Miss Parker breathed in mixed relief as doctors and nurses exited the room. She glanced over at Broots. Immediately she regretted having a rather heated argument with him only moments ago. She started to speak when he walked into the room cautiously.
"Syd, you've got to stop scaring us like that," Broots said gently.
Miss Parker walked to the head of his bed, taking his gaunt hand in her own she kissed it gently. Everything about Sydney's eyes told her he was tired and was ready to die but everything in her eyes told him she wouldn't let go of him yet. The doctor finished what he had been doing, and he started to leave. Pausing at the room's door, he motioned for them to join him. Broots walked over as Miss Parker kissed Syd's hand again before releasing it.
He whispered, "He won't survive much longer. I'm sorry. If there's anyone who wants to see him, then I suggest they get to here ASAP."
Miss Parker felt tears in her eyes. "Doctor, you've got to keep him with us just a little longer. He needs the chance to say goodbye to someone."
"We're doing everything possible but you should know that if his heart stops again, Sydney has requested that no measures be taken to resuscitate him," the doctor replied.
"What? You'll just let him die if-"
"Look, Miss Parker, I have revived him twice at your insistence. This last time I started to listen to Mr. Broots' request that we don't resuscitate Sydney-- but since he's give you legal rights to decide the actions we take, I listened to you. But now that he's asked me himself not to do it, then next time his hearts stops, we will honor his last request. Why do you want us to prolong his pain?"
"Doctor, let's get something straight. I don't want to see Sydney suffer. I love him too much to watch him go through endless pain. Sydney has been more of a father to me than my own so-called father EVER was. But, doctor, there is someone else out there who loves Sydney, I know Syd loves him too. They need the chance to say goodbye to each other. They need to say somethings to each that they've NEVER allowed themselves to say before. He needs to see the man who has in every way been the son he never had. That's why I want you to try so hard to keep him with us for a little while longer, doctor. Can you even understand?"
"Miss Parker, I understand but if his heart stops again, we'll have to honor his wishes, do you understand that?" the doctor asked. He looked at Broots, wondering how she'd react. Only a few minutes ago, when Sydney's heart had stopped for the second time in 24 hours, the doctor had asked if they wanted him to try to resuscitate him. Broots had argued against it, knowing how much pain Sydney was in and Miss Parker told the doctor to try. She'd won the argument since Sydney had trusted her legally as a family member to make medical decisions for him.
Miss Parker nodded. "I understand, doctor."
"Thank you. Now please excuse me-- I have several patients I need to check up on. I'll be back to check up on Sydney in an hour," the doctor said.
With the doctor gone, they both turned back to face Sydney's bed. He'd fallen asleep in the short amount of time they'd been talking to the doctor. Broots glanced at his watch even as Miss Parker resumed her seat beside their sick friend.
"I need to go pick up Debbie. I'll be back as soon as I can," he said.
Miss Parker nodded. "Broots?"
"Yes?"
"I'm sorry for what I said earlier. I was out of line," she said, finding it hard to say the words. Broots stared at her, not used to hearing her apologize. Even after the Centre was shut down several years ago, she'd maintained her hard-nosed ways around him though she had softened in some ways.
Broots nodded. "It's okay, Miss Parker. I know you just don't want to lose Syd yet."
Miss Parker looked at her sleeping friend. "It's not only losing him I am afraid of. I don't think that I'm ready to say goodbye to him yet."
"I understand that."
"Speaking of which, maybe you should bring Debbie here to see Syd. I know she'd want to say goodbye to him," Miss Parker said.
Broots nodded. "I'll be back in a little while."
* * * * *
Broots had been gone about 10 minutes when Sydney
opened his eyes. He looked at Miss Parker, struggling to catch his breath
from the pain. She wasn't looking at him right at the moment but instead
she seemed to be staring off into the space in front of her.
"Miss Parker," he said his voice hardly more than a whisper.
"Sydney?" She took his hand. "How are you feeling?"
"Why did you have them bring me back, Parker?" he asked.
"Because Jarod would never forgive me if I was the reason he didn't get a chance to say goodbye to you," she replied.
"Brooke," he said, startling her by using her first name, "I'm so tired."
"I know, Syd. Just hang on a little longer. Okay?" she said.
"I'll try."
