Tara's body exploded in a blast of pure white light, so blinding that everybody cried out and immediately covered their eyes. Ripper, unfortunate for him, was so close to Tara that he didn't have that option. Instead he was blasted back against the far wall, and nearly through it, by the sheer force of Tara's godhood reawakening. Like with both Buffy's and Ripper's reawakenings, a huge gust of wind swept through the entire room. Unlike them though, and clearly unique with Tara, Tara's old body was destroyed so she was now creating a new one, a purer one within the blindingly pure white light where she had been standing but moments ago. After maybe a minute of the swirling vortex, which was not nearly as violent as Rippers, but much stronger than Buffy's had been, the winds died down and the white light ceased shortly there after.
When everyone looked up once again, they saw a truly amazing and beautiful sight. Tara was still standing there seemingly unharmed, but drastically changed from what she had been before. For starters, any imperfections, as few as they may have been that Willow had ever noticed and probably even more that she hadn't, were completely gone. Her body was now, for lack of any other term, perfect.
Tara's golden blond hair fell in gentle curls around her head and neck, a warm and caring smile gracing her lips as she stared with her shining aqua blue orbs at the group. Her entire body was still shrouded in a pure white aura, fading energy from her explosive reawakening. As for her dress, well, combine modern aspects like slits and V-necks and bust lines, and mix it Greek style togas along with Roman style ceremonial dresses and that's basically what shy, timid Tara was wearing.
It was a beautiful shimmering dress that hung from two gold pendants at her shoulders, and fell in a steep v-neck to just above her bust line, embroidered with gold intricacies all along the seam. Straight down the side fell a golden embroidery rope that was wrapped around Tara's waist as a belt. Opposite the rope was a slit in the dress that went all the way up to her lower thigh, also embroidered in gold along the seams. The back was drooped so that it showed just as much skin as it did on the front, though the dresses folds created an interesting effect forgoing the gold embroidery design in that area. To Willow, Tara looked more beautiful than she had ever seen her before.
A minute after this startling transformation, Willow was the first to gather enough courage to speak. "Tara?" she asked in a strained voice, hoping that her love was all right, even if she wasn't her love anymore.
Tara's smile grew at the sound of her mother's voice. Then, as she stood there smiling, the memories began to flood her. As with Buffy, the first memories she had were as a Goddess, the daughter of the Special Guardian. Then came the memories of this mortal life she had just been so violently ripped away from. Still… Still…
Realizing that she was just standing there, smiling like an idiot and staring off into space, Tara gave the equivalent of shaking herself and smiled genuinely and looked to her mother. Then she frowned, internally, slightly as she realized that it was not her mother. Not yet. Still… Then she saw two she did recognize.
"Aunt Buffy!" Tara squealed as she suddenly raced forward, Buffy meeting her halfway.
"Tara!" Buffy cried as they embraced. Willow saw there were tears in her eyes and wondered, among many things, why Buffy would be crying and why hadn't Tara come to her first?
Slowly, as they released each other, Tara became aware of her aunt's state. "Oh, Aunt Buffy, what is the matter? Is everything all right?" Tara always was the first to offer a shoulder to cry on and make everything all better. To everyone. Well, except Ripper. But even then she sometimes leaned a sympathetic ear or tissue.
Buffy, tears streaming down her face shook her head, but refused to answer her niece any further. That was when Tara noticed Joshua standing silently behind Buffy, looking solemn. But to her he had always looked that way, about everything. Her smile grew wider yet as she went to her eldest uncle and embraced him as well. He accepted her, but his face held the same sadness that Buffy's conveyed.
"Uncle Joshua!" she cried.
Joshua smiled at his favorite niece and gently placed his hand on her back, a half hug. "It's just Joshua Tara," he said in an easy tone. "I'm very glad to see you Tara, I just wish it had been under better circumstances."
Tara looked up at him, confused. "I do not understand. And where is mother? I cannot sense her presence anywhere and the mortal girl that looks and sounds like her doesn't think of me as her daughter. Uncle Joshua, where are we for that matter?"
