On The Flip Side, With Thoughts I Do Not Wish To think
Disclaimer: I do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion, all rights belong and are in the hands of the Gainax anime production company as well as Anno. Strictly writing this for the sake of something to do and to test my skills as a writer, no profit is to be gained from writing or publishing this fiction on any public or private internet site.
Minutes - which seemed like hours to Misato - passed by. She turned her attention back to the girl in her arms, "Just hang in there Asuka, help's coming." Misato spoke to Asuka in rushed whisper as she brushed away some of the stray fibers of the girls hair.
Seconds later two nurses accompanied by a doctor and a gurney arrived. "How long has she been out Major?" The doctor said coolly kneeling down to take Asuka's pulse. "Good she still has a pulse, I think she's just fainted but we need to get her some proper help. Miss Katsuragi do you know how long she's been out?" This time the doctor asked his question again with an annoyed and angry tone. If this girl was in any danger he had to know the details.
"I-I don't know. I was on my way to see Shinji and I found her lying on the floor." Misato said in a shaky voice as the two nurses lifted Asuka up and laid her on the bed.
"Thank you Major. I'll update you on the pilots condition as soon as I can." The doctor said, helping one of the nurses wheel her to another room.
The nurse that was left stood in the doorway looking at Misato with sad eyes as she rocked back and forth. As she looked at the woman still rocking on the floor, her eyes filled with pity. "Why won't this nightmare ever end? These kids have been through so much, and so has their guardian…" Her hushed voice trailed off as she cautiously entered the room closing the door behind her.
The nurse kneeled down beside Misato. "Major? Are you going to be all right? I can call a taxi if you'd like?" Said the nurse in a reassuring tone.
"No. I came to see Shinji, I need to be with him." Misato stated as the nurse put a hand on her shoulder.
"Here, I'll help you up. I just need to check his board then I'll give you some time alone." The nurse said soothingly as she prepared to help the distraught Major into a standing position.
The nurses words startled Misato, 'I'll help you…' Misato stayed motionless for a while just staring into space. The first step is always hardest when first learning to walk, only now you have someone to help you up… Still Misato stayed still, not knowing fully how to react to such simple yet such high impacting words. She thought to herself of the most recent event: Asuka lying unconscious, helpless. Misato had helped her, and now she needed help herself.
She took the nurses steady hand in her own shaking one and was helped to her feet. Misato smiled at the nurse, who graciously returned the smile and guided her over to a chair beside the bed, beside the rose. The nurse went over to the end of the bed and retrieved the board from the hook. She gave a light smile and placed the board back onto the hook then made her way out the door, closing it ever so softly.
Misato stared at the rose for what seemed like an eternity. It seemed as if when she allowed the nurse to help her it grew brighter than before. She turned her head to face the object that she had been worrying over for the past twelve hours. "At least you're alive… but the cost of life seems so great, how could someone so fragile be so strong? I miss you Shinji, Asuka misses you. Though she will never admit it… she does."
Tears began to well up in Misato's eyes as she spoke. She didn't want to cry anymore but she didn't know if she could hold them back. She took Shinji's hand into her own and held on for all she was worth. She didn't want him to go, to die, or to leave her. She loved him too much for it all to be over. "I'm here for you Shinji. As I am for Asuka. I know now that I should be more open with you both. I'm doing my best, I hope you can see that sweet Shinji…" her voice trailed off as her tears were once again flowing from her eyes. She didn't care if he saw her, she wanted him to know she was as human as he was.
*^*^*
Shinji sat in an unknown place; he was leaning up against a corner, knees tucked tightly to his chest. On the other side of him was just a blank open area, a void with no end his visage could ascertain. The last thing the boy remembered was the saddened face of his roommate Asuka. He began to sob quietly while sitting on the imaginary floor. Flashes of his mother danced through his head, he hadn't been thinking of her but they came all the while. This made Shinji feel all the more alone, very alone as he cried openly to no one. Seeing his mother only reminded him of his pain and his problems. Tears ran freely from his eyes and soaked into his hands that were covering his face. 'Shinji no! It's too dangerous!' yelled the faint and distorted voice of Misato.
