On The Flip Side, With Something to Think About
Disclaimer: I do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion, all rights belong and are in the hands of the Gainax anime production company as well as Anno. Strictly writing this for the sake of something to do and to test my skills as a writer, no profit is to be gained from writing or publishing this fiction on any public or private internet site.
The door opened out into the hall, making a low squealing sound as it stopped halfway open. Misato stood in Central Dogma waiting to be relieved. She was studying the events that led to the fifteenths demise. 'A mental attack. that's the last thing we need. Angels turning our pilots mentality into a simple plaything, or worse. What if she turned against us? We might not have been able to stop her. Shinji. Damn you Shinji, you knew the risk yet you went anyway! Heroics are for heroes, but even heroes know when to retreat. What would we have done if you had gone against us? Not even Asuka would be able to stop you.' Misato lowered her head and tightened her fist till it ached. She clenched her teeth, subconsciously holding her breath at the same time. After a few silent moments of racking her mind over things she had little control over, she released her fist. Mentally collapsing within her own mind she exhaled her breath and began taking in oxygen at a heavy pace, then slowing to a normal one.
Misato could hear the mild tap of heals against the solid floor, as a voice called from not to far behind her, "Major I've come to relieve you, you may go." Said a concerned Dr. Akagi, she knew of her friends' bad habit of over worrying herself, but it was her job. The children were her responsibility. and hers alone.
Misato stayed silent for a few seconds longer, not bothering to move. She raised her head slowly making contact with the main screen once again. Misato turned around to face her friend with a blank expression, though it carried with it a look of sadness, but she took her appearance in stride. Dr. Akagi smiled halfheartedly at her to try and take some of the weight off her shoulders, it didn't help any but that was to be expected. She knew Misato didn't like it when others offered help into her personal life, but she had to chance it for her own good. Misato began walking towards the doctor her eyes never straying from her destination. Dr. Akagi frowned as her good friend walked from the room, she knew all to well where she would go.
You should have stopped him. Came a voice from inside Misato's head. You care for him yet you stray from helping him in any way.
'I told him not to go, there was nothing I could do to stop him. I care for him because no one else will.' she replied mentally, giving a tear a chance to see the light of day, or the light with which the elevator brought.
So you do not care for him, you only pity those who you think need pity. You give pity but slap it away when offered. Pity is a form of help that caring people give when another is in need. But to give pity you need to receive it just the same, you see only one side of the river and neglect to even glance at the other for fear of what is on the other side.
'I care for him because he needs something. someone to hold onto. I don't need the help of others. I'm strong. I don't need pity when so much depends on the things I decide. Life is fragile, and I'm carrying to heavy a load to be gentle with it.' Misato slouched a bit like her words had some effect on the gravity in the small room.
You are confusing your ability to care, and to give pity. Yes he is very unstable, but so is Asuka, yet you give neither pity nor help to her. Shinji is afraid to become close for his fear of being hurt, Asuka shows the same traits but in another manner.
Misato's eyes widened, she didn't know where this was coming from. She was finally coming to the realization that she had put everything into one person she cared for the most, and completely neglected another. How could she have been so blind to see this? Misato began to feel even worse than before, she had pushed Asuka into an emotion corner not even bothering to offer assistance.
So why only Shinji? Why not offer help to Asuka, for it is quite obvious she needs support.
'I can't. she is strong, she can handle herself. just like I can.'
1 You are on the verge of tears! How can you compare another's mental stability when your own is teetering on the brink of destruction? There's something more to this Misato, something you need to tell me, yourself and come to face.
'I. I care for her. But she acts so strong and she refuses help from others.'
Shinji refuses help from everyone yet you protest his will and help him further! You're lying to yourself Misato, open up your heart. Release your pain. Secrets you do not wish to share are killing you from within. Admit to yourself what you have been running from, accept it, and learn to live with it. For if you don't an early grave awaits you.
'She reminds me of myself. Independent, strong willed, yet full of hatred and sorrow. We are the same and that's what scares me. I am afraid of myself. and so I am afraid of her. I don't offer help because I do not receive it. I am a hypocrite, I encourage others to become close but I refuse to get close myself.'
So you are also afraid of getting close, that's why you broke everything off with Kaji isn't it? It wasn't because he was too much like you father, if that were the case then you might have stayed together. You were in fear of being hurt by him, like you were by your father.
