Knifin' Around
(Credits roll at the START of the show, accompained by Bjork's singing)
(In the control room, Edward Kowalczyk is on Eneti's monitor)
Ed K.: They were old people's sunglasses.
Eneti: Really?
Ed K.: Yeah, you can buy them, you can buy them in Dallas airport.
Eneti: Cool.
Ed K.: Yeah, and you can put them over normal sunglasses.
(Mewtwo comes in holding a CD)
Mewtwo: Eneti, could you burn me a hundred copies of this?
Eneti: What is it?
Mewtwo: The new LiVE CD.
Ed K.: (Stares at Mewtwo from Eneti's screen)
Mewtwo: That the guy from LiVE?
Eneti: Yes.
Ed K.: Hello.
Mewtwo: Hey, how's it goin'?
(Ed gives Mewtwo the thumbs up)
Mewtwo: Good. Eneti, we'll talk about it later. Hey! What's that? (Walks over to a fancy Poké Center like curing device in the control room)
Eneti: Oh, that's a, uh...what is that? (Loud noises off camera) Hey!
Mewtwo: (Holding Eneti by the throat) Now you listen to me. I could go to jail in Russia if Ed found I was copying his CD. (glances over at Ed, who is watching them) Don't look at me! We're talking about reploids. (to Eneti) So you take Ed out there while I burn and verify (to Ed) These...reploids. (another loud noise as he releases Eneti)
Eneti: You don't know how to work it.
Mewtwo: Eneti, I have tele-kinetic powers that are able to reduce any complex machine into a yes or no answer.
Eneti: Ok, but that's not the CD burner...
Mewtwo: (interrupting) Eneti...yes.
Eneti: (pause) Alright. (Walks off)
Ed K.: Thank you very much, Mewtwo, for having me on your show.
Mewtwo: Sure, sure...hey, wanna, wanna see how this works? (He presses a button, the healing device spurts sparks, then falls over, and explodes)
(Ed watchs slack-jawwed like)
Mewtwo: Twenty. Yes.
(On the set, Eneti walks out with funky background music)
Eneti: (With DJ Reed voice) Oh yeah! Welcome to the Eneti Show!
Ed K.: Thank you very much, Eneti.
Eneti: Thank YOU very much, Edward Kowalczyk, for sitting next to the MON! Of the century! Oh yeah!
Mewtwo: (off screen) Come on! (explosion, music stops)
(The machine is still burning and Mewtwo is on fire)
Mewtwo: No! No!
(Meanwhile, back at the set)
Mewtwo: (off camera) No!
Eneti: That is fascinating! (Music starts again) Edward, you are very very fascinating and very very perceptive!
Ed K.: Really...
Eneti: So interesting and perceptive that I think we will now fight with chainguns. (Eneti reveils a Chaingun Ripper, the music changes to the Duke Nukem 3D theme)
Lugia: (off camera) YEAH! TO THE DEATH!
(The machine flies across the studio and hits Lugia's pod)
Mewtwo: (Comes on set) That things wasn't a CD burner to begin with! (Staring at Eneti holding the Chaingun) What are you doing?
Eneti: (still with Reed's voice) I'm hosting the show!
Mewtwo: With that gun?
Eneti: (Normal voice) Uh...yeah.
Mewtwo: Oh, really.
Eneti: (clears throat, gun is gone, he resumes Reed's voice) Well hey, Ed asked me if he could see my gun, and Ed's doing a song about a knife, and he wanted to see what a possible murder weapon DOES look like, isn't that right Ed? (Reveils gun to him)
Ed K.: No.
Mewtwo: It sounded like a good idea. So do it.
Ed K.: (Shakes his head) No. (Laughs)
Mewtwo: Ok, I'll do it. (Low voice) I'm a kni-i-i-fe. Knifin' aro-o-ound. Cut-cut-cut-cut-cut-cut-cut-cut-cut-cut-cut-cut-cut-cut... (Walks back and forth making "cut" noises)
Ed K.: Do you take those, those (motions with his hand) ...intelligence drugs?
