Note: Hi, sorry for the long wait. I know most of you are dying to know what happened to Seifer and what Quistis thought when he left. Sad? Well, that won't be Quistis now, would it? Angry... well, probably, but she is Quistis and she forgives and forgets... right? Hm.... Who knows, you'll have to find out next!
Chapter 19 - Words We Could Not Say
The curves and lines seemed to be the most interesting notion in her life as she finished writing the last comment on a certain student's paper. In a careful motion, she curled her letters, adding tails at the end of the sentence and made the dot on the I's more fancy. Once she was finished, she leaned back on her chair and examined her work. Even with all the fancy work on her words and sentences, as she looked at it more closely, it was just plain writing. It was nothing interesting at all. That's what her life was. She worked hard for many years, even adding the feelings of love for the one man who never showed up to see if she was all right and nothing interesting came out of it. She still felt plain.
Quistis picked up her novel that she had began to read while being bored as she rested on the bed of the infirmary and opened to the fifth chapter- page 89. Thoughts swirled in her head as she attempted to read the first sentence. She couldn't concentrate.
People view her as someone perfect; a Goddess, to what the Trepies call her and worshipped her, followed her everywhere she went. However, that's not what Quistis Trepe had in mind. Her dedication and her hard work was her only wish that people would see, instead of what she looked like. In the most part, people do admire her for her abilities, but in the male point of view, they see her as a Sex symbol.
She slammed the book closed. 'Why do people see me this way?!' she thought, throwing the paper back covered book behind her, where it landed perfectly on the bed. It has been a week already, just a week after leaving the bed and eating infirmary food, which, in Quistis' view, were quite good. She never expected people to visit her and, in truth, she liked it, but it was just too much of a burden to her. The faculty and students, mostly the male Trepies, showered her with gifts that she didn't need. Some were useless, like a picture, meant to be put in the frame that went with the nicely wrapped box.
A few days of total hell. Personally, she liked the attention of everyone, but it was getting boring now. Ever since her 'encounter' with Seifer, she has been acting different lately, or so what people said about her. The fact was, she acted the same. People just began to realize that she had locked herself in isolation and she HAS been trapped in that sorrow for a very long time.
Quistis leaned back on her chair and glanced back at her neat handwriting. Looking back at the past, she doesn't remember anyone loving her, except for Matron, but other than that, she was never loved, like a man should love a woman, or the love of a family member. When she was young, she knew she treated Squall and the others as her siblings, but now... they were just her friends.
A knock was heard, interrupting her thoughts. Quistis took a long deep breath and stood up. She was not surprised that the person standing behind the door was Rinoa and Selphie indeed. They would go over the hills to cheer her up and Quistis appreciated the effort, but no matter how hard they tried, it did not work.
Yes- they knew. They knew of her feelings for Seifer. Quistis tried so hard to forget him, tried to forget the anger she had towards him, because she knew he had a reason to leave. However, even with her attempts, Rinoa would not let her forget. The dark haired girl would drop some hints about him, so maybe- just maybe, Quistis might go and look for the ex- knight.
"Hey, Quisty!" Rinoa greeted, waving her hand like a little child, excited to go to a carnival.
Quistis forced a smile on her face, lifting up her hand tiredly to greet the two. "Hi, Rin. Hi, Selph. What is it?" She knew what they were planning, but she had to make sure first.
"Quisty, Zell, me, Rinoa and Squall are planning to go to a club in Deling tonight. We were wondering if you'd like to come." Selphie stared at her and smiled.
'Here we go,' she thought.
"Oh and Irvine's coming so there's no reason for you to dance alone." Rinoa winked at her and giggled.
Quistis rolled her eyes, in her mind, actually. She could never hurt her friends with an attitude that was not on Quistis' list. Great, she was sounding like Seifer. She shook the thoughts on Seifer away and shrugged. "I don't know. I have a few more tests to mark. How about next time?"
Selphie shook her head. "No can do. We're booked for tonight and today is Tuesday."
Quistis looked at her. "What about Tuesday?"
Rinoa stepped forward and smiled. "Well, Tuesdays are cheap nights for all SeeDs, remember? We get drinks and food for free."
Selphie jumped in from behind Rinoa and beside her. "Yeah! And Zell should never miss out on the free hot dogs there." She giggled.