Joshua sighed, rolling his eyes slightly. He shared a look with Buffy, who was smiling slightly through her tears. "I forgot how proper she was all of the time," he commented. She just shrugged.
Joshua just shook his head and chuckled a little as he bent over to look Tara in the eye. "Tara, I need to you tell me everything that you remember. I think part of your memory might be blocked from you, and it is very important that you remember it. Even if it may be painful." Tara saw the look in her uncle's eye and knew that he was speaking the truth, it truly was important.
So, Tara, her eyes downcast, focused inward and saw herself, and found her mind and saw that she indeed did have locked memories. When she saw their dark color and ugly shade, she knew they involved Ripper. Only those colors and shades could come about when it was Ripper. She touched them…
Tara gasped suddenly and looked up into Joshua's eyes, tears forming at the edge of hers. Joshua immediately understood and grasped her in a hug once more. She held on for dear life, crying her hear out in her silent tears. Buffy, concerned, stepped forward and placed a comforting hand on Tara's shoulder. That was all the contact she needed. Buffy suddenly saw the memories that were troubling her. The memories of the past five minutes with Ripper, and the memories of Glory. Both had the same effect on Tara and both had just hurt her dearly.
A dark cloud suddenly passed over Sunnydale as the Goddess of Love suddenly displayed why some other love goddesses were also goddesses of war. Turning a glare that quite literally melted wax and set wood and page aflame, Buffy turned to Ripper and took three large steps towards his slumped form, away from the hugging couple of Archangel and goddess.
"Ripper." That one word, said with such venom by a being of such power made everyone's spines run cold and the temperature in the room physically dropped to freezing. Anya also wondered why the lights had gone out.
Ripper, on the floor, unconsciously gulped as he scrambled to his feet through the broken shelves and books around him that he had collided with on his way down the wall. "Uh-uh-uh…uh, yes, prin-prin-princess?" he stuttered as he finally got to his feet.
Buffy grabbed him by the throat, and actually squeezed so hard that if he had been anything other than what he was, his neck would literally be crushed, and dragged him to the center of the room. "How dare you!" Buffy accused in a voice that was as menacing as it was quiet. "How dare you Ripper! You know what kind of effect you have on Tara! So soon after your own reawakening you wouldn't have time to prepare your end of the defenses to make sure that this didn't happen! I can't believe that you would actually be that stupid!"
"So what!" Ripper shot back his voice unimpeded by the condition of his throat. "You both knew that another god would get awakened today, we all felt the energy building up. I just hastened it along a little. No harm done. In fact a little less work for you and Joshie there!"
"No harm?" Buffy whispered so harshly that hardly anybody heard it. "No harm? You RAPED HER!"
This time even Ripper took offense and tried to get out of Buffy's death grip. "I did no such thing!" he shouted back enraged at the accusation. Buffy just tightened her grip a little and pulled the War god's head a little closer. "You forced her to awaken, and not because she wanted to, not because it was needed, but because you wanted to see her weak and helpless and because you forgot that Tara's mortal form was a WITCH!!"
At that, even Ripper paused, and after he had thought about it, he paled and gulped, despite Buffy's hold on him, and suddenly seemed very sick. "Oh God," he mumbled, sounding suddenly very sick. A disgusted look on her face, Buffy threw her cousin the ten feet to the floor in front of the door from where she stood and continued her accusations. "You did the same thing Glory did Ripper. Glory!! Witches are always, always, aware of the energies around them! When you put your energies so close to Tara, and when she tried to use her magic against you, you practically forced your essence inside of her! The only thing Tara had left to do was to use her god-powers, which you forced her to do leaving no option. Glory raped her mind, and you, you, raped her soul and her magic."
Willow was struggling not to do worse than Buffy was doing, but the only thing stopping her at the moment was Rippers face of stark terror. But still…Buffy might need some encouragement, or even help in punishing the vagrant. Yet when all heard the next words out of Buffy's mouth, Willow began to wonder which god she should be directing her powers against.
