Begin Part a
The Forgotten Child
Chapter 22
by Kat Mayes
Hiei sat in the darkest corner of the bar
gulping down his alcoholic beverage that he
couldn't even remember the name of. He had been
there since sunrise that morning, quietly drinking
and trying to forget what day it was. Hiei lifted
his tankard and downed the last swallow in the
bottom, it was just as warm and slimy as the
first. The bent and dented metal mug made a deep
hollow thud as Hiei slammed it on the wooden
table. That was his signal to the unlucky girl
that had to serve him that he was ready for
another drink.
Beyond the shadows that covered the small,
heavily repaired table that Hiei sat behind, the
young barmaid sprang into action. She quickly
replaced a tray with four tankers of gut rot on
the bar top and filled a new mug with the only
slightly better brew that Hiei was drinking. He
watched her weave between the customers with
practiced ease to avoid claws, hands and
tentacles.
All day long Hiei had watched this girl
trying to decide how old she was. She was a
youko, which made it almost impossible to tell,
with dark reddish brown hair, ears and tail. Her
face was young and fresh, with a smile for all the
customers, which made him want to believe she was
a girl in her early decades, maybe 40 or 50 years.
But, the more he watched her and the more he saw
how she guarded herself from the customers like an
old pro, the less he thought of her as a young
girl. The first time that she had the courage to
look Hiei in the eyes he had seen the defeat and
soul deep weariness that most centuries old youkai
had.
Hiei's eyes narrowed a fraction when he saw
one of the common low class youkai in the bar
shove himself back in his chair to block the
barmaid's path. She swiftly turned a 180 and
tried to head back but another youkai from the
same table had already blocked her escape.
Hiei had barely noticed the group of four at
the table that was giving the barmaid a hard time
before this. He had realized recently that the
stronger and the more powerful he became, the less
he paid attention to the weaker youkai around him.
Maybe it was a flaw in all youkai that they
ignored less powerful members of their kind.
Maybe that was the reason Yuusuke was always able
to defeat stronger opponents, because they
underestimated him. Whatever the reason that Hiei
didn't notice them before, they diffidently had
his attention now.
As the scene in front of Hiei started to play
itself out, it was clear that the four youkai had
more on their minds than just simple mischief.
The girl effectively avoid most of the sweeping
touches, but a few were able to get through and
Hiei could see the rising panic in her eyes.
Finally desperate to get away the maid threw the
contents of the tankard she was holding into the
face of the youkai that blocked her and used the
empty metal mug to knock away the arm that held
her by the waist.
The girl efforts to get away only enticed the
rowdy youkai more, and soon she was surrounded
from all four sides. She briefly looked around
the room to see if anyone would help. Of course
the entire scene had been ignore by most of the
other customers, because it was one they had seen
a thousand times before.
"Wait a minute boys. I can't let you rough
up little Yana like that," the tall, barrel
chested bar keep barked over the low noise in the
bar.
The girl almost seemed to melt with relief,
but the youkai that head her by the arm didn't let
her go. With a hard tug on the barmaid's arm, the
youkai bully made the girl fall against his chest.
She tried to pull away, but he caught her chin in
his free hand and started to examine her like she
was a horse to be bought.
"How much do you want for her," the youkai
asked back, still holding the girl roughly.
"She's a special little one. She's not even
ten and eight yet. Raised her from a pup, I did.
She ain't never been touched," the bar keep
responded as he started to push the dirt around on
the bar top with his greasy rag.
The youkai looked harder into the girl's eyes
and released the hold he had on her chin so that
he could thrust his hand up under her short shirt.
The young barmaid gave a startled yelp and then
she started to silently cry as he abused her.
"I'll give you a hundred gold for her."
"Done!" the bar keep shouted and then turned
his back on the whole scene.
The girl looked at the back of the only
person she had ever trusted to take care of her
with complete shock. She didn't even flinch or
shy away when the youkai that held her put his
slimy mouth on her neck. Suddenly the youkai
pulled away from her. His hand fell from inside
her shirt, not because he had wanted to, but
because it had been severed from the rest of his
arm.
Hiei's sword had sightlessly sliced the
offending youkai's forearm from his body. With a
slight shove Hiei sent the youkai flying away from
him and the girl behind him. The other three
companions raised their weapons to attack, but the
last thing they saw was the black lighting in
Hiei's red eyes, before they laid dead at his
feet.
Without looking at anyone else, Hiei turned
to the girl that was still in a state of shock
from the bar keep's cruel treatment. She didn't
respond to a simple verbal command so Hiei slapped
her lightly across the face to get her attention.
Once awakened from her paralysis, the girl looked
like she was going to scream, seeing the severed
and twitching bodies around her. Hiei didn't give
her that chance. He quickly removed his cloak and
tossed it into her arms.
