1 Chapter 5
"Someone's been here!" Klaus exclaimed. "Someone in Librariton knows about VFD besides us!"
"And they know who we are, too," murmured Violet. "or at least they've heard of us before, if we're at all related to VFD."
"Onuklam!" Sunny whispered worriedly. At this particular moment, she meant something along the lines of "So what do we do now?" This was followed by an uncomfortable silence, in which all three Baudelaires looked at each other, waiting for an answer. But it took a while for one to come.
"We check these other files, that's what!" Klaus said suddenly, and once he did, it seemed obvious.
They all got up at once, Klaus still clutching the small typed list of related files, and they half-ran over to the filing cabinet for the first item on the list, which was in the section which had cabinets with subjects that started with the letter C. They were looking for the cabinet called: Criminals, 10 Most Wanted.
When they had found the cabinet, and after Violet had wrenched it open (this cabinet also felt as if it had not been opened in an extremely long time) they found that, like the VFD cabinet, it was stuffed to the brim with information on the ten most wanted criminals.
After several minutes of "hmm"ing and muttering to themselves, Sunny found a bit of paper that seemed to cover the topic nicely. It read as follows:
1.1 THE TOP TEN MOST WANTED CRIMINALS LIST
Count Omar
Lauren Ursula Lichtenstien-Ullman
Lemony Snicket
Susie Baudelaire
Veronica Baudelaire
Klyde Baudelaire
James O. Laf
Ophelia deOlafio
Bernard Olafson
Olafiz E. Vill
"It's a bit out of date… 'Count Omar' was recently reported to the public as dead…killed by Susie, Veronica, and Klyde Baudelaire," noticed Violet.
"Jacquesnam!" Sunny said, which meant something like "There's a Snicket on this list! But I can't imagine that anyone related to Jacques Snicket would be a criminal."
"Maybe he is innocent, Lemony Snicket. Like us. We're on the list, but we're not criminals. At least…I hope we're not," Violet ended in a whisper. Klaus noticed she suddenly seemed to be fighting back tears.
"We're not criminals," he told her firmly. "Anyway, look at these other names. A lot of them seem to have the name 'Olaf' in them…"
"Aliasum!" shrieked Sunny, and she meant something along the lines of "They are probably the phony names Count Olaf has been using in the past!"
"You're probably right, Sunny. Now there's only one person on the list we haven't figured out who she possibly is. Who is Lauren Ursula Lichtenstien- Ullman?" asked Violet curiously.
"I've never heard of her," Klaus said, and it was something he had rarely ever said before. "But now let's take this paper and look around at the other filing cabinets on the list." He reached into his pocket and pulled out the list of Related Files for the VFD file. "Next filing cabinet's called 'Fortune-Telling.'"
Around a quarter-hour later, they had arrived in front of a filing cabinet marked with that title. They heaved it open to, surprisingly, find a lone piece of paper. This one, however, was not a list.
Violet quickly picked it up and read it out loud:
GYPSY LULAIA, THE ALL-SEEING
Gypsy Lulaia, All-Seeing was an intelligent but disturbed woman. She lived in the outskirts of the Kingdom of Snicket in the Gypsy-populated section. Little is known about her past, for she was very secretive. However, she is well-known among the remaining Snickets, for her supposed cursing of the people of Snicket at the time before its conquer by Olafia.
They claim that, late the night before the Battle that brought Snicket's downfall, Lulaia ran down Main Street screaming about a man from the future who came to her in a dream. He said that terrible things were coming for the Snickets and that they should flee from Queen Jequesla and King Cymon's realm before it was too late. The Snickets refused, for they thought Cymon and Jequesla could protect them from anything. Lulaia, overcome with rage, put a spell on all that were ruled by Cymon and Jequesla, dooming their descendants for all eternity. She then hurled herself off a bridge into the dark waters of the Snicket River.