"I should kill you myself," Buffy swore, her face a mask of rage.
"Buffy!" Joshua sharply called, hoping that his sister was just making show and was kidding.
When Buffy's body was suddenly surrounded by a dark red glow, he really began to wonder how much his family had changed over the two thousand years they had lived in this Realm. Buffy raised her left hand, bolts of pink and red energy starting to spark at the outstretched tips of her fingers, and everybody knew that she was more than ready and willing to do it. To actually kill Ripper.
"Buffy!!" Joshua shouted. His voice held the air of command, and everybody knew that this was truly the Archangel. Buffy ignored him at first, though the sparks did die out, the angry red glow remained. Buffy remained as such for another half a minute, until Tara spoke.
"Buffy?" she asked in a scared little girl voice.
Immediately the harsh glow faded and Buffy turned around and went to Tara. The white clad goddess of peace happily went back to the arms of her beloved aunt. "Don't do it. It's not worth it," Tara whispered so that truly only Buffy could hear her. The remaining tension left the love goddesses body and she just stood there, crying along with Tara for the younger goddesses pain.
Buffy stopped after a minute, and with Tara still in her arms, she turned to the huddled form of Ripper, who hadn't moved since the moment that she threw him to the floor. She gave him a death glare and said with her own authority, the authority that he would be dead unless he did exactly as she said, "Get out of here. I do not want to see you again. Is. That. Clear?"
Ripper just stood up, nodded, and then disappeared in a blue cloud and flash of energy followed by the sound of thunder. Ripper was gone. For the time being.
"But…what about the store?" Anya asked, worried about losing her god-sized helper.
Buffy, some good mood going back into her, turned back to Anya and answered her concerns, "Don't worry Anya, the rest of us will help you out today. Besides, the shop's going to be closed today, remember? You're getting married this evening. We've got a lot to plan for, not to mention do. Joshua, you've got those guests?"
Joshua rematerialized the pad and pen and grabbed Anya and took her back over to the table, Buffy grinning after them.
Turning back to the others, Buffy noticed their looks at Tara and realized that she had one more little thing to take care of before she could focus solely on the wedding that evening. Turning to her beloved niece, Buffy asked with a tender voice, "Tara? Do you remember everything now?" The goddess of peace nodded slightly, her eyes, still tear-stained, staring vacantly off into space. Buffy knew of only one cure, and she wasn't entirely sure of how well it might be taken. Fortunately, it was taken right out of her hands, by the cure itself.
"Tara, baby, are you OK?" Willow asked in her sweet voice, the one that always got Tara to talk to her about anything in the past. Though Willow knew consciously that this might no longer be her Tara, she still somehow instinctually knew that the being she had known as Tara, that had always been Tara, was still there and they were one in the same, and in some way always had been.
Tara just remained still in Buffy's arms, her eyes shut. She had stopped crying the moment that Ripper had left, but otherwise had not moved from the Love goddess's grasp. Buffy tried one more time. "Tara, we really need to know if you remember everything?"
Slowly, Buffy could feel the goddess of peace come out of herself and reorient her body. She delicately removed herself from her aunt's arms and was easily allowed to. Slowly, she opened her eyes, her head still downcast, staring at the floor. "Tara?" Willow almost wept the name, so afraid that she had lost the one thing in this world that meant more to her than even Buffy's friendship.
Hearing the emotion, the turmoil behind such a cry, Tara was moved in more than one way. Though it was not her mother, and if she understood what Buffy and Joshua were telling her, would not be for quite some time, from a mortal's perspective, Tara still felt her own love for Willow. She remembered her thoughts from this morning, how love just wants us to be together and happy, and when she looked at Willow for the first time since she had been reborn, she saw her in that light. The light of true love, and she saw something that she could only call a miracle. She saw her mother there.