Misato couldn't bare it any longer. She began to cry in the elevator, tears she had kept dormant now were being released apon the earth like a flood. She took her head in her arms and lowered herself to the floor. She sobbed uncontrollably until she reached her destinations' floor and the elevator stopped. She stayed in the elevator for some time, her crying went from sobs, to light sniffling and then ceased. She sat on the floor with her legs tucked beside her, visions of Second Impact flooded through her head as she fought back yet more tears. She saw her father placing her gently into the pod, the explosion, waking up to see her entire past go up like the giant wings that extended into the heavens. She saw herself taking hold of her cross, it was covered in blood. her fathers blood. The girl in her mind began to cry as she held the cross to her face like it was the embodiment of her father. She remembered the many times she had hated him for his work, for his look, for what he did to her. She also remembered all the pleasant times she and her father had spent together. When she really thought about it, her father had done more good than bad in her life than she had come to believe. She loved her father, now more than ever and wished he could have been with her in her time of need. 'Kaji? I need you, I'm sorry I pushed you away. out of my life.' Still she sat in the elevator, waiting as if for some queue to leave. Her eyes closed just to the point where her vision was blurred, "Hedgehog's dilemma. we are all caught in its' web. I need you." as she finished off her sentence, she stood up and wiped her face dry of her tears.
The door opened to the elevator and she stepped out. She hung her head low, fearing the sight of the boy she loved like her own family. As she walked the only thing she could see were her feet. One taking another step in front of the other, the repetitive action made her feel slightly more at ease.
She pondered what she would say to him once she arrived. Would he hear her, if he did would he wake up, or would he not hear her and stay motionless, like death had already visited him. before she could say goodbye. Goodbye, that was something she never wanted to have to say to either of her roommates. They meant far too much to her now than ever before. She wanted to help them by any and all means open to her. She felt as though she would go against orders for them just to make sure they were all right.
She walked passed various people and doors before she came to a door that was half-open. She could see a hand turned palm up and as she moved closer found to whom the hand had belonged to. Her eyes doubled their size as she leapt for the girl on the floor. "Asuka? Asuka?! Nurse? Someone get a nurse, NOW!" Misato yelled at the top of her lungs as she cradled the girl in her arms, hoping, praying she was okay. She looked back at Shinji who lay in his bed, in the dark room they had placed him in. A rose was set gently in a glass vase on the table beside him. In Misato's eyes it seemed like the only thing alive in the room, the flower almost glowed in its' magnificence. To her it appeared to be a guiding light, to help the boy through the darkness of his mind and into the light of the world.
A.N.: Well I hope you like this newer version of this chapter seeing as someone who shall remain nameless wouldn't let me leave this chapter without going back over it. Hope you liked it and the next chapter should be up before the holidays are over. I hate it when I get writers' block, can't write a damn thing!
Disclaimer: I do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion, all rights belong and are in the hands of the Gainax anime production company as well as Anno. Strictly writing this for the sake of something to do and to test my skills as a writer, no profit is to be gained from writing or publishing this fiction on any public or private internet site.
The door opened out into the hall, making a low squealing sound as it stopped halfway open. Misato stood in Central Dogma waiting to be relieved. She was studying the events that led to the fifteenths demise. 'A mental attack. that's the last thing we need. Angels turning our pilots mentality into a simple plaything, or worse. What if she turned against us? We might not have been able to stop her. Shinji. Damn you Shinji, you knew the risk yet you went anyway! Heroics are for heroes, but even heroes know when to retreat. What would we have done if you had gone against us? Not even Asuka would be able to stop you.' Misato lowered her head and tightened her fist till it ached. She clenched her teeth, subconsciously holding her breath at the same time. After a few silent moments of racking her mind over things she had little control over, she released her fist. Mentally collapsing within her own mind she exhaled her breath and began taking in oxygen at a heavy pace, then slowing to a normal one.
Misato could hear the mild tap of heals against the solid floor, as a voice called from not to far behind her, "Major I've come to relieve you, you may go." Said a concerned Dr. Akagi, she knew of her friends' bad habit of over worrying herself, but it was her job. The children were her responsibility. and hers alone.
Misato stayed silent for a few seconds longer, not bothering to move. She raised her head slowly making contact with the main screen once again. Misato turned around to face her friend with a blank expression, though it carried with it a look of sadness, but she took her appearance in stride. Dr. Akagi smiled halfheartedly at her to try and take some of the weight off her shoulders, it didn't help any but that was to be expected. She knew Misato didn't like it when others offered help into her personal life, but she had to chance it for her own good. Misato began walking towards the doctor her eyes never straying from her destination. Dr. Akagi frowned as her good friend walked from the room, she knew all to well where she would go.
You should have stopped him. Came a voice from inside Misato's head. You care for him yet you stray from helping him in any way.
'I told him not to go, there was nothing I could do to stop him. I care for him because no one else will.' she replied mentally, giving a tear a chance to see the light of day, or the light with which the elevator brought.
So you do not care for him, you only pity those who you think need pity. You give pity but slap it away when offered. Pity is a form of help that caring people give when another is in need. But to give pity you need to receive it just the same, you see only one side of the river and neglect to even glance at the other for fear of what is on the other side.