Mewtwo: I don't need intelligence drugs, Ed. Because I don't know what they are, ok, Ed?
Ed K.: Yeah.
Mewtwo: But I will put anything into my mouth that is given to me. Whether it's supposed to or not. Because...I'm different.
Ed K.: (stifels laughter)
Mewtwo: Is everyone clear on that?
Ed K.: Very.
Mewtwo: Not deranged...just different.
Ed K.: No, that's because you're weird. (Laughs)
Lugia: (off camera) Whatch y'all doin'?
Ed K.: (Laughs)
Mewtwo: "Y'all"?
Lugia: Yeah.
Mewtwo: Where'd you learn to talk like that?
Lugia: Hattiesburg.
Mewtwo: What were you doing in Hattiesburg?
Lugia: Kickin' it.
Mewtwo: Oh really?
Lugia: Yep.
Mewtwo: Well, that's interesting.
Lugia: It IS interesting.
Mewtwo: Ed, is that interesting?
Ed K.: No.
Mewtwo: See, Lugia? We're NOT interested.
Eneti: (from control room, with Reed's voice, and funky background music) Well, I just happen to find that it's very VERY interesting!
Mewtwo: Eneti...it's over.
Eneti: (Makes lip buzz sound) Really?
Mewtwo: Yeah.
Eneti: Ok, oh, and your wife's on the phone.
Lugia: Your wife?!? (Laughs)
Mewtwo: I don't have a wife.
Eneti: She says she's your wife.
Mewtwo: Look, tell this woman that she's crazy. Just because I'm famous, have two movies, and is very sexy doesn't mean someone can marry me the second I leave the room.
Lugia: What room?
Mewtwo: Look, listen everyone...(stands up) Please? Listen to me. I have a hit song about a knife...and yes, I'm married. And that's why I want you to hang up right now.
(Ed is zapped off the monitor and is replaced with Mewtwo's wife, played by Duplica)
Mewtwo: Thank you, Eneti. (to his wife) Hey, honey, how are you?
Duplica: Do you like Carbos?
Mewtwo: Are you kidding? That's my favorite food, you know that! Is that why you called me?
Duplica: Can I sing my song?
Mewtwo: Uh, not now, honey, I, uh, I'm in the middle of a, um...giant space war.
Duplica: I, I enjoy talking to you.
Mewtwo: Yes, you do, but like I said, this space war, what can I do? Rockets.
Duplica: Yeah.
Mewtwo: (waving) Yeah, so, you have to go now.
Duplica: Ok.
Mewtwo: Ok. So, I'll talk to you when there's peace. On New Island.
Duplica: (Pause) Yeah, and you like Goldeen or you like Magikarp?
Mewtwo: (Pounds his fist) You know what, it doesn't matter. Because I love you so much...
Duplica: Yeah?
Mewtwo: That it's time for you to go to sleep.
Duplica: Ok.
Mewtwo: Because that's what it means to love a woman so much.
Duplica: Ok, do you-
Mewtwo: Ok, you believe what I'm saying to you, right?
Duplica: Should I sing to you, or sing to-
Mewtwo: Eneti...
(She's zapped off, Ed is returned)
Eneti: You got married?
Mewtwo: Yeah, okay? Everything gets married. Even animals and spiders. And just because they don't have cakes and suits and wedding parties and expensive rings, doesn't mean they're not legally, ahem...married.
Eneti: (Beat)
Mewtwo: C'mon! Fight me!
Lugia: Doesn't seem like you love her.
Mewtwo: (Stares at Lugia)
Lugia: (Blinks)
Mewtwo: Well, love is about compromises, Lugia.
Ed K.: That's right.
Mewtwo: Compromising your future to the city council of Bethesda, Maryland (beat) Cutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcut (scissor noise in background)
Ed K.: (Nods while Mewtwo "cuts") But...
