This Space For Lease
By AberrantBlade (Baz4§hort)
This is an original story. It was written for a Pokémon fanfiction mailing list and never completed. It is only nominally a Pokémon fanfic. You will not find any crazed Pokémon running amok. I don't really like Pokémon anymore. Don't mail me with complaints about the lack of Pokémon and Pokémon references. Also, some of the gags may be a bit dated by now, it's been awhile since this has seen the light of day…
Disclaimer: I don't own the main & secondary characters in Pokémon. Game Freak, Creatures Inc. & Nintendo do. I do, however, own the original characters that are mine. I can't say that I own anyone else's OCs. The tumbleweed is the property, copyright, trademark, whatever of Darth David & Mooman, who let me use their tumbleweed with their permission. Just 'cause I can use it doesn't mean you can: Ask the owners of original characters if you can use their characters. In short, anything in this story that isn't someone else's is mine, OK? If you have any MP3s that you want to send me, SHUT UP AND SEND THEM ALREADY!!! ...sorry. I'll start the story now.
Cast
Tom (First Kid)
Dick (Second Kid)
Harry (Third Kid)
Reginald (The Butler)
Amos (Cannon Fodder 1)
Bernie (C/F 2)
Carl (C/F 3)
Drew (C/F 4)
Ed (C/F 5)
Fred (C/F 6)
Mr. Grumpy Old Man (Grampa)
Darth David & Mooman's Tumbleweed (BIG THANKS FOR THIS FAVOR!)
Dr. Dr. Prof. Spangle (Bad Man 1)
Prof. Killemall (Bad Man 2)
Dr. Guntohead (Bad Man 3)
The Stapler (Bad Man 4)
The Really Big Bureaucratic Pizza Co. Ltd. Corp. Representative (Bad Man 5)
Big Evil Scary Man (Bad Man 6)
Boggy B's Body (Bad Man 7)
Xab21 (Bad Man 8)
(9 naM daB) yoB sdrawkcaB
Various Artists
Batteries Not Included
Some Assembly Required
30-Day Warranty
[BeeAichEcks logo clip: The audience is stoned.]
[Baz4§hort Productions logo clip]
[dramatic music]
[fade into shot of a big mansion. Dark night, thunder, clouds, the usual murder mystery opening scene. Pan slowly to the right to a smaller mansion in sunlight with butterflies and bees flitting around, shortly followed by title screen on signpost from right side of screen: THIS SPACE FOR LEASE]
Day…Uhh…I Lost Count
I See Dumb People
[Cut to a very dark room. No definite shapes can be seen. A door opens with a loud creak, letting in a small amount of light, but not enough to really illuminate anything. Reginald's silhouette can be seen in the doorway.]
Mysterious Voice (raspy and yet full-bodied): Is everything ready?
Reginald: Yes, sir.
Mysterious Voice: Goooooood. Then it's going all according to plan. Muahahahaha! MUAHAHAH-cough hack choke
Reginald: Do you need something to drink, sir?
M.V.: SHUDDAP! And go prepare my 'instruments'!
Reginald: NO! Not…the 'instruments'!!
M.V.: Yes!…The…'INSTRUMENTS'!!!
[Dramatic music. Door shuts abruptly. Cut back to Slapstick Suite. Camera faces Tom, sitting in a chair facing his bed.]
Tom: What's the matter with you? Every night, you come over to my room and spend the night! What's your problem?
[Switch cameras to one facing the bed, with Carl occupying it. He's under the sheets, holding the blanket and quivering.]
Carl: I see dumb people…all the time…
[Sitcom laughter. Switch back to the camera behind Tom's bed.]
Tom: Do you see them now?
[Carl sits up, looks at the camera and nods his head slowly, still quaking. Suddenly, a very loud woman's scream breaks out and Tom busts out of the room. Cut to camera running backwards in front of Tom. Techno-type music suited for action scenes. {EASTER EGG: If you play this scene in super slow-motion, a subliminal message reading 'RATS' is seen on-screen 'cuz the editor accidentally spliced in part of the cancelled Democratic Party commercial. The person involved has been sacked.} Cut to yet another camera in the Weapons of Mass Destruction Suite. Tom kicks in the door. BES Man is standing on a chair like one of the cartoon ladies of the '40s and '50s, screaming and pulling up an apron and all, all 'cuz of a little-@$$ mouse on the flo- {We interrupt this program to bring you a special bulletin: The editor in charge of editing TSFL has left in shame due to his inability to censor the profanity to a higher level. And there was much rejoicing. Yay. We now return to our regularly scheduled insanity. We see dumb people.} -or.]
Tom: What the phrog are you doing?
BES Man: [blinks several times] Err…nothing…I was just…ummm…protecting Dr. Spangle! Yeah, that's it! [draws his gun and fires several shots, all of which miss the mouse, which just looks at him strangely.] Oh please step into the crossfire! Pretty please with a cherry on top and diarhhea on the bottom?
Cast & Crew: [simlatuneeis…somlituneez…all together] EWWWWWWW!!!
[Suddenly, a UJC (unidentified jumping censor) jumps up and stamps a big 'x' over BES Man. He acts like he's been shot, gasping and staggering and tottering on the chair.]
BES Man: Lo! I have been ruptured by thy mighty weapon! Thus…I die. [He falls off the chair and the film goes slo-mo. There's an awesome slow 'NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!' as he's falling, which ceases as he hits the ground.]
[Dick walks in, acting like a penguin. Tom turns to him.]
Tom: He's dead. It's a murder mystery. NOW do you believe me?!
Dick: [speaks penguin talk, roughly translated as 'He's not quite dead yet.']
Mouse: [to itself] I see dumb people…all the time. They walk around like normal people. They don't know they're dumb.
Tom: Oh, SHUT UP! [smacks Dick upside the head, and feathers go flying everywhere, eventually fading to black.]