'I care for him because he needs something. someone to hold onto. I don't need the help of others. I'm strong. I don't need pity when so much depends on the things I decide. Life is fragile, and I'm carrying to heavy a load to be gentle with it.' Misato slouched a bit like her words had some effect on the gravity in the small room.
You are confusing your ability to care, and to give pity. Yes he is very unstable, but so is Asuka, yet you give neither pity nor help to her. Shinji is afraid to become close for his fear of being hurt, Asuka shows the same traits but in another manner.
Misato's eyes widened, she didn't know where this was coming from. She was finally coming to the realization that she had put everything into one person she cared for the most, and completely neglected another. How could she have been so blind to see this? Misato began to feel even worse than before, she had pushed Asuka into an emotion corner not even bothering to offer assistance.
So why only Shinji? Why not offer help to Asuka, for it is quite obvious she needs support.
'I can't. she is strong, she can handle herself. just like I can.'
1 You are on the verge of tears! How can you compare another's mental stability when your own is teetering on the brink of destruction? There's something more to this Misato, something you need to tell me, yourself and come to face.
'I. I care for her. But she acts so strong and she refuses help from others.'
Shinji refuses help from everyone yet you protest his will and help him further! You're lying to yourself Misato, open up your heart. Release your pain. Secrets you do not wish to share are killing you from within. Admit to yourself what you have been running from, accept it, and learn to live with it. For if you don't an early grave awaits you.
'She reminds me of myself. Independent, strong willed, yet full of hatred and sorrow. We are the same and that's what scares me. I am afraid of myself. and so I am afraid of her. I don't offer help because I do not receive it. I am a hypocrite, I encourage others to become close but I refuse to get close myself.'
So you are also afraid of getting close, that's why you broke everything off with Kaji isn't it? It wasn't because he was too much like you father, if that were the case then you might have stayed together. You were in fear of being hurt by him, like you were by your father.
Misato couldn't bare it any longer. She began to cry in the elevator, tears she had kept dormant now were being released apon the earth like a flood. She took her head in her arms and lowered herself to the floor. She sobbed uncontrollably until she reached her destinations' floor and the elevator stopped. She stayed in the elevator for some time, her crying went from sobs, to light sniffling and then ceased. She sat on the floor with her legs tucked beside her, visions of Second Impact flooded through her head as she fought back yet more tears. She saw her father placing her gently into the pod, the explosion, waking up to see her entire past go up like the giant wings that extended into the heavens. She saw herself taking hold of her cross, it was covered in blood. her fathers blood. The girl in her mind began to cry as she held the cross to her face like it was the embodiment of her father. She remembered the many times she had hated him for his work, for his look, for what he did to her. She also remembered all the pleasant times she and her father had spent together. When she really thought about it, her father had done more good than bad in her life than she had come to believe. She loved her father, now more than ever and wished he could have been with her in her time of need. 'Kaji? I need you, I'm sorry I pushed you away. out of my life.' Still she sat in the elevator, waiting as if for some queue to leave. Her eyes closed just to the point where her vision was blurred, "Hedgehog's dilemma. we are all caught in its' web. I need you." as she finished off her sentence, she stood up and wiped her face dry of her tears.
The door opened to the elevator and she stepped out. She hung her head low, fearing the sight of the boy she loved like her own family. As she walked the only thing she could see were her feet. One taking another step in front of the other, the repetitive action made her feel slightly more at ease.
She pondered what she would say to him once she arrived. Would he hear her, if he did would he wake up, or would he not hear her and stay motionless, like death had already visited him. before she could say goodbye. Goodbye, that was something she never wanted to have to say to either of her roommates. They meant far too much to her now than ever before. She wanted to help them by any and all means open to her. She felt as though she would go against orders for them just to make sure they were all right.
She walked passed various people and doors before she came to a door that was half-open. She could see a hand turned palm up and as she moved closer found to whom the hand had belonged to. Her eyes doubled their size as she leapt for the girl on the floor. "Asuka? Asuka?! Nurse? Someone get a nurse, NOW!" Misato yelled at the top of her lungs as she cradled the girl in her arms, hoping, praying she was okay. She looked back at Shinji who lay in his bed, in the dark room they had placed him in. A rose was set gently in a glass vase on the table beside him. In Misato's eyes it seemed like the only thing alive in the room, the flower almost glowed in its' magnificence. To her it appeared to be a guiding light, to help the boy through the darkness of his mind and into the light of the world.
A.N.: Well I hope you like this newer version of this chapter seeing as someone who shall remain nameless wouldn't let me leave this chapter without going back over it. Hope you liked it and the next chapter should be up before the holidays are over. I hate it when I get writers' block, can't write a damn thing!