Curling Flowers Mew
Mewtwo: (yawns)
Jerry Springer: (yawns) (Eneti throws the switch.)
Eneti: Okay!
Mewtwo: (waking up) Geez!
Lugia: Ow!
Eneti: We're outta time.
Mewtwo: Okay.
(Credits for "Brilliant Number Three - 44c" begin)
(In Eneti's monitor:
Guest Star Jerry Springer
Written by Bill Faulkner)
Eneti: And...we're clear.
Mewtwo: Well, that wadn't very good.
Jerry Springer: I'm sorry.
Mewtwo: Oh no, it's all right. Really. You're just not very good.
Jerry Springer: (looks confused) No. I'm loving...
(The Vicious Street bell from the credits can be heard in the background)
Jerry Springer: ...cuddly...
Lugia: Ha-ha. You really mailed that one in.
Mewtwo: Huh?
Eneti: Aren't there usually questions and answers, or am I just wrong about that?
Mewtwo: I just keep thinking about last week's show. It had everything. Action, girls, ni-jitsu sex...
Lugia: Eruptions from your mouth...
Mewtwo: Shut up, bird!
Lugia: Pfft!
Mewtwo: I'll spin your head off so fast it'll travel back in time!! (echoing) To a period when bugs wore suits and opened doors while saying "Thank you" and "Yes, please."
Lugia: Um, I have no response to that.
(In the monitor, Jerry Springer is making a goofy face)
Mewtwo: It's like working with children, Jerry.
Jerry Springer: Yeah.
Mewtwo: Giant ones.
Jerry Springer: Well, are we surprised?
Lugia: (laughs)
Mewtwo: Now, listen up as I tell the tale of 15 sexy Ni-jitsu minutes.
(As Mewtwo echoes "Ni-jitsu," we flashback to him interviewing Sarah Jessica Parker.)
Sarah Jessica Parker: Did you create the show?
Mewtwo: By "create," you mean write, produce, direct and star in?
Sarah Jessica Parker: Yeah.
Mewtwo: Then, yes. I created it for you. For Christmas.
Sarah Jessica Parker: In my wildest fantasies, I never imagined that I would really be invited to be on your show.
Mewtwo: Mmmmm. WILD fantasies.
Sarah Jessica Parker: You have a... I don't know, something about you.
Mewtwo: Would you like to have some of my sex with me?
Sarah Jessica Parker: Oh boy, would I.
Mewtwo: Let's go.
Lugia: (voice-over) Okay, this is a complete lie!
Mewtwo: (voice-over) Shut up, Zorak! It isn't!
(Flashback ends)
Lugia: She never woulda...
Mewtwo: We'll check the tape! We'll check it right after the show, buddy!
Lugia: Show's over, genius!
Jerry Springer: I wasn't told that this...is this a...?
Lugia: And that's "jenius" with a "J"!
Jerry Springer: This is an ambush show!
Mewtwo: Your life's about over, diving bird!
Lugia: Yeah, whatever.
Mewtwo: It's about over unless you shut up!
Jerry Springer: I don't wanna be a guest on a talk show!
Lugia: All right, but...
Mewtwo: Say it! Say it again, pocket monster!
Jerry Springer: I never wanted to be on!
Mewtwo: Say what you just said!
Eneti: Yeah, say it!
Mewtwo: SAY IT!!!
Jerry Springer: Whoa!
Lugia: "Whoa!" is what America's gonna be sayin' when I spin his head off so fast, it'll travel back in time!
Lugia: Blah, blah, blah, blah.
Mewtwo: Oh, you want the time-travel spinning head!
Jerry Springer: Um...
Mewtwo: Huh? Mister I'm-a-big-bad-pokémon-of-doom?
Jerry Springer: Wha...?
Mewtwo: Time?
Jerry Springer: What does that mean?
Lugia: He doesn't know! He's a complete retard!
Mewtwo: It means there was a time when birds were obedient to their trainers and/or their masters. This clearly isn't that time!
Lugia: Nope.
Mewtwo: Now, where was I, Jerry?
Jerry Springer: (sighs) I don't know, but we were kind of--
Mewtwo: Ah, yes. The sex.
Jerry Springer: Of course.
