Brilliant Number One
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BEGIN TRANSMISSION
(Mewtwo, Eneti and Lugia in the commissary; M2 squeaks his fingers on his coffee mug)
Mewtwo: (putting his head down) Idiot.
Eneti: (clears his throat)
Mewtwo: (laughs to himself)
(Screen squishes down to letter-box format, and fades to black & white; Rammstein's "Heirate mich" swells in background)
Eneti: Hello?
Lugia: (slurps his coffee, over German background lyrics)
Mewtwo: DANNYYYYYYY!
Lugia: (stares back wide-eyed)
Mewtwo: Danny boyyyyyy!
Eneti: (laughs quietly)
Mewtwo: (in belch voice) Lugia doesn't have a work ethic.
Eneti: Yeah, yeah, it's great.
Lugia: (stares back with big anime eyes)
Mewtwo: I'm not gonna hurt yah.
Eneti: Freak.
Lugia: (still with anime eyes, a tear rolls down his cheek)
MEWTWO: COAST TO COAST
(Rammstein's "Wollt ihr das Bett in Flammen sehen?" is used as the opening theme)
Ihr wollt doch auch den Dolch ins Laken stecken
Ihr wollt doch auch das Blut vom Degen lecken
Rammstein!
Rammstein,
Rammstein,
Rammstein,
Rammstein!
Mewtwo: (teleports in) Greetings! I'm Mewtwo. On my show tonight, Ted Turner's brother-in-law, Peter Fonda. Uh, he had a mother whose aunt knew the singing gorilla man?
Lugia: (nods)
(Studio hum is replaced by droning sound)
Mewtwo: Are you guys like hearing a weird rumble?
William Shakespeare: Her tongue will not obey her heart, nor can
Lugia: (shakes his head)
Mewtwo: Technical problems? Everything... fine.
Lugia: BAM!
Mewtwo: Aaagh!! (falls down) Ow!
Lugia: Yeah! Gotcha!
Mewtwo: (lying on floor) No you didn't. (stands up) This is the work of...Viotron, The Polisher. Dun dun da dun! Dun dun da dun!
Lugia: Eh, I beg your pardon?
Mewtwo: You know, Viotron, The Polisher. He polishes things until they're slippery and, and makes ya fall an' stuff.
William Shakespeare: her heart inform her tongue; the swan's-down feather
Lugia: Uh... huh. (rolls his eyes back)
Mewtwo: (studio floor sparkles) Hey, look at the shine.
Lugia: (stares back)
Mewtwo: (his reflection, with strange eyes) Oooh, Daddy wants a shine too, doesn't he, wittle Woobie? (breathing heavy) The shine, the shine, no, no, no, no, ye-, aaaaagh! (hits himself in the face with his hand) Aaaah!
William Shakespeare: That stands upon the swell at the full of tide.
Lugia: BAM!
Mewtwo: (hits himself again) Ohh!
Lugia: BAM!
Mewtwo: (hits himself again) Mmmph!
Lugia: BAM!
Eneti: Hey, Woobie, when you're done smackin' yourself like an idiot, the guest is ready. (monitor shows text:)
1
Index:
PARANOIA 559, 590
Mewtwo: (hand still over his face) Can't you see I'm in peril?
Eneti: Heh... No!
Mewtwo: (Hmmm, I fear the Zitron, The Subliminator has taken control of Eneti's mind.)
Lugia: Aaaaghhh! (starts vibrating back and forth rapidly)
William Shakespeare: And neither way inclines.
Mewtwo: Lugia! You are being consumed by... Vibratronica! (instrumental rock music, with drag racing commercial announcer voice) Sunday! Sunday! See Vibratronica set fire to the stands and burn a hole of effigy through the walls. (normal voice) I'll save you! (blasts Lugia with psy blast)
William Shakespeare: II
Lugia: (crisped) (coughs) Thanks a lot! I was just doin' a jig.
Mewtwo: That's just what she wants you to think. (slides back to his desk)
Lugia: Yeah.
Mewtwo: (writing at his desk) (Those were close calls, why are my old enemies coming back to taunt me? Why today? Why now? Why? Why? Why?) (holding his head in his hand) (gnashes his teeth) What's your name?
William Shakespeare: But as I travailed hinder through the land.
Peter Fonda: Peter.
Mewtwo: Peter what?
Peter Fonda: Sometimes Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater, Mummy's little Petey Boy, not very many times...
William Shakespeare: I find the people strangely fantasied.