Mewtwo: Look, marriage is about hiding in the kudzu behind your apartment, and not going until the lights are completely out.
Eneti: Your wife's on the phone again.
Mewtwo: Uh, tell her that I got shot and tell her that it was very sad, and the last thing I said was "Make sure my wife moves out of my condo."
Eneti: She says it's an emergency.
Mewtwo: Emergency? Patch her through.
(Duplica replaces Ed, this time her Ditto is there)
Duplica: Ditto's going to lay an egg.
Mewtwo: Ok, remember the difference between the nest and the sofa?
Duplica: I think so.
Mewtwo: And remember how angry I got.
Duplica: The smell, it's like...rotting fish.
Mewtwo: Well, that's what happens when you boil the cushions of the couch you've let Ditto lay it's slimy eggs on.
Duplica: Yeah'm.
Mewtwo: Oh, oh, and as long as your there, tell that chili freak Flea he can move out.
Duplica: What's his name again?
Mewtwo: I don't know, he's your damned friend.
Duplica: And I would love to introduce you to him.
Mewtwo: I've already meet him, he's living on our couch, with the slime. And tell him to stop letting his band come to party every Friday night.
Duplica: It makes the little children happy.
Mewtwo: (in low voice) Honey, those are not children, they're packets of creme cheese.
Duplica: Sometimes I can't seperate between the two, do you know that?
Mewtwo: Yeah, I...wish I'd known that when we were just dating.
Duplica: You have a fold, has anyone told you?
Mewtwo: Uh, honey? I buried a present for you out in the yard.
Duplica: Yeah'm?
Mewtwo: Yeah, why don't you go dig it up.
Ditto: Ditto!
(Ed returns to the screen)
Lugia: Hey, um, what'd you bury?
Mewtwo: Her sister.
Lugia: Cool.
Mewtwo: No, Lugia. It's just a bagel, she started calling her sister.
Ed K.: (motioning his mug, like in a toast) Here's to getting hitched, Mewtwo.
Mewtwo: (Raises his mug) Yeah, let's drink until our hearts stop.
(Ed, Mewtwo, and Lugia drink their mugs. Eneti drinks from his cup with a straw. Mewtwo drinks for a long time, leaning backward. He takes a breath, then continues drinking)
Lugia: Cool...well look, Ho-oh's coming by in about 5 minutes so...I gotta skate.
Mewtwo: What are y'all gonna do?
Lugia: I think we're gonna smash light-blubs out by the dumpster.
Mewtwo: Really? I'm going with you.
Lugia: Well... (sighs) You can't. You're not my friend.
Mewtwo: We have a lot of things in common. Your dad's still into those model Dodge Vipers, isn't he?
Lugia: No.
Mewtwo: Well...what's he big in now?
Lugia: Look, when Ho-oh gets here, why don't you go fly around or, hide or something? I don't know, go to the Kitchen.
Mewtwo: Lugia, I'm coming with you.
Lugia: No you're not!
Mewtwo: Then you're not going anywhere!
Ed K.: You've got a, you've got a...(makes cup motions with his hands across his stomach)
Mewtwo: What, Ed?
Ed K.: (Makes motion again) What's that?
Mewtwo: (sighs)
Ed K.: (Motions again) This thing here.
Mewtwo: It's a fold, Ed. It covers my...ahem, never mind.
Ed K.: Well, anyway...
Lugia: Ho-oh's here, see you later!
Mewtwo: WHAT DID I JUST TELL YOU EARLIER?!
Lugia: (quietly) He's here!
Mewtwo: (quietly hiding under the desk) Oh, yeah, sorry!
Eneti: Hey, uh, your wife's on the phone again.
(Duplica comes back on)
Mewtwo: Are they gone?
Duplica: Yeah.
Mewtwo: (Emerges from under the desk) What is it?
Duplica: Do you get along with them?
