Left Behind, by Siren Alecto
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing. If I did, I wouldn't be writing this, would I?
Warnings: Angst, 1x2 mentioned, death. Told from Duo's point of view.
Pairings: 2xH, 1xR, 1x2
Left Behind, by Siren Alecto
Alone.
The lights illuminate my figure, then I am past and plunge back into the darkness where I belong.
Alone.
Stupid word. It won't stop echoing in my head. Through my being. My life is too much like the street my feet are carrying me down, I muse. Flooded with light and then dropped back into obscurity until the light claims me again.
The darkness is where people like I belong. So we don't have to be such a sore sight for others. For those among the 'upper' class. Shit, no one ever wonders just how many there are among us that are spawn of the 'upper' class.
Living on the streets since infancy tends to give a person little time to think. Not about the future or the past. When you live on the street, you think only of survival in the now.
Sometimes, like now, when I have too much time to think (in my opinion) I wonder if street life didn't have the right of it. Don't look back and don't look forward. The past is the past and the future will come soon enough without worrying about it.
The future... I used to have plan for the future. A plan involving marrying and having a couple kids to run me ragged. Apparently my plan wasn't good enough for the Fates, though.
Not good enough... Hilde... Gods, I'm so sorry. It's my curse, you see. My curse to be alone. I never wanted anything to happen to you, never wanted my love to kill you. But I couldn't fight you at the same time.
It was a 'damned if I do, damned if I don't' sort of situation if I ever saw one.
It was only a matter of time; we had almost two years together. Two wonderful years... and then that accident. Your car on that back road and the eighteen-wheeler... a head-on collision, the doctors said, and you died instantly.
Hilde, the girl who had survived the wars, who had survived going against mobile dolls with data from Trowa and Heero... The girl who could brighten my day just be giving me her special smile, was gone in the blink of an eye.
In the beat of a heart.
My heart.
After Hilde's death I wasn't quite the same. I still kept up the smiling, joking mask most of the time but I had less real smiles and laughter. And the moments when I turned serious became more often, for longer periods of time.
I didn't turn to drinking, though. I knew Hilde wouldn't want me to destroy myself, waste away and become someone ugly. Not for her.
The problem was that there was no longer a me without Hilde. I didn't know how to function without her.
Slowly, I went about piecing myself back together. Taking things one at a time, I started with teaching myself how to cook. Through many oven- fires and charcoal dinners, I stuck through it, refusing to go out to dinner more often than twice a week. As I got the hang of cooking, I started experimenting with different ideas, and now I'm a pretty good cook if I do say so myself.
After cooking were other small domestic type tasks that I taught myself. All this while I still had the scrapyard.
The boys were all understanding, and were very supportive of me at that time, much to my appreciation. They took it upon themselves to keep me going when I faltered, always trying to be kind to me no matter how hard a time I gave them.
Then, when I had just had my life figured out, he showed up at my door.
It was pouring down raining outside, a storm that I had been watching from the window, drops of water coursing down the pane of glass, thunder echoing as lightning lit up the sky.
I heard a knock at the door and I went to answer it even though I was grumbling something about idiots wandering around when it's storming outside.
My breath caught in my throat when I opened the door to find him standing there, a slightly uncertain expression on his face.
A second passed, dragging on like a year as I drank in the sight of him. Gods, he looked good with the rain plastering the clothes he wore to his body and stray water dripping from his unruly hair to course down his face in rivulets. But then, Heero Yuy always looked good.
Soundlessly, I stepped back from the doorway, gesturing for him to come inside as my eyes never left his face. Now, Heero Yuy's gaze is hypnotic, with those eyes of his and that body...
Tearing my eyes from his, I shut the door behind him and told him to make himself comfortable while I got him a towel and some clothes.
Shuffling through my things, I got him a pair of jeans, boxers and an everyday, long-sleeved style shirt. All black of course. I also grab that towel for him on my way back to the front door.
As I halfway expected, Heero was in the exact spot that I left him when I went to get something dry. Handing him the clothes and towels to him, I pointed Heero in the direction of the bathroom so he could change.
Then I retreated to the kitchen for some much-needed coffee. Waiting for the pot to fill, I get out a mug as well as my sugar and milk.
Sighing, I laid my head in my arms on the table, I didn't need this. After all this time for the old feelings to come back... well they certainly came back with a vengeance.
