Telethon
1 [2] 3 [4] 5 6 7 8 9 0
24
BEGIN TRANSMISSION
AN IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT CONCERNING THE FUTURE OF
MEWTWO: COAST TO COAST.
Mewtwo: Greetings, citizens, I'm Mewtwo, with an important announcement to make. Ahem...(low voice) We're broke. (Cue sad violin music) That's right, the Mewtwo Talk Show is out of cash, so tonight, our regular show has been preimmunized for a special Mewtwo Telethon. If you love, or have ever loved me, or ever planned to love me in the future, I urge you tonight...please stay tuned. Pledge generously...to help keep the Mew alive!
(Lugia and Eneti are sitting in the commisary)
Lugia: So, whaddya gonna do if the show gets canned?
Eneti: Oh, I got few irons in the fire.
Lugia: Like what?
Eneti: They're re-making "MacGyver", only this time...he's a woman!
Lugia: What are you talking about, he was always a woman!
Eneti: Oh, uh, I'm gonna get some coffee.
Lugia: You don't have any ideas, do you?!
Eneti: LEAVE ME ALONE!
Lugia: YOU LIAR! YOU MADE THAT UP!
Eneti: LEAVE ME ALONE!
(Opening credits and titles, but on the screen)
Mewtwo: You see, folks, hi-tech computer animation like this costs money. How much? I don't know, but trust me, it's one heck of a lot, and we're wiped cleaner than a dead-man's eatin' hand! (Teeth gleam) So I turn to you, the veiwers, in my quarter-hour of need. I know you folks will the numbers on the screen below, and pledge your undying support.
CALL NOW!!! 555-CASH
Mewtwo: Cuase you've got a jug o' love for me, and you're thirsty for what I got! (Makes kissing noises)
CELADON CITY 555-GIVE
Lugia: Eh, this is embarassing, even to me!
Eneti: It's just so...wrong!
Suicune: Ahem. A-hem!
SUPPORT THE MEWTWO! 555-DEBT
Mewtwo: Why look everybody! The Legendary Pokémon are here! They'll be standing by to take your flood of calls.
Suicune: Yes, and every twenty dollar pledge r-r-receives a kissy-kiss from yours truly!
Raikou: Really?
NANTUCKET 555-IBEG
Suicune: Yes, come over here, Ray! Come a little closer, I want to smell what you've been eating all day!
Raikou: (Whimpers)
Suicune: (Sniff, sniff) Liverworth! Divine! (Sniff, sniff) Oh, and thick sliced cross cut of Bolonga! How fragrent!
HELP!!! 555-MOOLAH
Raikou: Oh, you...
Lugia: I pay 20 bucks to hear Suicune shut up!
Suicune: And you need to get over yourself, lover!
Mewtwo: (Pause) Our goal tonight is a mere 17 and a half million dollars!
RUMYUNGYUNSONSON 555-PAYUP
Suicune: Tell me, Mewtwo, you oafish lunkheaded clodpate, you tr-r-ruly beileve that you can r-r-raise that much wampum is such a paltry amount of time?
Mewtwo: Yes indeedy! I'm putting my money where my mouth is!
CALL THIS MINUTE!!! 555-GREEN
Mewtwo: I'm going to start us off by donating the proceeds from the sale of three pints of my (echo effect) SUPER MEW BLOOD! (End echo) Eneti, let's go to the big board!
Eneti: (Throws lever) (Numbers spin on the "DON'T GIVE UP the GASTLY" tote board, with the final total showing...)
$00,000,036.10
Mewtwo: (Subdued) Whoo-wee.
SECTORS R OR N 555-BROKE
Mewtwo: And I'm sure we'll be adding it up with our first performer. So make that pledge now, folks, while we bring on funny man Pete Michael!
Mew: O-o-o-o-o-h! A-a-a-a-a-a-h!
DON'T BE CHEAP! 555-BILLS
Pete Michael: Thank you! New Island, how are ya, Mewtwo, very good to see you. It's great to be here, ladies and gentlemen, you too, Lugia.
Lugia: DON'T YOU EVEN LOOK AT ME!
Pete Michael: But, uh, New Island, boy, this is somethin'. I can't beileve I got a flight up here! (rim shot)
Mewtwo: (Laughs)
ALTAIR IV 555-DOUGH
Pete Michael: But, it's great to be anywhere, I tell ya, the club I was workin' at last week? Big Jehovah Witness convention at the hotel I wa stayin' at.