Mewtwo: Well, yeah! There my best friends! That's why I married you, so I wouldn't have them no more.
Duplica: What's the bird's name again?
Mewtwo: Lugia.
Duplica: I was curious about that.
Mewtwo: Well, I'd love to chat, but me and my friends are going to smash light-blubs out by the dumpster, ok?
Duplica: Do what now?
Mewtwo: You know, with Lugia.
Duplica: Well, maybe you should stay indoors.
Mewtwo: Look, I need this. For me. I fell like I'm in jail here!
Duplica: I seem to, um, get the picture if you know what I mean.
Mewtwo: Well, I know what you mean.
(Long pause insures)
Mewtwo: ........What do you mean?
Duplica: Um...enjoy, refreshing time...with my Ditto.
Mewtwo: Refreshing time...with who?
Duplica: My Ditto.
Mewtwo: Well...I won't do that! You think you want your Ditto to have my child?
Duplica: I guess so.
Mewtwo: Well, it's not gonna happen! And don't count on us ever getting married again.
(Ed replaces Duplica once again)
Eneti: So, you goin'?
Mewtwo: No, her Ditto would frisk me if I did.
(Ed gets a piece of yarn out)
Mewtwo: What's that?
Ed K.: It's a worm...
Mewtwo: Ah, God...
Eneti: Your wife's on the phone again.
Mewtwo: Well, tell HER that I'm going to back later than 8!
(Duplica replaces Ed, but this time, sporting a similar look of Jessie)
Mewtwo: Honey!
Duplica: (Laughs)
Mewtwo: You're different.
Duplica: Yes, just for now.
Mewtwo: Well, craziest thing just happened. Another space war, if you can beileve that, and it's...out by the...dumpster, um...
Duplica: Yeah?
Mewtwo: But there's someone here who would love to help you breed his pokémon with your Ditto.
Eneti: Oh no!
Mewtwo: (On monitor) Eneti, get out here. He wants to breed his Nidoking with it.
Eneti: No, I don't.
Mewtwo: Yes, you do.
Eneti: No, I don't!
Mewtwo: (Fires psybeams around him) YES, YOU DO!
Eneti: (Scared half to death) ...Yes, I do...
Duplica: Well, here's Ditto. Now let me see your Nidoking.
Eneti: Oh, man.
Duplica: First, try to make him think erotic thoughts about Misty nude.
(Meanwhile, out by the dumpster in a nearby alley)
Mewtwo: Where's all the glass?
Lugia: Eh, we broke it all...I feel empty...
Mewtwo: Well, here's some cardboard. Let's break it down for easier storage.
Lugia: That's boring!
Mewtwo: No, it's not! It's responsible.
Lugia: I need what you have...(quietly) I need a woman...
(Mewtwo's cell phone rings)
Lugia: One to sell her organs to Black Sabbath...
Mewtwo: Hang on, Lugia. Hello?
Lugia: DID YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID?!
Duplica: I have to say I'm a big fan of circles.
Mewtwo: Well, I happen to be a big fan of Leonardo Dicaprio, and he was in The Beach, and a beach has bubbles that look like circles.
Duplica: Yeah, the one I saw when I was eleven.
Mewtwo: Yeah! You know, honey, all this talk about Leo is making me wanna get married all over again.
Duplica: Really?
Mewtwo: Yeah, because at Whitney's Tear-Jerking Wedding Chapel, you get 20% off each marriage.
Duplica: (Long pause) And what was your name?
(Later, on a cliffside...)
Priest: In sickness, and in health, til' death do you part?
Duplica: Yeah.
Priest: And do you, Mewtwo, take this wo-
(Mewtwo punches Duplica off the cliff)
Mewtwo: Oh no.
(Lugia punches Mewtwo off the cliff)
Lugia: Oh no!
Eneti: (chuckles and raises his left paw) Oh no!
Lugia: Don't.