Within Willow Rosenberg and still, like any person's soul, but it was so very much her mother. Tara started crying again, but they were tears of joy, of great happiness. She smiled so brightly that Buffy was afraid she'd have to manifest sunglasses for everybody. "Mother…" the goddess whispered.
Buffy's eyes widened slightly and started to cast nervous glances between Tara and Willow. Seeing that her niece would not be denied, she gulped and took a silent, small step backwards, giving them the room and space needed for whatever they were going to do.
"Tara?" Willow asked again, a tad bit more confident that she saw Tara smiling at her.
Tara, still weeping with joy and smiling like the sun, just nodded through her emotions. Willow, so overcome with relief and joy and love, didn't even think. She just felt and reacted. She raced forward and embraced the blond woman and cried onto her shoulder. Tara embraced the vessel of her mother's soul and did the same.
As they stood there, Tara became a little selfish and tried to probe into Willow, tried to find where her mother truly resided within this mortal girl, and tried to set her free. She did find Willow, the Special Guardian of the Gods of Anton, but she could not set her free. Because of one tiny little thing that she had not seen before. Like with Tara, Willow's goddess persona, her personality, her soul was already free, already controlling the girl's actions and moods. The only thing missing was her memories and her powers. Otherwise, Willow was her mother. Tara was happy.
Willow suddenly felt a shift in directions, emotionally speaking, from Tara, so she let go, hard as that was, and stepped back a little, her cheeks smeared with tears. "Tara? Is everything all right?" she asked gently. Tara, who was now just smiling, and amazingly all traces of tears on her face were completely gone, nodded and fondly stroked her mother's cheek. Willow smiled and closed her eyes, leaning into the caress. She always loved it when Tara touched her this way it always calmed her down and made her feel safe, and above all loved.
Tara knew what Willow was thinking, and she was mildly surprised that she had done this as a mortal as well. Because once upon a time, over two thousand years ago, Tara had done this, caressed her mother's cheek, almost everyday. It was a habit that was engrained into their souls. Tara would see that Willow needed comforting, and she would hold her cheek, just like this, and Willow would calm down or be soothed by the presence of her daughter. The irony of the similarities made Tara giggle.
"What?" Willow asked when she heard Tara giggle.
Tara
just shrugged and let go of Willow's face.
"It is nothing. I just used to
do the same thing with my mother when she was around."
Willow suddenly put on her
'resolve face' and Tara knew now more than ever that indeed Willow was
her mother. "Don't you worry Tara,"
Willow vowed, "We'll find your mother, and then she can be reawakened and you
two can talk about all the things that mothers and daughters talk about. Play catch up." Willow smiled when she saw Tara giggle once more. She thought it was extra cute because she
very rarely ever got Tara to laugh, let alone giggle.
"Do not worry Willow," Tara consoled, taking Willow's right hand into her own hands. "I have already found my mother. And I anxiously await the day that she can be reawakened. I am happy."
Willow started smiling, until she started thinking about Tara's words. As they began to mix around in her head and everything else that she had learned of her own godhood in the past 24 hours, she began to frown a little. She looked down to where Tara held her hands, and that was when it clicked. Her expression changed to the one of "angry resolve face" and she turned to look at Buffy, the Love goddess, her sister, who had taken a few more steps back since her conversation with Tara had started. Actually it was more of a revelation.
"Buffy," Willow began casually enough.
Trying hard to suppress the gulp, Buffy answered her just as casually, though a bit fearfully. "Uh, yeah Will?" Tara started to get a little worried, and it showed on her face. She hated to be the start of an argument. She was after all the Goddess of Peace.
Willow noticed this and put her other hand on Tara's shoulder to comfort her. "Don't worry Tara," she whispered before turning back to Buffy.
"Buffy. Why did you not tell me that I am Tara's mother?" Willow asked calmly.
Buffy just shrugged and tactlessly answered, "Because we didn't want you to freak."
"Freak?"
