Unspoken Attentions
Chapter 3
During lunch, Aburatsubo and Nanaka sat together. He could tell that something
was bothering his friend but was uncertain how to broach the subject. He was
relatively certain that it wasn't about him, thankfully, but always felt
slightly uncomfortable when it came to conversations like this one. He knew how
to cheer a person up easily enough, but actually getting them to discuss their
feelings was another matter entirely.
In the end, it was Nanaka who spoke first. "I found out why Sae doesn't return
Takeo-sempai's feelings," she said quietly, her tone odd.
This caught Aburatsubo's attention. He had already known of the conversation
between the two that had resulted in their lack of a relationshp. However, like
everyone else, he had no idea what had happened. Quietly, Aburatsubo waited for
Nanaka to continue.
The young girl gave a slightly choked laugh and shook her head. "She's in love
with me. All this time, she's been in love with me," she said, her tone awed.
His eyes widening slightly, Aburatsubo absorbed this information. He was a
little startled to find out that he wasn't surprised, and told Nanaka so. She
blinked and looked up at him with wide eyes. "Why aren't you surprised? It
shocked me. When she told me, all I could do was stare at her," she said.
Probably the reason why Sae had been walking around all day with an obviously
forced smile. Thinking over how he was going to respond, Aburatsubo finished the
last of his rice before replying. "First of all, you are a beautiful young
woman, and Sawanoguchi has always cared deeply about you. It is obvious enough
to everyone. You are her best friend, after all. Hearing about her feelings
doesn't come as a big surprise to me probably because Sawanoguchi has always
been one to care for another with her entire heart. When I think about it, her
affection is almost obvious."
Sighing, Nanaka continued to pick at her food. "I don't know what to do. I don't
know if I can return her feelings," she said quietly.
"Well, since you are so torn up about it, it seems obvious enough that you
aren't disgusted enough not to do anything," Aburatsubo pointed out.
Nanaka laughed weakly before her expression saddened again. "Right after Sae
told me, she kissed me. I was so shocked, I didn't know what to do. When she
pulled away, she was crying and I felt so sad, so angry with myself for being
uncertain. I don't want to lose her as a friend, but I've never considered
something like that. I told her that I had to think about what had happened,
that I needed to clear some things up with myself. She pretended that it was all
right, but I could see how upset she was. I felt as though I'd ripped her heart
to peices."
Again, Aburatsubo thought carefully before he replied. "If you are worried about
the opinions of other's, don't be. Whatever you chose in the end, it should be a
decision made with your heart. What you need to do is calm down, get over the
shock of having actually heard the words. You need to simply think quietly about
what you feel about Sawanoguchi, what she means to you. It may not be easy, but
eventually you will realize whether or not it will be possible for you to love
her in return."
Nanaka was quiet for a moment, then gave him the first honest smile that he'd
seen all day. "Thank you, Aburatsubo-sempai. I'll do my best," she said softly.
Takeo looked up when the door to the club room opened. They had no meeting
scheduled for today. He'd only been in here to make some repairs to the costumes
that had gotten a beating during yesterday's practice. He smiled when he saw Sae
enter, but frowned quickly when he saw the sadness in her eyes. Quickly, he put
down the costume he was working on and made his way to the girl's side.
"What's wrong, Sawanoguchi-san?" he questioned. As usual, his heart beat sped up
when she threw her arms around him, but quickly told his hormones to take a
flying leap when she burst into tears.
When she finally quieted down, he led her toward the small table by the wall and
sat her down in a chair. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked her, his voice
soft.
Sae looked up at him, her expression openly pained now that she wasn't hiding
behind a fake wall of happiness. "I shouldn't of come here to dump my problems
on you. It isn't fair," she finally said, her voice catching as she struggled to
keep from crying again.
Takeo shook his head quickly. "Don't be silly! As your elder classmate and the
leader of our club, I'm here to listen to your problems," he stated. "It's about
the person that I love," Sae said slowly.
Forcing down the pain that came to his chest when she said those words, Takeo
nodded slowly. Now wasn't the time for him to get upset. He needed to be here
for Sae and wouldn't be able to help if he was wallowing in his own self-pity.
"I want you to put the complications between us behind and tell me what's wrong.
I want you to be happy," he stated firmly.
Sae's blue eyes met his own, and a small smile came to her lips. "Thank you so
much, Takakura-sempai. I didn't know where else to turn. I know that it is rude
of me to pour my love problems out on you, but I need some help," she said.
His resolve firming, Takeo held up a hand. "Don't even think about regretting
coming to me. In fact, I'm glad that you did. It means that you still respect me
as your sempai and care about me as a friend, even after what happened," he
admitted.