VICIOUS PLANET INDUSTRIES
(X).(X)
(Credits roll at the START of the show, accompained by Bjork's singing)
(In the control room, Edward Kowalczyk is on Eneti's monitor)
Ed K.: They were old people's sunglasses.
Eneti: Really?
Ed K.: Yeah, you can buy them, you can buy them in Dallas airport.
Eneti: Cool.
Ed K.: Yeah, and you can put them over normal sunglasses.
(Mewtwo comes in holding a CD)
Mewtwo: Eneti, could you burn me a hundred copies of this?
Eneti: What is it?
Mewtwo: The new LiVE CD.
Ed K.: (Stares at Mewtwo from Eneti's screen)
Mewtwo: That the guy from LiVE?
Eneti: Yes.
Ed K.: Hello.
Mewtwo: Hey, how's it goin'?
(Ed gives Mewtwo the thumbs up)
Mewtwo: Good. Eneti, we'll talk about it later. Hey! What's that? (Walks over to a fancy Poké Center like curing device in the control room)
Eneti: Oh, that's a, uh...what is that? (Loud noises off camera) Hey!
Mewtwo: (Holding Eneti by the throat) Now you listen to me. I could go to jail in Russia if Ed found I was copying his CD. (glances over at Ed, who is watching them) Don't look at me! We're talking about reploids. (to Eneti) So you take Ed out there while I burn and verify (to Ed) These...reploids. (another loud noise as he releases Eneti)
Eneti: You don't know how to work it.
Mewtwo: Eneti, I have tele-kinetic powers that are able to reduce any complex machine into a yes or no answer.
Eneti: Ok, but that's not the CD burner...
Mewtwo: (interrupting) Eneti...yes.
Eneti: (pause) Alright. (Walks off)
Ed K.: Thank you very much, Mewtwo, for having me on your show.
Mewtwo: Sure, sure...hey, wanna, wanna see how this works? (He presses a button, the healing device spurts sparks, then falls over, and explodes)
(Ed watchs slack-jawwed like)
Mewtwo: Twenty. Yes.
(On the set, Eneti walks out with funky background music)
Eneti: (With DJ Reed voice) Oh yeah! Welcome to the Eneti Show!
Ed K.: Thank you very much, Eneti.
Eneti: Thank YOU very much, Edward Kowalczyk, for sitting next to the MON! Of the century! Oh yeah!
Mewtwo: (off screen) Come on! (explosion, music stops)
(The machine is still burning and Mewtwo is on fire)
Mewtwo: No! No!
(Meanwhile, back at the set)
Mewtwo: (off camera) No!
Eneti: That is fascinating! (Music starts again) Edward, you are very very fascinating and very very perceptive!
Ed K.: Really...
Eneti: So interesting and perceptive that I think we will now fight with chainguns. (Eneti reveils a Chaingun Ripper, the music changes to the Duke Nukem 3D theme)
Lugia: (off camera) YEAH! TO THE DEATH!
(The machine flies across the studio and hits Lugia's pod)
Mewtwo: (Comes on set) That things wasn't a CD burner to begin with! (Staring at Eneti holding the Chaingun) What are you doing?
Eneti: (still with Reed's voice) I'm hosting the show!
Mewtwo: With that gun?
Eneti: (Normal voice) Uh...yeah.
Mewtwo: Oh, really.
Eneti: (clears throat, gun is gone, he resumes Reed's voice) Well hey, Ed asked me if he could see my gun, and Ed's doing a song about a knife, and he wanted to see what a possible murder weapon DOES look like, isn't that right Ed? (Reveils gun to him)
Ed K.: No.
Mewtwo: It sounded like a good idea. So do it.
Ed K.: (Shakes his head) No. (Laughs)
Mewtwo: Ok, I'll do it. (Low voice) I'm a kni-i-i-fe. Knifin' aro-o-ound. Cut-cut-cut-cut-cut-cut-cut-cut-cut-cut-cut-cut-cut-cut... (Walks back and forth making "cut" noises)
Ed K.: Do you take those, those (motions with his hand) ...intelligence drugs?