"I didn't care… I had to help Asuka…" Shinji retorted, recovering somewhat from his sadness.
"You went against orders! You are too careless to be a pilot." Said the voice of his father as it echoed continuously through the vast open space.
"Baka! I could have defeated it all by myself if you hadn't interfered!" Asuka's voice rang canceling out the other voice.
Shinji couldn't reply, not even the one person who he had helped wanted him to do what he did. "I'm… sorry." Shinji whispered through tear drenched hands.
When Shinji had stopped crying he looked up and found himself face to face with Unit 01. Shocked beyond comprehension he stumbled to his feet. Shinji found he couldn't run, he was backed into a corner and the only way out was through the Eva. Suddenly, out of nowhere the hand of Unit 01 lashed out at him, but before Shinji knew what was going on the Eva had a tight grasp on his body. Shinji began screaming for all he was worth. As he struggled to get free the Eva's eyes began to illuminate brighter and brighter. Its' eyes became so bright they eventually whited out everything.
Shinji found himself in a dark, quite poorly lit room. He was surrounded by numerous shadowed figures that chatted about one another in a way that Shinji could not make out. He tried to approach them but every time he tried they would move away from him. Shinji had given up on trying to reach them. He started asking who they were and what they wanted. Every time he asked no answer would be given, only mindless, unconceivable chatter filled the air.
Slowly the noise became silence. Their jumbled banter became low and inaudible. The first stepped forward, coming face to face with the terrified boy. The light, which the beings seemed to fear now, drew itself upon the first to reveal Misato Katsuragi. "Misato-san? Where am I? Please say something!" Shinji began screaming at the embodiment of his guardian.
Misato just stood there, her eyes were not even on the boy who desperately needed to hear her voice. She looked passed him like she was completely void of the boys presence. "Welcome home Shinji…"
As she said that Misato dissolved into the air. Now alone, Shinji is tried to figure out what has just happened. Another figure stepped forward; it was his father. Shinji became weak in the knees for a moment and tried to recompose himself. "I have a need for you…" Gendo spoke vanishing like the last.
The next to step out was Rei, she stared at him for hours… never moving an inch. She then did something Shinji had only seen her do once before; she smiled. Then was gone in a cloud of vapor. Shinji felt overwhelmed by the images before him, but knew he needed to go through the rest.
From the shadows appeared Touji and Kensuke. They seemed to acknowledge his presence, but only slightly. They smiled at Shinji, "We're your friends Shinji, remember that…" Touji spoke and soon blew away like sand in a desert.
"He's right you know, it's cool having you for a friend… it's a bonus that you're a pilot." Kensuke said melting away into the floor.
The figures had all but dwindled down to the last pair. The shadow on the right stepped out to reveal Asuka in her plug suit. Shinji's mind played over the last attack and how she had screamed for it to stop. The same look of terror crossed her faced and when he noticed it he forgot about the event and turned his attention to her. The expression passed and Shinji tried to get closer only to have Asuka stay the same distance away. Another thought passed Shinji's mind, one of Asuka smiling. Not one of her self-indulgent smiles but a warm, almost caring smile. Shinji kept the thought in his mind but the smile was soon washed away. "Nobody wants to be alone… I need you…" were her words as she dissolved in front of him.
Shinji began thinking about her words, 'She needs me? She doesn't need a worthless wimp like me…'
Shinji closed his eyes and began to cry once more. His sense of self- loathing had overwhelmed him and he could not stop. So he stood there and cried, he cried until his eyes were red. He cried until he looked up and found himself face to face with Yui. "M-mother?" He managed to get out as she stepped forward and embraced her son.
Shinji stood there unable to move. Never before had he been able to picture her so perfect in his mind. Slowly Shinji returned the embrace with all the love and strength he had. Time itself stopped for the moment they shared in each other's arms. "You are my son, that fact alone gives you more worth than you know. Be strong my dear son…" Yui whispered in his ear as she too faded away leaving the boy alone once again.