Miss Parker smiled sadly at him, finding it so hard to see him in such a weakened state. She thought back to when she stayed with him as he attended to his dying brother, Jacob. Watching Jacob die had been in a small way been like watching Sydney die, as Jacob was his brother's identical twin. Although Sydney was able to talk more than Jacob was, his would still be the harder of the two deaths to bear.
"Sydney, there's something I need to say to you," she began. She needed to say this to him before Broots and Debbie returned. She needed to say her good-byes to him, sensing that this would be the only time they'd have alone together. "This is so hard!"
Sydney squeezed her hand as hard as he could. She bearly felt anything as he was so weakened. "It's okay, Parker. You don't have to say anything."
"No, Sydney, I NEED to say this. I have to say this. For far too long I've kept what I feel for you, Broots, Debbie, and even Jarod bottled up for far too long. I love all of you and I've never said it. You've been the only family I'd had over the last decade and I've been too busy trying to appear to be the Ice Queen of the Centre to let any of you know how I feel. I was too busy caring about what my father thought and what Lyle was up to say what I should have said to you all years ago.
And now it takes you dying, Syd, to grab my attention, to make me say what I need to say. I do love you, Sydney. You've meant more to me, have influenced me in more ways than you could ever know. I'm scared at the thought of living the rest of my life out with you there to give me advice."
"Brooke, what about your own father? And your brother?"
Her eyes shone with tears. "Syd, you want to know something? With the man I always called 'daddy', I spent half of the time that he was in my life questioning if his love for me was real or not. I was never sure and winning his complete approval was out of question, especially after we found out about Lyle. On the other hand with you, Sydney, I've never had to question your love or approval of me. You've always been there for me when I needed someone, especially after my mother died. I was so hurt and alone but you were there. And so was Jarod and even Angelo," she paused, watching his face.
"We've both spent way too much time hiding our feelings for others. I'm sorry I never have tried to change that before now. I DO love you, Sydney," she said.
Sydney didn't speak for a moment, his own eyes shimmering from tears. "I was never ever able to have children of my own and I never allowed myself to really think of you or Jarod as such. I didn't have the right to think of either you in that way, especially not Jarod. But I do love both of you, always have and I always will." She kissed his hand, and Sydney was grateful that she was at last allowing her softer side to show. "Also I am so very proud of you."
At that moment, the door to the room opened and quietly Broots entered with Debbie following. Parker wiped her eyes and leaned closer to Sydney. "Thank you, Sydney." Sydney heard her but he had turned his attention to Debbie. He was quickly getting tired again. He needed to speak to her before sleep claimed him again.
Parker stood near Broots as Debbie quietly said goodbye to the man who had become one of her best friends when her dad introduced them a few years ago. She had known Sydney when she was younger but had never had the chance to really know him then, as her dad didn't really want her close to the Centre. But when the Centre had closed, Broots had allowed Debbie the chance to get to know both Sydney and Miss Parker better.
Sydney talked quietly with Debbie for a few moments before he finally closed his eyes, exhausted. Parker nodded at Broots. "I'm going to go call Jarod again. If he doesn't get here soon, he won't be able to say goodbye to Syd." Broots nodded as she walked outside into the corridor, pulling out her cell phone, hitting the speed dial.
"Hello?" Jarod's familiar voice answered.
"Jarod, where are you?" she asked, her voice betraying her weariness.
"I'm still snowbound in Chicago. My flight is on the verge of being cancelled. Again," he said. "How's Sydney?"
"I won't lie to you, Jarod. We've almost lost him twice already and the doctor says that if anyone wants to see him, they'd better get here ASAP. You might get here faster if you drive. Jarod, I don't know how much longer it'll be before the cancer kills him."
He took in a sharp breath. "All right, I think I am going to drive there. I'll be in Blue Cove as soon as I can be."
"Hurry, Jarod. He needs to see you."
"Just like I do him," Jarod replied and she heard a dial tone. Even after all these years, Jarod still hadn't learned to say goodbye before hanging up. She smiled because she hadn't learned yet to say 'hello' instead of 'what' whenever she answered the phone. It was true what they say: Old habits die-hard, she and Jarod were living proof of that. She put away her cell phone before going back into the room.
"Where's Jarod?" Broots asked.
"He's still stuck in Chicago though I did finally convince him he'd get to Blue Cove faster if he'd just drive here. He's on his way," she replied.
"Do you think he'll make it in time?" Broots mouthed to her, not wanting to say it in front of his daughter.