Mewtwo: I don't need intelligence drugs, Ed. Because I don't know what they are, ok, Ed?
Ed K.: Yeah.
Mewtwo: But I will put anything into my mouth that is given to me. Whether it's supposed to or not. Because...I'm different.
Ed K.: (stifels laughter)
Mewtwo: Is everyone clear on that?
Ed K.: Very.
Mewtwo: Not deranged...just different.
Ed K.: No, that's because you're weird. (Laughs)
Lugia: (off camera) Whatch y'all doin'?
Ed K.: (Laughs)
Mewtwo: "Y'all"?
Lugia: Yeah.
Mewtwo: Where'd you learn to talk like that?
Lugia: Hattiesburg.
Mewtwo: What were you doing in Hattiesburg?
Lugia: Kickin' it.
Mewtwo: Oh really?
Lugia: Yep.
Mewtwo: Well, that's interesting.
Lugia: It IS interesting.
Mewtwo: Ed, is that interesting?
Ed K.: No.
Mewtwo: See, Lugia? We're NOT interested.
Eneti: (from control room, with Reed's voice, and funky background music) Well, I just happen to find that it's very VERY interesting!
Mewtwo: Eneti...it's over.
Eneti: (Makes lip buzz sound) Really?
Mewtwo: Yeah.
Eneti: Ok, oh, and your wife's on the phone.
Lugia: Your wife?!? (Laughs)
Mewtwo: I don't have a wife.
Eneti: She says she's your wife.
Mewtwo: Look, tell this woman that she's crazy. Just because I'm famous, have two movies, and is very sexy doesn't mean someone can marry me the second I leave the room.
Lugia: What room?
Mewtwo: Look, listen everyone...(stands up) Please? Listen to me. I have a hit song about a knife...and yes, I'm married. And that's why I want you to hang up right now.
(Ed is zapped off the monitor and is replaced with Mewtwo's wife, played by Duplica)
Mewtwo: Thank you, Eneti. (to his wife) Hey, honey, how are you?
Duplica: Do you like Carbos?
Mewtwo: Are you kidding? That's my favorite food, you know that! Is that why you called me?
Duplica: Can I sing my song?
Mewtwo: Uh, not now, honey, I, uh, I'm in the middle of a, um...giant space war.
Duplica: I, I enjoy talking to you.
Mewtwo: Yes, you do, but like I said, this space war, what can I do? Rockets.
Duplica: Yeah.
Mewtwo: (waving) Yeah, so, you have to go now.
Duplica: Ok.
Mewtwo: Ok. So, I'll talk to you when there's peace. On New Island.
Duplica: (Pause) Yeah, and you like Goldeen or you like Magikarp?
Mewtwo: (Pounds his fist) You know what, it doesn't matter. Because I love you so much...
Duplica: Yeah?
Mewtwo: That it's time for you to go to sleep.
Duplica: Ok.
Mewtwo: Because that's what it means to love a woman so much.
Duplica: Ok, do you-
Mewtwo: Ok, you believe what I'm saying to you, right?
Duplica: Should I sing to you, or sing to-
Mewtwo: Eneti...
(She's zapped off, Ed is returned)
Eneti: You got married?
Mewtwo: Yeah, okay? Everything gets married. Even animals and spiders. And just because they don't have cakes and suits and wedding parties and expensive rings, doesn't mean they're not legally, ahem...married.
Eneti: (Beat)
Mewtwo: C'mon! Fight me!
Lugia: Doesn't seem like you love her.
Mewtwo: (Stares at Lugia)
Lugia: (Blinks)
Mewtwo: Well, love is about compromises, Lugia.
Ed K.: That's right.
Mewtwo: Compromising your future to the city council of Bethesda, Maryland (beat) Cutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcutcut (scissor noise in background)
Ed K.: (Nods while Mewtwo "cuts") But...