So there he stood in the darkness, left to drown in his own thoughts. He savored being with his mother that one moment. What she said hit him harder than anything he'd ever experienced in his life. What the others said flashed through his mind giving him idol comfort. Again and again the images played and Shinji taking it all in knowing that he knew people cared.
*^*^*
"Major? I don't mean to disturb you but the second child is awake." A nurse said a little timidly.
"How long has she been awake for?" Misato asked the topic catching her attention immediately.
"About three days now. But she is acting strangely…" The nurses voice trailing off as she prepared for the verbal onslaught. The doctors had promised to keep Misato in the loop about the pilots, but ever since Asuka had woken up Misato had become more involved with work and they had been unable to make contact.
"Three days? Why didn't you tell me sooner?" Misato's voice was hard and demanding of the answer she knew she deserved.
"Well, we haven't been able to reach you. That and we can't seem to remove the second child from Shinji's room. She has been in there for nearly two and a half days."
The angered Major grumbled and shoved past the nurse heading straight for the infirmary.
*^*^*
Down in the infirmary sat Asuka in the chair beside Shinji's bed. She was holding his hand and staring into his face. She hadn't eaten for days but the IV drip they had her on kept nutrients in her system. Even with the drip her face was pale and her strength had diminished almost entirely. Minutes later the handle of the door quietly turned and the door opened to reveal one Misato Katsuragi. "Asuka?" Her voice tensed up as she spoke.
The girl didn't react to her name being said but simply mired the site before her. Slowly Misato walked over and put a hand on Asuka's shoulder. The door to the room creaked slowly shut and for almost a full minute the room was full of sound. When the door clicked shut the room once again fell victim to its deathly silence.
Misato looked over to the night table, then to the rose. It had all but died, save one pedal which hung on as best it could. "The rose… it's almost gone." Asuka said turning her frail head to gaze at the single pedaled flower.
In an almost slow motion sequence the pedal fell from the bud and onto the desk. A look of sadness crossed their faces as they turned back to boy.
At that very moment both were filled with more hope than ever before as they were now looking at Shinji, who was looking back and smiling. "I'm happy we're together… and not alone."
Disclaimer: I do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion, all rights belong and are in the hands of the Gainax anime production company as well as Anno. Strictly writing this for the sake of something to do and to test my skills as a writer, no profit is to be gained from writing or publishing this fiction on any public or private internet site.
Minutes - which seemed like hours to Misato - passed by. She turned her attention back to the girl in her arms, "Just hang in there Asuka, help's coming." Misato spoke to Asuka in rushed whisper as she brushed away some of the stray fibers of the girls hair.
Seconds later two nurses accompanied by a doctor and a gurney arrived. "How long has she been out Major?" The doctor said coolly kneeling down to take Asuka's pulse. "Good she still has a pulse, I think she's just fainted but we need to get her some proper help. Miss Katsuragi do you know how long she's been out?" This time the doctor asked his question again with an annoyed and angry tone. If this girl was in any danger he had to know the details.
"I-I don't know. I was on my way to see Shinji and I found her lying on the floor." Misato said in a shaky voice as the two nurses lifted Asuka up and laid her on the bed.
"Thank you Major. I'll update you on the pilots condition as soon as I can." The doctor said, helping one of the nurses wheel her to another room.
The nurse that was left stood in the doorway looking at Misato with sad eyes as she rocked back and forth. As she looked at the woman still rocking on the floor, her eyes filled with pity. "Why won't this nightmare ever end? These kids have been through so much, and so has their guardian…" Her hushed voice trailed off as she cautiously entered the room closing the door behind her.
The nurse kneeled down beside Misato. "Major? Are you going to be all right? I can call a taxi if you'd like?" Said the nurse in a reassuring tone.
"No. I came to see Shinji, I need to be with him." Misato stated as the nurse put a hand on her shoulder.
"Here, I'll help you up. I just need to check his board then I'll give you some time alone." The nurse said soothingly as she prepared to help the distraught Major into a standing position.