Quistis couldn't help but smile. She never thought Zell and Selphie would become an item. At first, she thought the two energetic duo were not that cute together, but as she thought about it more closely, they look actually sweet. She would see them holding hands and whispering sweet nothings in their ears, like two love-sick birds. That thought almost made her shiver. Love was definitely blooming in the air, but not for Quistis Trepe.
"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeease, Quisty? We want you to be there. The whole gang's going to be there and it's not going to be the same without you!" Selphie pleaded.
'Not going to be the same?' she thought. Finally giving up, Quistis noddd and was startled as Selphie and Rinoa jumped at her and gave her a tight squeeze, almost knocking the wind out of her. The warmth surrounded by her friends, made her feel good inside and Quistis has never felt so safe. Maybe this club will get her mind off of Seifer.
**
"Hit me some more," he spoke in a low and irritated tone. 'A week has passed by,' he thought. That same song repeated in his head for the millionth time. He glanced at the drink in front of him. Swirling colours of gold surrounded his thoughts. Seifer grabbed the small glass and moved it around on the table. The golden colours swirled around, making a funnel at the bottom of the glass. He could see a man drowning in it.
"I think you should get going now, handsome," a feminine voice spoke. She spoke French or some other language, he wasn't sure, but whatever it was, it felt soothing. He's been called 'handsome' many times in the same bar. Women approached him and offered to give him some 'services' for money.
"Damn hookers," he mumbled. He downed the content in the glass quickly and scrunched up his nose at the taste of alcohol slowly working its way up his brain.
The woman bartender did not seem to hear what he had said. She grabbed the glass from Seifer's hand and washed it clean with the cloth that usually hung on her left shoulder. While doing so, she glanced at the blond man, who was on the verge of collapse. "Let me guess," she began, in a slow, whispered voice. "The reason why you're wasting your life away is because of some woman. You love this woman and you were afraid to tell her how you feel, so you're here to drain all your sorrows away, am I right?"
Seifer didn't answer. He was tired of people always second guessing the obvious.
"I'll take that as a 'yes,'" she said, putting away the glass behind the counter.
"Hey, I'm not done drinking," Seifer spoke, stretching his arms towards her. "Give me back the glass." He spoke in an almost command tone, but at that point, he was too tired to bring out her full command tone.
The woman shook her head. "You're not drinking, honey. I think you should tell this woman. If you waste your ass sitting here in the bar and doing nothing about it, you're going to regret it for the rest of your life."
"What the hell do you know about me?"
"Well, I don't," she replied. "I don't know you at all, but I've seen men like you before. Men like you are cowards, hiding behind their alcohol to wash away all the problems, but you know, sweet cakes?" She leaned towards him and gave him one of the most serious looks he's ever seen. "Your problems are never going away once you solve it."
Seifer glared back at her and sighed. "She hates my guts, that's all! What's the point of ever telling her? She's just a cow in a barn! Now, give me my damn drink!"
The woman didn't say anything. She turned and walked away.
Seifer furrowed his eyebrows. Giving up, he leaned back on his chair, almost forgetting there was no back side to the stool and stood up. "Fine. I guess there's no point in staying here either." He stormed off, with smoke coming out of his head. That's how it was when his anger got to him.
**
She was practically dragged inside the crowded club by none other than Irvine Kinneas, who promised to dance with her. They all entered together, after a short dispute from the tall guard, who thought Rinoa and Selphie were under the age of nineteen. Of course, none of them were close to nineteen, except Quistis, but the tall man could only see the 'children' in the two other short teens. Zell was even more supportive after Selphie was hurt emotionally about the man's comments on her. Thank God he didn't lose his temper. Quistis knew Zell had a temper that could blow up Mount Trabia.
Soon, they were inside the packed building. Tuesday was free night all right and they could see people from, who knows where, maybe even all the way from Esthar or from Trabia on the dance floors. Colourful lights flickered around the dark halls of the large bar just to their right when they entered and to where the lights were brighter- the dance floor. Music filled the room, vibrating underneath their feet and they can feel the tapping of the soft wood floors from high heeled shoes of women around them. They took a moment to admire the glittering lights and the powerful music.
Irvine spotted two women walking pass them. They winked once and at that point, Irvine appeared in mere seconds from Quistis' side. Quistis watched him follow the two girls like a puppy dog on to the dance floor.