"I don't know, Broots. For Sydney's and his sake, I really hope so," she replied. "I'm going to get some coffee from the cafeteria. Do either of you want anything?"
Debbie stood up. "Mind if I come with you, Miss Parker?"
"Sure, if that's all right with your dad."
Debbie looked at him. "Fine by me."
"All right, we'll be back in a few minutes. Did you want anything, Broots?"
"Some coffee sounds good."
"Okay, we'll be back," Parker left with Debbie following her out. Instead of leading the way towards the cafeteria right away, Parker headed towards the exit. "Let's let your dad have sometime alone with Sydney."
* * * * *
That night with Sydney proved to be the worst. He
drifted in and out of consciousness even as the severity of the pain he'd
been in increased. The painkillers the doctors had been giving him no longer
did much to ease his agony. Miss Parker found herself regretting that she'd
asked the doctors to revive him.
For a few hours, Parker was alone with Sydney completely as Broots had taken Debbie home to get some rest. He'd offered to stay the night with Syd but she had said no, not wanting to leave Sydney's side just in case he should pass away during the night. So she spent the night watching him drift in and out of consciousness, his brow forever knitted tightly from the pain even as sweat seemed to pour off of him. She held onto his hand and talked quietly to him, trying to ease his agony anyway she could.
Jarod called in the middle of the night to tell her that he was again having more difficulties getting to Blue Cove. He'd be several hours later than he originally expected. She'd simply told him to hurry, as Sydney was worse.
At 7:40 the next morning, the hospital's chaplain, a Catholic priest came to see Sydney and he offered him last rites. Sydney, even as weak as he was, agreed for the priest to give him the last rites after he had heard his confession. Miss Parker slipped out of the room during this, going to get her some coffee. She decided to walk around the outside of the hospital to try and get the soreness out of her muscles. As she walked around outside her phone rang.
"What?" she said wearily answering it.
"Miss Parker? Is Sydney-" It was Broots.
"No, Broots, he's hanging on. A priest is in giving him last rites though. I'm outside the hospital walking around. Will you be coming back today?" she asked, rubbing her tired eyes.
"Yeah, around 9 o'clock, after I drop off Debbie for her classes. Will you be all right? You sound tired," he asked.
"I'm exhausted, Broots. But yeah I'll be fine. One of us should be with Syd at all times as we're the only family he has. I don't want him to die alone. I can't let him die like that," she said. They didn't talk much longer after that and after hanging up; she hurried back inside to the hospital. As she neared Syd's room, she saw the priest coming out.
"Father?" she asked.
The priest shook his head. "I'm not a doctor, but I believe you should get to your father's side immediately, miss. He's dying assuredly as the Lord lives. I don't think he'll live much longer," the priest said.
"Thank you, Father," Parker said, not bothering to tell the priest that she wasn't Sydney's daughter. She looked at her watch, noting it was 8:01 AM. Taking in a deep breath, she entered the room and sat beside Sydney, taking his hand.
"Brooke," he whispered.
"Shhhh, I'm here, Syd. I'm not leaving you."
* * * * *
Thirty minutes later, Parker was startled as she
realized Sydney would be dead within a few minutes. His breathing was so
much more labored, coming in short gasps. She held onto his hands in one
of her own while touching his brow with the other. Tears rolled down his
face as he stared at her.
"I'm not going to make it for Jarod," he said.
Her eyes shone with unshed tears. "Easy, Syd."
"Tell Jarod something for me please," Sydney's voice became stronger for a moment.
"Of course."
"Tell. . .Jarod that I'm sorry. . . for everything," his eyes began to close. "And that I love him . . . as the son I never had. Tell him . . .I 'm. . .so . . .proud of him." He gasped. "Jacob? Maman? Papa? Is that you?" She heard one last soft breath from him and then the heart monitor flat lined, and Parker bowed her head, crying softly as the doctor came in. He listened for a heartbeat and then looked to the nurse who accompanied him.
"Time of death 8:36 AM," he said. "I'm sorry, Miss Parker." She nodded and watched as he left the room. The nurse turned off the heart monitor even as another began to disconnect all the wires and the IV that had been hooked up to him.
"Please, can you just leave me alone with him for a few minutes?" she said finally when it looked like they wouldn't be leaving anytime soon.
"Of course."
She watched them leave before laying her head down beside him, crying as she did . . .