The nurses words startled Misato, 'I'll help you…' Misato stayed motionless for a while just staring into space. The first step is always hardest when first learning to walk, only now you have someone to help you up… Still Misato stayed still, not knowing fully how to react to such simple yet such high impacting words. She thought to herself of the most recent event: Asuka lying unconscious, helpless. Misato had helped her, and now she needed help herself.
She took the nurses steady hand in her own shaking one and was helped to her feet. Misato smiled at the nurse, who graciously returned the smile and guided her over to a chair beside the bed, beside the rose. The nurse went over to the end of the bed and retrieved the board from the hook. She gave a light smile and placed the board back onto the hook then made her way out the door, closing it ever so softly.
Misato stared at the rose for what seemed like an eternity. It seemed as if when she allowed the nurse to help her it grew brighter than before. She turned her head to face the object that she had been worrying over for the past twelve hours. "At least you're alive… but the cost of life seems so great, how could someone so fragile be so strong? I miss you Shinji, Asuka misses you. Though she will never admit it… she does."
Tears began to well up in Misato's eyes as she spoke. She didn't want to cry anymore but she didn't know if she could hold them back. She took Shinji's hand into her own and held on for all she was worth. She didn't want him to go, to die, or to leave her. She loved him too much for it all to be over. "I'm here for you Shinji. As I am for Asuka. I know now that I should be more open with you both. I'm doing my best, I hope you can see that sweet Shinji…" her voice trailed off as her tears were once again flowing from her eyes. She didn't care if he saw her, she wanted him to know she was as human as he was.
*^*^*
Shinji sat in an unknown place; he was leaning up against a corner, knees tucked tightly to his chest. On the other side of him was just a blank open area, a void with no end his visage could ascertain. The last thing the boy remembered was the saddened face of his roommate Asuka. He began to sob quietly while sitting on the imaginary floor. Flashes of his mother danced through his head, he hadn't been thinking of her but they came all the while. This made Shinji feel all the more alone, very alone as he cried openly to no one. Seeing his mother only reminded him of his pain and his problems. Tears ran freely from his eyes and soaked into his hands that were covering his face. 'Shinji no! It's too dangerous!' yelled the faint and distorted voice of Misato.
"I didn't care… I had to help Asuka…" Shinji retorted, recovering somewhat from his sadness.
"You went against orders! You are too careless to be a pilot." Said the voice of his father as it echoed continuously through the vast open space.
"Baka! I could have defeated it all by myself if you hadn't interfered!" Asuka's voice rang canceling out the other voice.
Shinji couldn't reply, not even the one person who he had helped wanted him to do what he did. "I'm… sorry." Shinji whispered through tear drenched hands.
When Shinji had stopped crying he looked up and found himself face to face with Unit 01. Shocked beyond comprehension he stumbled to his feet. Shinji found he couldn't run, he was backed into a corner and the only way out was through the Eva. Suddenly, out of nowhere the hand of Unit 01 lashed out at him, but before Shinji knew what was going on the Eva had a tight grasp on his body. Shinji began screaming for all he was worth. As he struggled to get free the Eva's eyes began to illuminate brighter and brighter. Its' eyes became so bright they eventually whited out everything.
Shinji found himself in a dark, quite poorly lit room. He was surrounded by numerous shadowed figures that chatted about one another in a way that Shinji could not make out. He tried to approach them but every time he tried they would move away from him. Shinji had given up on trying to reach them. He started asking who they were and what they wanted. Every time he asked no answer would be given, only mindless, unconceivable chatter filled the air.
Slowly the noise became silence. Their jumbled banter became low and inaudible. The first stepped forward, coming face to face with the terrified boy. The light, which the beings seemed to fear now, drew itself upon the first to reveal Misato Katsuragi. "Misato-san? Where am I? Please say something!" Shinji began screaming at the embodiment of his guardian.
Misato just stood there, her eyes were not even on the boy who desperately needed to hear her voice. She looked passed him like she was completely void of the boys presence. "Welcome home Shinji…"
As she said that Misato dissolved into the air. Now alone, Shinji is tried to figure out what has just happened. Another figure stepped forward; it was his father. Shinji became weak in the knees for a moment and tried to recompose himself. "I have a need for you…" Gendo spoke vanishing like the last.
