AN: Ha! So… this is what everyone gets when they keep me away from the Net for too long… a whole barrage of angsty songfics! *evil cackle* Anyway, this is H/H, and for me, that's abnormal already. I've always loved D/H, 'coz someone always has to change for the better. But then, there's the fun part of H/H, where you wonder if Hermione/Harry can ever tell Harry/Hermione that s/he loves him, because s/he's scared s/he'll turn away or just accept him/her as a friend. (Did you get that?!) Mwahaha!
Disclaimer: All characters belong to J.K. Rowling, as well as everything else you recognize from the HP books 1-4. Everything else, such as unfamiliar places (Horizont Alley), angst (a lot of this!), relationships (H/H!), and all OOC behavior is mine! The song (On My Own) belongs to… *ummm….* I really don't know. A third year high-school student sang it for our drama club meeting and I liked it, and I got the lyrics and wrote this! (In case, you were wondering, CharmedHpfanatic, it was Ate Naine.)
Dedicated to: The Blue Team! (We rule. We cool. J ) To all HP lovers in Grade Seven! (Blah, very few out there…) And to me. (As a consoling gift for being so depressed over graduation.)
On My Own
On my own
She clutched the cloak around her, and continued to walk, her breath making a cloud in the frosty air. She looked up at the dark shapes of the shops looming above her, almost menacing in the half-dark. She blinked, her eyes red-rimmed for nights of crying into her pillow.
Pretending he's beside me
She could still feel him there, his scent of stardust and familiarity, his brotherly touch, his smile of friendship… a smile of friendship and nothing more.
All alone I walk with him until morning
Hermione Granger pulled back the sleeve of her jacket and looked at her watch. 2 a.m. What was she doing out here, walking the silent Horizont Alley? There was danger, and unknown evil… but she wanted her night walk, and she couldn't sleep, troubled as she was with her broken heart. She was unhappy and alone, and she couldn't care less.
Without him I feel his arms around me
She hugged herself, trying to restore warmth into her frigid body. She missed him, yes she did, Harry James Potter.
The Boy Who Lived.
The Boy Who Was Her Best Friend.
The Boy Who Could Never Love Her Back.
And when I lose my way
Hermione walked past the dark shops, the silent, sleeping apartments, not wanting to go back to her own. "It's no use…" she whispered into the icy air. "He'll never love me the way I love him."
I close my eyes and he has found me
"All he would ever think of me is as a friend, nothing more, nothing less. But…" Hermione blinked back tears. "I love him with all my heart, solely, completely."
In the rain the pavement shines like silver
All the lights are misty in the river
It was beautiful, the usually bustling and busy Horizont Alley, now, in it's quiet sleep. The cobblestones were damp with night rain, and in the soft glow of the lanterns hanging by the stores, everything sparkled with unnatural light.
And in the darkness, the trees are full of starlight
However, the beauty of the night was not lost on that one, sad soul walking the alley. In truth, she was watching it with a bittersweet heart and eyes bright with tears, wondering sadly how much more beautiful the night would be if Harry was beside her, and if he loved her too.
And all I see is him and me forever and forever
"We could be so beautiful together. We balance each other, it's like…" Her throat went dry, and he choked on her tears. "We were made for each other."
And I know it's only in my mind
Hermione knew that her wistful dreams of Harry were exactly that… only a dream. Harry loved her, yes, but as a friend, while she loved him with all her heart and soul. It was a wishful fantasy to live, and she doubted that it may ever come true.
That I'm talking to myself and not to him
"I could never tell him how I truly feel." She touched the silver bracelet on her wrist, her birthday present from Harry. Friends Forever. was engraved in beautiful writing along the edge of the fragile silver, and small diamonds were set beside it. "Friends… that's all we ever could be."
And although I know he's blind
"He's blind to my love, he's blind to me." Hermione began to sob, a lonely young woman standing in the street under the light of a single lantern and a thousand stars. "All he sees is… her."
Still I say, there's a way for us
She wiped her eyes and glanced at the delicate bracelet, her eyes still wet. "I still love him, but all he does is talk about her." Hermione straightened up, eyes still sad, but shining with a new light, the light of determination. "I love him, and that is enough."
I love him…
But when the night is over
Hermione suddenly sat down on a nearby bench, her shoulders slumping. She stared dejectedly out over the river, full of moon shine. "But she's everything I'm not… I mean, Berna Guerrero's beautiful, accomplished, charming and wonderfully unaware of Harry's affection."
He is gone, the river's just a river
"Me…" Hermione toyed with the bracelet on her wrist. "All I have is…" She stared up at the stars, tears still standing in the corner s of her eyes. "All I have for Harry is my love."
Without him the world around me changes
Suddenly, as if at the mention of Harry's loved one, the world darkened intensely, bringing her spirits down. "Harry…" she whispered, trying to bring back the night magic. "Please love me, too."
The trees are bare
The trees rustled, as if asking Hermione to speak about her broken heart, asking her about her small, sad tale. Hermione felt the compelling, and she raised her eyes to the dark skies above.
And everywhere the streets are full of strangers
Berna Guerrero… that lovely stranger that just suddenly walked into their lives, breaking one heart and completing the other, without her knowledge or consent.
Harry Potter… that one who had fallen hopelessly in love with a stranger, a beauty unknown, and who had unknowingly unleashed a hell's torment on the one girl who had loved him since forever.
Hermione Granger… that faithful young woman, loving him as much as her heart could bear, staying by his side, following him through all danger, hell and high water, never speaking a word of her affection to him, believing in the day that would come, when he would open his eyes and fall for her too.
I love him…
Sadly, as the hopeful girl waited for that day, past weeks and months of yearning and longing, another girl walked in, and the boy's heart followed her out the door, leaving Hermione broken and screaming out for love.
But every day I'm learning
"I have to heal." Hermione put one chilled hand over her heart, as if vowing to soothe it. "I have to find out what to do… whether to learn how to keep this pain and live with it, or to let it out, and forget the young man who caused it all in the first place."
All my life I've only been pretending
She smiled faintly as she recalled her earlier days in Hogwarts beside Harry, loving him with all heart, and hiding it with all her power. How, in third year, she dared show the smallest bit of her feelings for him, and actually going forward an kissing him good-bye on Platform 9 ¾. How, in fourth year, she had been severely hurt when Harry told them about asking Cho Chang, how she secretly rejoiced when Ron said that Cho had turned Harry down, and how she hoped against hope that he would ask her next.
"All my life, I hoped he would notice me, and now, he's fallen in love… with another."
Without me, his world would go on turning
"If I died…" She looked down at her hands downheartedly. "He would cry. He would be sad… but he would soon forget. He really never knew me the way I would have wanted him to."
A world full of happiness I have never known
"He'd have Berna to wipe away his tears…" she whispered bitterly, clutching at her cloak, trying to block out the cold, but not able to block out the pain. "I never had anyone to wipe away mine…"
I love him
"Why do I keep on loving him?" Tears began to slide down her cold cheeks, leaving trails of hot warmth. "Why do I persist, when I know he'll probably never love me back, anyway?" Hermione leaned forward, eyes screwed shut, unable to bear the heartbreaking pain.
I love him
"Someone please explain this to me…" she whispered, huddle against the cold pain, and the cold finality. The wind began to murmur through the trees, touching her cheek, caressing her hair, and whispering into her earn words that she could barely hear. "You can't explain love…"
I love him…
But only on my own.