Mewtwo: (Laughs)
Pete Michael: And you know what I did? I went out after my show...What did I...Ah...sorry. (walks off stage)
PLEASE, PLEASE CALL! 555-POOR
Mewtwo: Well, now, wasn't that...Pete Michael, everyone!
Celebi: MEWTWO, SOMEONE JUST CALLED, AND THEY WANNA DONATE A BILLION DOLLARS!
Mewtwo: What's there name?!
Celebi: Seymore Hiney.
Mewtwo: Thank you so much, Seymore! Well, I guess we can wrap things up here.
AREA 51 555-FUNDS
Lugia: You idiot!
Eneti: It was a prank call!
Mewtwo: Uh...oh...I am now rescinding my thank you. Council, accept no more calls from the Hiney family. Eneti, next performer! Toot sweety!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?! 555-GIFT
(Russ is sent to the Studio)
Mewtwo: Greetings, citizen Next Performer.
Russ Powell: Greetings.
Lugia: Arrr, 'tis a scurvy pirate!
Mew: A-a-a-h! O-o-o-o-o!
Celebi: He's not a pirate, stupid!
Russ Powell: Actually, I'm dressed out of the Renaissance period...
TINY HUT PEOPLE CALL 555-MONEY
Celebi: A humanistic revival of art, literature and learning in Europe which occurred during the 14th through 16th centuries. Tell me something I don't know!
Russ Powell: Can I show you some juggling while I'm here?
Celebi: JUGGLING! OH BOY! DO IT! DO SOME JUGGLING!
USE YOUR PHONE 555-BREAD
Russ Powell: (Juggles three colored balls, accompanied by cheesy organ music)
Mewtwo: Look, he's honestly juggling! Come on, folks, isn't this worth at least a few million?
Raikou: Ooh, watch him juggle!
(The big board total drops from $36.10 to $31.10)
Mewtwo: Hey, wait a second, the total just went down five dollars!
?AL SURE DE LA FRONTERA? LLAMA 555-PESO
Eneti: I know, I just rented Barb Wire...I heard it's awesome.
Celebi: Oh, I wanna see that!
Eneti: It's rated "R", Celebi!
Celebi: Aw, poop.
(Gravity Man appears on the monitor)
Eneti: Oh!
Gravity Man: Greetings, citizens!
Mew: O-o-o-o-o!
Lugia: Obscene mating call!
CALL, CALL, CALL! 555-BUSTED
Gravity Man: Are you getting enough oxygen?
Mewtwo: Look, Jason, I'm in the middle of my telethon right now.
Gravity Man: You know, Kowalski, don't you think it's ironic that when I ask for money it's called begging, but when you drop to your knees it's called a telethon.
DLROW ORRAZIB 8%$-&3P-555
Mewtwo: Yeah, how about that? Ain't that somethin'?
Gravity Man: I got somethin' I can do for your telethon. How about I decorate your back window with a little of my special oil?
Mewtwo: How about I throw corn on the floor and you pick it up with your mouth?!
WE ACCEPT FOODSTAMPS! 555-PENNILESS
Celebi: That's ok, Gravity Man, I'll do it, I like corn!
Gravity Man: (Shakes his head) I'm outta here. (zaps off monitor)
Mewtwo: Um, uh, let's keep things moving. Uh, Eneti, how about another guest?
Eneti: (Sends Bob and Robbie to studio monitor)
Mewtwo: Ladies and gentlemen, let's hear it for...
Mew: O-o-o-o-o!
HORSEHEAD NEBULA 555-SPEND
Mewtwo: Uh, Bob and Robby!
Dummy: Hey, how ya doin'?
Mewtwo: Um, your little friend just, um, talked.
Dummy: (to Bob) Little friend, who's he talkin' to?
Lugia: IT'S A PUPPET!
Mewtwo: A puppet! Did you say a puppet?
Bob Abdou: Yes, puppet.
COUNTERFEIT BILLS NOT A PROBLEM! 555-CHANGE
Dummy: Puppet. P-p-p-p-p-p-p.
Mewtwo: AAAAH! THE PUPPET TALKS! LUGIA! THE PUPPET TALKS!