I'm not ready, I thought. Not for another relationship... it that's what it's going to turn out to be. But to be perfectly honest with myself, Hilde would be the first to tell me that I was ready and I needed to be happy with someone else.
She knew about what I felt for Heero and didn't judge me, though some would. Hilde loved me anyway, secure in the knowledge that though I felt things for my suicidal friend, it was her I would come home to. Who I would give my heart to.
The sound of a car's horn brings me from the past with a vengeance. Realizing that I had stopped in the middle of crossing a street, I quickly move on, cursing under my breath.
Living in the past was stupid. Even though those days were some of the best in my short life. I found out later that Heero had had some sort of argument with Relena. It really must have been something to cause him to be so shaken.
Over the course of the next few weeks we strengthened our friendship, and tried to fight our now-obvious, growing attraction towards eachother.
I can't remember when exactly I stopped fighting it but I can remember our first kiss like it was yesterday.
The day started out innocently enough. I woke up, made coffee with our normal breakfast of pancakes, eggs and sausage, and sat down to read the morning paper.
Taking a sip from my coffee, I sputtered a little as Heero interrupts me.
"That much sugar is bad for you."
"So? We all have to die sometime. While we're living, why not indulge ourselves in something as innocent as sugar?"
"I suppose." Heero replied, giving me a small smile. A smile, not a smirk like usual but a smile. Now I know I'm making headway.
For the rest of the day, my head was in the clouds, I was ecstatic that Heero was lowering his walls for me. I knew that I'd already lowered mine for him.
I was still in a great mood when I came home, so I wandered around the house looking for Heero to go do something fun with me. I found him on the roof typing away on that laptop of his, writing his next book.
Heero had done rather well at writing Sci-fi thrillers under a penname, and was now working on his next one. Eventually I called up to him, asking him to come out and go on a picnic with me.
He asks me what a picnic is and I laugh my first natural laughter in months. "I'll show you," I call back up to him, and he nods, a small smile playing around his mouth.
Saving his work on the laptop, Heero turned it off and closed it. Right before he jumped off the roof, landing neatly on the ground.
Glaring at him, I exclaim that he shouldn't try to give me a heart attack like that. Then I promptly drag him inside the house so I can throw a picnic basket together.
That done, we walk to the park that's just a couple of blocks away. That day's warmth on my face made me feel very mellow and relaxed as I found us a spot on a hill overlooking the creek that our park sported.
Sitting, we relaxed and munched on the food that I had put in the basket, all sorts of sandwiches, fruits and deserts. Talking and having mock-fights over some of our fruit, Heero stole my grapes and I snatched a bite of his pear before he held it over his head, giving me a look like "now what are you going to do?"
I can't let a challenge go, so I launched myself at him from a sitting position and we play-tussled around for a little while, before a snatched the pear back from him. Taking a victorious bite, I noticed that his intense eyes were on me with a look that I can't describe. It was part longing, part fear, and something else I couldn't name that looked something like desire, but different.
Licking my suddenly dry lips, I watched almost helplessly as his eyes tracked the movement.
Heero's gaze became feral as he sat up slowly, giving me time to stop whatever was happening or to run away. But I wanted it, oh gods how I wanted his lips to be touching mine...
And then suddenly they were, and all these sensations filled me, us, and I knew that I would love Heero forever. I heard the bells, saw the fireworks that you hear about in fairytales.
Anyway, after that we because lovers as well as friends. Or at least bedmates, I have to wonder which it was as I remember what happened next.
He was wearing normal enough clothing, blue jeans, black tee shirt and a bag slung over his shoulder. Taking a deep breath (for courage, I think now) he called to me. "Duo."
"Hmm?" I turn around from the oven, where I'm checking on dinner.
"I'm leaving. The Preventers are calling me back into service." His eyes watched me intently while he spoke and I can't help but wonder what was behind those eyes, what he was thinking.
"Back into service..." I repeated, and it clicked all of a sudden. "And back to her."
Turning away from me, he broke our eye contact. "Yes." he whispered.
I didn't yell or throw things at him in anger, but most of all I didn't beg him to stay. I have too much pride for that.
I also knew that it wouldn't have worked. So I gathered up the pieces of my heart and walked him to the door that he had come through just a short time ago.