"We should probably take this with us, too. When we find all these related files, we can put the clues together. I know that this Lulaia person has GOT to be related to what we're looking for. I mean, this article mentions a whole KINGDOM of Snicket!" Klaus said. He was so excited, his hands were shaking. They were so close! And if I had been talking to the Baudelaires at this point in time, I'd have congratulated them on just how close they'd gotten…but, unfortunately, I was being chased by a mongoose and her pet polar bear on the other side of the country at the moment, so I had no chance to commend them for their efforts.
The Baudelaires were now just grinning at each other, Violet still holding the paper about Lulaia the All-Seeing. Their hearts were pounding so hard it hurt, but nothing could spoil their feelings of excitement…nothing except…oh, I mustn't tell you now. You will know sooner or later, though, I am very sorry to tell you. Ah, where was I?
Yes, now, the Baudelaires. They slowly rose up to look for the "Tattoo" filing cabinet. They expected this one to be filled to the brim again, for "Tattoo" is a very broad topic. This time, though, they had an idea of what they were looking for: something about eye tattoos, like the kind Count Olaf and Jacques had on their ankles.
Sure enough, after only a few minutes of searching through the stuffed cabinet, Sunny picked up a probable-looking piece of paper (with her teeth, of course). It read:
THE STORY BEHIND THE EYE TATTOO
In early times, citizens of the Kingdom of Snicket used pictures to represent words in the language they spoke. One picture that was used often among the Snickets was the image of an eye. This eye symbolized kindness and generosity, qualities Snickets prized above all others. It was sometimes pictured on the doors of families who could spare a room or meal.
If a Snicket worked for and organization that involved giving to needy people, or another worthy cause, he or she would have the Eye painted on their ankle. Those who bore this eye would be treated with great respect, because they were of the best trade in the land: the trade of love for fellow Snickets.
Today, some causes with Snicketian origin require their employees to have the image of an eye on their ankle. Most employees, so that they would not have to continually repaint the eye, simply get it tattooed.
The orphans looked at each other, bewildered.
"Count Olaf working for a worthy cause?" Violet said skeptically. "I just can't see that."
"Sirapoo," said Sunny grimly, which here means "Well, he probably found a way to get employed at that organization and then stole all their money!"
"This means that Olaf and Jacques didn't necessarily work at the same place, though," Klaus said, thinking. "They could have coincidentally worked for organizations that were both of Snicketian origin!"
"Mowlufia!" Sunny shrieked, which meant something along the lines of "We'll never know until we look at the next filing cabinet! And, we still probably won't know then, either, but it's worth a try!"
So, determined, they walked off to the S section to look for the cabinet entitled "Snicket Family, the History of." This cabinet, though easy to find, was difficult to open. It was covered in a thick layer of dust, and a spider had even built its web on it. Klaus opened it very carefully, so as not to break the cobweb. It let out a long, low groan as it opened. He read from a single, yellowing piece of paper:
HISTORY OF THE SNICKET FAMILY
It will be hundreds of thousands of years before anyone forgets Jequesla (637-598 BC) and Cymon (639-598 BC) of Snicket. Queen and King of Snicketia, or Snicket, which has since become the United States of VFD, including a village with the same name, they were peaceful rulers. They treated all their citizens fairly. Over time, they became extremely wealthy. Consequently, Olafus the Evil, of the neighboring Kingdom of Olafia, and his army planned an attack on the Kingdom of Snicket for its fortune. The bloody battle lasted thirteen days. In the end, the Olafians were victorious, and they drove the remaining Snickets out of their once- thriving Kingdom. Most of the Snickets died in the attack, but those who survived (they were called the "deSnickets" at the time) claimed that the night before the battle, a mysterious gypsy had put a curse on the people of Jequesla and Cymon, who were killed the next day. Their two sons, however, were among the escapees. Their names were Jacques and Lemony, and they grew up to become to new leaders of the Snickets. It has been a Snicket family tradition ever since to name one's first two sons by these names, Jacques for the elder and Lemony for the younger.