Dummy: P-p-p-p-p-p-p.
Mewtwo: (Zaps them of monitor, Russ appears, holding three knives)
Mew: O-o-o-o-o!
Russ Powell: One, two, three, here we go. (starts juggling the knives)
Mew: (Screams)
DOTHAN 555-BUCK
Mewtwo: Bless you, Santa, it's the juggler!
Mew: (Continues screaming)
Suicune: Oh, Mew, please continue that shrieking, because it can't possibly be more annoying!
Russ Powell: (Still juggling knives) Now, I have a confession to make here, I have never really figured out a way to stop this. So, uh, any ideas?
REMEMBER, NO $$$, NO MEWTWO! 555-STRAPPED
Eneti: Uh, let it fall on your head.
Lugia: Yeah, do that.
Eneti: Mmm, that might be dangerous.
MARS 555-ROCK
Lugia: Hey, throw 'em up really high, and catch 'em in your mouth.
Eneti: But be careful.
Russ Powell: (still juggling knives) There we go.
Mewtwo: (blasts Russ)
Russ Powell: Oh! (drops the knives) I missed that.
Mewtwo: Legendary Pokémon! Any calls?
All Pokémon: No!
YOUR GIFTS ARE TAX DEDUCTABLE 555-LOOPHOLE
Mewtwo: Well, then, I guess we can take a break for some commercial messages.
Lugia: Telethons don't have commericals!
Mewtwo: And birds don't talk, Lugia, (switches to Lugia voice) SO WELCOME TO THE ASYLUM!
Lugia: (Stares back wide-eyed)
INTERRUPT TRANSMISSION
START TRANSMISSION
ASTRON DELTA 555-JACK
Mewtwo: And we're back. Eneti, how are the phones?
Eneti: Silent, like crabs.
Lugia: Yes, like crabs.
Mewtwo: (This is worse than the time you had to battle the Team Rocket battleships bare-bottom to the toenail factory.)
SABRINA! PLEASE CALL! 555-PSYCHIC
Mewtwo: (What can I do to save this turkey?) Legendary Pokémon... (Prepares his psy) Give me your money!
Suicune: No! I shan't give you a sheckel!
Mew: Oh no!
Celebi: Ok, here's my allowance.
Ho-oh: (Squaks and slams wing)
HALE BOPP 555-HELP
Raikou: You still owe me money!
Suicune: (mocking) You still owe me money! You still owe me money! Ah, there it is again, the acrid putrocity of Raikou's chronic halitosis!
Raikou: Hee hee!
Suicune: SHUT THAT STENCH HOLE OR I SHALL GAG!
Mewtwo: (None of this is real.)
GIOVANNI PLEASE DO NOT CALL
Pete Michael: (back on stage) New Island, how are ya? Mewtwo, very good to see you.
Mewtwo: Pete Michael, everybody!
Pete Michael: Ladies and gentlemen, it's reat to be here, good to see ya. You too, Lugia.
Lugia: Feh...
Pete Michael: But, man, New Island, finally, finally get to be on New Island.
NOSTROMO 555-CREDIT
Mewtwo: Phones are open, folks.
Mewtwo: I can't believe I got a flight up here. (rim shot, by Articuno)
Mewtwo: (laughs)
Pete Michael: But, uh, God, I keep forgetting about that Jehovah Witness thing.
THINK OF THE PICHUS! 555-MEW2
Lugia: Nice try, freak.
Pete Michael: I'm sorry, I was on my mark anyway. (walks off stage, then Bob reappears in the studio with an Elvis dummy)
Dummy: Goodnight, oh-h-h-h!
Mewtwo: Phones are open, folks.
LITTLE GOTHAM 555-KWACHA
Eneti: (looking at weather map on monitor) You see, these drops are falling between these lines here, and you might want to keep an eye out for this big H, cause...that's where heaven is.
Bob: Well, we can do "Viva Las Vegas", but we, uh, I have it on casette.
$00,000,031.10
GIVE UNTIL IT HURTS 555-PENCE
Mewtwo: I'm sorry, but I'm gonna have to blast you, because we're not getting any calls, and you're the nearest scapegoat.
Bob: Oh, ok.
Mewtwo: (blasts them out of the studio) (Subdued) Well, what else can I say, except...ladies and gentlemen...
NEW CHICAGO 555-KYAT
Lugia: OH NO!