"Irvine!" Rinoa squeeled, angry for leaving them, let alone, Quistis.
Quistis glanced at Rinoa and shook her head, chuckling. "It's all right, Rin. He promised a dance and I know Irvine doesn't back out of a dance with a woman. I can wait anyway. We still have three hours to spare."
"Great! Let's go get hot dogs, Selph!" Zell yelled from underneath the noise. He grabbed Selphie's hand, pushing his way eagerly from behind Quistis and Rinoa and dashed to the counter where they serves free hot dogs, just as Selphie promised.
"Hey, Zelly! Slow down!" Selphie yelled through the noise.
Quistis watched them and almost giggled as Zell and Selphie ended up lining up at the end of a very long line from the counter to the other side of the dance floor. She could almost hear Zell curse at the top of his lungs. Selphie had to massage his shoulders to calm him down. Quistis envied their love. It was something out of the ordinary, where not many people would expect them to get together. Actually, many people thought Selphie would end up with Irvine, but there were people, who knew of the SeeDs who saved the world, that Selphie and Zell were meant to be together.
"Hey, Quisty?" The blond woman turned around. She had forgotten that Rinoa and Squall were still standing there. Rinoa placed a hand on her shoulder and frowned. "Do you want to dance with Squall? It's fine with me if you like."
Quistis looked at her. Rinoa knew... she knew, yet she wasn't mad. Quistis glanced at Squall, who was surprised at Rinoa's request and smiled, shaking her head. As much as she loved to dance with Squall, she didn't feel right. Squall and Rinoa deserved each other. For some reason, for her, the two names went well together, not Quistis and Squall. Yes, she had feelings for him, but ever since Seifer came..... she shook her head.
"No, it's all right Rin. How about you two dance? I'm going to get a drink anyway." She glanced at Squall and nodded.
Rinoa looked at her strangely. "Are you sure? I don't want to leave you alone."
Quistis enjoyed the company of Rinoa. She asked many questions and was always worried about her. That's she liked about the dark haired girl. She was kind, yet sometimes annoying at times. She nodded. "Yeah, I'm sure."
Rinoa smiled, grabbed Squall's hand and dragged him to the dance floor, joining in with Irvine and the two girls grinding against him. Quistis chuckled. Irvine loved women.
She looked around. The truth was, she needed some time alone. She needed some place to think. The bar seemed decent, but she needed a quiet place, where she can think clearer and where she can't smell the alcohol and the cigarettes fuming around the place. Quistis spotted a door at the very back of the bar. When she was sure no one was watching, she quickly slipped pass the bar hostess and into the night air. She has never been out lately and this was her only chance. She forced a smile on her face, but sooner faded when she remembered what she came here for.
Tears finally escaped her eyes. She suddenly felt alone. "Why am I here?" she asked herself out loud. She wrapped her arms around herself and leaned against the cold wall of the alley way. "Who am I? I don't feel like I know myself anymore. People see me as someone beautiful. How can I be beautiful when I feel ugly inside? Why do they admire me? They shouldn't do that! THEY SHOULDN'T!" She slammed her fist on the wall, then slid down until her bottom almost met the ground and covered her face with her gloved hands. For the first time in her life, Quistis Trepe cried.
"Why shouldn't they admire you?" a deep voice echoed in her ears. Quistis jerked her head up and was on her toes quickly. A shadow lurked in the darkness to her right, a shadow of a very familiar figure. She hastily wiped the tears away and replaced her sullen face into a serious one. The shadow moved closer underneath the shining light, revealing the figure's face. Quistis gasped at the sight of Seifer Almasy.
"Seifer...." She whispered. "What are you doing here?"
Seifer moved closer, so he could see her better in the dark. "I should be asking you the same thing. Why would you say those things, Trepe?" He could see the sorrow in her eyes as he stared at them. "Are you saying you're giving up already? That's not the Quistis I know."
Quistis turned away, not wanting to meet his gaze. She clenched her fists and closed her eyes. "You don't know me!" she said, loudly. She turned and began to walk back inside the club, but Seifer was much faster. He grabbed her arm and forced her to turn around so he could look at her.
"Quistis, what is going on here? Are you the Quistis who told me never to give up on life?"
"That Quistis is DEAD!" she countered. "Let go of my arm right now, Almasy!" She twisted her arm, hoping for him to lose his grip, but Seifer's grip was strong. He grasped on tighter and pulled her to him.