"Here, take this to Mukuro's palace and tell
her Hiei sent you. She should be at the Black
Lake a few miles from here."
When the girl seemed to freeze stock still at
the mention of his and Mukuro's name, Hiei glared
at her.
"Go NOW!" he yelled to get her moving.
It did the trick. The barmaid clutched the
cloak to her chest like a life line and bolted for
the door. Just before she exited the bar however
she stopped and turned to face him. She looked
Hiei square in the eye and grinned. That one
simple, little smile chased away the centuries old
sorrow and made her look every inch the 17 year
old that she was. Hiei glared at her one more
time and she ran out the door.
Hiei scanned the room and every patron in
there had some place other to look than at him.
No one looked an S-class youkai in the eye unless
they wanted to die. Hiei slowly approached the
bleeding youkai on the floor with the severed hand
as he tried to crawl away. With a turn of his
sword Hiei cut the leather cord that bound the
youkai's money pouch to his hip and using the dull
side of his katana flipped the pouch over to the
bar keep.
"For the drinks," Hiei answered the unspoken
question with a monotone glare.
The bar keep didn't question and continued to
wipe his bar down. Hiei focused solely on the
youkai in front of him that was still scooting
away while trying to stop the flow of blood from
his amputated limb. With a fleck of his wrist
and with no more thought than Hiei had given the
horse he had once had, the youkai was gelded.
Hiei left the bar without a backwards glance
nor a single regretful thought. He easily flitted
through the trees towards Mukuro's stronghold and
gave a brief notice to the youko girl he passed
below. The ex-barmaid never knew that he had
passed by as she ran with Hiei's cloak clutched to
her chest.
For a brief moment Hiei tried to give a
reason to what he had just done. It just wasn't
like him to interfere with other people's
business, he usually didn't give a damn, but why
this time? Why did he step in to defend that
girl? He had seen worse, had done worse. Why
this time did he care? Because that little
barmaid could have easily been Kitsuryuu, his
guilt answered. Hiei tried to banish the thought
and wished for the days that he wasn't touched by
guilt's paralyzing hand.
Hiei became angry at the turn of his thoughts
and ran faster to try and clear them. He was
little more than a breeze and a blur in the forest
canopy trying to outrun his thoughts and feelings.
It disturbed him more than he would like to admit
that the barmaid reminded him of Kitsuryuu.
Physically the two girls had nothing in common,
but they were very much alike in other ways. Both
abandoned by the people that should have cared for
them for the rest of their lives. If Kitsuryuu
had have been born in the Makai she could have
easily been that foundling youko, but instead she
was born in the Ninginkai and tortured by humans.
Not the perfect life but Hiei tried to reason with
himself that she was happy and well taken care of
now. The thought should have put him at ease, but
it just left an empty hole.
Hiei came to Mukuro's mobile city, that
resembled a cross between a beetle and a mountain
and felt no peace returning to this one time home.
He was about to enter when he felt the tiny
heartbeat that had taken up residence inside his
mind since Kyuukai's birth, throb with distress.
Again guilt tore into the tender flesh of his
softened heart and all his thoughts were consumed
with his son. With only a brief word to the
guards that the girl that was coming was to be led
to chambers of her own and given food and drink,
Hiei left the Makai.
The path to Shiori's home was one that Hiei
knew well. Even the tree limbs that he used were
worn smooth by his frequent visits. Hiei had
first used this path when he had been defeated by
a not-quite-human boy all those years ago. Even
now he would deny that it was his curiosity that
had brought him back over and over again to watch
Kurama while he slept. Kurama had fascinated him
like no other person, and at first it had made him
furious. He had hoped that once he got to know
this youko in a human body that he would find him
as idiotic and lacking as all the others, but that
had not been the case.
The more Hiei had found out about Kurama the
more he had been hooked. Even in the days when he
hadn't cared for anything other than his own
survival, Hiei had given that red-head at least a
passing thought when he had done something that
had endangered his life. After the raid on the
Reikai, and Hiei and Kurama's 'punishment' of
working as detectives together, his visits became
even more numberous. He had tried using the
excuse that they were partners to fool himself
into believeing that he didn't care for the fox.
Then he was there almost every night and the truth
was too hard for even *him* to ignore.
If asked an infinite number of times why he
loved Kurama, Hiei would never have an answer. In
the early days of Hiei's nativity Kurama had once
shown him a tree totally encased in what he had
called Tangle vines. Hiei had grudgingly listen
to Kurama ramble on about how the vines wanted and
needed the tree so badly that they wrapped
themselves so tightly to the tree's trunk that
they can never be removed without both the tree
and the vines dying. If Hiei had of been listening
closer maybe he would have heard Kurama's veiled
meaning, but he hadn't.