Mewtwo: ...Pete Michael.
Pete Michael: Thank you.
Celebi: Oh, you're welcome!
Pete Michael: Thank you, New Island, it's great to see everyone. Even you, Lugia.
COMEDY AIN'T FREE, YOU KNOW 555-HAHA
Lugia: Shine on, you crazy diamond. (rim shot)
Pete Michael: (looks around)
Mewtwo: Phones are open, folks.
Pete Michael: Guys, we cannot pick up women in fast food restaurants. There is only one person who can pick up a girl at the salad bar at Burger King. That person, of course, is... (turns around, puts on wig.)
KATTELOX ISLAND 555-ZENNY
Celebi: Pete Michael! Pete Michael? You, Pete Michael! Pete Michael!
Pete Michael: (turns around, wearing Kramer wig) Kramer, from "Seinfeld".
Mewtwo: KRAMER?!
Celebi: Oh boy, an impression!
Raikou: You se, he's gonna act like Kramer from "Seinfeld", but he's really not.
NO MORE IOU's PLEASE 555-ZLOTY
Celebi: Aw, what a gyp!
Pete Michael: (doing Kramer gestures and voice) Cucumbers. Roughage. Cool! So, can I buy you a pie? Aaaaa!
HYRULE CASTLE 555-RUPEE
Mewtwo: (In my head, where it's safe and warm, I'm making lots of money.)
Pete Michael: ...Oh, yes. (phone rings in background) (normal voice) I've never done anything where absolutely nobody laughs.
Eneti: Welcome to Mewtwo: Coast to Coast.
WHAT'S THE HOLD UP? 555-NOW!
Mewtwo: Oh, they're laughin' alright.
Celebi: MEWTWO! THERE'S A CALL!
Mewtwo: Is it one of those Hineys?
Celebi: Um...yes.
LYTHION 555-JANE
Mewtwo: Argh! THAT'S IT! I've had it with you people! I do this Hindenburg of a talk show each and every week and where does it get me? Humilation City, population 1! LISTEN UP, TV LAND! IF YOU DON'T GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY, I'm, gonna... um...SHOOT CELEBI!
DO WE HAVE TO THREATEN YOU? 555-PAIN
Celebi: I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING BAD! (sobbing) I don't wanna be shot!
Mewtwo: What am I doing?! Celebi, I, I am sorry.
Celebi: (sniffle) It's ok, Mewtwo.
Mewtwo: IT IS?! Well, then!
TRALFAMADORE 555-GIVEIT
Celebi: No, wait! DON'T, NOOOOOO!!! (Gets blasted) Yeow! That's smarts!
Mewtwo: There! See? See what you people made me do?!
(A dramatic drum roll begins, the big board then begins a count down)
All: 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
CHECK UNDER THE CUSHIONS 555-NICKELS
Mew: O-O-O-O-O!!!
Lugia: HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Mewtwo: WHOA, MAMA! Come on, come on!
$XX,XX4,375.76...
Mewtwo: Come on, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon!
$XX,X14,375.76...
Mewtwo: YES! YES!!!
$-814,375.76
Mewtwo: (shocked) Wh-, wha, whu, but th-th-th-that's impossible, Eneti, because we...
CINNIBAR (NO HARD FEELINGS?) 555-ISLAND
Eneti: Well, the big board cost fifteen thou, and there's the added phone lines, teamsters, catering from Taco King. (credits roll) The blue screen of the comedian, that cost ten grand, plus he took a cab. The weather graphics, "Barb Wire" rental, the Pokémon's fees, and, oh yeah, that eighty thousand Ming dynasty vase that Celebi is about to knock over.
Celebi: Dig this, Ming, I'm sick of your dynasty! (sound of vase breaking)
(The room goes pitch black)
Mewtwo: Eneti, what's going on?
Eneti: Uh, they cut the power.
Raikou: (Whispering) Hey! Let's all take off our skins! (snicker) Hee hee hee!
EPISODE 55 TELETHON
(Cash Register Sound)
CONTACT VICIOUS PLANET
(Internet Sounds)
P.O. BOX: 650 Techwood Street, Saffron City
Email: Vicious Planet @ PSN.com
Fax: Vicious Planet 05296015
Location: Saffron City, Kanto
VICIOUS PLANET INDUSTRIES
1 [2] 3 [4] 5 6 7 8 9 0
24
BEGIN TRANSMISSION
AN IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT CONCERNING THE FUTURE OF
MEWTWO: COAST TO COAST.