"Yeah. You know how you get when you're nervous and before you and Tara met, you and relationships did not talk easy of each other. I mean, when we first told Tara about her mom, you immediately started thinking of it from the 'girlfriend' perspective. Getting to meet the parents and gaining their approval. Well, since you are the mom, you would immediately start to shift gears from 'am I sorta gay' to 'do I really like incest'? We just wanted you to avoid that for as long as possible. And in answer to your question, no you are not incestual; yours and Tara's powers are just linked. Plus, humans, or mortals in intimate situations tend to go straight to the 'in love' and 'lets get physical' type of relationship rather than a familial."
Rolling her eyes, Tara shook her head and thanked her aunt for a clear definition of her and her mother's relationship. "Thank you Aunt Buffy, that…really helped."
Buffy just nodded, grinned stupidly and then hastily walked off, losing the grin as soon as she was out of Tara and Willow's vision and took a huge sigh of relief. Until Willow called her back over.
"Oh, Buffy?" Willow called.
Freezing stiffer than a board, Buffy slowly turned back around and looked her sister and best friend in the eye. "Yeah Wills?" she asked as calmly as she could. Willow looked back at the mess that Ripper, or Tara depending on your POV, had left and then at the door where he had disappeared from. She turned back to Buffy and smiled. "Thanks," she offered quietly.
Buffy smiled brightly, realizing what Willow was talking about and nodded her head but didn't say anything. She turned back and walked over to Xander, who had joined Anya and Joshua at the table, adding the people that he wanted at the wedding to the list. Most were either actresses or models that he just wanted to actually get to meet while he was still a normal guy. Buffy giggled at the look on Joshua's face as he spoke.
Joshua turned to her and pleaded with his eyes, which cause Buffy to giggle once more. She just nodded and stopped Xander before he could go that much further on his list. "Xander, I need to speak with you in the back please. Don't worry, it's nothing too painful," Buffy teased as she dragged the husband to be away from her brother and the soon to be wife.
When they entered the back of the store, and Buffy had closed the door so that Anya would not easily listen in, Xander turned to her and asked, "What's up Buff? I know that I'm getting too out there with my side of the list, but hey, it is my wedding." He then tried his really adorable 'puppy dog' stare to add to his case. He must have really wanted one of those super models there, Buffy mused.
Buffy just smiled and shook her head. The one person that look had ever worked with was Anya. Everybody else knew Xander too well to fall for it. "Xander, do you still have your sword?" Buffy asked skipping right to the reason she had brought him in here.
Xander nodded, sobered somewhat, and removed the sheathed blade from the place he had put it on his hip. Buffy casually noticed that he had put it on his right side. She asked him about it. "Why did you put it on? And why that side?"
Xander just shrugged and lay down the sword on a workout bench as he came up with his answer. "I…I don't know. It just felt…like that was what I was supposed to do. And when I did, it…I could almost swear that it actually seemed warm. Is that crazy…or bad?"
"Neither Xander," Buffy answered immediately. "It just shows that whether you are awakened or not, you know that sword. That is your sword Xander. You made it yourself, you put your heart and soul into it, and that is why it is so special. The swords name is Alexiend. Where you are the God of Justice and Truth, it is the sword of justice and truth. It is your symbol and the equivalent of your right hand. It's not the source of your power, because in truth, you are the source of its power."
Xander just stared confusedly at Buffy for several moments. Then he looked back to the sword on the bench. He looked back to Buffy and begged with his eyes as he asked, "Are you sure that I don't become a god today? I mean are you absolutely sure?"
Buffy smiled gently and nodded.
Xander nodded reached out for the sword. He placed it back at its place, on his right side, leaving his left hand on the grip. Then he frowned in confusion. "If it's my right hand, and this is where it's supposed to be, then why do I put it on my right side? Because then I'm forced to draw with my left hand. Shouldn't it be on my left side, so I can draw it with my right?"
Smiling, Buffy stepped forward until she was right in front of Xander. "It's an intimidation factor. You're best with your right hand, but the fact that you draw and start the fight with your left says that you are confident of your abilities, and that you are a master swordsman, one who can fight with both hands. And sometimes, none at all."