Now Hiei realized how true Kurama's words had
been. That damn fox just had a way of wrapping
himself around your soul like Tangle vines around
a tree. Without him even noticing, Kurama had
wrapped himself up in every thought, every moment
and every part of Hiei's life. Somehow Hiei had
ignored or just never paid attention to how much
Kurama meant to him, and because of his deafness
Kitsuryuu had to pay the price. If he had of just
given in to the wonderfully, frightening feelings
Kurama invoked in him, maybe Kitsuryuu would have
been born in a warm home with love, instead of a
cold cave, abandoned.
For a moment Hiei stopped and reflected on
the girl he had been so desperately trying to
forget in the bottom of a bent metal mug.
Kitsuryuu was so like Kurama, her charm and her
wit were his, her beauty and her alluring nature
were most definitely Kurama's. At first it had
been easy to believe that Kitsuryuu's only true
father was Kurama. Hiei had almost made himself
believe that he had only been the instrument in
making Kurama's children, not a true partner in
it. He needed to believe that convenient lie to
distance himself from Kitsuryuu and Kyuukai. He
needed to believe that his children were not apart
of him, that they could be better than he was.
But the more he watched Kitsuryuu the more he
found himself in her. Her coolness in battle no
matter how badly she was out numbered or out
classed. Her ease of learning new techniques and
weapons the first time they were in her grasp was
reflexive of his own. Of all the little things
about Kitsuryuu that reminded Hiei of himself it
was her temper that really hit the truth home for
him. Kitsuryuu's temper could be triggered by a
spider's web, and brake apart just as easily. His
temper was still that easy to rouse, but now he
knew how to bury it under a mask of
indifference... most of the time.
He had spent many days watching Kitsuryuu.
Drinking in her every movement, her every sound.
The way she crossed her arms over her chest and
pretended to ignore her friends around her when
they became too emotional. The way she would
glare at them and grunt when she had been shown to
be incorrect about some silly little thing. The
way she delighted in confounding and tormenting
the others with her quick silver moods and her
lighting flash smiles.
Kitsuryuu was so much a part of him, a part
of them, him and Kurama, that it hurt to watch
her, but he couldn't turn away from her. Maybe
there had been a time in Hiei's life when he could
have easily walked away from his daughter, but not
now. Not now when he had a heart. He had thought
his heart had died many years ago, before he meet
Kurama. Now it was excruciatingly obvious that he
had one, and it was bleeding.
No... Hiei would never be able to forget
about his daughter, but he would hide his
feelings. He would bury them so deep that maybe
one day he could even be happy that she was safe
and protected with her new family. Maybe one day
he would attend her wedding and be joyful watching
her 'father' dance his dance with her. Maybe one
day he'd even be able to touch her hand and tell
her how proud he was of her. And maybe one day
the pain would stop and the wounds would close,
but somehow that day seemed very far away.
A movement in the kitchen window caught
Hiei's attention and he found himself being
watched. Shiori held the white lace curtain out
of her way with her free hand as she peered out at
him. Her other arm was occupied with holding her
infant grandson to her shoulder. Shiori smiled at
Hiei and shifted Kyuukai in her arm so that his
face was towards the window. The tiny boy had his
face pressed tightly against the older woman's
neck, but a few unknown words from Shiori got him
to look up.
Kyuukai raised his little head and fixed his
dark green eyes on his father. His wide innocent
eyes were wet with resent tears, marking the
distress Hiei had felt from the boy earlier.
Kyuukai's face lit up with joy upon seeing his
father and turned quickly in his grandmother's
grasp to place his tiny hands on the window pane.
Even through the blackness of his mood Hiei
grinned for his son. Kyuukai smiled wildly back
and started to pound on the glass with his palms.
Hiei could see the little boy talking rabidly in a
language only Kyuukai and his grandmother seemed
to understand. Shiori gently pulled her grandson
from the window and Hiei took that as his cue to
enter the house.
"Hiei, where have you been? Your son has
been calling for you for hours and with Shuuichi
going into work early Kyuukai has been unusually
cranky. Is something wrong?" Shiori asked,
sounding worried.
Hiei went to remove his cloak to stall for
time and then realized he didn't have it on. It
unnerved Hiei a little, having Kurama's mother
fuss over him like she did her son. Shiori knew
what he was, and what he could do, but she still
insisted that he dress warmly and be careful.
Kurama had tried to explain that his mother
worried over them to show that she cared, but Hiei
failed to see how insinuating that someone was too
dumb to take care of themselves showed that they
loved you. Besides, he wasn't going to be the one
to tell Shiori to stop.
"Nothing is wrong. I was just... 'out of
town'," Hiei explained as simply at possible,
trying to get that worried mother look out of
Shiori's eyes. It didn't work.