(Flashback resumes)
Mewtwo: As I moved in to enjoy the sex, terror rained down from the sky...
(A ceiling tile hits Mewtwo in the head)
Sarah Jessica Parker: (laughing) Oh my gosh.
Mewtwo: Are...there...any bones...sticking out?
Sarah Jessica Parker: Um, I can't tell. You're hidden by a desk.
Mewtwo: (voice-over) I was pinned. To the earth.
Lugia: (voice-over) Pfft! By a freakin' ceiling tile.
(Flashback ends)
Mewtwo: Don't! Don't, Don't, Don't!
Lugia: (laughs)
Mewtwo: This was no ordinary ceiling tile, Jerry.
Jerry Springer: Okay.
Mewtwo: This was The Mavirck, C. Ling Tile!
(Flashback resumes. A ceiling tile with two sprinkler and an air vent walks up to Space Ghost, who is still lying on the floor.)
C. Ling Tile: So, X. We meet again.
Mewtwo: I'm not X, I'm Mewtwo!
C. Ling Tile: No, no, no. Correction: you ARE X! (He starts spraying water on Mewtwo's head) Sprinkler! Sprinkler!
Mewtwo: No!
C. Ling Tile: Ho-HO!
Mewtwo: Tap water!
C. Ling Tile: (laughs) Now I will freeze you! At 60 degrees! Cool air vent! Go! (starts blowing air on Mewtwo)
Mewtwo: My weakness! Agh!
C. Ling Tile: Go together!
Mewtwo: He's lowering the temperature of my body!
C. Ling Tile: Oh-ho-ho!
Mewtwo: It's all right. Contact Facilities!
C. Ling Tile: You...(bangs Mewtwo on the head)...deal with it!
Mewtwo: Son of a...
C. Ling Tile: Ha ha ha!
Mewtwo: Time to hang, Tile!
C. Ling Tile: Asbestos powder! (Start spraying powder in Mewtwo's face)
Mewtwo: Agh!
C. Ling Tile: Get up! Get up and face the powder!
Mewtwo: No!
C. Ling Tile: (sniffs) Mmmm! Mmmmm! Suck it in, Mewtwo! And prepare to die!
Mewtwo: Not while I'm alive! Medical school!
(Mewtwo summons a glowing ball of energy)
C. Ling Tile: Hey! Stop!
Eneti: Mewtwo has mastered the five ultimate magics!
Mewtwo: May cause drowsiness!
C. Ling Tile: No!
Mewtwo: From your coffin!
C. Ling Tile: You don't have to throw that!
Mewtwo: Because you're dead! (Mewtwo throws the ball, causing C. Ling Tile to burst into flames)
C. Ling Tile: Hey! That hurts! No! (Explodes into tiny pieces of debris)
Mewtwo: Well, it looks like C. Ling will fit in perfectly in the roof of jail...from Heaven!
Lugia: He sure will, Mewtwo!
Mewtwo: Eneti, that's one tile that will never need to be replaced!
Lugia: It sure doesn't, Mewtwo!
Mewtwo: Shut up, Lugia!
Lugia: (blink) (blink)
Mewtwo: You make me sick.
Lugia: I do, don't I?
(All laugh)
Mewtwo: Now, don't we have some sex to take care of?
Sarah Jessica Parker: (laughing) Yes.
(All laugh again as the flashback ends)
Mewtwo: That's how I defeated C. Ling without the aid of X, whoever he is, and then, of course, did sex. (pause) It was all action, Jerry. Magic and action.
Jerry Springer: Unbelievable.
Mewtwo: And yet, very true. And yet, very true.
Eneti: You're insane! You never even took your clothes off!
Mewtwo: Of course I didn't! It was sex!
Eneti: That's some kind of sex!
Mewtwo: Eneti, I will spin your head so fast it'll collect its own atmosphere...with gravity.
Eneti: What?
Mewtwo: And you'll be dead!
Eneti: Why?
Mewtwo: Because you weren't alive back then.
Lugia: Well, that ain't how I remember it - AT ALL!
Mewtwo: What was that? Oh, the lying machine just turned on!
Jerry Springer: Uh, tell me your story.
Lugia: First off, I was lookin' real good.