"Quistis, people should see you as beautiful. You're telling yourself that life isn't worth living. A person told me to always live your life to the fullest and that same person promised me that I would see her again and that person is right here standing in front of me."
Quistis stopped struggling and looked into his eyes. "Then, why did you leave?"
Seifer let go of her arm and stared at her in surprise. How did his speech change from Quistis to him? He backed away and frowned. "You know what? I don't know I even bothered to help you with your problem, when all you're doing is changing the subject!" It was his turn to walk away.
"I just want to know, Seifer!" Quistis yelled after him. "I just want to know! There are still people who care about you! Matron needs you."
Seifer paused. He closed his eyes. He was afraid she was going to say that. Turning around slowly, Seifer took a few deep breaths and stared at her form. She was walking towards him slowly- ever so slowly. It was something coming out from a movie, where two people run towards each other in a slow motion and once they reached each other, they would frolick in the fields and sing songs.
"That's not the reason why I left...." He didn't know how to start. The voice of the bar hostess spoke back in his head.
'If you waste your ass sitting here in the bar and doing nothing about it, you're going to regret it for the rest of your life.'
She was right, he thought.
"It was me," he continued. He walked closer. "I was afraid.... I was afraid that if I stayed any longer, I would start falling in love with you."
Quistis almost chocked. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. "What?" The tone of the question seemed small and vulnerable. That's where she was now. She was vulnerable. She didn't know what to say.
Seifer stepped closer, wanting to hold her. For a long time, he wished to hold her in his arms. "You heard me."
She backed away from him. "Wait... you don't know what you're saying."
The blond man nodded. "Of course I do." His voice was different, close to frightening Quistis. Is he possessed? What is wrong with him? Why would a man like him fall in love with someone like her?
"No, you don't," she spoke. She looked down on the ground and turned around. She glanced over her shoulder and shook her head. "You don't love me, Seifer. I... I shouldn't be loved." For that, she walked away, leaving Seifer confused as he stood in the dark.
GoodGurl: What? Is Quistis crazy? What is wrong with her? Well, to give it away, she's obviously depressed and finally begins to realize... she's not worth it? What is going on here? Hint: read back to Chapter 18 for a clue. I may tell you next chapter. Well, see ya! Please r/r! Thanx! ;)
Chapter 19 - Words We Could Not Say
The curves and lines seemed to be the most interesting notion in her life as she finished writing the last comment on a certain student's paper. In a careful motion, she curled her letters, adding tails at the end of the sentence and made the dot on the I's more fancy. Once she was finished, she leaned back on her chair and examined her work. Even with all the fancy work on her words and sentences, as she looked at it more closely, it was just plain writing. It was nothing interesting at all. That's what her life was. She worked hard for many years, even adding the feelings of love for the one man who never showed up to see if she was all right and nothing interesting came out of it. She still felt plain.
Quistis picked up her novel that she had began to read while being bored as she rested on the bed of the infirmary and opened to the fifth chapter- page 89. Thoughts swirled in her head as she attempted to read the first sentence. She couldn't concentrate.
People view her as someone perfect; a Goddess, to what the Trepies call her and worshipped her, followed her everywhere she went. However, that's not what Quistis Trepe had in mind. Her dedication and her hard work was her only wish that people would see, instead of what she looked like. In the most part, people do admire her for her abilities, but in the male point of view, they see her as a Sex symbol.
She slammed the book closed. 'Why do people see me this way?!' she thought, throwing the paper back covered book behind her, where it landed perfectly on the bed. It has been a week already, just a week after leaving the bed and eating infirmary food, which, in Quistis' view, were quite good. She never expected people to visit her and, in truth, she liked it, but it was just too much of a burden to her. The faculty and students, mostly the male Trepies, showered her with gifts that she didn't need. Some were useless, like a picture, meant to be put in the frame that went with the nicely wrapped box.
A few days of total hell. Personally, she liked the attention of everyone, but it was getting boring now. Ever since her 'encounter' with Seifer, she has been acting different lately, or so what people said about her. The fact was, she acted the same. People just began to realize that she had locked herself in isolation and she HAS been trapped in that sorrow for a very long time.