Kyuukai started to kick and squirm in
Shiori's arms and the older human woman had to
allow her grandson to slip to the floor. Once
Kyuukai's feet were on the ground he tried to pull
his tiny hands from Shiori's grasp so that he
could go to his father. After making sure Kyuukai
was balanced, Shiori let go of the little boy's
hands and let him take three very wobbly, unsure
steps to Hiei.
Shiori had told Hiei that human babies could
barely crawl at three months old let alone walk.
Of course Kyuukai was mostly youkai, but it was
still amazing how quickly he was developing. He
even spoke a little. His favorite words were,
Paa, for Kurama, Daa, for Hiei, Gaa, for Shiori
and Ki for his favorite 'aunt' Kitsuryuu.
Once Kyuukai connected with Hiei's leg the
little boy let out a squeal of unbridled joy as he
rubbed his face into his father's pants leg. When
Hiei felt Kyuukai start to pull on the material
around his leg he quickly picked his son up. Hiei
knew from experience that Kyuukai was rather
strong for a baby and could actually pull your
pants off in the attempt of climbing up into your
arms.
"Hiei can I ask you a... personal question?"
Shiori asked as she tried unsuccessfully to seem
casual.
"You can ask," Hiei answered, letting none of
his anxiousness show on his face. Shiori never
asked casual questions.
Shiori took a deep breath and looked Hiei
straight in the eye, "Are you going to leave my
son once Kyuukai is old enough to be away from
you?"
Hiei didn't answer, he couldn't, because he
didn't know the answer himself. It would be a lie
to say that he hadn't thought about it. That old
demon in his head was telling him that everyone
would be better off if he just disappeared. If he
wasn't around then Kurama would be free to find
someone more worthy of his love. If he wasn't
around then Kyuukai would never have to see what a
bastard his father was. If he wasn't around maybe
Kurama could go to Kitsuryuu and truly be her
father. Hiei had even thought about telling
Kurama to lie and say that he hadn't known that he
was Kitsuryuu's father because her birth father
hadn't told him.
Kyuukai let out a very timely 'Daa' and
planted a very sloppy kiss on his father's mouth
to which Hiei started to sputter. Kyuukai laughed
at Hiei's reaction and tried give another kiss
that missed when his father turned his face away.
The little boy gave another squeal of delight and
buried his face his father's neck and rubbed his
forehead in the space between the fire demon's
shoulder and neck.
Kissing was apparently something new that
Kyuukai had learned while Hiei had been away, and
it had surprised him greatly. Hiei used the back
of his hand to wipe his mouth and cheek, and
glared at Shiori when she couldn't hide her
laughter any longer. Shiori only grinned back at
Hiei's deadly look and the fire demon gave up. He
gave Kyuukai the hug he knew his son wanted and
then winced when his son started yelling 'Daa'
over and over again in an octave that made Hiei's
ears ring.
Hiei pulled Kyuukai from around his neck and
gave his son a stern look. The little boy tried
to mimic his father as best as he could, but his
sweet little face and big green eyes didn't lend
themselves well to the look. Kyuukai looked more
like Kurama when his was deep in thought instead
of an irritated fire demon. Hiei's ridged resolve
melted in those liquid emerald eyes. In that
moment Hiei knew. How could he possibly leave
Kurama and Kyuukai and not destroy his own soul in
the process?
"I have to go and take care of something,"
Hiei stated simply as he handed Kyuukai back to
Shiori.
It was true, he did have something to take
care of. He needed to resolve his feelings for
Kitsuryuu. He needed to find a way to convince
himself that he had done the right thing. It was
the only way he was ever going to be able to live
with himself, the only way he could be with Kurama
and Kyuukai without the ever constant, eating
guilt.
Kyuukai started to fuss a little and refused
the comfort his grandmother offered and instead
reached back for his father. Hiei took several
steps back out of Kyuukai's reach and turned to
leave.
"You never answered my question, Hiei,"
Shiori reminded her son's lover as she tried to
quiet the sobbing little boy in her arms.
"I never said I would," the fire demon
responded from the doorway, "But I'll be back
later, after I settle things."
Hiei didn't look back as he left, but he
didn't need to see Kyuukai's face to feel his
pain. Hiei's son was only three months old, but
he knew that he was being abandoned, that his
father was leaving him. Every time Hiei came to
see his son it got harder and harder to leave, but
this time was going to be the last. Hiei had
finally made his decision. He knew it was selfish
of him, and his guilt be damned but he couldn't
give up Kurama and Kyuukai. He had made Yukina's
life hell because he wouldn't tell her the truth,
he had destroyed Kitsuryuu's childhood because he
couldn't handle the truth of his own feelings.
With his mind firmly set on what he had to do,
Hiei changed direction towards the Reikai.