"Look! This article even mentions Jacques's name! I guess there's a very small family of Snickets, then, if they can all name their children the same two names and not have problems," Klaus finished, his hands shaking again. He just knew that these three articles, along with the list of criminals, would be able to answer some of the strange questions about their past.
"We should still check the B section for a Baudelaire file. After all, 'Baudelaire' was written on the bottom of that first VFD paper!" Violet said. "Even if we can feel this mystery coming together, we still have to keep looking."
"Gupa!" Sunny agreed, and so they set off, yet again, to find another filing cabinet. They had to walk all the way to the other side of the library, which took five whole minutes. They arrived at the B section, and had an even harder time finding the Baudelaire cabinet. It took them a half hour to notice a rather small cabinet in a corner on the bottom row. It was different from the other cabinets in many ways. It did not have a label, but the name "Baudelaire" was engraved into it in elegant script. It looked very old; an antique. It was made of gorgeous mahogany wood, and it had a pure gold handle.
The Baudelaires stared at it in amazement. This cabinet belonged in a museum, not a library! After a few more minutes of looking at the cabinet in bewilderment, Klaus stepped forward hesitantly. He briefly ran his fingers over his last name engraved in the polished wood. Then he pulled gently on the golden handle. The cabinet smoothly rolled open as if it were as light as a feather. The orphans gasped as they saw what was inside. Instead of file folders and stacks of typed paper, there was an enormous, single book. It had a leather cover and its title, printed in gold letters, read The Baudelaires.
"A book about…us?" Violet asked. She reached for it. It opened with a thud and her question was answered. It was not a book about them. It was not even a book at all, as a matter of fact. It was a secret compartment. The pages had been hollowed out in the center to reveal a note. Violet gasped when she read who the note was for.
Dear Violet, Klaus, and sweet little Sunny,
If you are reading this, we are dead. For how long, I don't know. However, there is something we must tell you that we just couldn't say before. Look on the list of criminals you are holding. You see the name Lemony Snicket, no doubt? He is innocent, as innocent as they come. He was a friend of ours. But watch out for Lauren U. Lichtenstein-Ullman. I imagine she is number two?
Must stop. Love you three more than anything.
Kisses,
Mother and Father
P.S. don't trust L
A tear slid down her cheek. Her parents had written to them, knowing they were about to die? All this was too strange to think about. She reached for Klaus and Sunny and embraced them, not caring that the people in the library were looking at them oddly, or that the other papers Klaus had been holding had fallen to the floor, forgotten. They were all wishing the same wish, wishing it so hard it hurt: they were wishing that their parents had never died.
Madame Lulu had a funny feeling in the pit of her stomach. Where were Isadora, Duncan, and Quiglina? They were taking an awfully long time in that Library of Records. They needed to get ready to perform! She decided she would just check on them…just to be sure they were okay.
She opened the battered library door. It creaked slowly and loudly, so that everyone looked up and glared at her as she passed, disturbing their quiet with the jingling of her many bracelets.
Lulu finally found them in the B section, sitting close together with dazed looks on their faces. Isadora was clutching a small piece of paper.
"Are y'all all right?" she asked the Baudelaires concernedly, startling them so much that Sunny gave a small yelp.
"Y-yes," Klaus murmured. Violet and Sunny noticed he sounded as he had when they had been working at the Lucky Smells Lumbermill, and he had been hypnotized by the evil Dr. Orwell.
"Well, us four've gotta perform soon; we better leave. Y'got what ya needed?" They nodded, and slowly got up. They were still feeling as though they had just been run over by a rampaging rhinoceros, just like what happened to me when I was on an African safari a couple years ago.
Violet handed the note from Mr. and Mrs. Baudelaire to Klaus because she had no pockets. Even though they had just heard from their beloved parents when they thought they never would again, they were in such gloomy moods that they felt certain they would never smile again.