Mewtwo: Look, marriage is about hiding in the kudzu behind your apartment, and not going until the lights are completely out.
Eneti: Your wife's on the phone again.
Mewtwo: Uh, tell her that I got shot and tell her that it was very sad, and the last thing I said was "Make sure my wife moves out of my condo."
Eneti: She says it's an emergency.
Mewtwo: Emergency? Patch her through.
(Duplica replaces Ed, this time her Ditto is there)
Duplica: Ditto's going to lay an egg.
Mewtwo: Ok, remember the difference between the nest and the sofa?
Duplica: I think so.
Mewtwo: And remember how angry I got.
Duplica: The smell, it's like...rotting fish.
Mewtwo: Well, that's what happens when you boil the cushions of the couch you've let Ditto lay it's slimy eggs on.
Duplica: Yeah'm.
Mewtwo: Oh, oh, and as long as your there, tell that chili freak Flea he can move out.
Duplica: What's his name again?
Mewtwo: I don't know, he's your damned friend.
Duplica: And I would love to introduce you to him.
Mewtwo: I've already meet him, he's living on our couch, with the slime. And tell him to stop letting his band come to party every Friday night.
Duplica: It makes the little children happy.
Mewtwo: (in low voice) Honey, those are not children, they're packets of creme cheese.
Duplica: Sometimes I can't seperate between the two, do you know that?
Mewtwo: Yeah, I...wish I'd known that when we were just dating.
Duplica: You have a fold, has anyone told you?
Mewtwo: Uh, honey? I buried a present for you out in the yard.
Duplica: Yeah'm?
Mewtwo: Yeah, why don't you go dig it up.
Ditto: Ditto!
(Ed returns to the screen)
Lugia: Hey, um, what'd you bury?
Mewtwo: Her sister.
Lugia: Cool.
Mewtwo: No, Lugia. It's just a bagel, she started calling her sister.
Ed K.: (motioning his mug, like in a toast) Here's to getting hitched, Mewtwo.
Mewtwo: (Raises his mug) Yeah, let's drink until our hearts stop.
(Ed, Mewtwo, and Lugia drink their mugs. Eneti drinks from his cup with a straw. Mewtwo drinks for a long time, leaning backward. He takes a breath, then continues drinking)
Lugia: Cool...well look, Ho-oh's coming by in about 5 minutes so...I gotta skate.
Mewtwo: What are y'all gonna do?
Lugia: I think we're gonna smash light-blubs out by the dumpster.
Mewtwo: Really? I'm going with you.
Lugia: Well... (sighs) You can't. You're not my friend.
Mewtwo: We have a lot of things in common. Your dad's still into those model Dodge Vipers, isn't he?
Lugia: No.
Mewtwo: Well...what's he big in now?
Lugia: Look, when Ho-oh gets here, why don't you go fly around or, hide or something? I don't know, go to the Kitchen.
Mewtwo: Lugia, I'm coming with you.
Lugia: No you're not!
Mewtwo: Then you're not going anywhere!
Ed K.: You've got a, you've got a...(makes cup motions with his hands across his stomach)
Mewtwo: What, Ed?
Ed K.: (Makes motion again) What's that?
Mewtwo: (sighs)
Ed K.: (Motions again) This thing here.
Mewtwo: It's a fold, Ed. It covers my...ahem, never mind.
Ed K.: Well, anyway...
Lugia: Ho-oh's here, see you later!
Mewtwo: WHAT DID I JUST TELL YOU EARLIER?!
Lugia: (quietly) He's here!
Mewtwo: (quietly hiding under the desk) Oh, yeah, sorry!
Eneti: Hey, uh, your wife's on the phone again.
(Duplica comes back on)
Mewtwo: Are they gone?
Duplica: Yeah.
Mewtwo: (Emerges from under the desk) What is it?
Duplica: Do you get along with them?