Mewtwo: Oh-kay, hotshot...
Peter Fonda: Sir?
Mewtwo: What's your real name.
Peter Fonda: Peter Fonda.
Mewtwo: (reading his index card) Ahem! Ted's brother-in-law.
Peter Fonda: Hee hee hee.
Mewtwo: Y'know what? You've got it goin' on.
William Shakespeare: Possessed with rumors, full of idle dreams,
Peter Fonda: What's that you got? Check... booger, is that a booger?
Lugia: I have a booger? Where?
Peter Fonda: (pointing to his nose) Have I got a booger?
Lugia: Eh, where the heck would I have a booger?
Peter Fonda: You see this, Eneti, is it, am I cool? (keeps talking in background, monitor shows text:)
2
Index:
S? -Brain Studies 140-143, 146
Eneti: Hey, you gonna get me in trouble.
Lugia: I just don't get it.
Eneti: Stop it!
Lugia: I don't have boogers! Hey! Where's the booger?
William Shakespeare: Not knowing what they fear, but full of fear.
Mewtwo: Stop saying "boogers"!
Lugia: (in background) Ah, @#$% bunnies!
Peter Fonda: I'm sorry, Poké Man...
Mewtwo: That's fine.
Peter Fonda: I didn't mean to...
Mewtwo: That's, that's nice.
Peter Fonda: (pointing to Lugia) You know, they eat their...
Lugia: Shut up!
Peter Fonda: Well, (makes eagle hand gesture and annoying caw sounds) to you too!
Lugia: Hey, buddy, what's wrong with your arms?
William Shakespeare: III
Mewtwo: (in low voice) Lugia, please.
Lugia: You're freakin' me out!
Mewtwo: (in low voice) This is Ted's uncle-in-law! (normal voice, to Peter) What're you doin' here?
Peter Fonda: I'm, I'm just warmin' up, you know, I'm doin' my thing...
Mewtwo: Yeah yeah yeah.
Peter Fonda: Could we get a graphic artist out here just to draw a couple of big eyes on Mewtwo?
(Hand with pencil appears on screen, erases Mewtwo's old eyes, and draws bigger eyes on Mewtwo)
William Shakespeare: Momentary as a sound,
Mewtwo: Ah! Me eyes. (pupils start moving around strangely) Hey, I can't see anything! (Now I'll never again experience the beauties of the universe.)
Lugia: Draw him with huge buttocks!
(Shot of Mewtwo standing; hand with pencil returns & gives him huge buttocks)
Mewtwo: (What is he talking about?) (looks at his back side) Oh, for Pete's sake!
William Shakespeare: Swift as a shadow, short as any dream,
Lugia: (evil laugh)
Mewtwo: (returns to desk and sits down) Ohhh!
Lugia: Hey... Hey, how's your buttocks?
Mewtwo: (glares back silently)
Lugia: Hey! I'm talkin' to you!
Mewtwo: You're evil.
Lugia: (laughs)
Peter Fonda: Every time I look at him, he's doing this (makes eagle hand gesture) at me, and it gets me very nervous, you know, I don't like this, I want him to sit down, shut up...
William Shakespeare: Brief as the lightning in the collied night,
Lugia: (laughs)
Peter Fonda: Would you.. stand.. still? We're working here!
Mewtwo: Aaaaghhhh! My foot's asleep! (flies through ceiling) (in background) Come on, foot, come on! Ow! Come on, foot.
William Shakespeare: That, in a spleen, unfolds both heaven and earth,
Lugia: (opens his mouth, prepares Aeroblast)
Peter Fonda: Watch it.
Mewtwo: (gunshot) (something something) it wasn't a microphone.
Peter Fonda: Well, I know what it's like to be dead. You know...
Lugia: Who put that junk in your head!?
Peter Fonda: Who, who put all that stuff in my head? (Mewtwo bounds back to his desk) Are you kidding me?
Lugia: Answer the question!
Peter Fonda: You know, you're making me feel like I haven't been born.
Mewtwo: Uh, Eneti, do you know what they are?
William Shakespeare: And ere a man hath power to say "Behold!"
Eneti: Shhhhh! Not now!
Peter Fonda: (laughs) Well, she said, "I know what it's like to be dead." And I said "Well, who put all that stuff in your head, you know, you're makin' me feel like I've never been born."
Mewtwo: Eneti, I'd like to get some coffee.
Eneti: Can this wait?