Mewtwo: Greetings, citizens, I'm Mewtwo, with an important announcement to make. Ahem...(low voice) We're broke. (Cue sad violin music) That's right, the Mewtwo Talk Show is out of cash, so tonight, our regular show has been preimmunized for a special Mewtwo Telethon. If you love, or have ever loved me, or ever planned to love me in the future, I urge you tonight...please stay tuned. Pledge generously...to help keep the Mew alive!
(Lugia and Eneti are sitting in the commisary)
Lugia: So, whaddya gonna do if the show gets canned?
Eneti: Oh, I got few irons in the fire.
Lugia: Like what?
Eneti: They're re-making "MacGyver", only this time...he's a woman!
Lugia: What are you talking about, he was always a woman!
Eneti: Oh, uh, I'm gonna get some coffee.
Lugia: You don't have any ideas, do you?!
Eneti: LEAVE ME ALONE!
Lugia: YOU LIAR! YOU MADE THAT UP!
Eneti: LEAVE ME ALONE!
(Opening credits and titles, but on the screen)
Mewtwo: You see, folks, hi-tech computer animation like this costs money. How much? I don't know, but trust me, it's one heck of a lot, and we're wiped cleaner than a dead-man's eatin' hand! (Teeth gleam) So I turn to you, the veiwers, in my quarter-hour of need. I know you folks will the numbers on the screen below, and pledge your undying support.
CALL NOW!!! 555-CASH
Mewtwo: Cuase you've got a jug o' love for me, and you're thirsty for what I got! (Makes kissing noises)
CELADON CITY 555-GIVE
Lugia: Eh, this is embarassing, even to me!
Eneti: It's just so...wrong!
Suicune: Ahem. A-hem!
SUPPORT THE MEWTWO! 555-DEBT
Mewtwo: Why look everybody! The Legendary Pokémon are here! They'll be standing by to take your flood of calls.
Suicune: Yes, and every twenty dollar pledge r-r-receives a kissy-kiss from yours truly!
Raikou: Really?
NANTUCKET 555-IBEG
Suicune: Yes, come over here, Ray! Come a little closer, I want to smell what you've been eating all day!
Raikou: (Whimpers)
Suicune: (Sniff, sniff) Liverworth! Divine! (Sniff, sniff) Oh, and thick sliced cross cut of Bolonga! How fragrent!
HELP!!! 555-MOOLAH
Raikou: Oh, you...
Lugia: I pay 20 bucks to hear Suicune shut up!
Suicune: And you need to get over yourself, lover!
Mewtwo: (Pause) Our goal tonight is a mere 17 and a half million dollars!
RUMYUNGYUNSONSON 555-PAYUP
Suicune: Tell me, Mewtwo, you oafish lunkheaded clodpate, you tr-r-ruly beileve that you can r-r-raise that much wampum is such a paltry amount of time?
Mewtwo: Yes indeedy! I'm putting my money where my mouth is!
CALL THIS MINUTE!!! 555-GREEN
Mewtwo: I'm going to start us off by donating the proceeds from the sale of three pints of my (echo effect) SUPER MEW BLOOD! (End echo) Eneti, let's go to the big board!
Eneti: (Throws lever) (Numbers spin on the "DON'T GIVE UP the GASTLY" tote board, with the final total showing...)
$00,000,036.10
Mewtwo: (Subdued) Whoo-wee.
SECTORS R OR N 555-BROKE
Mewtwo: And I'm sure we'll be adding it up with our first performer. So make that pledge now, folks, while we bring on funny man Pete Michael!
Mew: O-o-o-o-o-h! A-a-a-a-a-a-h!
DON'T BE CHEAP! 555-BILLS
Pete Michael: Thank you! New Island, how are ya, Mewtwo, very good to see you. It's great to be here, ladies and gentlemen, you too, Lugia.
Lugia: DON'T YOU EVEN LOOK AT ME!
Pete Michael: But, uh, New Island, boy, this is somethin'. I can't beileve I got a flight up here! (rim shot)
Mewtwo: (Laughs)
ALTAIR IV 555-DOUGH
Pete Michael: But, it's great to be anywhere, I tell ya, the club I was workin' at last week? Big Jehovah Witness convention at the hotel I wa stayin' at.