Confused, Xander scrunched his face some as he looked down into Buffy's hazel eyes. "Huh?"
Buffy smiled brightly and the cute face Xander always had when he didn't understand anything. "What I mean is, that Alexander, the God of Justice, is such a good fighter, that sometimes he doesn't even have to use his sword to win. And when he does, he starts with his weakest hand because even though it is his weakest hand, he still wins. He only switches to his right hand, his good hand, when his opponent is maybe better than him. Like me."
Xander gave a lopsided grin. "You could always beat me Buff. Ofcourse, all of that was before I knew I was a god. And before I had this…amazing sword." Xander paused as he though of the blade he now possessed. "I really made it myself?" he asked, unable to believe that his own hands had crafted such a beautiful piece of craftsmanship.
Buffy nodded and reached for the hilt at his waist. She paused, just before she would touch the grip, and looked up at him in the eye. "May I?" she asked softly. Xander, completely unaware of the tension that had mounted in the room since Buffy had stepped closer, just nodded his agreement. Smiling as only the blonde goddess could do, she quickly grabbed the sword and removed it in one flowing motion. It sung as it was removed from its sheath, allowed to flow through the air once more.
"It's beautiful…isn't it?" Buffy asked as she examined the blade in her hands, almost delicately.
Xander just nodded numbly.
"Xander?" Buffy asked, indicating that she did want him to answer her. Shaking himself he looked into the eyes of a woman he had literally fallen in love for at first sight. "What is it Buffy?" he asked.
Staring straight into his eyes, so deep that he somehow knew she was staring directly into his soul, Buffy asked her question very carefully. "Are you still in love with me Xander?"
Xander rapid blinked for about thirty seconds and stood in shock for another thirty before he could begin to even think of a response to that question. "Excuse me?" he finally asked, the stress of his emotions leaking as squeaks into his voice.
Buffy just sighed and looked downcast for a moment before looking back up into Xander's eyes. "This is very important Xander. I need to be absolutely sure, and so do you. I need you to search your heart, your feelings, your memories, even the painful ones. Do you still love me? And I don't mean as a sister, or as your hero, or as a friend. I mean are you still in love with me? Like Spike is?"
That set Xander off. "Now wait just a minute…" he started into a tantrum. Buffy stopped him.
Shaking her head Buffy cut him off, "No Xander, I will not just wait. Spike, as a vampire and as a man, or whatever is left of the man, he loves Buffy Summers. Being the Goddess of Love, I can't deny that. Not that I want to. Xander, love is a beautiful and wonderful thing. But it is also a very dangerous, powerful, and sometimes painful thing. Spike, my son, loves me as such. As he is, he isn't my son, he's Spike, formerly William the Bloody. And you, Xander, you aren't my brother Alexander, not yet. So I need to know, and so do you…do you still love me? Are you still in love with Buffy Summers?"
Xander, now understanding, just stared back into the bottomless orbs that were Buffy's hazel eyes. But just because they were bottomless doesn't mean they were empty. If anything, they were filled from the center of the very bottom all the way to the top, with love, caring, and concern. Staring at the face of his best friend for five years, the woman that he claimed to genuinely love from the moment he saw her walking into the school they both attended, Xander came to the realization that he knew Buffy must have already sensed in him.
Xander realized that as long as he still held onto the memories of loving Buffy like that, he would have doubts about his love with Anya. He smiled when he realized that he had let go of those feelings for Buffy. A long time ago. Very possibly that night that Anya had risked herself to help him save Buffy when she and Riley were stuck in the Frat house, bonking each other to death. The whole deal of seeing Buffy move happily on and finding someone who would follow him into death and very real danger and publicly professed her passion and love for him as much as Anya does…he loved Anya.
Xander could see it in his sister's eyes the moment that she knew that he had decided. She smiled brightly and feeling the absolute joy and giddiness his decision provided him he was forced to join her. Grinning like a complete fool, Xander knew he didn't have to say anything, but he knew that he needed to hear it from his own voice, and Buffy wanted him to say it.