Peter Fonda: You see, when I was a boy, and everything's riiiight, my parents would start telling, "Why don't you act like a grown-up?"
William Shakespeare: The jaws of darkness do devour it up:
Mewtwo: (looking like Dr. Katz, writing as he talks) What does this tell us about your childhood?
Peter Fonda: I learned that the best way to keep my parents off my back, is to act like a grown-up. But I've been eight for fifty-six years.
Eneti: (at Mewtwo's desk) (slam!) Here's your stinkin' coffee! (walks off)
Mewtwo: What's your problem, dog breath!?
Eneti: Get off my back!
William Shakespeare: So quick bright things come to confusion.
Mewtwo: Oh, thanks... Crabbatron! Now, that's... (splash!) AAaaaaaahhhhh!
Peter Fonda: Yikes!
Mewtwo: (with coffee spill on his desk) Oh, man! Chachi Spiller, you weasel! Aaaahh! (falls down, off-camera) Confound you, Viotron, The Polisher!
Lugia: (off-camera) How's your butt?
INTERRUPT TRANSMISSION
RESUME TRANSMISSION
Peter Fonda: Nowadays, space is here, time is now, you know... it's all, alright, now I understand the mantis guy, but who's the guy in the ant suit?
William Shakespeare: IV
Eneti: "Ant suit"?
Mewtwo: (Wait a minute...)
Peter Fonda: I looked at him to try to see who he really was, he's 168 years old, I don't wanna touch him, man, I can't get in there.
William Shakespeare: Desiring this man's art, and that man's scope,
Mewtwo: (I've heard all this before...)
Peter Fonda: But I make your arms do that stuff, you know, that (does arm curls) "one, two, three, fun, breathe, two, three"...
Eneti: What's he talkin' about? (monitor shows text:)
4
Index:
Tryptophan 152
Mewtwo: (How could I be so stupid?)
Peter Fonda: There's mites all around me, Poké Man, get rid of them!
William Shakespeare: Whith what I most enjoy contented least.
Mewtwo: (Mites.)
Eneti: Mites? Ewww!
Peter Fonda: Because the bees, in fact, the bees are being absolutely decimated by... lice. Mites!
Mewtwo: (That's right, keep talking. Come on, come to Daddy.)
Peter Fonda: Eneti, get the lava. (monitor shows text:)
5
Index:
Aversion Conditioning 602
William Shakespeare: V
Eneti: Uh uh.
Lugia: (off-camera) Uh uh.
Mewtwo: Don't get the lava.
Lugia: (off-camera) Uh uh.
Eneti: How about I forget it.
Mewtwo: We don't need the lava, do we, Peter?
Lugia: (off-camera) Uh uh.
Mewtwo: 'Cause you're not Peter...
Peter Fonda: What the hey...
Mewtwo: Are ya, Peter? (aims his fist at Peter)
William Shakespeare: My heart is heavy and mine age is weak;
Peter Fonda: Odin!
Mewtwo: Necro Confusatronnnnnnnnnnn! (blasts Peter off the monitor) (laughs)
Lugia: That's a, that's nice work, ya dumb clone!
Mewtwo: Say what?
Lugia: You know that was Ted's brother-in-law, you just blew away!
William Shakespeare: Grief would have tears, and sorrow bids me speak.
Mewtwo: You're so naive.
Eneti: Naïve.
Mewtwo: Enemies all around us, and you can't see them?!
Lugia: Eh...
Mewtwo: I'd hate to see what The Lobotomist would do with such a naive mind like yours.
Lugia: Okay.
Eneti: It's "naïve"! (monitor shows:)
6
Index:
Lie Detection 340-365
William Shakespeare: VI
Mewtwo: What about it?
Eneti: (groans)
Mewtwo: Okay, what's next?
Eneti: Uh... Buzz.
Mewtwo: Are... you sure it's Buzz?
Eneti: You Buzz?
Buzz Aldrin: (in lower right corner of Eneti's monitor) Yes, I believe I am.
Eneti: It's Buzz!
Mewtwo: (quietly) Send him in.
Buzz Aldrin: (appears on studio monitor) Greetings!
William Shakespeare: I tell my sorrow to the stones,
Mewtwo: (long pause) So, why should I talk to you?
Buzz Aldrin: Uh, well, a number of years ago, I flew in space. And, uh, we landed on the moon, 27 years ago.
William Shakespeare: VII
Lugia: (mocking) The moon?! Did you wear a spacesuit?