Nodding, Sae looked back down at the table. "I suppose I should just admit it
out loud. Things will be easier that way," she said quietly. Before Takeo could
say anything, her head shot up and she met his eyes. He was taken aback by the
determination he saw shining in her eyes, as well as the raw pain. "I'm in love
with Nanaka."
She couldn't of said anything that would of shocked him more. Trying to keep his
reaction from showing, Takeo blinked a few times. Well, if Sae was in love with
a girl that certainly explained why she lacked interest in Takeo. For a breif
moment, the irony of this situation struck him. Could their group of gotten any
more mixed up?
"Did you tell her?" he asked, careful to keep his voice calm.
Nodding, Sae's gaze dropped once again. "I told her last night. And... and I
kissed her. She just kind of stared at me and she didn't kiss me back. After,
she told me that she was confused and had to think about things. The next
morning when we got ready for school, she acted as though nothing was different
between us, as though it hadn't happened."
"You're upset because she doesn't return your feelings?" Takeo asked,
understanding completely. He'd gone through the same stage of shock when Sae had
turned him down. Had it really been less than two weeks ago? Now, in light of
everything that had happened, it seemed like forever. For a few days, everything
had reminded him of the young girl. Even now, although his sadness had gone
away, there were times when he wished feircely that things had been different.
He was surprised when Sae shrugged a little. "I could of lived with just being
her friend, if she didn't return my feelings. But I'm afraid that she won't even
want to be my friend anymore. Even though she pretended things were normal
between us, I could tell that she was nervous around me. It was like she didn't
know what to say or do."
"I went through a similar stage when I found out about Aburatsubo's feelings,"
Takeo commented, causing Sae's head to snap up. When he saw her expression, he
laughed a little. "Aburatsubo didn't keep his feelings hidden very long when he
realized that he was infatuated with me. At first, I didn't really know what to
do or how to act. I hurt him by behaving differently and it took me a while to
realize that his emotions didn't really change much between us. His feelings had
always been there, even when they were hidden. In a way, it made our friendship
stronger because we no longer had any secrets between us. There are times when I
get uncomfortable around him. Still, we are best friends and nothing was going
to change that. Aburatsubo kept his feelings for me obvious, but wasn't put off
by my constant rejection and so we were able to stay close."
Looking more cheerful than she had all day, Sae smiled a little. "So, you're
saying that I should act like Aburatsubo and flaunt my feelings for the world to
see?" she asked.
Laughing, Takeo shook his head. "No, not really. I don't think anyone could pull
off the flamingly-obvious thing and get away with it besides Aburatsubo. But
don't be ashamed of your feelings or hide them away. The first step is to be
honest with yourself. Mostly, you need to give Nanaka time. If she said she will
think about it, then she will. She may decide that she feels the same for you,"
he replied.
"Was there ever a time when you felt something for him?" Sae questioned, a small
blush on her cheeks.
Takeo opened his mouth to quickly retort that there had not been, but snapped
his mouth shut just as quickly. He was certain Sae was looking for reassurance
and a hope that things weren't as bad as she thought they were. She wanted to
know that she might have a chance with Nanaka after all. As uncomfortable as it
was, he forced himself to think about the question and answer honestly.
"There were a few times," he admitted slowly, a blush coming to his cheeks.
"Over the last week, I've been thinking about things. About other people's
feelings, including Aburatsubo's. Sometimes, I find myself wondering about the
strength of my friendship toward him, wondering if there could be something else
there. Normally, I would push the thought aside quickly. However, recently, the
thoughts havn't wanted to go away."
"Why don't you like him? If you don't mind me asking. There are lots of people
in the school who do, and he won't even give them the time of day," Sae
commented.
Uncomfortable with the question, Takeo shrugged and looked everywhere in the
room but at the girl across from him. "Honestly, I don't really know. I mean, I
used to think that being gay was disgusting. However, by being friends with
Aburatsubo, I've gotten used to the idea. Then, it was because I didn't want to
ruin our friendship. I know that was a stupid excuse since he already had
feelings for me. Maybe I'm shallow enough to worry about the opinion of others.
I don't know," he said quietly, almost to himself.
"I think you should give him a chance," Sae said. Takeo was glad to see a
familiar look of determination in her eyes. She was still pale and her eyes were
red from her earlier sobs, but she looked more like her normal self.
"A chance?" Takeo echoed, surprised.
Sae nodded firmly, standing up. "I have no doubt that Aburatsubo loves you with
all of his heart. And you deserve to be with the person who loves you. I think
that you should give it a thought without shying away like you usually do. You
should actually sit down and think about your best friend and what he means to
you. Then, if you find that you can return his feelings, you shouldn't run away.
You are a lot of things, Takakura-sempai, but a coward is not one of them!"
Takeo stared at her, surprised, for a long moment. Then he laughed slightly and
nodded. "I will. Thank you, Sawanoguchi-san," he said.
