Note: I've decided to put off Medieval for a while and finish 'Beating Hearts' first before I continued that story. Anyway, why did Quistis run away? This chapter reveals her thoughts and feelings on her life being an Instructor and her life on being a woman in love.
Chapter 20 - Just Loving You
~ "Love is something unexpected; you never know when it will come to you. It's a jump start to a whole new life." (Squall)
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So many thoughts ran through her mind. Her, the Instructor who teaches her students the basics of fighting various types of weapons and the one who was known to be the most 'beautiful' woman on earth. Her, with a fan club, who follow her around like dogs on a leash. Her, known to be the 'Ice Queen' of Garden, who follows orders given by the Headmaster. For seven years, it was the only life she has ever known. She took part in many things and when last year's Sorceress war occurred, she became one of the heroes who brought down Ultimaecia and her reign for power. She was all that.
Now.... She's just a worthless love-sick fool, her heart beating for the one man that have changed her from being who she was. Was....? She may never go back to who she was before.
The floor shook from the beat of the loud music echoing from the two large stereos at the front of the stage by the singer. Quistis ignored everything around her, even her name being called by the one man whom she wished she never met. Why did this have to happen to her?
"Quistis!" Seifer called. She ignored his calls, never turning nor glancing behind her to see him running after her. He pushed his way through the crowd. They were both too ignorant of the people around them; she, intent on running away from him; he, intent on running after her. They were too eager to notice they had stepped up into the dance floor, amongst the couples. Quistis ran faster, avoiding any eye contact with anyone who gave her curious stares. She was about to reach the end of the dance floor, when a hand grabbed her arm gently and roughly turned her around. Quistis struggled, forcing herself not to lose her cool so they would not attract any attention from the people around them. Calmly, she let Seifer pull her with him. She never wanted this. Not ever. Why?
"Seifer, let me go!" she yelled, just slightly. The noise drowned out her voice. The music itself was then replaced by a slow song. Quistis tried to twist her arm away from him, but it was to no avail. Seifer pulled her against him, leading her into a slow trot, following the beat of the slow music.
"For God's sakes, Quistis! Will you listen to me!?" The blond man was losing his temper. Why did this woman have to be so stubborn?
She tried to struggle again, but it was still no use. His tone of voice was pulling her back to him. While waiting for him to continue, Quistis contemplated everything that is going on with her life. Her wish was to finish being an Instructor and be promoted to an even higher level. She did not want to fall in love. She never asked anyone to love her back. A tear came falling unexpectedly from her left eye and fell slowly down the path to her neck and on the floor, where it made small little puddles that quickly faded away. She closed her eyes, not wanting to meet his.
"Quistis, please look at me." He placed a hand underneath her chin and lifted her head up towards him. When he saw another tear streaking down her face, he quickly caught it with his thumb and brushed it away. He realized that Quistis was slowly melting. "You have no idea how scared I was with this feeling that I have for you. I thought maybe I could forget this feeling by leaving Garden, but everyday I see your face. It's been hard for me to forget, but I just couldn't."
"Why me, Seifer? Why me of all people? You could have any other woman, yet you choose me? Why?" Quistis was afraid to hear the answer.
Seifer shrugged. "It's always been you, Quistis," he whispered. He tried to lean closer so she could lean her head against his shoulder.
"No!" Quistis shouted. Seifer felt himself being pushed away- hard. The blond man found himself staring at her from far away and in disbelief.
Quistis put her arms down that was used to push him away and shook her head once again. She looked down on her shoes, afraid to see his hurt expression. She can't do this. She can't. Why? Why her? The answer he gave her was not enough. It was still not enough. She still doesn't understand. "I can't Seifer... I'm sorry." Once again for the second time, Quistis turned and walked away. More tears fell from her eyes and she wiped it angrily before it streaked down her face. She pushed her way through the crowd, looking over her shoulder once and awhile, hoping that Seifer did not follow her. She pushed some more people out of her way and made it back to where Rinoa and Squall said they were going to be waiting for her at one of the tables.
At the sight of a blond woman with a red face coming towards them, Rinoa and Squall suddenly stood up. The dark haired girl watched her in worry.
"Quisty? What's the matter?" She lifted up her arms up, hoping that Quistis would come running in her arms and cry on her shoulder, but Quistis just shook her head and walked pass her.
"I'm sorry, Rin. I can't stay here any longer. If you need me, I'll be at the Deling City Hotel." With that said, Quistis walked out of the club.