Buzz Aldrin: A diving bird.
Eneti: Yeah, yeah, tell us about the spacesuit.
Buzz Aldrin: Okay, it's rather bulky, there are layers and layers of, uh, material that, uh, you know, protect us from small meteorites. (monitor shows Buzz, with text:)
8
Index:
Agoraphobia 563, 618
William Shakespeare: Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow
Lugia: Ooooh, no!!
Eneti: Oooh, don't let the big old nasty meteorites get me, Lugia!
Lugia: I'll protect ya, buddy!
Mewtwo: So, "Buzz", if that's your real name...
Buzz Aldrin: Uh, my sisters started calling me Buzz when I was very young...
William Shakespeare: Creeps in this petty pace from day to day.
Mewtwo: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've spent a lot of time in space, and I've never seen you!
Buzz Aldrin: Well, have you been looking? Because I was looking for you, I didn't see you either.
Mewtwo: I bet you were looking real hard, weren't ya? (belch-like voice) Weren't ya, Buzz?
William Shakespeare: To the last syllable of recorded time;
Buzz Aldrin: Oh, you bet.
Mewtwo: Did you ever look on the New Island? Where I live!
Buzz Aldrin: New Island, I don't believe I have, what's it like?
Lugia: (off-camera) It's no Moon.
Mewtwo: Oh, he knows what it's like. Don't ya, "Buzz"?
William Shakespeare: All our yesterdays have lighted fools
Buzz Aldrin: Is, is it squishy, or is it, uh, springy?
Mewtwo: That's right, play dumb!
Buzz Aldrin: Or maybe it's a little smokey or hazy or... frothy?
Mewtwo: Come on, Aldrin! I'm a little smarter than that!
Buzz Aldrin: Well, that's obvious.
William Shakespeare: The way to dusty death. Out, out brief candle!
Mewtwo: Owww!
Eneti: Now what? (monitor shows:)
10
Index:
Representational ????sight 486
Mewtwo: Oh, nothing. Just another villain!
Buzz Aldrin: Villains, oh.
Mewtwo: It's been happening all night. They're ruthless.
Buzz Aldrin: Uh huh. (tsk) Well, they're not ruthless, they're, uh, they're in many ways lovable, and they're, they're understandable.
William Shakespeare: Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
Mewtwo: Buzz, there's nothing lovable about the evil Necro Confusatron.
Buzz Aldrin: (chuckles) No.
Mewtwo: He's in my brain. I can feel his baffling presence.
William Shakespeare: That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
Buzz Aldrin: Oh. How can he do that?
Mewtwo: I don't know, but he's there. Riiight now.
Buzz Aldrin: How can he get inside your brain?
Mewtwo: You tell me, Aldrin. Or should I say... Necro Confusatron! (blasts Buzz off the monitor with his psyblast)
Buzz Aldrin: (moans)
William Shakespeare: And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Lugia: So, there were two Necro Confusatrons.
Mewtwo: Obviously.
Lugia: Riiight!
Eneti: Well, you just blasted the beloved American space hero Buzz Aldrin.
William Shakespeare: Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury
Mewtwo: Yes sir. (monitor shows Mewtwo, with text:)
11
Index:
Neuromodulators 136, 153
Eneti: That's it, I've had it! You're wacked!
Lugia: Yeah!
Eneti: You've been clumsy and paranoid all night, and instead of owning up to it like a man... (monitor shows text:)
13
THE END IS NEAR
Lugia: BAM! You made up an enemy like a complete, braindead retard!
William Shakespeare: Signifying nothing.
Mewtwo: (sighs) Yeah, you're right. All those things were my own fault. Or were they? Impostinators!
Eneti: That's it. I'm gone! (walks out of control room)
(Credits roll)
Mewtwo: That's right, run away, you Cresent Pretendinators!
Eneti: Yeah, yeah, yeah, tell me another story. (voice trails off)
Mewtwo: That's right, run to Momma!
Lugia: Yeah, yeah, hey, how's your butt?
Mewtwo: You want some of this, Lugia?! Or should I say, Commander Improvimantitron?
Eneti: Whatever.
Mewtwo: Yoolooloolooloolooloolooloolooloolooloo... (repeats during remainder of credits)
Voice: Mewtwo!
EPISODE 44a: Brilliant Number One
Mewtwo: Yoolooloolooloolooloolooloolooloolooloo...
VICIOUS PLANET INDUSTRIES
Mewtwo: (crack!) ... I don't know...