Mewtwo: Oh, here we go.
(Flashback to Lugia with a big black Gene Simmons-like wig and sideburns)
Lugia: (voice-over) Anyway, Mewtwo was droning on and on about he packs for trips...
Mewtwo: ...pairs of underwear. And I always bring one entire knapsack full of soap.
Sarah Jessica Parker: Um, and you are?
Mewtwo: Mewtwo.
Sarah Jessica Parker: (laughing) Right. Uh, is your full name "Mewtwo Coast to Coast" or is it just "Mewtwo"?
Mewtwo: Uh, I don't know. Hey! Want to see how high I can jump?
Sarah Jessica Parker: Hmm...
Mewtwo: I can jump high! I can go real high!
Sarah Jessica Parker: (laughing) No, I thought maybe you were joking.
Mewtwo: Okay! Here goes! (takes off) Weeeeeeeee!!!
(Sarah Jessica Parker hides her face in her hands as Mewtwo bounces around the studio)
Lugia: (voice-over) That went on for....EVER! Luckily, Portland came by and picked me up.
(We cut to outside GPI, where a spaceship with the Portal logo hovers to beam Lugia up. "Cool the Engines" starts playing in the background)
Mewtwo: (voice-over) Oh bull!
Lugia: They said they needed a keyboardist and I said, "I'm your man, er-bird!"
(Lugia gets beamed up to Portland's space ship)
Mewtwo: Aggh...
Lugia: So long, suckers!
(The Portland ship blasts off going at least Mach 4 in a blast of stars)
Lugia: And off we went!
Mewtwo: (singing) That's a lie!
Lugia: They had this really cool ship! There was this whole freakin' city on a flyin' UFO guitar, powered by rock 'n' roll!
Mewtwo: LIE!
Lugia: Portland rocks!
Mewtwo: And where did your friends, Portland, take you?
Lugia: They were on their way to populate a new world where everyone would just rock forever!
Mewtwo: That a LIE!!!
Lugia: All right! Who wants to ROCK?! There was not a life form we didn't rock. (The Portland ship streaks across the horizons of several planets where various creatures "rock out" to their irresistable heavy Portland sound) Is everybody ready to rock?! Yeah! Play some guitar!! Catch it! Man and bird, rocking side-by-side. We're gonna rock your face! Ow! Who's ready to ROCK 'N' ROLL?!? Me and Portland: just like that. We rocked everyone we met. Oh god, it was beautiful. And when they were all rocked out, they dropped me off at home. THANKS, PORTLAND! THAT ROCKED!! HEY PORTLAND! KEEP ON ROCKIN'!!
(The Portland ship departs after dropping Lugia off)
Lugia: Those guys know how to rock. (Mewtwo is still bouncing around the studio)
Mewtwo: Like G.I. Joe! With his pants blown off! In the war! Aggh! Incoming! (Mewtwo lands head-first behind his desk)
Sarah Jessica Parker: (laughing)
Mewtwo: See that? I touched the ceiling!
(A ceiling tile hits Mewtwo in the head)
Lugia: And that's when you started cryin' for Momma!
Mewtwo: (crying) Mom-maaaaaa!!! (voice-over) I wasn't saying "Momma," I was saying, "Trauma." Like the kind I was about to dish out.
(Flashback ends)
Mewtwo: I was announcing it before-hand.
Lugia: To your Momma.
Mewtwo: Besides, if I cried, it was because of ni-jitsu lasers...and starvation.
(Pause)
Jerry Springer: Why don't you explain that?
Lugia: Yeah, explain it.
Mewtwo: This is all a damned lie!
Jerry Springer: Um...
Mewtwo: Don't listen to him, Jerry! I'll blow your brains clear into that river bank, Lugia.
Lugia: Yeah, sure you will. (drinks from his coffee mug)
Jerry Springer: But you were friends. Why would you do that?
Lugia: Why are you always trying to get ahead of me, bird?
Eneti: You're all lyin'!
Jerry Springer: Oh. Eneti!
Mewtwo: That's right, Jerry. Eneti.
(Flashback starts)
Eneti: First of all, I had the beautiful rock hair.
(Now Eneti has the long, Gene Simmons hair with a black-and-white striped loverboy head-band. He reads a book)
Eneti: Mewtwo was in the thing, talking to... someone.