Quistis leaned back on her chair and glanced back at her neat handwriting. Looking back at the past, she doesn't remember anyone loving her, except for Matron, but other than that, she was never loved, like a man should love a woman, or the love of a family member. When she was young, she knew she treated Squall and the others as her siblings, but now... they were just her friends.
A knock was heard, interrupting her thoughts. Quistis took a long deep breath and stood up. She was not surprised that the person standing behind the door was Rinoa and Selphie indeed. They would go over the hills to cheer her up and Quistis appreciated the effort, but no matter how hard they tried, it did not work.
Yes- they knew. They knew of her feelings for Seifer. Quistis tried so hard to forget him, tried to forget the anger she had towards him, because she knew he had a reason to leave. However, even with her attempts, Rinoa would not let her forget. The dark haired girl would drop some hints about him, so maybe- just maybe, Quistis might go and look for the ex- knight.
"Hey, Quisty!" Rinoa greeted, waving her hand like a little child, excited to go to a carnival.
Quistis forced a smile on her face, lifting up her hand tiredly to greet the two. "Hi, Rin. Hi, Selph. What is it?" She knew what they were planning, but she had to make sure first.
"Quisty, Zell, me, Rinoa and Squall are planning to go to a club in Deling tonight. We were wondering if you'd like to come." Selphie stared at her and smiled.
'Here we go,' she thought.
"Oh and Irvine's coming so there's no reason for you to dance alone." Rinoa winked at her and giggled.
Quistis rolled her eyes, in her mind, actually. She could never hurt her friends with an attitude that was not on Quistis' list. Great, she was sounding like Seifer. She shook the thoughts on Seifer away and shrugged. "I don't know. I have a few more tests to mark. How about next time?"
Selphie shook her head. "No can do. We're booked for tonight and today is Tuesday."
Quistis looked at her. "What about Tuesday?"
Rinoa stepped forward and smiled. "Well, Tuesdays are cheap nights for all SeeDs, remember? We get drinks and food for free."
Selphie jumped in from behind Rinoa and beside her. "Yeah! And Zell should never miss out on the free hot dogs there." She giggled.
Quistis couldn't help but smile. She never thought Zell and Selphie would become an item. At first, she thought the two energetic duo were not that cute together, but as she thought about it more closely, they look actually sweet. She would see them holding hands and whispering sweet nothings in their ears, like two love-sick birds. That thought almost made her shiver. Love was definitely blooming in the air, but not for Quistis Trepe.
"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeease, Quisty? We want you to be there. The whole gang's going to be there and it's not going to be the same without you!" Selphie pleaded.
'Not going to be the same?' she thought. Finally giving up, Quistis noddd and was startled as Selphie and Rinoa jumped at her and gave her a tight squeeze, almost knocking the wind out of her. The warmth surrounded by her friends, made her feel good inside and Quistis has never felt so safe. Maybe this club will get her mind off of Seifer.
**
"Hit me some more," he spoke in a low and irritated tone. 'A week has passed by,' he thought. That same song repeated in his head for the millionth time. He glanced at the drink in front of him. Swirling colours of gold surrounded his thoughts. Seifer grabbed the small glass and moved it around on the table. The golden colours swirled around, making a funnel at the bottom of the glass. He could see a man drowning in it.
"I think you should get going now, handsome," a feminine voice spoke. She spoke French or some other language, he wasn't sure, but whatever it was, it felt soothing. He's been called 'handsome' many times in the same bar. Women approached him and offered to give him some 'services' for money.
"Damn hookers," he mumbled. He downed the content in the glass quickly and scrunched up his nose at the taste of alcohol slowly working its way up his brain.
The woman bartender did not seem to hear what he had said. She grabbed the glass from Seifer's hand and washed it clean with the cloth that usually hung on her left shoulder. While doing so, she glanced at the blond man, who was on the verge of collapse. "Let me guess," she began, in a slow, whispered voice. "The reason why you're wasting your life away is because of some woman. You love this woman and you were afraid to tell her how you feel, so you're here to drain all your sorrows away, am I right?"
Seifer didn't answer. He was tired of people always second guessing the obvious.
"I'll take that as a 'yes,'" she said, putting away the glass behind the counter.
"Hey, I'm not done drinking," Seifer spoke, stretching his arms towards her. "Give me back the glass." He spoke in an almost command tone, but at that point, he was too tired to bring out her full command tone.