======
End Part a
The Forgotten Child
Chapter 22
by Kat Mayes
Hiei sat in the darkest corner of the bar
gulping down his alcoholic beverage that he
couldn't even remember the name of. He had been
there since sunrise that morning, quietly drinking
and trying to forget what day it was. Hiei lifted
his tankard and downed the last swallow in the
bottom, it was just as warm and slimy as the
first. The bent and dented metal mug made a deep
hollow thud as Hiei slammed it on the wooden
table. That was his signal to the unlucky girl
that had to serve him that he was ready for
another drink.
Beyond the shadows that covered the small,
heavily repaired table that Hiei sat behind, the
young barmaid sprang into action. She quickly
replaced a tray with four tankers of gut rot on
the bar top and filled a new mug with the only
slightly better brew that Hiei was drinking. He
watched her weave between the customers with
practiced ease to avoid claws, hands and
tentacles.
All day long Hiei had watched this girl
trying to decide how old she was. She was a
youko, which made it almost impossible to tell,
with dark reddish brown hair, ears and tail. Her
face was young and fresh, with a smile for all the
customers, which made him want to believe she was
a girl in her early decades, maybe 40 or 50 years.
But, the more he watched her and the more he saw
how she guarded herself from the customers like an
old pro, the less he thought of her as a young
girl. The first time that she had the courage to
look Hiei in the eyes he had seen the defeat and
soul deep weariness that most centuries old youkai
had.
Hiei's eyes narrowed a fraction when he saw
one of the common low class youkai in the bar
shove himself back in his chair to block the
barmaid's path. She swiftly turned a 180 and
tried to head back but another youkai from the
same table had already blocked her escape.
Hiei had barely noticed the group of four at
the table that was giving the barmaid a hard time
before this. He had realized recently that the
stronger and the more powerful he became, the less
he paid attention to the weaker youkai around him.
Maybe it was a flaw in all youkai that they
ignored less powerful members of their kind.
Maybe that was the reason Yuusuke was always able
to defeat stronger opponents, because they
underestimated him. Whatever the reason that Hiei
didn't notice them before, they diffidently had
his attention now.
As the scene in front of Hiei started to play
itself out, it was clear that the four youkai had
more on their minds than just simple mischief.
The girl effectively avoid most of the sweeping
touches, but a few were able to get through and
Hiei could see the rising panic in her eyes.
Finally desperate to get away the maid threw the
contents of the tankard she was holding into the
face of the youkai that blocked her and used the
empty metal mug to knock away the arm that held
her by the waist.
The girl efforts to get away only enticed the
rowdy youkai more, and soon she was surrounded
from all four sides. She briefly looked around
the room to see if anyone would help. Of course
the entire scene had been ignore by most of the
other customers, because it was one they had seen
a thousand times before.
"Wait a minute boys. I can't let you rough
up little Yana like that," the tall, barrel
chested bar keep barked over the low noise in the
bar.
The girl almost seemed to melt with relief,
but the youkai that head her by the arm didn't let
her go. With a hard tug on the barmaid's arm, the
youkai bully made the girl fall against his chest.
She tried to pull away, but he caught her chin in
his free hand and started to examine her like she
was a horse to be bought.
"How much do you want for her," the youkai
asked back, still holding the girl roughly.
"She's a special little one. She's not even
ten and eight yet. Raised her from a pup, I did.
She ain't never been touched," the bar keep
responded as he started to push the dirt around on
the bar top with his greasy rag.
The youkai looked harder into the girl's eyes
and released the hold he had on her chin so that
he could thrust his hand up under her short shirt.
The young barmaid gave a startled yelp and then
she started to silently cry as he abused her.
"I'll give you a hundred gold for her."
"Done!" the bar keep shouted and then turned
his back on the whole scene.
The girl looked at the back of the only
person she had ever trusted to take care of her
with complete shock. She didn't even flinch or
shy away when the youkai that held her put his
slimy mouth on her neck. Suddenly the youkai
pulled away from her. His hand fell from inside
her shirt, not because he had wanted to, but
because it had been severed from the rest of his
arm.
Hiei's sword had sightlessly sliced the
offending youkai's forearm from his body. With a
slight shove Hiei sent the youkai flying away from
him and the girl behind him. The other three
companions raised their weapons to attack, but the
last thing they saw was the black lighting in
Hiei's red eyes, before they laid dead at his
feet.
Without looking at anyone else, Hiei turned
to the girl that was still in a state of shock
from the bar keep's cruel treatment. She didn't
respond to a simple verbal command so Hiei slapped
her lightly across the face to get her attention.
Once awakened from her paralysis, the girl looked
like she was going to scream, seeing the severed
and twitching bodies around her. Hiei didn't give
her that chance. He quickly removed his cloak and
tossed it into her arms.