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BEGIN TRANSMISSION
(Mewtwo, Eneti and Lugia in the commissary; M2 squeaks his fingers on his coffee mug)
Mewtwo: (putting his head down) Idiot.
Eneti: (clears his throat)
Mewtwo: (laughs to himself)
(Screen squishes down to letter-box format, and fades to black & white; Rammstein's "Heirate mich" swells in background)
Eneti: Hello?
Lugia: (slurps his coffee, over German background lyrics)
Mewtwo: DANNYYYYYYY!
Lugia: (stares back wide-eyed)
Mewtwo: Danny boyyyyyy!
Eneti: (laughs quietly)
Mewtwo: (in belch voice) Lugia doesn't have a work ethic.
Eneti: Yeah, yeah, it's great.
Lugia: (stares back with big anime eyes)
Mewtwo: I'm not gonna hurt yah.
Eneti: Freak.
Lugia: (still with anime eyes, a tear rolls down his cheek)
MEWTWO: COAST TO COAST
(Rammstein's "Wollt ihr das Bett in Flammen sehen?" is used as the opening theme)
Ihr wollt doch auch den Dolch ins Laken stecken
Ihr wollt doch auch das Blut vom Degen lecken
Rammstein!
Rammstein,
Rammstein,
Rammstein,
Rammstein!
Mewtwo: (teleports in) Greetings! I'm Mewtwo. On my show tonight, Ted Turner's brother-in-law, Peter Fonda. Uh, he had a mother whose aunt knew the singing gorilla man?
Lugia: (nods)
(Studio hum is replaced by droning sound)
Mewtwo: Are you guys like hearing a weird rumble?
William Shakespeare: Her tongue will not obey her heart, nor can
Lugia: (shakes his head)
Mewtwo: Technical problems? Everything... fine.
Lugia: BAM!
Mewtwo: Aaagh!! (falls down) Ow!
Lugia: Yeah! Gotcha!
Mewtwo: (lying on floor) No you didn't. (stands up) This is the work of...Viotron, The Polisher. Dun dun da dun! Dun dun da dun!
Lugia: Eh, I beg your pardon?
Mewtwo: You know, Viotron, The Polisher. He polishes things until they're slippery and, and makes ya fall an' stuff.
William Shakespeare: her heart inform her tongue; the swan's-down feather
Lugia: Uh... huh. (rolls his eyes back)
Mewtwo: (studio floor sparkles) Hey, look at the shine.
Lugia: (stares back)
Mewtwo: (his reflection, with strange eyes) Oooh, Daddy wants a shine too, doesn't he, wittle Woobie? (breathing heavy) The shine, the shine, no, no, no, no, ye-, aaaaagh! (hits himself in the face with his hand) Aaaah!
William Shakespeare: That stands upon the swell at the full of tide.
Lugia: BAM!
Mewtwo: (hits himself again) Ohh!
Lugia: BAM!
Mewtwo: (hits himself again) Mmmph!
Lugia: BAM!
Eneti: Hey, Woobie, when you're done smackin' yourself like an idiot, the guest is ready. (monitor shows text:)
1
Index:
PARANOIA 559, 590
Mewtwo: (hand still over his face) Can't you see I'm in peril?
Eneti: Heh... No!
Mewtwo: (Hmmm, I fear the Zitron, The Subliminator has taken control of Eneti's mind.)
Lugia: Aaaaghhh! (starts vibrating back and forth rapidly)
William Shakespeare: And neither way inclines.
Mewtwo: Lugia! You are being consumed by... Vibratronica! (instrumental rock music, with drag racing commercial announcer voice) Sunday! Sunday! See Vibratronica set fire to the stands and burn a hole of effigy through the walls. (normal voice) I'll save you! (blasts Lugia with psy blast)
William Shakespeare: II
Lugia: (crisped) (coughs) Thanks a lot! I was just doin' a jig.
Mewtwo: That's just what she wants you to think. (slides back to his desk)
Lugia: Yeah.
Mewtwo: (writing at his desk) (Those were close calls, why are my old enemies coming back to taunt me? Why today? Why now? Why? Why? Why?) (holding his head in his hand) (gnashes his teeth) What's your name?
William Shakespeare: But as I travailed hinder through the land.
Peter Fonda: Peter.
Mewtwo: Peter what?
Peter Fonda: Sometimes Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater, Mummy's little Petey Boy, not very many times...
William Shakespeare: I find the people strangely fantasied.