TBC
Chapter 3
During lunch, Aburatsubo and Nanaka sat together. He could tell that something
was bothering his friend but was uncertain how to broach the subject. He was
relatively certain that it wasn't about him, thankfully, but always felt
slightly uncomfortable when it came to conversations like this one. He knew how
to cheer a person up easily enough, but actually getting them to discuss their
feelings was another matter entirely.
In the end, it was Nanaka who spoke first. "I found out why Sae doesn't return
Takeo-sempai's feelings," she said quietly, her tone odd.
This caught Aburatsubo's attention. He had already known of the conversation
between the two that had resulted in their lack of a relationshp. However, like
everyone else, he had no idea what had happened. Quietly, Aburatsubo waited for
Nanaka to continue.
The young girl gave a slightly choked laugh and shook her head. "She's in love
with me. All this time, she's been in love with me," she said, her tone awed.
His eyes widening slightly, Aburatsubo absorbed this information. He was a
little startled to find out that he wasn't surprised, and told Nanaka so. She
blinked and looked up at him with wide eyes. "Why aren't you surprised? It
shocked me. When she told me, all I could do was stare at her," she said.
Probably the reason why Sae had been walking around all day with an obviously
forced smile. Thinking over how he was going to respond, Aburatsubo finished the
last of his rice before replying. "First of all, you are a beautiful young
woman, and Sawanoguchi has always cared deeply about you. It is obvious enough
to everyone. You are her best friend, after all. Hearing about her feelings
doesn't come as a big surprise to me probably because Sawanoguchi has always
been one to care for another with her entire heart. When I think about it, her
affection is almost obvious."
Sighing, Nanaka continued to pick at her food. "I don't know what to do. I don't
know if I can return her feelings," she said quietly.
"Well, since you are so torn up about it, it seems obvious enough that you
aren't disgusted enough not to do anything," Aburatsubo pointed out.
Nanaka laughed weakly before her expression saddened again. "Right after Sae
told me, she kissed me. I was so shocked, I didn't know what to do. When she
pulled away, she was crying and I felt so sad, so angry with myself for being
uncertain. I don't want to lose her as a friend, but I've never considered
something like that. I told her that I had to think about what had happened,
that I needed to clear some things up with myself. She pretended that it was all
right, but I could see how upset she was. I felt as though I'd ripped her heart
to peices."
Again, Aburatsubo thought carefully before he replied. "If you are worried about
the opinions of other's, don't be. Whatever you chose in the end, it should be a
decision made with your heart. What you need to do is calm down, get over the
shock of having actually heard the words. You need to simply think quietly about
what you feel about Sawanoguchi, what she means to you. It may not be easy, but
eventually you will realize whether or not it will be possible for you to love
her in return."
Nanaka was quiet for a moment, then gave him the first honest smile that he'd
seen all day. "Thank you, Aburatsubo-sempai. I'll do my best," she said softly.
Takeo looked up when the door to the club room opened. They had no meeting
scheduled for today. He'd only been in here to make some repairs to the costumes
that had gotten a beating during yesterday's practice. He smiled when he saw Sae
enter, but frowned quickly when he saw the sadness in her eyes. Quickly, he put
down the costume he was working on and made his way to the girl's side.
"What's wrong, Sawanoguchi-san?" he questioned. As usual, his heart beat sped up
when she threw her arms around him, but quickly told his hormones to take a
flying leap when she burst into tears.
When she finally quieted down, he led her toward the small table by the wall and
sat her down in a chair. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked her, his voice
soft.
Sae looked up at him, her expression openly pained now that she wasn't hiding
behind a fake wall of happiness. "I shouldn't of come here to dump my problems
on you. It isn't fair," she finally said, her voice catching as she struggled to
keep from crying again.
Takeo shook his head quickly. "Don't be silly! As your elder classmate and the
leader of our club, I'm here to listen to your problems," he stated. "It's about
the person that I love," Sae said slowly.
Forcing down the pain that came to his chest when she said those words, Takeo
nodded slowly. Now wasn't the time for him to get upset. He needed to be here
for Sae and wouldn't be able to help if he was wallowing in his own self-pity.
"I want you to put the complications between us behind and tell me what's wrong.
I want you to be happy," he stated firmly.
Sae's blue eyes met his own, and a small smile came to her lips. "Thank you so
much, Takakura-sempai. I didn't know where else to turn. I know that it is rude
of me to pour my love problems out on you, but I need some help," she said.
His resolve firming, Takeo held up a hand. "Don't even think about regretting
coming to me. In fact, I'm glad that you did. It means that you still respect me
as your sempai and care about me as a friend, even after what happened," he
admitted.