"Someone's been here!" Klaus exclaimed. "Someone in Librariton knows about VFD besides us!"
"And they know who we are, too," murmured Violet. "or at least they've heard of us before, if we're at all related to VFD."
"Onuklam!" Sunny whispered worriedly. At this particular moment, she meant something along the lines of "So what do we do now?" This was followed by an uncomfortable silence, in which all three Baudelaires looked at each other, waiting for an answer. But it took a while for one to come.
"We check these other files, that's what!" Klaus said suddenly, and once he did, it seemed obvious.
They all got up at once, Klaus still clutching the small typed list of related files, and they half-ran over to the filing cabinet for the first item on the list, which was in the section which had cabinets with subjects that started with the letter C. They were looking for the cabinet called: Criminals, 10 Most Wanted.
When they had found the cabinet, and after Violet had wrenched it open (this cabinet also felt as if it had not been opened in an extremely long time) they found that, like the VFD cabinet, it was stuffed to the brim with information on the ten most wanted criminals.
After several minutes of "hmm"ing and muttering to themselves, Sunny found a bit of paper that seemed to cover the topic nicely. It read as follows:
1.1 THE TOP TEN MOST WANTED CRIMINALS LIST
Count Omar
Lauren Ursula Lichtenstien-Ullman
Lemony Snicket
Susie Baudelaire
Veronica Baudelaire
Klyde Baudelaire
James O. Laf
Ophelia deOlafio
Bernard Olafson
Olafiz E. Vill
"It's a bit out of date… 'Count Omar' was recently reported to the public as dead…killed by Susie, Veronica, and Klyde Baudelaire," noticed Violet.
"Jacquesnam!" Sunny said, which meant something like "There's a Snicket on this list! But I can't imagine that anyone related to Jacques Snicket would be a criminal."
"Maybe he is innocent, Lemony Snicket. Like us. We're on the list, but we're not criminals. At least…I hope we're not," Violet ended in a whisper. Klaus noticed she suddenly seemed to be fighting back tears.
"We're not criminals," he told her firmly. "Anyway, look at these other names. A lot of them seem to have the name 'Olaf' in them…"
"Aliasum!" shrieked Sunny, and she meant something along the lines of "They are probably the phony names Count Olaf has been using in the past!"
"You're probably right, Sunny. Now there's only one person on the list we haven't figured out who she possibly is. Who is Lauren Ursula Lichtenstien- Ullman?" asked Violet curiously.
"I've never heard of her," Klaus said, and it was something he had rarely ever said before. "But now let's take this paper and look around at the other filing cabinets on the list." He reached into his pocket and pulled out the list of Related Files for the VFD file. "Next filing cabinet's called 'Fortune-Telling.'"
Around a quarter-hour later, they had arrived in front of a filing cabinet marked with that title. They heaved it open to, surprisingly, find a lone piece of paper. This one, however, was not a list.
Violet quickly picked it up and read it out loud:
GYPSY LULAIA, THE ALL-SEEING
Gypsy Lulaia, All-Seeing was an intelligent but disturbed woman. She lived in the outskirts of the Kingdom of Snicket in the Gypsy-populated section. Little is known about her past, for she was very secretive. However, she is well-known among the remaining Snickets, for her supposed cursing of the people of Snicket at the time before its conquer by Olafia.
They claim that, late the night before the Battle that brought Snicket's downfall, Lulaia ran down Main Street screaming about a man from the future who came to her in a dream. He said that terrible things were coming for the Snickets and that they should flee from Queen Jequesla and King Cymon's realm before it was too late. The Snickets refused, for they thought Cymon and Jequesla could protect them from anything. Lulaia, overcome with rage, put a spell on all that were ruled by Cymon and Jequesla, dooming their descendants for all eternity. She then hurled herself off a bridge into the dark waters of the Snicket River.