Mewtwo: Oh-kay, hotshot...
Peter Fonda: Sir?
Mewtwo: What's your real name.
Peter Fonda: Peter Fonda.
Mewtwo: (reading his index card) Ahem! Ted's brother-in-law.
Peter Fonda: Hee hee hee.
Mewtwo: Y'know what? You've got it goin' on.
William Shakespeare: Possessed with rumors, full of idle dreams,
Peter Fonda: What's that you got? Check... booger, is that a booger?
Lugia: I have a booger? Where?
Peter Fonda: (pointing to his nose) Have I got a booger?
Lugia: Eh, where the heck would I have a booger?
Peter Fonda: You see this, Eneti, is it, am I cool? (keeps talking in background, monitor shows text:)
2
Index:
S? -Brain Studies 140-143, 146
Eneti: Hey, you gonna get me in trouble.
Lugia: I just don't get it.
Eneti: Stop it!
Lugia: I don't have boogers! Hey! Where's the booger?
William Shakespeare: Not knowing what they fear, but full of fear.
Mewtwo: Stop saying "boogers"!
Lugia: (in background) Ah, @#$% bunnies!
Peter Fonda: I'm sorry, Poké Man...
Mewtwo: That's fine.
Peter Fonda: I didn't mean to...
Mewtwo: That's, that's nice.
Peter Fonda: (pointing to Lugia) You know, they eat their...
Lugia: Shut up!
Peter Fonda: Well, (makes eagle hand gesture and annoying caw sounds) to you too!
Lugia: Hey, buddy, what's wrong with your arms?
William Shakespeare: III
Mewtwo: (in low voice) Lugia, please.
Lugia: You're freakin' me out!
Mewtwo: (in low voice) This is Ted's uncle-in-law! (normal voice, to Peter) What're you doin' here?
Peter Fonda: I'm, I'm just warmin' up, you know, I'm doin' my thing...
Mewtwo: Yeah yeah yeah.
Peter Fonda: Could we get a graphic artist out here just to draw a couple of big eyes on Mewtwo?
(Hand with pencil appears on screen, erases Mewtwo's old eyes, and draws bigger eyes on Mewtwo)
William Shakespeare: Momentary as a sound,
Mewtwo: Ah! Me eyes. (pupils start moving around strangely) Hey, I can't see anything! (Now I'll never again experience the beauties of the universe.)
Lugia: Draw him with huge buttocks!
(Shot of Mewtwo standing; hand with pencil returns & gives him huge buttocks)
Mewtwo: (What is he talking about?) (looks at his back side) Oh, for Pete's sake!
William Shakespeare: Swift as a shadow, short as any dream,
Lugia: (evil laugh)
Mewtwo: (returns to desk and sits down) Ohhh!
Lugia: Hey... Hey, how's your buttocks?
Mewtwo: (glares back silently)
Lugia: Hey! I'm talkin' to you!
Mewtwo: You're evil.
Lugia: (laughs)
Peter Fonda: Every time I look at him, he's doing this (makes eagle hand gesture) at me, and it gets me very nervous, you know, I don't like this, I want him to sit down, shut up...
William Shakespeare: Brief as the lightning in the collied night,
Lugia: (laughs)
Peter Fonda: Would you.. stand.. still? We're working here!
Mewtwo: Aaaaghhhh! My foot's asleep! (flies through ceiling) (in background) Come on, foot, come on! Ow! Come on, foot.
William Shakespeare: That, in a spleen, unfolds both heaven and earth,
Lugia: (opens his mouth, prepares Aeroblast)
Peter Fonda: Watch it.
Mewtwo: (gunshot) (something something) it wasn't a microphone.
Peter Fonda: Well, I know what it's like to be dead. You know...
Lugia: Who put that junk in your head!?
Peter Fonda: Who, who put all that stuff in my head? (Mewtwo bounds back to his desk) Are you kidding me?
Lugia: Answer the question!
Peter Fonda: You know, you're making me feel like I haven't been born.
Mewtwo: Uh, Eneti, do you know what they are?
William Shakespeare: And ere a man hath power to say "Behold!"
Eneti: Shhhhh! Not now!
Peter Fonda: (laughs) Well, she said, "I know what it's like to be dead." And I said "Well, who put all that stuff in your head, you know, you're makin' me feel like I've never been born."
Mewtwo: Eneti, I'd like to get some coffee.
Eneti: Can this wait?