"Here, take this to Mukuro's palace and tell
her Hiei sent you. She should be at the Black
Lake a few miles from here."
When the girl seemed to freeze stock still at
the mention of his and Mukuro's name, Hiei glared
at her.
"Go NOW!" he yelled to get her moving.
It did the trick. The barmaid clutched the
cloak to her chest like a life line and bolted for
the door. Just before she exited the bar however
she stopped and turned to face him. She looked
Hiei square in the eye and grinned. That one
simple, little smile chased away the centuries old
sorrow and made her look every inch the 17 year
old that she was. Hiei glared at her one more
time and she ran out the door.
Hiei scanned the room and every patron in
there had some place other to look than at him.
No one looked an S-class youkai in the eye unless
they wanted to die. Hiei slowly approached the
bleeding youkai on the floor with the severed hand
as he tried to crawl away. With a turn of his
sword Hiei cut the leather cord that bound the
youkai's money pouch to his hip and using the dull
side of his katana flipped the pouch over to the
bar keep.
"For the drinks," Hiei answered the unspoken
question with a monotone glare.
The bar keep didn't question and continued to
wipe his bar down. Hiei focused solely on the
youkai in front of him that was still scooting
away while trying to stop the flow of blood from
his amputated limb. With a fleck of his wrist
and with no more thought than Hiei had given the
horse he had once had, the youkai was gelded.
Hiei left the bar without a backwards glance
nor a single regretful thought. He easily flitted
through the trees towards Mukuro's stronghold and
gave a brief notice to the youko girl he passed
below. The ex-barmaid never knew that he had
passed by as she ran with Hiei's cloak clutched to
her chest.
For a brief moment Hiei tried to give a
reason to what he had just done. It just wasn't
like him to interfere with other people's
business, he usually didn't give a damn, but why
this time? Why did he step in to defend that
girl? He had seen worse, had done worse. Why
this time did he care? Because that little
barmaid could have easily been Kitsuryuu, his
guilt answered. Hiei tried to banish the thought
and wished for the days that he wasn't touched by
guilt's paralyzing hand.
Hiei became angry at the turn of his thoughts
and ran faster to try and clear them. He was
little more than a breeze and a blur in the forest
canopy trying to outrun his thoughts and feelings.
It disturbed him more than he would like to admit
that the barmaid reminded him of Kitsuryuu.
Physically the two girls had nothing in common,
but they were very much alike in other ways. Both
abandoned by the people that should have cared for
them for the rest of their lives. If Kitsuryuu
had have been born in the Makai she could have
easily been that foundling youko, but instead she
was born in the Ninginkai and tortured by humans.
Not the perfect life but Hiei tried to reason with
himself that she was happy and well taken care of
now. The thought should have put him at ease, but
it just left an empty hole.
Hiei came to Mukuro's mobile city, that
resembled a cross between a beetle and a mountain
and felt no peace returning to this one time home.
He was about to enter when he felt the tiny
heartbeat that had taken up residence inside his
mind since Kyuukai's birth, throb with distress.
Again guilt tore into the tender flesh of his
softened heart and all his thoughts were consumed
with his son. With only a brief word to the
guards that the girl that was coming was to be led
to chambers of her own and given food and drink,
Hiei left the Makai.
The path to Shiori's home was one that Hiei
knew well. Even the tree limbs that he used were
worn smooth by his frequent visits. Hiei had
first used this path when he had been defeated by
a not-quite-human boy all those years ago. Even
now he would deny that it was his curiosity that
had brought him back over and over again to watch
Kurama while he slept. Kurama had fascinated him
like no other person, and at first it had made him
furious. He had hoped that once he got to know
this youko in a human body that he would find him
as idiotic and lacking as all the others, but that
had not been the case.
The more Hiei had found out about Kurama the
more he had been hooked. Even in the days when he
hadn't cared for anything other than his own
survival, Hiei had given that red-head at least a
passing thought when he had done something that
had endangered his life. After the raid on the
Reikai, and Hiei and Kurama's 'punishment' of
working as detectives together, his visits became
even more numberous. He had tried using the
excuse that they were partners to fool himself
into believeing that he didn't care for the fox.
Then he was there almost every night and the truth
was too hard for even *him* to ignore.
If asked an infinite number of times why he
loved Kurama, Hiei would never have an answer. In
the early days of Hiei's nativity Kurama had once
shown him a tree totally encased in what he had
called Tangle vines. Hiei had grudgingly listen
to Kurama ramble on about how the vines wanted and
needed the tree so badly that they wrapped
themselves so tightly to the tree's trunk that
they can never be removed without both the tree
and the vines dying. If Hiei had of been listening
closer maybe he would have heard Kurama's veiled
meaning, but he hadn't.