"We should probably take this with us, too. When we find all these related files, we can put the clues together. I know that this Lulaia person has GOT to be related to what we're looking for. I mean, this article mentions a whole KINGDOM of Snicket!" Klaus said. He was so excited, his hands were shaking. They were so close! And if I had been talking to the Baudelaires at this point in time, I'd have congratulated them on just how close they'd gotten…but, unfortunately, I was being chased by a mongoose and her pet polar bear on the other side of the country at the moment, so I had no chance to commend them for their efforts.
The Baudelaires were now just grinning at each other, Violet still holding the paper about Lulaia the All-Seeing. Their hearts were pounding so hard it hurt, but nothing could spoil their feelings of excitement…nothing except…oh, I mustn't tell you now. You will know sooner or later, though, I am very sorry to tell you. Ah, where was I?
Yes, now, the Baudelaires. They slowly rose up to look for the "Tattoo" filing cabinet. They expected this one to be filled to the brim again, for "Tattoo" is a very broad topic. This time, though, they had an idea of what they were looking for: something about eye tattoos, like the kind Count Olaf and Jacques had on their ankles.
Sure enough, after only a few minutes of searching through the stuffed cabinet, Sunny picked up a probable-looking piece of paper (with her teeth, of course). It read:
THE STORY BEHIND THE EYE TATTOO
In early times, citizens of the Kingdom of Snicket used pictures to represent words in the language they spoke. One picture that was used often among the Snickets was the image of an eye. This eye symbolized kindness and generosity, qualities Snickets prized above all others. It was sometimes pictured on the doors of families who could spare a room or meal.
If a Snicket worked for and organization that involved giving to needy people, or another worthy cause, he or she would have the Eye painted on their ankle. Those who bore this eye would be treated with great respect, because they were of the best trade in the land: the trade of love for fellow Snickets.
Today, some causes with Snicketian origin require their employees to have the image of an eye on their ankle. Most employees, so that they would not have to continually repaint the eye, simply get it tattooed.
The orphans looked at each other, bewildered.
"Count Olaf working for a worthy cause?" Violet said skeptically. "I just can't see that."
"Sirapoo," said Sunny grimly, which here means "Well, he probably found a way to get employed at that organization and then stole all their money!"
"This means that Olaf and Jacques didn't necessarily work at the same place, though," Klaus said, thinking. "They could have coincidentally worked for organizations that were both of Snicketian origin!"
"Mowlufia!" Sunny shrieked, which meant something along the lines of "We'll never know until we look at the next filing cabinet! And, we still probably won't know then, either, but it's worth a try!"
So, determined, they walked off to the S section to look for the cabinet entitled "Snicket Family, the History of." This cabinet, though easy to find, was difficult to open. It was covered in a thick layer of dust, and a spider had even built its web on it. Klaus opened it very carefully, so as not to break the cobweb. It let out a long, low groan as it opened. He read from a single, yellowing piece of paper:
HISTORY OF THE SNICKET FAMILY
It will be hundreds of thousands of years before anyone forgets Jequesla (637-598 BC) and Cymon (639-598 BC) of Snicket. Queen and King of Snicketia, or Snicket, which has since become the United States of VFD, including a village with the same name, they were peaceful rulers. They treated all their citizens fairly. Over time, they became extremely wealthy. Consequently, Olafus the Evil, of the neighboring Kingdom of Olafia, and his army planned an attack on the Kingdom of Snicket for its fortune. The bloody battle lasted thirteen days. In the end, the Olafians were victorious, and they drove the remaining Snickets out of their once- thriving Kingdom. Most of the Snickets died in the attack, but those who survived (they were called the "deSnickets" at the time) claimed that the night before the battle, a mysterious gypsy had put a curse on the people of Jequesla and Cymon, who were killed the next day. Their two sons, however, were among the escapees. Their names were Jacques and Lemony, and they grew up to become to new leaders of the Snickets. It has been a Snicket family tradition ever since to name one's first two sons by these names, Jacques for the elder and Lemony for the younger.