(Cut to the set, where the guest monitor shows a toy monkey playing the cymbals. The ceiling tile falls in slow motion.)
Mewtwo: (in slow motion) Oh no!
(Eneti switches the screen to various static-filled screens and test patterns)
Eneti: I had everything under control, as usual. When all of the sudden...
Voice: (whispering) Psst! Hey buddy!
Eneti: Who said that?
Voice: Me.
(A red sports car pulls up to Eneti and crashed into the control console)
Eneti: Where's the driver?
Car: I'm a talking car.
Eneti: Why are you here?
Car: Why is anyone here?
(The car backs out of the control room)
Eneti: Whoa.
(Flashback ends)
Eneti: And that was when I decided I just need to spent a lot more time in church.
(The group stares silently)
Mewtwo: A talking car. Really.
Eneti: No, you know what? I told it wrong. I had broken my lungs, that's what it was. And I was in the process of gluing them back together. So there I am..
(Flashback resumes)
Eneti: ...and I start hearing this scary piano music. (scary piano music in background) So I turn around and there's this guy standing there.
(A clown is standing behind Eneti. He's holding a sharp object.)
Eneti: And he's wearing this mask, and I'm like, "What's up with that?" And he's got this knife, and he just starts coming at me, and the knife's like going, "Drrrvvv! Drrrvvvv! Drrrrvv!"
(Flashback ends)
Lugia: You mean, uh, Michael Myers?
Eneti: Oh, you know him? 'Cause he was coming right at me.
Lugia: Yeah. He's in this movie - "HALLOWEEN!" The one I loaned to you A YEAR AGO! MY movie, remember?!
Eneti: Okay, all right, okay. So maybe it was a movie. I guess I was watching it with some of my friends.
Lugia: Pfft!
Eneti: I don't know if you know 'em. They're the rock band Portland?
Mewtwo: I don't know them.
Lugia: He doesn't know 'em. Look at his face! He's lyin'!
Eneti: I'm not lyin'!
Jerry Springer: Oh gosh.
Eneti: Truth is relative, Lugia!
Lugia: Especially when you're lyin'!
Jerry Springer: Um...
Eneti: The trueness of one's truth, Lugia, is clearly based on their vernacular inaccuracies.
Lugia: What?
Jerry Springer: Um...
Mewtwo: Yes, Lugia. Everyone knows that to be true. And you're dumb for not knowing that.
Lugia: What?
Jerry Springer: I have to be going soon.
Mewtwo: (chuckles) As Eneti clearly said, the vascular...
Lugia: Say it.
Mewtwo: You know if you couldn't understand the first time, I shouldn't have to waste my mouth saying it again.
Jerry Springer: It's not like I have another job or...
Lugia: Saying what again?
Eneti: Yeah, what are you saying?
Mewtwo: What I'm saying...
Eneti: That's not what I said.
Mewtwo: What I'm saying...
Eneti: Bee-otch!
Mewtwo: What I'm saying is... saying things are not relative.
Jerry Springer: This can't be during your sweeps.
Mewtwo: And that, my friends, is the only truth.
Jerry Springer: Is there an end to any of this?
Mewtwo: The other truth... is that I totally did sex with that girl.
Jerry Springer: Okay.
Mewtwo: Because I did.
Jerry Springer: Good.
Mewtwo: I completely dodily-did.
Jerry Springer: Yes!
Mewtwo: Yes, I think you can say the two of us did that activity.
Eneti: Oh, and Lugia?
Mewtwo: There was a performance...
Eneti: I totally hung out with Portland.
(In the guest monitor, Jerry Springer has gotten out of his chair)
Mewtwo: ...at the theater, if you catch my drift.
Jerry Springer: (into his lapel mic) Hey thanks, guys!
(Mewtwo continues under the credits)
CURLING FLOWERS MEW: Episode 112
(Credits roll)
Mewtwo: And we worked it from the balcony to below.
Jerry Springer: Nice talking with you. Bye-bye.
(Credits continue to roll)
C. Ling Tile: Ho-HO!
(Bell tone from MARK IV PRODUCTIONS plays in background with logo:)
VICIOUS PLANET INDUSTRIES
Mewtwo: (yawns)
Jerry Springer: (yawns) (Eneti throws the switch.)