Now Hiei realized how true Kurama's words had
been. That damn fox just had a way of wrapping
himself around your soul like Tangle vines around
a tree. Without him even noticing, Kurama had
wrapped himself up in every thought, every moment
and every part of Hiei's life. Somehow Hiei had
ignored or just never paid attention to how much
Kurama meant to him, and because of his deafness
Kitsuryuu had to pay the price. If he had of just
given in to the wonderfully, frightening feelings
Kurama invoked in him, maybe Kitsuryuu would have
been born in a warm home with love, instead of a
cold cave, abandoned.
For a moment Hiei stopped and reflected on
the girl he had been so desperately trying to
forget in the bottom of a bent metal mug.
Kitsuryuu was so like Kurama, her charm and her
wit were his, her beauty and her alluring nature
were most definitely Kurama's. At first it had
been easy to believe that Kitsuryuu's only true
father was Kurama. Hiei had almost made himself
believe that he had only been the instrument in
making Kurama's children, not a true partner in
it. He needed to believe that convenient lie to
distance himself from Kitsuryuu and Kyuukai. He
needed to believe that his children were not apart
of him, that they could be better than he was.
But the more he watched Kitsuryuu the more he
found himself in her. Her coolness in battle no
matter how badly she was out numbered or out
classed. Her ease of learning new techniques and
weapons the first time they were in her grasp was
reflexive of his own. Of all the little things
about Kitsuryuu that reminded Hiei of himself it
was her temper that really hit the truth home for
him. Kitsuryuu's temper could be triggered by a
spider's web, and brake apart just as easily. His
temper was still that easy to rouse, but now he
knew how to bury it under a mask of
indifference... most of the time.
He had spent many days watching Kitsuryuu.
Drinking in her every movement, her every sound.
The way she crossed her arms over her chest and
pretended to ignore her friends around her when
they became too emotional. The way she would
glare at them and grunt when she had been shown to
be incorrect about some silly little thing. The
way she delighted in confounding and tormenting
the others with her quick silver moods and her
lighting flash smiles.
Kitsuryuu was so much a part of him, a part
of them, him and Kurama, that it hurt to watch
her, but he couldn't turn away from her. Maybe
there had been a time in Hiei's life when he could
have easily walked away from his daughter, but not
now. Not now when he had a heart. He had thought
his heart had died many years ago, before he meet
Kurama. Now it was excruciatingly obvious that he
had one, and it was bleeding.
No... Hiei would never be able to forget
about his daughter, but he would hide his
feelings. He would bury them so deep that maybe
one day he could even be happy that she was safe
and protected with her new family. Maybe one day
he would attend her wedding and be joyful watching
her 'father' dance his dance with her. Maybe one
day he'd even be able to touch her hand and tell
her how proud he was of her. And maybe one day
the pain would stop and the wounds would close,
but somehow that day seemed very far away.
A movement in the kitchen window caught
Hiei's attention and he found himself being
watched. Shiori held the white lace curtain out
of her way with her free hand as she peered out at
him. Her other arm was occupied with holding her
infant grandson to her shoulder. Shiori smiled at
Hiei and shifted Kyuukai in her arm so that his
face was towards the window. The tiny boy had his
face pressed tightly against the older woman's
neck, but a few unknown words from Shiori got him
to look up.
Kyuukai raised his little head and fixed his
dark green eyes on his father. His wide innocent
eyes were wet with resent tears, marking the
distress Hiei had felt from the boy earlier.
Kyuukai's face lit up with joy upon seeing his
father and turned quickly in his grandmother's
grasp to place his tiny hands on the window pane.
Even through the blackness of his mood Hiei
grinned for his son. Kyuukai smiled wildly back
and started to pound on the glass with his palms.
Hiei could see the little boy talking rabidly in a
language only Kyuukai and his grandmother seemed
to understand. Shiori gently pulled her grandson
from the window and Hiei took that as his cue to
enter the house.
"Hiei, where have you been? Your son has
been calling for you for hours and with Shuuichi
going into work early Kyuukai has been unusually
cranky. Is something wrong?" Shiori asked,
sounding worried.
Hiei went to remove his cloak to stall for
time and then realized he didn't have it on. It
unnerved Hiei a little, having Kurama's mother
fuss over him like she did her son. Shiori knew
what he was, and what he could do, but she still
insisted that he dress warmly and be careful.
Kurama had tried to explain that his mother
worried over them to show that she cared, but Hiei
failed to see how insinuating that someone was too
dumb to take care of themselves showed that they
loved you. Besides, he wasn't going to be the one
to tell Shiori to stop.
"Nothing is wrong. I was just... 'out of
town'," Hiei explained as simply at possible,
trying to get that worried mother look out of
Shiori's eyes. It didn't work.
