This Space For Lease
By AberrantBlade (Baz4§hort)
This is an original story. It was written for a Pokémon fanfiction mailing list and never completed. It is only nominally a Pokémon fanfic. You will not find any crazed Pokémon running amok. I don't really like Pokémon anymore. Don't mail me with complaints about the lack of Pokémon and Pokémon references. Also, some of the gags may be a bit dated by now, it's been awhile since this has seen the light of day…
Disclaimer: I don't own the main & secondary characters in Pokémon. Game Freak, Creatures Inc. & Nintendo do. I do, however, own the original characters that are mine. I can't say that I own anyone else's OCs. The tumbleweed is the property, copyright, trademark, whatever of Darth David & Mooman, who let me use their tumbleweed with their permission. Just 'cause I can use it doesn't mean you can: Ask the owners of original characters if you can use their characters. In short, anything in this story that isn't someone else's is mine, OK? If you have any MP3s that you want to send me, SHUT UP AND SEND THEM ALREADY!!! ...sorry. I'll start the story now.
Cast
Tom (First Kid)
Dick (Second Kid)
Harry (Third Kid)
Reginald (The Butler)
Amos (Cannon Fodder 1)
Bernie (C/F 2)
Carl (C/F 3)
Drew (C/F 4)
Ed (C/F 5)
Fred (C/F 6)
Mr. Grumpy Old Man (Grampa)
Darth David & Mooman's Tumbleweed (BIG THANKS FOR THIS FAVOR!)
Dr. Dr. Prof. Spangle (Bad Man 1)
Prof. Killemall (Bad Man 2)
Dr. Guntohead (Bad Man 3)
The Stapler (Bad Man 4)
The Really Big Bureaucratic Pizza Co. Ltd. Corp. Representative (Bad Man 5)
Big Evil Scary Man (Bad Man 6)
Boggy B's Body (Bad Man 7)
Xab21 (Bad Man 8)
(9 naM daB) yoB sdrawkcaB
Various Artists
Batteries Not Included
Some Assembly Required
30-Day Warranty
[BeeAichEcks logo clip: The audience is stoned.]
[Baz4§hort Productions logo clip]
[dramatic music]
[fade into shot of a big mansion. Dark night, thunder, clouds, the usual murder mystery opening scene. Pan slowly to the right to a smaller mansion in sunlight with butterflies and bees flitting around, shortly followed by title screen on signpost from right side of screen: THIS SPACE FOR LEASE]
Day Not Quite Five, Not Quite Six
Men (And Tumbleweed) at Work
Or
Backstage at TSFL 2
[Shot of everyone working overtime on Day Six. Pan to B4§ working on paperwork for TSFL. Eventually he stands up and decides to engage in the Official TSFL Off-Task Sport of Champions: walking over and bothering his sister, a fellow fanfic author, whose name has been edited out for security reasons.]
B4§: Hi Faronon!
[Stupid editors.]
Faronon: GAAACK!! What are you doing here?!
B4§: Taking a break. What are you doing?
Faronon: Writing a story so GO AVAY!!
B4§: This explains the pile of corpses and shrine to Mamoru Kusanagi…
[Mail courier runs by, leaving an envelope in B4§'s hands. He opens it.]
Faronon: Whazzat?
B4§: [reads it] It's a financial report. According to this, the TSFL fund is down to $22.50 in the bank and a llama in the backyard.
Faronon: [blankly] We have a llama?
B4§: But only on alternate days. Otherwise, it's a 1972 Harley-Davidson and $800 million buckaroos. How's the next Chrono Cross Meets… coming?
Faronon: [deadpan] Don't ask.
B4§: That bad?
[Serge flies past with a lampshade on his head and a bottle of tequila in his hand]
Serge: Whooooooooooo! Party on, people!
B4§: Oh yes. Definitely that bad.
Faronon: [deadpan] Uh huh.
B4§: Right. Go back to your story.
[Still stymied with his paperwork, Baz4§hort trods over to the payphone and calls Reggie.]
Reginald: [over phone] Fifteen minutes. [click]
[Back at his desk, B4§ cracks his whip at the tumbleweed again before settling into paperwork. Seven seconds later, B4§ whips out his bass guitar and opens up on a tune. Various people eventually grab instruments and begin to play along. They manage to play a pretty good rendition of System of a Down's "Spiders" with the rest of the cast/crew doing a choir for the vocals before the doors to the studio are hit with what sounds like a battering ram]
B4§: What the phrog? [The doors buckle] Hit the decks!
[The doors break open and butlers of every size, shape, color, language, shoe size, brain size, mouth size, foot-to-mouth ratio, tuxedo size, and guano color on shoes stampede the set, led by Reggie]
Reginald: ONWARD MY COMRADES!! ONWARD TO VICTORY!!!
B4§: WTF are you doing?
Reginald: Egging them on to death and destruction. This is a murder mystery, after all.
Dick: [from across the set] No it isn't!!
B4§: Bloody hell! This isn't a butler convention! This is the Alcatraz Butler's Prison Outpatient Day!
Reginald: It's not that unruly…
[A butler runs by, naked and screaming. B4§ goes nuts.]
B4§: I KNEW DAY SIX WAS GONNA BE HELL!!!
[A bell rings. People gasp and start running for cover, and so begins…]