"Look! This article even mentions Jacques's name! I guess there's a very small family of Snickets, then, if they can all name their children the same two names and not have problems," Klaus finished, his hands shaking again. He just knew that these three articles, along with the list of criminals, would be able to answer some of the strange questions about their past.
"We should still check the B section for a Baudelaire file. After all, 'Baudelaire' was written on the bottom of that first VFD paper!" Violet said. "Even if we can feel this mystery coming together, we still have to keep looking."
"Gupa!" Sunny agreed, and so they set off, yet again, to find another filing cabinet. They had to walk all the way to the other side of the library, which took five whole minutes. They arrived at the B section, and had an even harder time finding the Baudelaire cabinet. It took them a half hour to notice a rather small cabinet in a corner on the bottom row. It was different from the other cabinets in many ways. It did not have a label, but the name "Baudelaire" was engraved into it in elegant script. It looked very old; an antique. It was made of gorgeous mahogany wood, and it had a pure gold handle.
The Baudelaires stared at it in amazement. This cabinet belonged in a museum, not a library! After a few more minutes of looking at the cabinet in bewilderment, Klaus stepped forward hesitantly. He briefly ran his fingers over his last name engraved in the polished wood. Then he pulled gently on the golden handle. The cabinet smoothly rolled open as if it were as light as a feather. The orphans gasped as they saw what was inside. Instead of file folders and stacks of typed paper, there was an enormous, single book. It had a leather cover and its title, printed in gold letters, read The Baudelaires.
"A book about…us?" Violet asked. She reached for it. It opened with a thud and her question was answered. It was not a book about them. It was not even a book at all, as a matter of fact. It was a secret compartment. The pages had been hollowed out in the center to reveal a note. Violet gasped when she read who the note was for.
Dear Violet, Klaus, and sweet little Sunny,
If you are reading this, we are dead. For how long, I don't know. However, there is something we must tell you that we just couldn't say before. Look on the list of criminals you are holding. You see the name Lemony Snicket, no doubt? He is innocent, as innocent as they come. He was a friend of ours. But watch out for Lauren U. Lichtenstein-Ullman. I imagine she is number two?
Must stop. Love you three more than anything.
Kisses,
Mother and Father
P.S. don't trust L
A tear slid down her cheek. Her parents had written to them, knowing they were about to die? All this was too strange to think about. She reached for Klaus and Sunny and embraced them, not caring that the people in the library were looking at them oddly, or that the other papers Klaus had been holding had fallen to the floor, forgotten. They were all wishing the same wish, wishing it so hard it hurt: they were wishing that their parents had never died.
Madame Lulu had a funny feeling in the pit of her stomach. Where were Isadora, Duncan, and Quiglina? They were taking an awfully long time in that Library of Records. They needed to get ready to perform! She decided she would just check on them…just to be sure they were okay.
She opened the battered library door. It creaked slowly and loudly, so that everyone looked up and glared at her as she passed, disturbing their quiet with the jingling of her many bracelets.
Lulu finally found them in the B section, sitting close together with dazed looks on their faces. Isadora was clutching a small piece of paper.
"Are y'all all right?" she asked the Baudelaires concernedly, startling them so much that Sunny gave a small yelp.
"Y-yes," Klaus murmured. Violet and Sunny noticed he sounded as he had when they had been working at the Lucky Smells Lumbermill, and he had been hypnotized by the evil Dr. Orwell.
"Well, us four've gotta perform soon; we better leave. Y'got what ya needed?" They nodded, and slowly got up. They were still feeling as though they had just been run over by a rampaging rhinoceros, just like what happened to me when I was on an African safari a couple years ago.
Violet handed the note from Mr. and Mrs. Baudelaire to Klaus because she had no pockets. Even though they had just heard from their beloved parents when they thought they never would again, they were in such gloomy moods that they felt certain they would never smile again.