Kyuukai started to kick and squirm in
Shiori's arms and the older human woman had to
allow her grandson to slip to the floor. Once
Kyuukai's feet were on the ground he tried to pull
his tiny hands from Shiori's grasp so that he
could go to his father. After making sure Kyuukai
was balanced, Shiori let go of the little boy's
hands and let him take three very wobbly, unsure
steps to Hiei.
Shiori had told Hiei that human babies could
barely crawl at three months old let alone walk.
Of course Kyuukai was mostly youkai, but it was
still amazing how quickly he was developing. He
even spoke a little. His favorite words were,
Paa, for Kurama, Daa, for Hiei, Gaa, for Shiori
and Ki for his favorite 'aunt' Kitsuryuu.
Once Kyuukai connected with Hiei's leg the
little boy let out a squeal of unbridled joy as he
rubbed his face into his father's pants leg. When
Hiei felt Kyuukai start to pull on the material
around his leg he quickly picked his son up. Hiei
knew from experience that Kyuukai was rather
strong for a baby and could actually pull your
pants off in the attempt of climbing up into your
arms.
"Hiei can I ask you a... personal question?"
Shiori asked as she tried unsuccessfully to seem
casual.
"You can ask," Hiei answered, letting none of
his anxiousness show on his face. Shiori never
asked casual questions.
Shiori took a deep breath and looked Hiei
straight in the eye, "Are you going to leave my
son once Kyuukai is old enough to be away from
you?"
Hiei didn't answer, he couldn't, because he
didn't know the answer himself. It would be a lie
to say that he hadn't thought about it. That old
demon in his head was telling him that everyone
would be better off if he just disappeared. If he
wasn't around then Kurama would be free to find
someone more worthy of his love. If he wasn't
around then Kyuukai would never have to see what a
bastard his father was. If he wasn't around maybe
Kurama could go to Kitsuryuu and truly be her
father. Hiei had even thought about telling
Kurama to lie and say that he hadn't known that he
was Kitsuryuu's father because her birth father
hadn't told him.
Kyuukai let out a very timely 'Daa' and
planted a very sloppy kiss on his father's mouth
to which Hiei started to sputter. Kyuukai laughed
at Hiei's reaction and tried give another kiss
that missed when his father turned his face away.
The little boy gave another squeal of delight and
buried his face his father's neck and rubbed his
forehead in the space between the fire demon's
shoulder and neck.
Kissing was apparently something new that
Kyuukai had learned while Hiei had been away, and
it had surprised him greatly. Hiei used the back
of his hand to wipe his mouth and cheek, and
glared at Shiori when she couldn't hide her
laughter any longer. Shiori only grinned back at
Hiei's deadly look and the fire demon gave up. He
gave Kyuukai the hug he knew his son wanted and
then winced when his son started yelling 'Daa'
over and over again in an octave that made Hiei's
ears ring.
Hiei pulled Kyuukai from around his neck and
gave his son a stern look. The little boy tried
to mimic his father as best as he could, but his
sweet little face and big green eyes didn't lend
themselves well to the look. Kyuukai looked more
like Kurama when his was deep in thought instead
of an irritated fire demon. Hiei's ridged resolve
melted in those liquid emerald eyes. In that
moment Hiei knew. How could he possibly leave
Kurama and Kyuukai and not destroy his own soul in
the process?
"I have to go and take care of something,"
Hiei stated simply as he handed Kyuukai back to
Shiori.
It was true, he did have something to take
care of. He needed to resolve his feelings for
Kitsuryuu. He needed to find a way to convince
himself that he had done the right thing. It was
the only way he was ever going to be able to live
with himself, the only way he could be with Kurama
and Kyuukai without the ever constant, eating
guilt.
Kyuukai started to fuss a little and refused
the comfort his grandmother offered and instead
reached back for his father. Hiei took several
steps back out of Kyuukai's reach and turned to
leave.
"You never answered my question, Hiei,"
Shiori reminded her son's lover as she tried to
quiet the sobbing little boy in her arms.
"I never said I would," the fire demon
responded from the doorway, "But I'll be back
later, after I settle things."
Hiei didn't look back as he left, but he
didn't need to see Kyuukai's face to feel his
pain. Hiei's son was only three months old, but
he knew that he was being abandoned, that his
father was leaving him. Every time Hiei came to
see his son it got harder and harder to leave, but
this time was going to be the last. Hiei had
finally made his decision. He knew it was selfish
of him, and his guilt be damned but he couldn't
give up Kurama and Kyuukai. He had made Yukina's
life hell because he wouldn't tell her the truth,
he had destroyed Kitsuryuu's childhood because he
couldn't handle the truth of his own feelings.
With his mind firmly set on what he had to do,
Hiei changed direction towards the Reikai.
======
End Part a