Eneti: Okay!
Mewtwo: (waking up) Geez!
Lugia: Ow!
Eneti: We're outta time.
Mewtwo: Okay.
(Credits for "Brilliant Number Three - 44c" begin)
(In Eneti's monitor:
Guest Star Jerry Springer
Written by Bill Faulkner)
Eneti: And...we're clear.
Mewtwo: Well, that wadn't very good.
Jerry Springer: I'm sorry.
Mewtwo: Oh no, it's all right. Really. You're just not very good.
Jerry Springer: (looks confused) No. I'm loving...
(The Vicious Street bell from the credits can be heard in the background)
Jerry Springer: ...cuddly...
Lugia: Ha-ha. You really mailed that one in.
Mewtwo: Huh?
Eneti: Aren't there usually questions and answers, or am I just wrong about that?
Mewtwo: I just keep thinking about last week's show. It had everything. Action, girls, ni-jitsu sex...
Lugia: Eruptions from your mouth...
Mewtwo: Shut up, bird!
Lugia: Pfft!
Mewtwo: I'll spin your head off so fast it'll travel back in time!! (echoing) To a period when bugs wore suits and opened doors while saying "Thank you" and "Yes, please."
Lugia: Um, I have no response to that.
(In the monitor, Jerry Springer is making a goofy face)
Mewtwo: It's like working with children, Jerry.
Jerry Springer: Yeah.
Mewtwo: Giant ones.
Jerry Springer: Well, are we surprised?
Lugia: (laughs)
Mewtwo: Now, listen up as I tell the tale of 15 sexy Ni-jitsu minutes.
(As Mewtwo echoes "Ni-jitsu," we flashback to him interviewing Sarah Jessica Parker.)
Sarah Jessica Parker: Did you create the show?
Mewtwo: By "create," you mean write, produce, direct and star in?
Sarah Jessica Parker: Yeah.
Mewtwo: Then, yes. I created it for you. For Christmas.
Sarah Jessica Parker: In my wildest fantasies, I never imagined that I would really be invited to be on your show.
Mewtwo: Mmmmm. WILD fantasies.
Sarah Jessica Parker: You have a... I don't know, something about you.
Mewtwo: Would you like to have some of my sex with me?
Sarah Jessica Parker: Oh boy, would I.
Mewtwo: Let's go.
Lugia: (voice-over) Okay, this is a complete lie!
Mewtwo: (voice-over) Shut up, Zorak! It isn't!
(Flashback ends)
Lugia: She never woulda...
Mewtwo: We'll check the tape! We'll check it right after the show, buddy!
Lugia: Show's over, genius!
Jerry Springer: I wasn't told that this...is this a...?
Lugia: And that's "jenius" with a "J"!
Jerry Springer: This is an ambush show!
Mewtwo: Your life's about over, diving bird!
Lugia: Yeah, whatever.
Mewtwo: It's about over unless you shut up!
Jerry Springer: I don't wanna be a guest on a talk show!
Lugia: All right, but...
Mewtwo: Say it! Say it again, pocket monster!
Jerry Springer: I never wanted to be on!
Mewtwo: Say what you just said!
Eneti: Yeah, say it!
Mewtwo: SAY IT!!!
Jerry Springer: Whoa!
Lugia: "Whoa!" is what America's gonna be sayin' when I spin his head off so fast, it'll travel back in time!
Lugia: Blah, blah, blah, blah.
Mewtwo: Oh, you want the time-travel spinning head!
Jerry Springer: Um...
Mewtwo: Huh? Mister I'm-a-big-bad-pokémon-of-doom?
Jerry Springer: Wha...?
Mewtwo: Time?
Jerry Springer: What does that mean?
Lugia: He doesn't know! He's a complete retard!
Mewtwo: It means there was a time when birds were obedient to their trainers and/or their masters. This clearly isn't that time!
Lugia: Nope.
Mewtwo: Now, where was I, Jerry?
Jerry Springer: (sighs) I don't know, but we were kind of--
Mewtwo: Ah, yes. The sex.
Jerry Springer: Of course.