The woman shook her head. "You're not drinking, honey. I think you should tell this woman. If you waste your ass sitting here in the bar and doing nothing about it, you're going to regret it for the rest of your life."
"What the hell do you know about me?"
"Well, I don't," she replied. "I don't know you at all, but I've seen men like you before. Men like you are cowards, hiding behind their alcohol to wash away all the problems, but you know, sweet cakes?" She leaned towards him and gave him one of the most serious looks he's ever seen. "Your problems are never going away once you solve it."
Seifer glared back at her and sighed. "She hates my guts, that's all! What's the point of ever telling her? She's just a cow in a barn! Now, give me my damn drink!"
The woman didn't say anything. She turned and walked away.
Seifer furrowed his eyebrows. Giving up, he leaned back on his chair, almost forgetting there was no back side to the stool and stood up. "Fine. I guess there's no point in staying here either." He stormed off, with smoke coming out of his head. That's how it was when his anger got to him.
**
She was practically dragged inside the crowded club by none other than Irvine Kinneas, who promised to dance with her. They all entered together, after a short dispute from the tall guard, who thought Rinoa and Selphie were under the age of nineteen. Of course, none of them were close to nineteen, except Quistis, but the tall man could only see the 'children' in the two other short teens. Zell was even more supportive after Selphie was hurt emotionally about the man's comments on her. Thank God he didn't lose his temper. Quistis knew Zell had a temper that could blow up Mount Trabia.
Soon, they were inside the packed building. Tuesday was free night all right and they could see people from, who knows where, maybe even all the way from Esthar or from Trabia on the dance floors. Colourful lights flickered around the dark halls of the large bar just to their right when they entered and to where the lights were brighter- the dance floor. Music filled the room, vibrating underneath their feet and they can feel the tapping of the soft wood floors from high heeled shoes of women around them. They took a moment to admire the glittering lights and the powerful music.
Irvine spotted two women walking pass them. They winked once and at that point, Irvine appeared in mere seconds from Quistis' side. Quistis watched him follow the two girls like a puppy dog on to the dance floor.
"Irvine!" Rinoa squeeled, angry for leaving them, let alone, Quistis.
Quistis glanced at Rinoa and shook her head, chuckling. "It's all right, Rin. He promised a dance and I know Irvine doesn't back out of a dance with a woman. I can wait anyway. We still have three hours to spare."
"Great! Let's go get hot dogs, Selph!" Zell yelled from underneath the noise. He grabbed Selphie's hand, pushing his way eagerly from behind Quistis and Rinoa and dashed to the counter where they serves free hot dogs, just as Selphie promised.
"Hey, Zelly! Slow down!" Selphie yelled through the noise.
Quistis watched them and almost giggled as Zell and Selphie ended up lining up at the end of a very long line from the counter to the other side of the dance floor. She could almost hear Zell curse at the top of his lungs. Selphie had to massage his shoulders to calm him down. Quistis envied their love. It was something out of the ordinary, where not many people would expect them to get together. Actually, many people thought Selphie would end up with Irvine, but there were people, who knew of the SeeDs who saved the world, that Selphie and Zell were meant to be together.
"Hey, Quisty?" The blond woman turned around. She had forgotten that Rinoa and Squall were still standing there. Rinoa placed a hand on her shoulder and frowned. "Do you want to dance with Squall? It's fine with me if you like."
Quistis looked at her. Rinoa knew... she knew, yet she wasn't mad. Quistis glanced at Squall, who was surprised at Rinoa's request and smiled, shaking her head. As much as she loved to dance with Squall, she didn't feel right. Squall and Rinoa deserved each other. For some reason, for her, the two names went well together, not Quistis and Squall. Yes, she had feelings for him, but ever since Seifer came..... she shook her head.
"No, it's all right Rin. How about you two dance? I'm going to get a drink anyway." She glanced at Squall and nodded.
Rinoa looked at her strangely. "Are you sure? I don't want to leave you alone."
Quistis enjoyed the company of Rinoa. She asked many questions and was always worried about her. That's she liked about the dark haired girl. She was kind, yet sometimes annoying at times. She nodded. "Yeah, I'm sure."
Rinoa smiled, grabbed Squall's hand and dragged him to the dance floor, joining in with Irvine and the two girls grinding against him. Quistis chuckled. Irvine loved women.