Looking into the goddesses loving and joy filled eyes, Xander answered with absolute conviction in his voice, "Yes Buffy, I do…" he paused long enough to enjoy Buffy's face falling and fill with absolute terror, before adding with emphasis, " not love you like that anymore. I love you like a sister, a friend, and even, and don't let this go to your head, as my goddess. But I don't love you like I did in high school. I'm in love with Anya. I love her with all my soul, and I can feel it with every bone in my body the passion I see in her, the passion she shows me, the absolute devotion she has committed to me. I don't know how she can give so much and be satisfied with me. I mean, look at our relationship. It's based on sex first of all…"
"Usually the best kinds are, in my experience and oh so humble opinion," Buffy interrupted.
Caught offbeat at that, Xander struggled to retain his train of thought. "Uh…yeah, ok. Well, then there's the fact that she's an ex-demon. A Vengeance demon at that."
"And you're an ex-soon to be again God of Justice. Not much difference in that department. And something you have to remember Xander, before she was a demon, she was a human girl. You helped her to remember the best parts of humanity, you showed her what I gave to you and Willow, love. Xander…" Buffy paused, setting Alexiend back down on the bench, "The reason I asked you back her was to discuss the doubts your having. I know you still have a lot of them, I can tell. Trust me, it's a goddess thing. So why don't you stop kidding yourself and tell me what's the matter."
Xander stared at her for several moments before breaking out in a tantrum. "Buffy, I don't understand. How did this happen in the first place? I mean, there were me and Cordelia, perfectly happy, and then I go and have to kiss Willow. And I still don't know what was going through my head back then. I mean, there was the fact that you ran away and came back and that was all emotionally tense and stuff. Then came Faith and I got the whole new range of wet dreams from that, and during all of it me and Cordy were still perfectly happy hormone-driven teenagers. Then Angel shows back up, and I know that's unfair to you but there was all this emotional angst thing going on between us."
"By the way, he's not…" Xander leaned in close to whisper.
Buffy emphatically shook her head to the negative. "No, Angel is not, I repeat NOT a god. He's exactly what he is. A vampire with a soul destined to fight eternity for his redemption. But just so you know, Cordelia is…"
"She IS?!!" Xander screeched. "Uh, which…?"
"Our sister," Buffy answered shortly.
Xander blinked before grunting, "Hunh."
Shaking his head he got back to his rant. "Anyway, dealing with a whole helluva bunch of emotional landmines, somewhere along the way me and Will develop this sexual chemistry thing, then Spike showing back up and locking us up in the same room for hours on end. And on the first kiss…the ONLY kiss…our heroes, Cordy and Oz show up. Then there was the whole evil Faith issue, not to mention that vampire Willow. Hey now that I think of it…"
"Don't ask." Buffy cut him off.
"But…"
"Don't. Ask." Xander decided not to ask.
"Well, then Anya just shows up…and demands that I take her to Prom," he stopped.
"And…" Buffy prompted.
"What?" Xander jumped, having apparently been caught up in a memory.
"You were talking about Anya…" Buffy hinted.
Xander nodded. He was silent, thinking. "I love Anya Buffy. There's nothing more to it. It's not just one thing or event. It's a whole season of things, most of them having to do with sex…and this little thing she does…with…" he stopped when he saw Buffy paying close attention to him. "Uh…is this freaking you out?" He knew how Buffy and Willow got when open sexual terms and relationships were discussed.
Buffy just shrugged and shook her head, wanting him to continue.
Smiling slightly, Xander just shrugged. "Well, never mind that. My point is, I love Anya. Nothing in this world or the next can change my feelings…my love for her. But…I want to treat her right. I want to give her everything she deserves, and so much more. She deserves everything…but."
Surprised, Buffy asked, "But what?"
Sighing, Xander sat down on the bench next to his sword.
"I…I correct her," he answered shortly.