(Flashback resumes)
Mewtwo: As I moved in to enjoy the sex, terror rained down from the sky...
(A ceiling tile hits Mewtwo in the head)
Sarah Jessica Parker: (laughing) Oh my gosh.
Mewtwo: Are...there...any bones...sticking out?
Sarah Jessica Parker: Um, I can't tell. You're hidden by a desk.
Mewtwo: (voice-over) I was pinned. To the earth.
Lugia: (voice-over) Pfft! By a freakin' ceiling tile.
(Flashback ends)
Mewtwo: Don't! Don't, Don't, Don't!
Lugia: (laughs)
Mewtwo: This was no ordinary ceiling tile, Jerry.
Jerry Springer: Okay.
Mewtwo: This was The Mavirck, C. Ling Tile!
(Flashback resumes. A ceiling tile with two sprinkler and an air vent walks up to Space Ghost, who is still lying on the floor.)
C. Ling Tile: So, X. We meet again.
Mewtwo: I'm not X, I'm Mewtwo!
C. Ling Tile: No, no, no. Correction: you ARE X! (He starts spraying water on Mewtwo's head) Sprinkler! Sprinkler!
Mewtwo: No!
C. Ling Tile: Ho-HO!
Mewtwo: Tap water!
C. Ling Tile: (laughs) Now I will freeze you! At 60 degrees! Cool air vent! Go! (starts blowing air on Mewtwo)
Mewtwo: My weakness! Agh!
C. Ling Tile: Go together!
Mewtwo: He's lowering the temperature of my body!
C. Ling Tile: Oh-ho-ho!
Mewtwo: It's all right. Contact Facilities!
C. Ling Tile: You...(bangs Mewtwo on the head)...deal with it!
Mewtwo: Son of a...
C. Ling Tile: Ha ha ha!
Mewtwo: Time to hang, Tile!
C. Ling Tile: Asbestos powder! (Start spraying powder in Mewtwo's face)
Mewtwo: Agh!
C. Ling Tile: Get up! Get up and face the powder!
Mewtwo: No!
C. Ling Tile: (sniffs) Mmmm! Mmmmm! Suck it in, Mewtwo! And prepare to die!
Mewtwo: Not while I'm alive! Medical school!
(Mewtwo summons a glowing ball of energy)
C. Ling Tile: Hey! Stop!
Eneti: Mewtwo has mastered the five ultimate magics!
Mewtwo: May cause drowsiness!
C. Ling Tile: No!
Mewtwo: From your coffin!
C. Ling Tile: You don't have to throw that!
Mewtwo: Because you're dead! (Mewtwo throws the ball, causing C. Ling Tile to burst into flames)
C. Ling Tile: Hey! That hurts! No! (Explodes into tiny pieces of debris)
Mewtwo: Well, it looks like C. Ling will fit in perfectly in the roof of jail...from Heaven!
Lugia: He sure will, Mewtwo!
Mewtwo: Eneti, that's one tile that will never need to be replaced!
Lugia: It sure doesn't, Mewtwo!
Mewtwo: Shut up, Lugia!
Lugia: (blink) (blink)
Mewtwo: You make me sick.
Lugia: I do, don't I?
(All laugh)
Mewtwo: Now, don't we have some sex to take care of?
Sarah Jessica Parker: (laughing) Yes.
(All laugh again as the flashback ends)
Mewtwo: That's how I defeated C. Ling without the aid of X, whoever he is, and then, of course, did sex. (pause) It was all action, Jerry. Magic and action.
Jerry Springer: Unbelievable.
Mewtwo: And yet, very true. And yet, very true.
Eneti: You're insane! You never even took your clothes off!
Mewtwo: Of course I didn't! It was sex!
Eneti: That's some kind of sex!
Mewtwo: Eneti, I will spin your head so fast it'll collect its own atmosphere...with gravity.
Eneti: What?
Mewtwo: And you'll be dead!
Eneti: Why?
Mewtwo: Because you weren't alive back then.
Lugia: Well, that ain't how I remember it - AT ALL!
Mewtwo: What was that? Oh, the lying machine just turned on!
Jerry Springer: Uh, tell me your story.
Lugia: First off, I was lookin' real good.