* * * * *
It was almost 9 o'clock before Miss Parker was able
to stop crying long enough to kiss Sydney's brow. "I love you, Syd. I'm
going to miss you so much," she said as she bent over him. After taking
one last long look at him she slipped out into the hallway just in time
to see Broots walk back in.
"You wouldn't believe how bad the traffic is out there," he commented when he said her. He waited for her to comment "What traffic? It's Blue Cove, moron!" but she didn't say a word. "Miss Parker?"
"He's gone, Broots. Sydney's gone," she said, still numb.
"How long ago did he…," Broots asked.
"He died at 8:36," she replied, pushing past him to go to the waiting area. She needed to sit down just then. Broots didn't follow her immediately but went instead to pay his last respects to Sydney before finding her in the waiting room.
"Miss Parker," he began gently and she looked at him. "Maybe you should go home now. I can take care of things."
"Thank you, Broots. I can't leave yet. I need to wait for Jarod. He needs to be told Sydney's-- gone and I need to be the one to do it."
Broots nodded. "Maybe I can get things started for the funeral arrangements. Where do you think we should bury him?"
"Beside his brother."
"You know, I don't even know where Jacob is buried."
"Near Syd's cabin. When Jacob died, I helped Sydney to bury him near the cabin. He should be laid to rest beside his brother," she said.
Broots nodded. "I'll get started on arranging the funeral. Are you going to stay here and wait for Jarod?"
"Yeah."
"All right. I'm going home then. Call me if you need me, Miss Parker."
* * * * *
"May I help you, sir?"
Jarod paused at the station, not really sure which
room he wanted to go to. "Yes, could you tell me the room where Sydney
Green is please?"
An uncertain look crossed the nurse's face. "Uh, sir, I-"
"Please, I need to see him as soon as-" A hand was laid on his shoulder and he turned around. "Miss Parker?"
"Hello, Jarod. We need to talk," she said. "Nurse, what room is the chapel at "
"Room 615."
"Come with me, Jarod," Miss Parker said, pulling him by the hand in the direction of the chapel. She stopped when she felt Jarod pull his hand free.
"I need to see Sydney. What's happened? Why are you taking me to the chapel instead of his room?" he asked. She didn't reply, but instead only took Jarod's hand again, pulling him towards the chapel. Surprisingly she didn't feel him struggle as they finish their short walk and leading him inside, they sit down in a pew at the room's very back.
"He's dead isn't he. Sydney's dead?" Jarod asked.
"Yes," she replied simply, unable to say the phrase yet.
Jarod sat there numbed as tears began to fall from his eyes. "How long ago did he-"
"He . . .at 8:36. Oh, Jarod, he tried to hang on to see you. He knew that there was so much left unsaid between you but in the end Sydney was just too tired," Parker said. Jarod said nothing but just sat there, his tears coming at a quicker pace as her words sank in. He bit back a sob as she pulled him into her arms, laying his head on her shoulder.
She cried with him.
"Oh, God, this hurts," he breathed a few moments later when their tears were spent.
She took his hand. "Yeah, it does. Hurts more now than it did when my own father died."
"You've changed, Miss Parker."
"You still remember my name, don't you?" she asked.
"Of course I do, Brooke. How could I forget such a beautiful name as that?" Jarod replied.
"Please call me by my first name," she said and he nodded. "Jarod, Sydney asked me to tell you that he loved you as the son he never had. He said that he was so proud of you."
Jarod breathed in deeply. "Why? Why couldn't we have just said to each other once? I loved him too. What kept us from saying the words?"
"I don't know, Jarod. For me, it was pride I suppose. Plus I had to maintain the Parker family image that portrayed me as an Ice Queen. I should have said so much to him before today. Now he's gone," Parker said.
"I feel like a part of me has died with Sydney," he said.
"I know. I feel the same way."
They sat in silence for several moments; each lost in their thoughts and their grief. Finally Jarod looked at her. "Have you started to make the funeral arrangements yet?"
She nodded. "Broots is handling the beginning of it."
"I'd like to help."
"So would I but first I need some sleep desperately. I've been up almost 24 hours because I was too afraid that Sydney would-- anyway, I couldn't sleep."
"Let me take you to your house then. I'll call Broots from there."
"Okay."