Mewtwo: (Laughs)
Pete Michael: And you know what I did? I went out after my show...What did I...Ah...sorry. (walks off stage)
PLEASE, PLEASE CALL! 555-POOR
Mewtwo: Well, now, wasn't that...Pete Michael, everyone!
Celebi: MEWTWO, SOMEONE JUST CALLED, AND THEY WANNA DONATE A BILLION DOLLARS!
Mewtwo: What's there name?!
Celebi: Seymore Hiney.
Mewtwo: Thank you so much, Seymore! Well, I guess we can wrap things up here.
AREA 51 555-FUNDS
Lugia: You idiot!
Eneti: It was a prank call!
Mewtwo: Uh...oh...I am now rescinding my thank you. Council, accept no more calls from the Hiney family. Eneti, next performer! Toot sweety!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?! 555-GIFT
(Russ is sent to the Studio)
Mewtwo: Greetings, citizen Next Performer.
Russ Powell: Greetings.
Lugia: Arrr, 'tis a scurvy pirate!
Mew: A-a-a-h! O-o-o-o-o!
Celebi: He's not a pirate, stupid!
Russ Powell: Actually, I'm dressed out of the Renaissance period...
TINY HUT PEOPLE CALL 555-MONEY
Celebi: A humanistic revival of art, literature and learning in Europe which occurred during the 14th through 16th centuries. Tell me something I don't know!
Russ Powell: Can I show you some juggling while I'm here?
Celebi: JUGGLING! OH BOY! DO IT! DO SOME JUGGLING!
USE YOUR PHONE 555-BREAD
Russ Powell: (Juggles three colored balls, accompanied by cheesy organ music)
Mewtwo: Look, he's honestly juggling! Come on, folks, isn't this worth at least a few million?
Raikou: Ooh, watch him juggle!
(The big board total drops from $36.10 to $31.10)
Mewtwo: Hey, wait a second, the total just went down five dollars!
?AL SURE DE LA FRONTERA? LLAMA 555-PESO
Eneti: I know, I just rented Barb Wire...I heard it's awesome.
Celebi: Oh, I wanna see that!
Eneti: It's rated "R", Celebi!
Celebi: Aw, poop.
(Gravity Man appears on the monitor)
Eneti: Oh!
Gravity Man: Greetings, citizens!
Mew: O-o-o-o-o!
Lugia: Obscene mating call!
CALL, CALL, CALL! 555-BUSTED
Gravity Man: Are you getting enough oxygen?
Mewtwo: Look, Jason, I'm in the middle of my telethon right now.
Gravity Man: You know, Kowalski, don't you think it's ironic that when I ask for money it's called begging, but when you drop to your knees it's called a telethon.
DLROW ORRAZIB 8%$-&3P-555
Mewtwo: Yeah, how about that? Ain't that somethin'?
Gravity Man: I got somethin' I can do for your telethon. How about I decorate your back window with a little of my special oil?
Mewtwo: How about I throw corn on the floor and you pick it up with your mouth?!
WE ACCEPT FOODSTAMPS! 555-PENNILESS
Celebi: That's ok, Gravity Man, I'll do it, I like corn!
Gravity Man: (Shakes his head) I'm outta here. (zaps off monitor)
Mewtwo: Um, uh, let's keep things moving. Uh, Eneti, how about another guest?
Eneti: (Sends Bob and Robbie to studio monitor)
Mewtwo: Ladies and gentlemen, let's hear it for...
Mew: O-o-o-o-o!
HORSEHEAD NEBULA 555-SPEND
Mewtwo: Uh, Bob and Robby!
Dummy: Hey, how ya doin'?
Mewtwo: Um, your little friend just, um, talked.
Dummy: (to Bob) Little friend, who's he talkin' to?
Lugia: IT'S A PUPPET!
Mewtwo: A puppet! Did you say a puppet?
Bob Abdou: Yes, puppet.
COUNTERFEIT BILLS NOT A PROBLEM! 555-CHANGE
Dummy: Puppet. P-p-p-p-p-p-p.
Mewtwo: AAAAH! THE PUPPET TALKS! LUGIA! THE PUPPET TALKS!