Mewtwo: Oh, here we go.
(Flashback to Lugia with a big black Gene Simmons-like wig and sideburns)
Lugia: (voice-over) Anyway, Mewtwo was droning on and on about he packs for trips...
Mewtwo: ...pairs of underwear. And I always bring one entire knapsack full of soap.
Sarah Jessica Parker: Um, and you are?
Mewtwo: Mewtwo.
Sarah Jessica Parker: (laughing) Right. Uh, is your full name "Mewtwo Coast to Coast" or is it just "Mewtwo"?
Mewtwo: Uh, I don't know. Hey! Want to see how high I can jump?
Sarah Jessica Parker: Hmm...
Mewtwo: I can jump high! I can go real high!
Sarah Jessica Parker: (laughing) No, I thought maybe you were joking.
Mewtwo: Okay! Here goes! (takes off) Weeeeeeeee!!!
(Sarah Jessica Parker hides her face in her hands as Mewtwo bounces around the studio)
Lugia: (voice-over) That went on for....EVER! Luckily, Portland came by and picked me up.
(We cut to outside GPI, where a spaceship with the Portal logo hovers to beam Lugia up. "Cool the Engines" starts playing in the background)
Mewtwo: (voice-over) Oh bull!
Lugia: They said they needed a keyboardist and I said, "I'm your man, er-bird!"
(Lugia gets beamed up to Portland's space ship)
Mewtwo: Aggh...
Lugia: So long, suckers!
(The Portland ship blasts off going at least Mach 4 in a blast of stars)
Lugia: And off we went!
Mewtwo: (singing) That's a lie!
Lugia: They had this really cool ship! There was this whole freakin' city on a flyin' UFO guitar, powered by rock 'n' roll!
Mewtwo: LIE!
Lugia: Portland rocks!
Mewtwo: And where did your friends, Portland, take you?
Lugia: They were on their way to populate a new world where everyone would just rock forever!
Mewtwo: That a LIE!!!
Lugia: All right! Who wants to ROCK?! There was not a life form we didn't rock. (The Portland ship streaks across the horizons of several planets where various creatures "rock out" to their irresistable heavy Portland sound) Is everybody ready to rock?! Yeah! Play some guitar!! Catch it! Man and bird, rocking side-by-side. We're gonna rock your face! Ow! Who's ready to ROCK 'N' ROLL?!? Me and Portland: just like that. We rocked everyone we met. Oh god, it was beautiful. And when they were all rocked out, they dropped me off at home. THANKS, PORTLAND! THAT ROCKED!! HEY PORTLAND! KEEP ON ROCKIN'!!
(The Portland ship departs after dropping Lugia off)
Lugia: Those guys know how to rock. (Mewtwo is still bouncing around the studio)
Mewtwo: Like G.I. Joe! With his pants blown off! In the war! Aggh! Incoming! (Mewtwo lands head-first behind his desk)
Sarah Jessica Parker: (laughing)
Mewtwo: See that? I touched the ceiling!
(A ceiling tile hits Mewtwo in the head)
Lugia: And that's when you started cryin' for Momma!
Mewtwo: (crying) Mom-maaaaaa!!! (voice-over) I wasn't saying "Momma," I was saying, "Trauma." Like the kind I was about to dish out.
(Flashback ends)
Mewtwo: I was announcing it before-hand.
Lugia: To your Momma.
Mewtwo: Besides, if I cried, it was because of ni-jitsu lasers...and starvation.
(Pause)
Jerry Springer: Why don't you explain that?
Lugia: Yeah, explain it.
Mewtwo: This is all a damned lie!
Jerry Springer: Um...
Mewtwo: Don't listen to him, Jerry! I'll blow your brains clear into that river bank, Lugia.
Lugia: Yeah, sure you will. (drinks from his coffee mug)
Jerry Springer: But you were friends. Why would you do that?
Lugia: Why are you always trying to get ahead of me, bird?
Eneti: You're all lyin'!
Jerry Springer: Oh. Eneti!
Mewtwo: That's right, Jerry. Eneti.
(Flashback starts)
Eneti: First of all, I had the beautiful rock hair.
