you asked if we were OK?" She nods. "We're more than OK. I just wanted you to know that."
Faith wipes the tears from her eyes. "Thanks Bos."
I move slightly so that the two of us aren't sitting so close. "This is all my fault Faith."
God, everything I touch lately...
****
The song is "Somewhere In Between" by Lifehouse, and is on their "No Name Face" album. It's a really good album if you don't have it I recommend getting it :o)
Sorry the song appears in ALL CAPS, I decided to save some time, and just cut and paste it from the internet, and that's how it came :o)
Chapter 4
****
I should probably state that I own NOTHING! So don't go suing me or anything!
****
Sully and I finally made it back to the squad. I have no idea what time it is, or how long we were at the scene. I suppose I could look at my watch. It's almost as if time has stopped. OK, maybe not stopped, but it sure is crawling. All I know is at this rate my shift will end, and the rest of the country will be three months ahead! That's how slow it seems!
I wish I hadn't come in to work today. I really thought that getting back out here was what I needed to do. Just hop right back into the job. You know like when you're a kid learning to ride a bike; you fall off and you get right back on and try it again. But today...today I just can't get into it.
Hell, I'm riding with Sullivan. That's just not right. It should be me and Faith. Believe it or not I miss her. Our conversations, the teasing, the arguments. I miss it all. Why was I such an ass about the counseling thing? I know why. Cause I don't need it. I'm fine. Always have been. Always will be. I just wish I could have made her see that. I wish she would have realized that when I'm with her I'm not alone. Even if I don't talk to her. Hell, if I needed to I would.
"Bosco. Bosco!" Sully was yelling at me.
I look at him with the question "what" written all over my face.
"We're here."
What the hell is he talking about? We're where? I look around to see if our surroundings tell me anything. All I see are apartment buildings. That's not much of a help. I look back at Sully. He rolls his eyes.
"The rape call," he leaves his words hanging in the air. Yeah, as if that helps me figure out what's going on. "Bosco we just got a call about a rape at this location!"
"We did?"
He's looking at me like I'm crazy again. "Bosco *you* just answered the call," Sully was annoyed. "Don't you remember?"
"Oh, yeah. Yeah I remember." I try to shake it off as I climb out of the car. I'm on complete auto pilot. I have no recollection of answering the call. "Uh, where are we supposed to be going?"
"Apartment 310."
"Right...right." I start toward the building.
"Bosco."
"Huh?" I turn back to Sully.
"You OK? You seem a little distant."
"I'm fine. Let's just get this over with."
We have to take this woman in to Mercy to get checked out. Maybe I can talk Sullivan in to just laying low at the hospital. My mind is wandering way too much, and with my luck I'll end up getting another partner killed.
"Sully. Let's go see Davis."
"I don't think he wants to see me."
"Whaddaya mean?" I'm totally confused. Why wouldn't Davis want to see his partner? I'd wanna see Faith.
"Long story."
"Well I'll go see him. Where is he?" Sully gives me the room number, and I head up to see Ty while he hangs out in the ER for the lab stuff on the rape victim.
"Yo Davis. How's it going?" I try to sound cheerful. I really hate hospitals, and worse yet is visiting a friend in the hospital. Especially another cop who may have been shot partly from my stupidity. If I hadn't egged on C-Note maybe they wouldn't have gone after the guy who shot his brother. Damn. Is this my fault too?!
"About as well as it can be." Man he sounds tired.
"Yeah. Sorry man."
"Not your fault."
If only he knew. I gotta think of something else to say to him, but I'm not real good in these situations. "Got me ridin' with Sullivan today."
"You and Sully?"
"Yeah, what a trip huh? He requested it."
"You and Sully?"
"I know. It's totally messed up." I smile, but it doesn't feel right. I shouldn't be happy, even for a second. Not after what happened yesterday.
"Where's Faith today?"
Aw man. Do I have to explain this? "She...uh, she killed a guy yesterday. So, she's got a few days off."
"She doing OK?"
"I don't know. Haven't really talked to her about it."
"Maybe you should. It's not an easy thing to deal with for some people."
"What the hell does that mean?! You think she's gonna crack?!"
"Whoa Bos. Take it easy. I'm just saying, killing somebody...that's a big thing. You know?"
"Yeah. I guess. Sorry." I gotta get outta here before I make a complete ass of myself. I can't believe I just jumped all over Davis like that. "I'm gonna take off. Just wanted to say hi."
"Thanks. See ya."
As I walk down to the ER all I can think about is what Davis said. Maybe I should go talk to Faith. She probably needs someone to talk to. I wonder if anyone told her about the possible investigation. If so I wonder who told her. I hope she's all right. I should really go see her. What time is it? My watch says 7:30. Damn it's going to be a long time til the shifts over. I don't think I can wait that long. I gotta get over there now.
"Hey Sully."
"Yeah."
"I gotta go over to Faith's. You gonna come along for the ride or stay here?"
"Bosco you can't go over there now. We still have like three hours left."
"I'm going. With or without you. Which is it?"
"We can't just up and go to Faith's in the middle of our shift."
"Why are you so insistent on always going by the book?! I need to talk to Faith *now*! I'll be back to pick you up later."
"Bosco! What are you going to tell Central?"
"Nothing! We're at Mercy on a rape. Remember?! We're out of service!"
Sully's giving me his "you're crazy" look again. It's really starting to piss me off. Can't he understand that I need to talk to my partner?