Peter Fonda: You see, when I was a boy, and everything's riiiight, my parents would start telling, "Why don't you act like a grown-up?"
William Shakespeare: The jaws of darkness do devour it up:
Mewtwo: (looking like Dr. Katz, writing as he talks) What does this tell us about your childhood?
Peter Fonda: I learned that the best way to keep my parents off my back, is to act like a grown-up. But I've been eight for fifty-six years.
Eneti: (at Mewtwo's desk) (slam!) Here's your stinkin' coffee! (walks off)
Mewtwo: What's your problem, dog breath!?
Eneti: Get off my back!
William Shakespeare: So quick bright things come to confusion.
Mewtwo: Oh, thanks... Crabbatron! Now, that's... (splash!) AAaaaaaahhhhh!
Peter Fonda: Yikes!
Mewtwo: (with coffee spill on his desk) Oh, man! Chachi Spiller, you weasel! Aaaahh! (falls down, off-camera) Confound you, Viotron, The Polisher!
Lugia: (off-camera) How's your butt?
INTERRUPT TRANSMISSION
RESUME TRANSMISSION
Peter Fonda: Nowadays, space is here, time is now, you know... it's all, alright, now I understand the mantis guy, but who's the guy in the ant suit?
William Shakespeare: IV
Eneti: "Ant suit"?
Mewtwo: (Wait a minute...)
Peter Fonda: I looked at him to try to see who he really was, he's 168 years old, I don't wanna touch him, man, I can't get in there.
William Shakespeare: Desiring this man's art, and that man's scope,
Mewtwo: (I've heard all this before...)
Peter Fonda: But I make your arms do that stuff, you know, that (does arm curls) "one, two, three, fun, breathe, two, three"...
Eneti: What's he talkin' about? (monitor shows text:)
4
Index:
Tryptophan 152
Mewtwo: (How could I be so stupid?)
Peter Fonda: There's mites all around me, Poké Man, get rid of them!
William Shakespeare: Whith what I most enjoy contented least.
Mewtwo: (Mites.)
Eneti: Mites? Ewww!
Peter Fonda: Because the bees, in fact, the bees are being absolutely decimated by... lice. Mites!
Mewtwo: (That's right, keep talking. Come on, come to Daddy.)
Peter Fonda: Eneti, get the lava. (monitor shows text:)
5
Index:
Aversion Conditioning 602
William Shakespeare: V
Eneti: Uh uh.
Lugia: (off-camera) Uh uh.
Mewtwo: Don't get the lava.
Lugia: (off-camera) Uh uh.
Eneti: How about I forget it.
Mewtwo: We don't need the lava, do we, Peter?
Lugia: (off-camera) Uh uh.
Mewtwo: 'Cause you're not Peter...
Peter Fonda: What the hey...
Mewtwo: Are ya, Peter? (aims his fist at Peter)
William Shakespeare: My heart is heavy and mine age is weak;
Peter Fonda: Odin!
Mewtwo: Necro Confusatronnnnnnnnnnn! (blasts Peter off the monitor) (laughs)
Lugia: That's a, that's nice work, ya dumb clone!
Mewtwo: Say what?
Lugia: You know that was Ted's brother-in-law, you just blew away!
William Shakespeare: Grief would have tears, and sorrow bids me speak.
Mewtwo: You're so naive.
Eneti: Naïve.
Mewtwo: Enemies all around us, and you can't see them?!
Lugia: Eh...
Mewtwo: I'd hate to see what The Lobotomist would do with such a naive mind like yours.
Lugia: Okay.
Eneti: It's "naïve"! (monitor shows:)
6
Index:
Lie Detection 340-365
William Shakespeare: VI
Mewtwo: What about it?
Eneti: (groans)
Mewtwo: Okay, what's next?
Eneti: Uh... Buzz.
Mewtwo: Are... you sure it's Buzz?
Eneti: You Buzz?
Buzz Aldrin: (in lower right corner of Eneti's monitor) Yes, I believe I am.
Eneti: It's Buzz!
Mewtwo: (quietly) Send him in.
Buzz Aldrin: (appears on studio monitor) Greetings!
William Shakespeare: I tell my sorrow to the stones,
Mewtwo: (long pause) So, why should I talk to you?
Buzz Aldrin: Uh, well, a number of years ago, I flew in space. And, uh, we landed on the moon, 27 years ago.
William Shakespeare: VII
Lugia: (mocking) The moon?! Did you wear a spacesuit?