(Now Eneti has the long, Gene Simmons hair with a black-and-white striped loverboy head-band. He reads a book)
Eneti: Mewtwo was in the thing, talking to... someone.
(Cut to the set, where the guest monitor shows a toy monkey playing the cymbals. The ceiling tile falls in slow motion.)
Mewtwo: (in slow motion) Oh no!
(Eneti switches the screen to various static-filled screens and test patterns)
Eneti: I had everything under control, as usual. When all of the sudden...
Voice: (whispering) Psst! Hey buddy!
Eneti: Who said that?
Voice: Me.
(A red sports car pulls up to Eneti and crashed into the control console)
Eneti: Where's the driver?
Car: I'm a talking car.
Eneti: Why are you here?
Car: Why is anyone here?
(The car backs out of the control room)
Eneti: Whoa.
(Flashback ends)
Eneti: And that was when I decided I just need to spent a lot more time in church.
(The group stares silently)
Mewtwo: A talking car. Really.
Eneti: No, you know what? I told it wrong. I had broken my lungs, that's what it was. And I was in the process of gluing them back together. So there I am..
(Flashback resumes)
Eneti: ...and I start hearing this scary piano music. (scary piano music in background) So I turn around and there's this guy standing there.
(A clown is standing behind Eneti. He's holding a sharp object.)
Eneti: And he's wearing this mask, and I'm like, "What's up with that?" And he's got this knife, and he just starts coming at me, and the knife's like going, "Drrrvvv! Drrrvvvv! Drrrrvv!"
(Flashback ends)
Lugia: You mean, uh, Michael Myers?
Eneti: Oh, you know him? 'Cause he was coming right at me.
Lugia: Yeah. He's in this movie - "HALLOWEEN!" The one I loaned to you A YEAR AGO! MY movie, remember?!
Eneti: Okay, all right, okay. So maybe it was a movie. I guess I was watching it with some of my friends.
Lugia: Pfft!
Eneti: I don't know if you know 'em. They're the rock band Portland?
Mewtwo: I don't know them.
Lugia: He doesn't know 'em. Look at his face! He's lyin'!
Eneti: I'm not lyin'!
Jerry Springer: Oh gosh.
Eneti: Truth is relative, Lugia!
Lugia: Especially when you're lyin'!
Jerry Springer: Um...
Eneti: The trueness of one's truth, Lugia, is clearly based on their vernacular inaccuracies.
Lugia: What?
Jerry Springer: Um...
Mewtwo: Yes, Lugia. Everyone knows that to be true. And you're dumb for not knowing that.
Lugia: What?
Jerry Springer: I have to be going soon.
Mewtwo: (chuckles) As Eneti clearly said, the vascular...
Lugia: Say it.
Mewtwo: You know if you couldn't understand the first time, I shouldn't have to waste my mouth saying it again.
Jerry Springer: It's not like I have another job or...
Lugia: Saying what again?
Eneti: Yeah, what are you saying?
Mewtwo: What I'm saying...
Eneti: That's not what I said.
Mewtwo: What I'm saying...
Eneti: Bee-otch!
Mewtwo: What I'm saying is... saying things are not relative.
Jerry Springer: This can't be during your sweeps.
Mewtwo: And that, my friends, is the only truth.
Jerry Springer: Is there an end to any of this?
Mewtwo: The other truth... is that I totally did sex with that girl.
Jerry Springer: Okay.
Mewtwo: Because I did.
Jerry Springer: Good.
Mewtwo: I completely dodily-did.
Jerry Springer: Yes!
Mewtwo: Yes, I think you can say the two of us did that activity.
Eneti: Oh, and Lugia?
Mewtwo: There was a performance...
Eneti: I totally hung out with Portland.
(In the guest monitor, Jerry Springer has gotten out of his chair)
Mewtwo: ...at the theater, if you catch my drift.
Jerry Springer: (into his lapel mic) Hey thanks, guys!
(Mewtwo continues under the credits)
CURLING FLOWERS MEW: Episode 112
(Credits roll)
Mewtwo: And we worked it from the balcony to below.
Jerry Springer: Nice talking with you. Bye-bye.
(Credits continue to roll)
C. Ling Tile: Ho-HO!
(Bell tone from MARK IV PRODUCTIONS plays in background with logo:)
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