I'm three blocks away from her apartment, and I have no idea what I'm going to say. How do you start a conversation like this?
Hey Faith. Guess what. You might have killed two guys yesterday.
Hey Faith. They think you shot Ross.
Hey Faith. You probably killed my partner yesterday.
Somehow I don't think any of those are appropriate. God I hate this! I hope someone else already told her. Though as much as I hate this I should be the one to tell her seeing we're as close as we are.
The walk up to her apartment didn't take very long. Maybe this was a bad idea. I knock on the door before I have a chance to change my mind. Man I'm really nervous. I still don't know what I'm going to say. The door opens, and Faith is standing in front of me. She looks pretty good, though I can tell she hasn't slept much.
"Bosco? What are you doing here?"
I jam my hands in my jacket pockets. I can't look at her. "We need to talk."
"You OK?"
"Fine. Why do you always assume I'm not?!"
"Habit I guess. Come on in."
No turning back now. "Fred and the kids here?"
"No, they're out."
"Good." I start pacing back and forth in front of the couch because I'm not ready to talk yet.
"So...who you riding with today?"
"Sully." I don't trust myself with more than one word responses yet.
She laughed. "You and Sully?"
"Yeah."
"You and Sully?"
"Why does everyone say that?!"
"Cause Sully can't stand working with you."
"Well, he's the one who requested it."
"You're kidding?"
"No." I'm still pacing.
"Bosco would you stop. You're giving me motion sickness."
I stop.
"Bosco what's going on?"
How do I tell her? I have no idea. I can't believe this is happening. Hasn't she been through enough? I never should have come here. But how do I leave now?
"Bos?"
I finally look at her. "Have you talked to Lieu since last night?"
"No. Why? What's going on?"
I take a deep breath. My heart is beating so fast it feels like it's going to jump out of my chest. Here it goes. "You might wanna sit for this."
"Bosco quit stalling and tell me what the hell is going on!"
"He called me into the office last night. Had me look at the diagram from the scene." I look down at the floor. I can't do this! It'll destroy her, and whatever is left of our relationship.
"And?!"
"It looks like...like you may have--" My mind is screaming at me to stop. I can't do it!
"May have what?" I can see how nervous she is.
"Shot Ross," I whisper.
"What?!"
The words begin pouring out of my mouth. "God Faith, I looked at that diagram for hours last night. I hardly slept, but I can't come up with another answer." I look at her, and I can see the tears in her eyes. My stomach is churning. This is making me sick. "It doesn't look good Faith."
She sat down on the couch staring straight ahead. "I-I s-s-shot Ross?"
"They aren't certain. The lab's backed up, so they don't have the ballistics report yet."
I sit down by her. "Faith I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I thought it might be better if you heard if from me."
She didn't look at me. She kept staring, but I could see the tears rolling down her face. I hate this. I hate seeing her cry. It makes me uncomfortable cause I don't know what to do. Usually when I'm on the job Faith is the one who takes care of the criers because we both know I suck at the compassion part of the job. And in my life I don't get too close to people, so I don't usually have to deal with emotions. Sure, I've seen Ma cry loads of times, and depending on the situation, seeing Ma cry either pisses me off or makes me wanna cry...not that I cry.
Seeing Faith like this though...it kills me. I slowly reach over and put my arm around her. Then I pull her close to me. It feels weird holding her like this, but it also feels right.
As we sit there I can hear the radio playing in the background. It's a song I've heard a hundred times, but never really *listened* to.
I CAN'T BE LOSING SLEEP OVER THIS, NO I CAN'T AND NOW I CANNOT STOP PACING GIVE ME A FEW HOURS I'LL HAVE THIS ALL SORTED OUT IF MY MIND WOULD JUST STOP RACING CAUSE I CANNOT STAND STILL I CAN'T BE THIS UNSTURDY THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING THIS IS OVER MY HEAD BUT UNDERNEATH MY FEET CAUSE BY TOMORROW MORNING I'LL HAVE THIS THING BEAT AND EVERYTHING WILL BE BACK TO THE WAY THAT IT WAS I WISH THAT IT WAS JUST THAT EASY CAUSE I'M WAITING FOR TONIGHT THEN WAITING FOR TOMORROW AND I'M SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN WHAT IS REAL AND JUST A DREAM WHAT IS REAL AND JUST A DREAM WHAT IS REAL AND JUST A DREAM WOULD YOU CATCH ME IF I FALL OUT OF WHAT I FELL IN DON'T BE SURPRISED IF I COLLAPSE DOWN AT YOUR FEET AGAIN I DON'T WANT TO RUN AWAY FROM THIS I KNOW THAT I JUST DON'T NEED THIS CAUSE I CANNOT STAND STILL I CAN'T BE THIS UNSTURDY THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING WHAT IS REAL AND JUST A DREAM
A tear falls from my eye, and I wipe it away. I can't cry! Not here. Not now. "Faith, look at me," I say softly. "Please. Look at me."
She finally looks my way. "Remember last night when you asked if we were OK?" She nods. "We're more than OK. I just wanted you to know that."
Faith wipes the tears from her eyes. "Thanks Bos."
I move slightly so that the two of us aren't sitting so close. "This is all my fault Faith."
God, everything I touch lately...
****
The song is "Somewhere In Between" by Lifehouse, and is on their "No Name Face" album. It's a really good album if you don't have it I recommend getting it :o)
Sorry the song appears in ALL CAPS, I decided to save some time, and just cut and paste it from the internet, and that's how it came :o)