Buzz Aldrin: A diving bird.
Eneti: Yeah, yeah, tell us about the spacesuit.
Buzz Aldrin: Okay, it's rather bulky, there are layers and layers of, uh, material that, uh, you know, protect us from small meteorites. (monitor shows Buzz, with text:)
8
Index:
Agoraphobia 563, 618
William Shakespeare: Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow
Lugia: Ooooh, no!!
Eneti: Oooh, don't let the big old nasty meteorites get me, Lugia!
Lugia: I'll protect ya, buddy!
Mewtwo: So, "Buzz", if that's your real name...
Buzz Aldrin: Uh, my sisters started calling me Buzz when I was very young...
William Shakespeare: Creeps in this petty pace from day to day.
Mewtwo: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've spent a lot of time in space, and I've never seen you!
Buzz Aldrin: Well, have you been looking? Because I was looking for you, I didn't see you either.
Mewtwo: I bet you were looking real hard, weren't ya? (belch-like voice) Weren't ya, Buzz?
William Shakespeare: To the last syllable of recorded time;
Buzz Aldrin: Oh, you bet.
Mewtwo: Did you ever look on the New Island? Where I live!
Buzz Aldrin: New Island, I don't believe I have, what's it like?
Lugia: (off-camera) It's no Moon.
Mewtwo: Oh, he knows what it's like. Don't ya, "Buzz"?
William Shakespeare: All our yesterdays have lighted fools
Buzz Aldrin: Is, is it squishy, or is it, uh, springy?
Mewtwo: That's right, play dumb!
Buzz Aldrin: Or maybe it's a little smokey or hazy or... frothy?
Mewtwo: Come on, Aldrin! I'm a little smarter than that!
Buzz Aldrin: Well, that's obvious.
William Shakespeare: The way to dusty death. Out, out brief candle!
Mewtwo: Owww!
Eneti: Now what? (monitor shows:)
10
Index:
Representational ????sight 486
Mewtwo: Oh, nothing. Just another villain!
Buzz Aldrin: Villains, oh.
Mewtwo: It's been happening all night. They're ruthless.
Buzz Aldrin: Uh huh. (tsk) Well, they're not ruthless, they're, uh, they're in many ways lovable, and they're, they're understandable.
William Shakespeare: Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
Mewtwo: Buzz, there's nothing lovable about the evil Necro Confusatron.
Buzz Aldrin: (chuckles) No.
Mewtwo: He's in my brain. I can feel his baffling presence.
William Shakespeare: That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
Buzz Aldrin: Oh. How can he do that?
Mewtwo: I don't know, but he's there. Riiight now.
Buzz Aldrin: How can he get inside your brain?
Mewtwo: You tell me, Aldrin. Or should I say... Necro Confusatron! (blasts Buzz off the monitor with his psyblast)
Buzz Aldrin: (moans)
William Shakespeare: And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Lugia: So, there were two Necro Confusatrons.
Mewtwo: Obviously.
Lugia: Riiight!
Eneti: Well, you just blasted the beloved American space hero Buzz Aldrin.
William Shakespeare: Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury
Mewtwo: Yes sir. (monitor shows Mewtwo, with text:)
11
Index:
Neuromodulators 136, 153
Eneti: That's it, I've had it! You're wacked!
Lugia: Yeah!
Eneti: You've been clumsy and paranoid all night, and instead of owning up to it like a man... (monitor shows text:)
13
THE END IS NEAR
Lugia: BAM! You made up an enemy like a complete, braindead retard!
William Shakespeare: Signifying nothing.
Mewtwo: (sighs) Yeah, you're right. All those things were my own fault. Or were they? Impostinators!
Eneti: That's it. I'm gone! (walks out of control room)
(Credits roll)
Mewtwo: That's right, run away, you Cresent Pretendinators!
Eneti: Yeah, yeah, yeah, tell me another story. (voice trails off)
Mewtwo: That's right, run to Momma!
Lugia: Yeah, yeah, hey, how's your butt?
Mewtwo: You want some of this, Lugia?! Or should I say, Commander Improvimantitron?
Eneti: Whatever.
Mewtwo: Yoolooloolooloolooloolooloolooloolooloo... (repeats during remainder of credits)
Voice: Mewtwo!
EPISODE 44a: Brilliant Number One
Mewtwo: Yoolooloolooloolooloolooloolooloolooloo...
VICIOUS PLANET INDUSTRIES
Mewtwo: (crack!) ... I don't know...