Dummy: P-p-p-p-p-p-p.
Mewtwo: (Zaps them of monitor, Russ appears, holding three knives)
Mew: O-o-o-o-o!
Russ Powell: One, two, three, here we go. (starts juggling the knives)
Mew: (Screams)
DOTHAN 555-BUCK
Mewtwo: Bless you, Santa, it's the juggler!
Mew: (Continues screaming)
Suicune: Oh, Mew, please continue that shrieking, because it can't possibly be more annoying!
Russ Powell: (Still juggling knives) Now, I have a confession to make here, I have never really figured out a way to stop this. So, uh, any ideas?
REMEMBER, NO $$$, NO MEWTWO! 555-STRAPPED
Eneti: Uh, let it fall on your head.
Lugia: Yeah, do that.
Eneti: Mmm, that might be dangerous.
MARS 555-ROCK
Lugia: Hey, throw 'em up really high, and catch 'em in your mouth.
Eneti: But be careful.
Russ Powell: (still juggling knives) There we go.
Mewtwo: (blasts Russ)
Russ Powell: Oh! (drops the knives) I missed that.
Mewtwo: Legendary Pokémon! Any calls?
All Pokémon: No!
YOUR GIFTS ARE TAX DEDUCTABLE 555-LOOPHOLE
Mewtwo: Well, then, I guess we can take a break for some commercial messages.
Lugia: Telethons don't have commericals!
Mewtwo: And birds don't talk, Lugia, (switches to Lugia voice) SO WELCOME TO THE ASYLUM!
Lugia: (Stares back wide-eyed)
INTERRUPT TRANSMISSION
START TRANSMISSION
ASTRON DELTA 555-JACK
Mewtwo: And we're back. Eneti, how are the phones?
Eneti: Silent, like crabs.
Lugia: Yes, like crabs.
Mewtwo: (This is worse than the time you had to battle the Team Rocket battleships bare-bottom to the toenail factory.)
SABRINA! PLEASE CALL! 555-PSYCHIC
Mewtwo: (What can I do to save this turkey?) Legendary Pokémon... (Prepares his psy) Give me your money!
Suicune: No! I shan't give you a sheckel!
Mew: Oh no!
Celebi: Ok, here's my allowance.
Ho-oh: (Squaks and slams wing)
HALE BOPP 555-HELP
Raikou: You still owe me money!
Suicune: (mocking) You still owe me money! You still owe me money! Ah, there it is again, the acrid putrocity of Raikou's chronic halitosis!
Raikou: Hee hee!
Suicune: SHUT THAT STENCH HOLE OR I SHALL GAG!
Mewtwo: (None of this is real.)
GIOVANNI PLEASE DO NOT CALL
Pete Michael: (back on stage) New Island, how are ya? Mewtwo, very good to see you.
Mewtwo: Pete Michael, everybody!
Pete Michael: Ladies and gentlemen, it's reat to be here, good to see ya. You too, Lugia.
Lugia: Feh...
Pete Michael: But, man, New Island, finally, finally get to be on New Island.
NOSTROMO 555-CREDIT
Mewtwo: Phones are open, folks.
Mewtwo: I can't believe I got a flight up here. (rim shot, by Articuno)
Mewtwo: (laughs)
Pete Michael: But, uh, God, I keep forgetting about that Jehovah Witness thing.
THINK OF THE PICHUS! 555-MEW2
Lugia: Nice try, freak.
Pete Michael: I'm sorry, I was on my mark anyway. (walks off stage, then Bob reappears in the studio with an Elvis dummy)
Dummy: Goodnight, oh-h-h-h!
Mewtwo: Phones are open, folks.
LITTLE GOTHAM 555-KWACHA
Eneti: (looking at weather map on monitor) You see, these drops are falling between these lines here, and you might want to keep an eye out for this big H, cause...that's where heaven is.
Bob: Well, we can do "Viva Las Vegas", but we, uh, I have it on casette.
$00,000,031.10
GIVE UNTIL IT HURTS 555-PENCE
Mewtwo: I'm sorry, but I'm gonna have to blast you, because we're not getting any calls, and you're the nearest scapegoat.
Bob: Oh, ok.
Mewtwo: (blasts them out of the studio) (Subdued) Well, what else can I say, except...ladies and gentlemen...
NEW CHICAGO 555-KYAT
Lugia: OH NO!