* * * * *
Two Days Later
Miss Brooke Parker straightened her skirt as she
stood to speak. They were holding the funeral for Sydney just outside of
his cabin, next the freshly dug grave where his coffin had been place beside
for immediate burial at the conclusion of the service. She moved to the
front of the small gathering of 20 people that included herself, Jarod,
Broots, Debbie, Sam the former Centre Sweeper, several of Sydney's long
time associates, and finally the priest who was officiating the service.
Tears shone in her eyes as she began to speak. "I
just wanted to began by saying that I will miss Sydney beyond anything
words could convey," she paused as a tear escaped. "I'm sorry but this
is very hard for me.
One of the earliest, clearest memories I have of him was on the day my mother was buried. After her funeral, nothing no one said could comfort me and my father had mysteriously disappeared. I tried looking for him but wound up alone with adults I had never met before. I huddle in a corner and cried, wanting only to see my mother again. I felt so alone.
Then Sydney looked across the room and when he saw how alone and hurt I was came over to me. He sat down beside me taking my hand as I cried. 'If you ever want to talk to me, I'm always here.' That is what he told me when my own father had failed to comfort me in my grief. That was the first time Sydney offered me his friendship, and certainly his love.
Over the years since then, when I had grown up, I changed so much. I went from being that little girl who was grieving for her mother to being a woman who missed her mother just as much as the little girl had. My job brought me back into a position to where I would have to work with Sydney, and though I didn't show it, I was happy to see him again because we had been apart for many years. Again, Sydney offered his love and friendship to me," she paused.
" I'm sorry to say that I all but out right rejected his offer. Over the time since I had last seen Sydney, my father had taught me to bury my feelings to a point where they wouldn't interfere with my work. I learned this lesson all too well. Now, I stand before you, having learned one final lesson from Sydney, a very painful lesson I fear we all need to learn.
Never be afraid to tell the people you love how you feel about them. When I look back at that time, I should have been a better friend to Sydney; I regret not telling him how much he had meant to me in my life. I regret not telling him how much I loved him. I regret not telling him how he had become my best friend, a true confidante whom I could always trust and depend on.
After he died, I made a promise to NEVER make that mistake again," she paused looking at each of her friends. "I love you all so much, even when you've caused me endless grief," she smiled at Jarod, "I love you. " She walked over to Sydney's casket and laid a hand on the close lid. "I love you, Syd. Goodbye my dear mentor, friend, and confidante. I hope you're at peace now."
She sat back down as the priest came to the front of the gathering again. "Is there anyone else who wishes to speak?"
Jarod stood up. "I do." The priest waved him forward. "I don't know how or where to begin. As some of you know, I was separated from my parents when I was very young. I was very alone and afraid but then Sydney came to take care of me. He cared for me. He was my mentor over the years that followed, teaching me how to use my God given abilities to eventually help people. Yes, there was a lot of evil that came out of my childhood but I also know that there was a lot of present in it too.
For many years, Sydney was the only father I had ever known. He was a good example to me, despite the fact he had many flaws like the rest of us. I too have learned the lesson that we should tell the ones we love how we feel because we never know when they'll be taken out of our lives. I never really got to say what I wanted to say to Sydney: I love you and I forgive everything. Be at peace now," Jarod finished.
He quickly sat back down with his family; Parker's smiling sadly at him. The priest came forward again to conclude the service, as no one wanted to say anything else. "We commend the soul of a dear departed brother, Sydney, to God with the certain knowledge and assurance of the Resurrection. May he and all the departed rest in peace until that day has comes to pass. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen."
"Amen."
The funeral was over and people began to meander about, sharing their memories of Sydney with one another. A small wake would be held at the cabin but most of the people who had come to the funeral left. Miss Parker, Broots, and Debbie all went up to the cabin with Jarod's family.
Jarod stayed behind though, watching as they buried Sydney. After they were gone, he knelt beside the grave and figured the inscription on the grave marker. They had had two matching markers made. One was for Sydney and the other one was for Jacob. They'd kept the original inscription that Sydney had placed on the hand craved cross that marked the grave where he'd laid his twin to rest.
Jacob Green
~A Brother Missed~
But for Sydney, there was an inscription on his that reflected all of their feelings:
Sydney Green
~ Beloved Mentor, Friend, Confidante, and Father~
Jarod touched it for a moment longer before finally standing up. Taking one last look at the fresh grave, he made his way slowly towards the cabin and on the breeze he was almost sure he heard Sydney's voice whispering, "I love you Jarod. . ."
FIN