She looked around. The truth was, she needed some time alone. She needed some place to think. The bar seemed decent, but she needed a quiet place, where she can think clearer and where she can't smell the alcohol and the cigarettes fuming around the place. Quistis spotted a door at the very back of the bar. When she was sure no one was watching, she quickly slipped pass the bar hostess and into the night air. She has never been out lately and this was her only chance. She forced a smile on her face, but sooner faded when she remembered what she came here for.
Tears finally escaped her eyes. She suddenly felt alone. "Why am I here?" she asked herself out loud. She wrapped her arms around herself and leaned against the cold wall of the alley way. "Who am I? I don't feel like I know myself anymore. People see me as someone beautiful. How can I be beautiful when I feel ugly inside? Why do they admire me? They shouldn't do that! THEY SHOULDN'T!" She slammed her fist on the wall, then slid down until her bottom almost met the ground and covered her face with her gloved hands. For the first time in her life, Quistis Trepe cried.
"Why shouldn't they admire you?" a deep voice echoed in her ears. Quistis jerked her head up and was on her toes quickly. A shadow lurked in the darkness to her right, a shadow of a very familiar figure. She hastily wiped the tears away and replaced her sullen face into a serious one. The shadow moved closer underneath the shining light, revealing the figure's face. Quistis gasped at the sight of Seifer Almasy.
"Seifer...." She whispered. "What are you doing here?"
Seifer moved closer, so he could see her better in the dark. "I should be asking you the same thing. Why would you say those things, Trepe?" He could see the sorrow in her eyes as he stared at them. "Are you saying you're giving up already? That's not the Quistis I know."
Quistis turned away, not wanting to meet his gaze. She clenched her fists and closed her eyes. "You don't know me!" she said, loudly. She turned and began to walk back inside the club, but Seifer was much faster. He grabbed her arm and forced her to turn around so he could look at her.
"Quistis, what is going on here? Are you the Quistis who told me never to give up on life?"
"That Quistis is DEAD!" she countered. "Let go of my arm right now, Almasy!" She twisted her arm, hoping for him to lose his grip, but Seifer's grip was strong. He grasped on tighter and pulled her to him.
"Quistis, people should see you as beautiful. You're telling yourself that life isn't worth living. A person told me to always live your life to the fullest and that same person promised me that I would see her again and that person is right here standing in front of me."
Quistis stopped struggling and looked into his eyes. "Then, why did you leave?"
Seifer let go of her arm and stared at her in surprise. How did his speech change from Quistis to him? He backed away and frowned. "You know what? I don't know I even bothered to help you with your problem, when all you're doing is changing the subject!" It was his turn to walk away.
"I just want to know, Seifer!" Quistis yelled after him. "I just want to know! There are still people who care about you! Matron needs you."
Seifer paused. He closed his eyes. He was afraid she was going to say that. Turning around slowly, Seifer took a few deep breaths and stared at her form. She was walking towards him slowly- ever so slowly. It was something coming out from a movie, where two people run towards each other in a slow motion and once they reached each other, they would frolick in the fields and sing songs.
"That's not the reason why I left...." He didn't know how to start. The voice of the bar hostess spoke back in his head.
'If you waste your ass sitting here in the bar and doing nothing about it, you're going to regret it for the rest of your life.'
She was right, he thought.
"It was me," he continued. He walked closer. "I was afraid.... I was afraid that if I stayed any longer, I would start falling in love with you."
Quistis almost chocked. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. "What?" The tone of the question seemed small and vulnerable. That's where she was now. She was vulnerable. She didn't know what to say.
Seifer stepped closer, wanting to hold her. For a long time, he wished to hold her in his arms. "You heard me."
She backed away from him. "Wait... you don't know what you're saying."
The blond man nodded. "Of course I do." His voice was different, close to frightening Quistis. Is he possessed? What is wrong with him? Why would a man like him fall in love with someone like her?
"No, you don't," she spoke. She looked down on the ground and turned around. She glanced over her shoulder and shook her head. "You don't love me, Seifer. I... I shouldn't be loved." For that, she walked away, leaving Seifer confused as he stood in the dark.
GoodGurl: What? Is Quistis crazy? What is wrong with her? Well, to give it away, she's obviously depressed and finally begins to realize... she's not worth it? What is going on here? Hint: read back to Chapter 18 for a clue. I may tell you next chapter. Well, see ya! Please r/r! Thanx! ;)