Mewtwo: Well, yeah! There my best friends! That's why I married you, so I wouldn't have them no more.
Duplica: What's the bird's name again?
Mewtwo: Lugia.
Duplica: I was curious about that.
Mewtwo: Well, I'd love to chat, but me and my friends are going to smash light-blubs out by the dumpster, ok?
Duplica: Do what now?
Mewtwo: You know, with Lugia.
Duplica: Well, maybe you should stay indoors.
Mewtwo: Look, I need this. For me. I fell like I'm in jail here!
Duplica: I seem to, um, get the picture if you know what I mean.
Mewtwo: Well, I know what you mean.
(Long pause insures)
Mewtwo: ........What do you mean?
Duplica: Um...enjoy, refreshing time...with my Ditto.
Mewtwo: Refreshing time...with who?
Duplica: My Ditto.
Mewtwo: Well...I won't do that! You think you want your Ditto to have my child?
Duplica: I guess so.
Mewtwo: Well, it's not gonna happen! And don't count on us ever getting married again.
(Ed replaces Duplica once again)
Eneti: So, you goin'?
Mewtwo: No, her Ditto would frisk me if I did.
(Ed gets a piece of yarn out)
Mewtwo: What's that?
Ed K.: It's a worm...
Mewtwo: Ah, God...
Eneti: Your wife's on the phone again.
Mewtwo: Well, tell HER that I'm going to back later than 8!
(Duplica replaces Ed, but this time, sporting a similar look of Jessie)
Mewtwo: Honey!
Duplica: (Laughs)
Mewtwo: You're different.
Duplica: Yes, just for now.
Mewtwo: Well, craziest thing just happened. Another space war, if you can beileve that, and it's...out by the...dumpster, um...
Duplica: Yeah?
Mewtwo: But there's someone here who would love to help you breed his pokémon with your Ditto.
Eneti: Oh no!
Mewtwo: (On monitor) Eneti, get out here. He wants to breed his Nidoking with it.
Eneti: No, I don't.
Mewtwo: Yes, you do.
Eneti: No, I don't!
Mewtwo: (Fires psybeams around him) YES, YOU DO!
Eneti: (Scared half to death) ...Yes, I do...
Duplica: Well, here's Ditto. Now let me see your Nidoking.
Eneti: Oh, man.
Duplica: First, try to make him think erotic thoughts about Misty nude.
(Meanwhile, out by the dumpster in a nearby alley)
Mewtwo: Where's all the glass?
Lugia: Eh, we broke it all...I feel empty...
Mewtwo: Well, here's some cardboard. Let's break it down for easier storage.
Lugia: That's boring!
Mewtwo: No, it's not! It's responsible.
Lugia: I need what you have...(quietly) I need a woman...
(Mewtwo's cell phone rings)
Lugia: One to sell her organs to Black Sabbath...
Mewtwo: Hang on, Lugia. Hello?
Lugia: DID YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID?!
Duplica: I have to say I'm a big fan of circles.
Mewtwo: Well, I happen to be a big fan of Leonardo Dicaprio, and he was in The Beach, and a beach has bubbles that look like circles.
Duplica: Yeah, the one I saw when I was eleven.
Mewtwo: Yeah! You know, honey, all this talk about Leo is making me wanna get married all over again.
Duplica: Really?
Mewtwo: Yeah, because at Whitney's Tear-Jerking Wedding Chapel, you get 20% off each marriage.
Duplica: (Long pause) And what was your name?
(Later, on a cliffside...)
Priest: In sickness, and in health, til' death do you part?
Duplica: Yeah.
Priest: And do you, Mewtwo, take this wo-
(Mewtwo punches Duplica off the cliff)
Mewtwo: Oh no.
(Lugia punches Mewtwo off the cliff)
Lugia: Oh no!
Eneti: (chuckles and raises his left paw) Oh no!
Lugia: Don't.
VICIOUS PLANET INDUSTRIES
(X).(X)