The next to step out was Rei, she stared at him for hours… never moving an inch. She then did something Shinji had only seen her do once before; she smiled. Then was gone in a cloud of vapor. Shinji felt overwhelmed by the images before him, but knew he needed to go through the rest.
From the shadows appeared Touji and Kensuke. They seemed to acknowledge his presence, but only slightly. They smiled at Shinji, "We're your friends Shinji, remember that…" Touji spoke and soon blew away like sand in a desert.
"He's right you know, it's cool having you for a friend… it's a bonus that you're a pilot." Kensuke said melting away into the floor.
The figures had all but dwindled down to the last pair. The shadow on the right stepped out to reveal Asuka in her plug suit. Shinji's mind played over the last attack and how she had screamed for it to stop. The same look of terror crossed her faced and when he noticed it he forgot about the event and turned his attention to her. The expression passed and Shinji tried to get closer only to have Asuka stay the same distance away. Another thought passed Shinji's mind, one of Asuka smiling. Not one of her self-indulgent smiles but a warm, almost caring smile. Shinji kept the thought in his mind but the smile was soon washed away. "Nobody wants to be alone… I need you…" were her words as she dissolved in front of him.
Shinji began thinking about her words, 'She needs me? She doesn't need a worthless wimp like me…'
Shinji closed his eyes and began to cry once more. His sense of self- loathing had overwhelmed him and he could not stop. So he stood there and cried, he cried until his eyes were red. He cried until he looked up and found himself face to face with Yui. "M-mother?" He managed to get out as she stepped forward and embraced her son.
Shinji stood there unable to move. Never before had he been able to picture her so perfect in his mind. Slowly Shinji returned the embrace with all the love and strength he had. Time itself stopped for the moment they shared in each other's arms. "You are my son, that fact alone gives you more worth than you know. Be strong my dear son…" Yui whispered in his ear as she too faded away leaving the boy alone once again.
So there he stood in the darkness, left to drown in his own thoughts. He savored being with his mother that one moment. What she said hit him harder than anything he'd ever experienced in his life. What the others said flashed through his mind giving him idol comfort. Again and again the images played and Shinji taking it all in knowing that he knew people cared.
*^*^*
"Major? I don't mean to disturb you but the second child is awake." A nurse said a little timidly.
"How long has she been awake for?" Misato asked the topic catching her attention immediately.
"About three days now. But she is acting strangely…" The nurses voice trailing off as she prepared for the verbal onslaught. The doctors had promised to keep Misato in the loop about the pilots, but ever since Asuka had woken up Misato had become more involved with work and they had been unable to make contact.
"Three days? Why didn't you tell me sooner?" Misato's voice was hard and demanding of the answer she knew she deserved.
"Well, we haven't been able to reach you. That and we can't seem to remove the second child from Shinji's room. She has been in there for nearly two and a half days."
The angered Major grumbled and shoved past the nurse heading straight for the infirmary.
*^*^*
Down in the infirmary sat Asuka in the chair beside Shinji's bed. She was holding his hand and staring into his face. She hadn't eaten for days but the IV drip they had her on kept nutrients in her system. Even with the drip her face was pale and her strength had diminished almost entirely. Minutes later the handle of the door quietly turned and the door opened to reveal one Misato Katsuragi. "Asuka?" Her voice tensed up as she spoke.
The girl didn't react to her name being said but simply mired the site before her. Slowly Misato walked over and put a hand on Asuka's shoulder. The door to the room creaked slowly shut and for almost a full minute the room was full of sound. When the door clicked shut the room once again fell victim to its deathly silence.
Misato looked over to the night table, then to the rose. It had all but died, save one pedal which hung on as best it could. "The rose… it's almost gone." Asuka said turning her frail head to gaze at the single pedaled flower.
In an almost slow motion sequence the pedal fell from the bud and onto the desk. A look of sadness crossed their faces as they turned back to boy.
At that very moment both were filled with more hope than ever before as they were now looking at Shinji, who was looking back and smiling. "I'm happy we're together… and not alone."