Nodding, Sae looked back down at the table. "I suppose I should just admit it
out loud. Things will be easier that way," she said quietly. Before Takeo could
say anything, her head shot up and she met his eyes. He was taken aback by the
determination he saw shining in her eyes, as well as the raw pain. "I'm in love
with Nanaka."
She couldn't of said anything that would of shocked him more. Trying to keep his
reaction from showing, Takeo blinked a few times. Well, if Sae was in love with
a girl that certainly explained why she lacked interest in Takeo. For a breif
moment, the irony of this situation struck him. Could their group of gotten any
more mixed up?
"Did you tell her?" he asked, careful to keep his voice calm.
Nodding, Sae's gaze dropped once again. "I told her last night. And... and I
kissed her. She just kind of stared at me and she didn't kiss me back. After,
she told me that she was confused and had to think about things. The next
morning when we got ready for school, she acted as though nothing was different
between us, as though it hadn't happened."
"You're upset because she doesn't return your feelings?" Takeo asked,
understanding completely. He'd gone through the same stage of shock when Sae had
turned him down. Had it really been less than two weeks ago? Now, in light of
everything that had happened, it seemed like forever. For a few days, everything
had reminded him of the young girl. Even now, although his sadness had gone
away, there were times when he wished feircely that things had been different.
He was surprised when Sae shrugged a little. "I could of lived with just being
her friend, if she didn't return my feelings. But I'm afraid that she won't even
want to be my friend anymore. Even though she pretended things were normal
between us, I could tell that she was nervous around me. It was like she didn't
know what to say or do."
"I went through a similar stage when I found out about Aburatsubo's feelings,"
Takeo commented, causing Sae's head to snap up. When he saw her expression, he
laughed a little. "Aburatsubo didn't keep his feelings hidden very long when he
realized that he was infatuated with me. At first, I didn't really know what to
do or how to act. I hurt him by behaving differently and it took me a while to
realize that his emotions didn't really change much between us. His feelings had
always been there, even when they were hidden. In a way, it made our friendship
stronger because we no longer had any secrets between us. There are times when I
get uncomfortable around him. Still, we are best friends and nothing was going
to change that. Aburatsubo kept his feelings for me obvious, but wasn't put off
by my constant rejection and so we were able to stay close."
Looking more cheerful than she had all day, Sae smiled a little. "So, you're
saying that I should act like Aburatsubo and flaunt my feelings for the world to
see?" she asked.
Laughing, Takeo shook his head. "No, not really. I don't think anyone could pull
off the flamingly-obvious thing and get away with it besides Aburatsubo. But
don't be ashamed of your feelings or hide them away. The first step is to be
honest with yourself. Mostly, you need to give Nanaka time. If she said she will
think about it, then she will. She may decide that she feels the same for you,"
he replied.
"Was there ever a time when you felt something for him?" Sae questioned, a small
blush on her cheeks.
Takeo opened his mouth to quickly retort that there had not been, but snapped
his mouth shut just as quickly. He was certain Sae was looking for reassurance
and a hope that things weren't as bad as she thought they were. She wanted to
know that she might have a chance with Nanaka after all. As uncomfortable as it
was, he forced himself to think about the question and answer honestly.
"There were a few times," he admitted slowly, a blush coming to his cheeks.
"Over the last week, I've been thinking about things. About other people's
feelings, including Aburatsubo's. Sometimes, I find myself wondering about the
strength of my friendship toward him, wondering if there could be something else
there. Normally, I would push the thought aside quickly. However, recently, the
thoughts havn't wanted to go away."
"Why don't you like him? If you don't mind me asking. There are lots of people
in the school who do, and he won't even give them the time of day," Sae
commented.
Uncomfortable with the question, Takeo shrugged and looked everywhere in the
room but at the girl across from him. "Honestly, I don't really know. I mean, I
used to think that being gay was disgusting. However, by being friends with
Aburatsubo, I've gotten used to the idea. Then, it was because I didn't want to
ruin our friendship. I know that was a stupid excuse since he already had
feelings for me. Maybe I'm shallow enough to worry about the opinion of others.
I don't know," he said quietly, almost to himself.
"I think you should give him a chance," Sae said. Takeo was glad to see a
familiar look of determination in her eyes. She was still pale and her eyes were
red from her earlier sobs, but she looked more like her normal self.
"A chance?" Takeo echoed, surprised.
Sae nodded firmly, standing up. "I have no doubt that Aburatsubo loves you with
all of his heart. And you deserve to be with the person who loves you. I think
that you should give it a thought without shying away like you usually do. You
should actually sit down and think about your best friend and what he means to
you. Then, if you find that you can return his feelings, you shouldn't run away.
You are a lot of things, Takakura-sempai, but a coward is not one of them!"
Takeo stared at her, surprised, for a long moment. Then he laughed slightly and
nodded. "I will. Thank you, Sawanoguchi-san," he said.
TBC