"Uh huh," Buffy had noticed this but didn't really understand.
Rolling his eyes slightly at Buffy's lack of understanding, Xander tried to formulate his thoughts into words that she could understand. "Well, it mostly has to do with the demon thing. I mean, I seriously don't have a problem that she used to be one. Emphasis on the word used to be here. My problem is that…well I've kind of gotten it stuck in my head that demons are bad. That they should all be well, you know, fought against and killed. Demons are evil. I don't think even you'll deny that. But Anya, she… She makes it seem like demons are her kind, and if you insult or even insinuate killing a demon, then she gets all defensive and… I just don't understand that part of her."
"And then there's the correcting her thing," Buffy helpfully pointed out.
Xander closed his eyes and gave a single weak laugh. "Yeah. I don't know if she likes me for helping her to fit in more, hates it when I do it, or gets annoyed by me when I do it. But…she's…"
"Open," Buffy supplied.
Xander nodded, accepting that. "She is that. But she rarely, if ever considers other people's feelings before words just go flying out of her mouth. Sometimes, she can be downright insulting. Come on, you've seen her Buffy, you know her. You know what she's like. What can I do?"
Buffy was silent for several moments. Then she walked over and sat on the other side of Xander from his sword. "Well, here's what I suggest. Listen, learn, and love. Listen to what Anya says. If it makes a valid and logical point, no matter how screwed from either the general worldview or even your own selfish one, just listen. If she is getting insulting and it doesn't look like she's stopping or is even aware of it, then you can correct her."
"Learn from her. That woman has seen a lot. Admitted, not all of it paints a very good picture, but its still allot. Learn from your mistakes, and from hers, and let her learn from you at the same time and from her own mistakes. Most of all, learn to trust her. Hell, if anything, Anya has the absolute least reason to be with you. Heck, you're the reason she's here at all. She helped us all just before the fight with Glory. We were all ready to just give up and give in. But she rallied us. She saw we were losing hope and gave us the speech that you or Willow would have made if you hadn't been so overwhelmed in defeat. She trusts you Xander. With her heart, with her everything. Find out if you can trust her with yours. Love her. Let her love you, accept it, and never question anything about or beyond that."
They sat in silence, Xander absorbing the Love goddess's wisdom, for several minutes before they moved again. Sighing, Xander stood and reached out for Alexiend. As he did, both he and Buffy noticed that it glowed, and hummed, with a bright red energy that Xander could only describe as warm.
Picking the sword up, it continued to hum with the energy, and Xander began to panic. In it, he felt the warmth in the blade drop and then it was just another beautiful sword. "Buffy?" he asked, his panic showing.
Smiling, Buffy stood up as well. "Don't worry Xander. Like we told you before, you're fighting your transformation. The sword was just reacting to your emotions over Anya. It will do that from time to time, particularly when you…positively stimulated."
"Positively stimulated?" he repeated.
Buffy shrugged. "The pure love you were feeling for Anya just a second ago, your feelings of friendship with Willow and me, and heck maybe even your orgasms with Anya. Just to warn you though, the emotion that really will trigger you off, is the same emotion you were feeling the night that you, Spike and Giles hunted and killed that demon doctor that cut Dawnie."
"Why?"
"Because that, for lack of a better term, is your sense of Justice, and you Alexander, are the God of Justice. I'm love, so I had to focus on love. Ripper's war, so he had to focus on rage and pure hatred. Tara, well this time, reacted to Ripper, but she is peace, so it would not have been long for her anyway. Remember, I said that Tara was already very much into her goddess persona."
Xander nodded. "Yeah, I remember that." They turned and started to walk back out to the main shop. "Hey Buff, thanks for having this talk with me, I…I really needed it."
Buffy smiled warmly and rubbed Xander's shoulder in a friendly way. "Don't sweat it big bro. I'm always here for you. I just want you and Anya to be happy. And like I said, I sensed that you were having some serious relationship doubts, so who better to come to the rescue than the Goddess of Love?"