He turned around and stared at me with those unfathomable eyes... How I love those eyes. As much as I love everything else about him. After a moment, he walked out the door and never looked back.
I must admit, I'm rather proud of myself; for how I handled everything. I watched him from my doorway until my eyes could no longer track his movements. Only then did I move to my room and break down in tears.
I stop my wandering to glare at the sky. The endless night sky with stars and a crater filled moon that doesn't look half as good ad they do from Earth.
My eyes search endlessly for some sign of my tormentor because I know someone up there must hate me. I snarl and start walking again, hands deep in my pockets, eyes on the ground in front of me. I'm the God of Death and whoever's up there that has a problem with me can go--
"Duo?"
My heart starts slamming against my ribs as I look up slowly. That voice... it still gets to me.
"Heero." I answer back pleasantly, hiding my real emotions at seeing him again. "What are you doing here?"
Heero shifted and I realized that he held a bag over his shoulder. "I'm looking for something."
"Oh?" I blink, faintly puzzled at his answer. "What for?"
Heero looks in my eyes, catching me again with that one gaze. Damn, that's not fair. "I realized that I left something behind, when I went back to Earth."
"Really?" I whisper, voice cracking slightly and I wet my lips nervously. "What's that?"
"My heart." Heero replied, and it could only have been the truth from the look in his eyes.
With a strangled cry, I launch myself at him, hugging him and pouring small kisses all over his face and he laughed.
The true laughter from him made me almost cry. Holding him to me fiercely, I whisper "You're never leaving me again."
Nuzzling my cheek softly as he replies, breath tickling my ear, "Never."
Siren Alecto: To tell the truth, I have NO idea where this came from. I started writing it as ramblings and around the middle of the first page, it turned itself into this. Hope you like it. Sorry about writing something else in the middle of another story.
Eiryn: I blame all spelling and grammar mistakes as well as bad storytelling on you.
Siren Alecto: Yeah well I blame the ENTIRE thing on YOU. Seriously, did your boyfriend brake up with you or something?
Eiryn: Remember to review. All comments and criticism are greatly appreciated. ::walks away ignoring Siren Alecto::
Siren Alecto: ::sighs:: Please do as she says, minna and help me improve my writing!
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing. If I did, I wouldn't be writing this, would I?
Warnings: Angst, 1x2 mentioned, death. Told from Duo's point of view.
Pairings: 2xH, 1xR, 1x2
Left Behind, by Siren Alecto
Alone.
The lights illuminate my figure, then I am past and plunge back into the darkness where I belong.
Alone.
Stupid word. It won't stop echoing in my head. Through my being. My life is too much like the street my feet are carrying me down, I muse. Flooded with light and then dropped back into obscurity until the light claims me again.
The darkness is where people like I belong. So we don't have to be such a sore sight for others. For those among the 'upper' class. Shit, no one ever wonders just how many there are among us that are spawn of the 'upper' class.
Living on the streets since infancy tends to give a person little time to think. Not about the future or the past. When you live on the street, you think only of survival in the now.
Sometimes, like now, when I have too much time to think (in my opinion) I wonder if street life didn't have the right of it. Don't look back and don't look forward. The past is the past and the future will come soon enough without worrying about it.
The future... I used to have plan for the future. A plan involving marrying and having a couple kids to run me ragged. Apparently my plan wasn't good enough for the Fates, though.
Not good enough... Hilde... Gods, I'm so sorry. It's my curse, you see. My curse to be alone. I never wanted anything to happen to you, never wanted my love to kill you. But I couldn't fight you at the same time.
It was a 'damned if I do, damned if I don't' sort of situation if I ever saw one.
It was only a matter of time; we had almost two years together. Two wonderful years... and then that accident. Your car on that back road and the eighteen-wheeler... a head-on collision, the doctors said, and you died instantly.
Hilde, the girl who had survived the wars, who had survived going against mobile dolls with data from Trowa and Heero... The girl who could brighten my day just be giving me her special smile, was gone in the blink of an eye.
In the beat of a heart.
My heart.
After Hilde's death I wasn't quite the same. I still kept up the smiling, joking mask most of the time but I had less real smiles and laughter. And the moments when I turned serious became more often, for longer periods of time.
I didn't turn to drinking, though. I knew Hilde wouldn't want me to destroy myself, waste away and become someone ugly. Not for her.