Mewtwo: ...Pete Michael.
Pete Michael: Thank you.
Celebi: Oh, you're welcome!
Pete Michael: Thank you, New Island, it's great to see everyone. Even you, Lugia.
COMEDY AIN'T FREE, YOU KNOW 555-HAHA
Lugia: Shine on, you crazy diamond. (rim shot)
Pete Michael: (looks around)
Mewtwo: Phones are open, folks.
Pete Michael: Guys, we cannot pick up women in fast food restaurants. There is only one person who can pick up a girl at the salad bar at Burger King. That person, of course, is... (turns around, puts on wig.)
KATTELOX ISLAND 555-ZENNY
Celebi: Pete Michael! Pete Michael? You, Pete Michael! Pete Michael!
Pete Michael: (turns around, wearing Kramer wig) Kramer, from "Seinfeld".
Mewtwo: KRAMER?!
Celebi: Oh boy, an impression!
Raikou: You se, he's gonna act like Kramer from "Seinfeld", but he's really not.
NO MORE IOU's PLEASE 555-ZLOTY
Celebi: Aw, what a gyp!
Pete Michael: (doing Kramer gestures and voice) Cucumbers. Roughage. Cool! So, can I buy you a pie? Aaaaa!
HYRULE CASTLE 555-RUPEE
Mewtwo: (In my head, where it's safe and warm, I'm making lots of money.)
Pete Michael: ...Oh, yes. (phone rings in background) (normal voice) I've never done anything where absolutely nobody laughs.
Eneti: Welcome to Mewtwo: Coast to Coast.
WHAT'S THE HOLD UP? 555-NOW!
Mewtwo: Oh, they're laughin' alright.
Celebi: MEWTWO! THERE'S A CALL!
Mewtwo: Is it one of those Hineys?
Celebi: Um...yes.
LYTHION 555-JANE
Mewtwo: Argh! THAT'S IT! I've had it with you people! I do this Hindenburg of a talk show each and every week and where does it get me? Humilation City, population 1! LISTEN UP, TV LAND! IF YOU DON'T GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY, I'm, gonna... um...SHOOT CELEBI!
DO WE HAVE TO THREATEN YOU? 555-PAIN
Celebi: I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING BAD! (sobbing) I don't wanna be shot!
Mewtwo: What am I doing?! Celebi, I, I am sorry.
Celebi: (sniffle) It's ok, Mewtwo.
Mewtwo: IT IS?! Well, then!
TRALFAMADORE 555-GIVEIT
Celebi: No, wait! DON'T, NOOOOOO!!! (Gets blasted) Yeow! That's smarts!
Mewtwo: There! See? See what you people made me do?!
(A dramatic drum roll begins, the big board then begins a count down)
All: 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
CHECK UNDER THE CUSHIONS 555-NICKELS
Mew: O-O-O-O-O!!!
Lugia: HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Mewtwo: WHOA, MAMA! Come on, come on!
$XX,XX4,375.76...
Mewtwo: Come on, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon!
$XX,X14,375.76...
Mewtwo: YES! YES!!!
$-814,375.76
Mewtwo: (shocked) Wh-, wha, whu, but th-th-th-that's impossible, Eneti, because we...
CINNIBAR (NO HARD FEELINGS?) 555-ISLAND
Eneti: Well, the big board cost fifteen thou, and there's the added phone lines, teamsters, catering from Taco King. (credits roll) The blue screen of the comedian, that cost ten grand, plus he took a cab. The weather graphics, "Barb Wire" rental, the Pokémon's fees, and, oh yeah, that eighty thousand Ming dynasty vase that Celebi is about to knock over.
Celebi: Dig this, Ming, I'm sick of your dynasty! (sound of vase breaking)
(The room goes pitch black)
Mewtwo: Eneti, what's going on?
Eneti: Uh, they cut the power.
Raikou: (Whispering) Hey! Let's all take off our skins! (snicker) Hee hee hee!
EPISODE 55 TELETHON
(Cash Register Sound)
CONTACT VICIOUS PLANET
(Internet Sounds)
P.O. BOX: 650 Techwood Street, Saffron City
Email: Vicious Planet @ PSN.com
Fax: Vicious Planet 05296015
Location: Saffron City, Kanto
VICIOUS PLANET INDUSTRIES