The problem was that there was no longer a me without Hilde. I didn't know how to function without her.
Slowly, I went about piecing myself back together. Taking things one at a time, I started with teaching myself how to cook. Through many oven- fires and charcoal dinners, I stuck through it, refusing to go out to dinner more often than twice a week. As I got the hang of cooking, I started experimenting with different ideas, and now I'm a pretty good cook if I do say so myself.
After cooking were other small domestic type tasks that I taught myself. All this while I still had the scrapyard.
The boys were all understanding, and were very supportive of me at that time, much to my appreciation. They took it upon themselves to keep me going when I faltered, always trying to be kind to me no matter how hard a time I gave them.
Then, when I had just had my life figured out, he showed up at my door.
It was pouring down raining outside, a storm that I had been watching from the window, drops of water coursing down the pane of glass, thunder echoing as lightning lit up the sky.
I heard a knock at the door and I went to answer it even though I was grumbling something about idiots wandering around when it's storming outside.
My breath caught in my throat when I opened the door to find him standing there, a slightly uncertain expression on his face.
A second passed, dragging on like a year as I drank in the sight of him. Gods, he looked good with the rain plastering the clothes he wore to his body and stray water dripping from his unruly hair to course down his face in rivulets. But then, Heero Yuy always looked good.
Soundlessly, I stepped back from the doorway, gesturing for him to come inside as my eyes never left his face. Now, Heero Yuy's gaze is hypnotic, with those eyes of his and that body...
Tearing my eyes from his, I shut the door behind him and told him to make himself comfortable while I got him a towel and some clothes.
Shuffling through my things, I got him a pair of jeans, boxers and an everyday, long-sleeved style shirt. All black of course. I also grab that towel for him on my way back to the front door.
As I halfway expected, Heero was in the exact spot that I left him when I went to get something dry. Handing him the clothes and towels to him, I pointed Heero in the direction of the bathroom so he could change.
Then I retreated to the kitchen for some much-needed coffee. Waiting for the pot to fill, I get out a mug as well as my sugar and milk.
Sighing, I laid my head in my arms on the table, I didn't need this. After all this time for the old feelings to come back... well they certainly came back with a vengeance.
I'm not ready, I thought. Not for another relationship... it that's what it's going to turn out to be. But to be perfectly honest with myself, Hilde would be the first to tell me that I was ready and I needed to be happy with someone else.
She knew about what I felt for Heero and didn't judge me, though some would. Hilde loved me anyway, secure in the knowledge that though I felt things for my suicidal friend, it was her I would come home to. Who I would give my heart to.
The sound of a car's horn brings me from the past with a vengeance. Realizing that I had stopped in the middle of crossing a street, I quickly move on, cursing under my breath.
Living in the past was stupid. Even though those days were some of the best in my short life. I found out later that Heero had had some sort of argument with Relena. It really must have been something to cause him to be so shaken.
Over the course of the next few weeks we strengthened our friendship, and tried to fight our now-obvious, growing attraction towards eachother.
I can't remember when exactly I stopped fighting it but I can remember our first kiss like it was yesterday.
The day started out innocently enough. I woke up, made coffee with our normal breakfast of pancakes, eggs and sausage, and sat down to read the morning paper.
Taking a sip from my coffee, I sputtered a little as Heero interrupts me.
"That much sugar is bad for you."
"So? We all have to die sometime. While we're living, why not indulge ourselves in something as innocent as sugar?"
"I suppose." Heero replied, giving me a small smile. A smile, not a smirk like usual but a smile. Now I know I'm making headway.
For the rest of the day, my head was in the clouds, I was ecstatic that Heero was lowering his walls for me. I knew that I'd already lowered mine for him.
I was still in a great mood when I came home, so I wandered around the house looking for Heero to go do something fun with me. I found him on the roof typing away on that laptop of his, writing his next book.
Heero had done rather well at writing Sci-fi thrillers under a penname, and was now working on his next one. Eventually I called up to him, asking him to come out and go on a picnic with me.
He asks me what a picnic is and I laugh my first natural laughter in months. "I'll show you," I call back up to him, and he nods, a small smile playing around his mouth.
Saving his work on the laptop, Heero turned it off and closed it. Right before he jumped off the roof, landing neatly on the ground.
Glaring at him, I exclaim that he shouldn't try to give me a heart attack like that. Then I promptly drag him inside the house so I can throw a picnic basket together.
That done, we walk to the park that's just a couple of blocks away. That day's warmth on my face made me feel very mellow and relaxed as I found us a spot on a hill overlooking the creek that our park sported.
Sitting, we relaxed and munched on the food that I had put in the basket, all sorts of sandwiches, fruits and deserts. Talking and having mock-fights over some of our fruit, Heero stole my grapes and I snatched a bite of his pear before he held it over his head, giving me a look like "now what are you going to do?"
I can't let a challenge go, so I launched myself at him from a sitting position and we play-tussled around for a little while, before a snatched the pear back from him. Taking a victorious bite, I noticed that his intense eyes were on me with a look that I can't describe. It was part longing, part fear, and something else I couldn't name that looked something like desire, but different.
Licking my suddenly dry lips, I watched almost helplessly as his eyes tracked the movement.
Heero's gaze became feral as he sat up slowly, giving me time to stop whatever was happening or to run away. But I wanted it, oh gods how I wanted his lips to be touching mine...
And then suddenly they were, and all these sensations filled me, us, and I knew that I would love Heero forever. I heard the bells, saw the fireworks that you hear about in fairytales.
Anyway, after that we because lovers as well as friends. Or at least bedmates, I have to wonder which it was as I remember what happened next.
He was wearing normal enough clothing, blue jeans, black tee shirt and a bag slung over his shoulder. Taking a deep breath (for courage, I think now) he called to me. "Duo."
"Hmm?" I turn around from the oven, where I'm checking on dinner.
"I'm leaving. The Preventers are calling me back into service." His eyes watched me intently while he spoke and I can't help but wonder what was behind those eyes, what he was thinking.
"Back into service..." I repeated, and it clicked all of a sudden. "And back to her."
Turning away from me, he broke our eye contact. "Yes." he whispered.
I didn't yell or throw things at him in anger, but most of all I didn't beg him to stay. I have too much pride for that.
I also knew that it wouldn't have worked. So I gathered up the pieces of my heart and walked him to the door that he had come through just a short time ago.
He turned around and stared at me with those unfathomable eyes... How I love those eyes. As much as I love everything else about him. After a moment, he walked out the door and never looked back.
I must admit, I'm rather proud of myself; for how I handled everything. I watched him from my doorway until my eyes could no longer track his movements. Only then did I move to my room and break down in tears.
I stop my wandering to glare at the sky. The endless night sky with stars and a crater filled moon that doesn't look half as good ad they do from Earth.
My eyes search endlessly for some sign of my tormentor because I know someone up there must hate me. I snarl and start walking again, hands deep in my pockets, eyes on the ground in front of me. I'm the God of Death and whoever's up there that has a problem with me can go--
"Duo?"
My heart starts slamming against my ribs as I look up slowly. That voice... it still gets to me.
"Heero." I answer back pleasantly, hiding my real emotions at seeing him again. "What are you doing here?"
Heero shifted and I realized that he held a bag over his shoulder. "I'm looking for something."
"Oh?" I blink, faintly puzzled at his answer. "What for?"
Heero looks in my eyes, catching me again with that one gaze. Damn, that's not fair. "I realized that I left something behind, when I went back to Earth."
"Really?" I whisper, voice cracking slightly and I wet my lips nervously. "What's that?"
"My heart." Heero replied, and it could only have been the truth from the look in his eyes.
With a strangled cry, I launch myself at him, hugging him and pouring small kisses all over his face and he laughed.
The true laughter from him made me almost cry. Holding him to me fiercely, I whisper "You're never leaving me again."
Nuzzling my cheek softly as he replies, breath tickling my ear, "Never."
Siren Alecto: To tell the truth, I have NO idea where this came from. I started writing it as ramblings and around the middle of the first page, it turned itself into this. Hope you like it. Sorry about writing something else in the middle of another story.
Eiryn: I blame all spelling and grammar mistakes as well as bad storytelling on you.
Siren Alecto: Yeah well I blame the ENTIRE thing on YOU. Seriously, did your boyfriend brake up with you or something?
Eiryn: Remember to review. All comments and criticism are greatly appreciated. ::walks away ignoring Siren Alecto::
Siren Alecto: ::sighs:: Please do as she says, minna and help me improve my writing!