Rinoa glanced at Squall and the two just stared at each other. Squall looked over Rinoa's shoulder and wondered what it was Quistis was running from and found an upset blond standing on the dance floor all alone, with his hands in his trench coat front pockets. He eyed the man for a moment, when the man himself looked back at him.
Seifer placed a frown on his face, erasing the hurt on his handsome features and walked away, never to be seen again.
She smothered her face on the pillow, hopelessly trying not to cry. It was because of him that she was crying. It was because of him that she felt this way. Why did she have to go and rescue him from Death? He wanted to die in the first place, then why didn't she let him die if he wanted to?
'You are a very generous person' a voice spoke in her head.
Quistis snorted, taking a deep breath from the sadness in her heart. She turned around on her back so she was facing the ceiling and looked up into the white walls of the roof that could only be seen from the inside. Shadows from her own figure laying on the bed danced and mocked her as if saying, 'You're scared! You scaredy-cat! You're too scared to admit your feelings for him!' She shook her head. Even though she did not believe it, it was true. She was afraid.
'Maybe a few drinks wouldn't be that bad to take my mind off of things,' she thought. Making her decision, the blond woman sat up from bed and prepared her way downstairs to where the bar was.
He searched around the room. He knew where she would be. The stairs creaked at every step he took. It was time to fix these stairs, he contemplated in his head. Brushing a strand of brown hair from his eyes, Squall took one last step and found himself back at the bar that Rinoa remembered where her mother played the piano. There was indeed a piano on the left side of the room, at the small stage consisting of only one step. There was a woman, similarly dressed to what Julia was wearing when Selphie, himself and Zell were taken back to the past by Ellone. The only difference was her hair colour, which was a slightly shade of auburn. There was a violinist and a flute player right by the piano, both similarly dressed women with similar hair colour.
Squall scanned the area for a certain blond woman. He knew Quistis never drank that much, but when it came to 'drowning her sorrows,' she would most definitely would be at a bar. Waiters went to and fro from the bar to the tables where people sat. He looked pass an old couple sitting near the bar and to the bar counter itself, where an obvious blond colour seemed to glitter like a light to his path. He could easily recognize the chain whip attached to the left side of the belt.
"Do you mind if I join you?" Squall asked, softly. Quistis did not look up, as if expecting Squall to be here.
She shrugged. "Do whatever you want, Squall."
Squall sat down beside her and clasped his hands in front of him, placing them calmly on the counter table. He glanced at her. He could not recognize Quistis at her disheveled hair, her baggy eyes and her tired, slouching form. She took a sip of her favourite drink and downed it quickly. She wiped the remaining content that slithered at her face with her arm and put the glass back down.
"You know, Squall, this is probably the stupidest thing I've ever done in my life," Quistis spoke.
"Your drinking?" Squall asked, although he knew what the answer was.
Quistis shook her head. "No. I ran away. I ran away from the one person who actually truly cares about me."
"He's not the only person who truly cares about you. What about Matron and all of us?" He was not helping at all, but he does care for Quistis and so does everyone else.
"I know you care for me, but not in the way that I wish for." She took a deep breath, placed her elbows on the counter and looked at him. "For a long time, I've been hiding behind my books and my students. Whenever I loved someone, I thought of it as just a crush. I never expected for anyone to love me back, because I was used to it. I was used to the fact that I had the feeling so I didn't have to worry about anyone loving me at all." She paused. "I mean, I even loved you, Squall."
Squall looked down in shame. "I'm sorry for what I said, Quistis. I didn't mean that." He remembered being at the back of the Garden and seeing the night outside. He remembered Quistis telling him how she felt and all he said to her was, 'Talk to the wall.' He never cared about it, until now.
Quistis smiled. "Don't worry about that. There's no need to be sorry about it. I'm over it."
"Quistis... I think you're just scared. Believe me, I've been there. I've been scared all my life to love anyone, because maybe, just maybe they won't love me back. When I met Rinoa, it was like the whole world turned around and changed into something different. At first, I was scared- very scared, but Rinoa made me feel good inside. She made me feel comfortable in what I feel." He looked up into her eyes. "Love is something unexpected; you never know when it will come to you. It's a jump start to a whole new life."
Quistis thought about it, absorbing the knowledge that Squall has never revealed in the years she has ever known him. Has she been afraid all this time to admit it? Maybe it was just fear that forced her to push Seifer away.
Squall felt quite awkward when he said that. He cleared his throat and nervously rubbed the back of his neck. "So uh... I think I better go. Rinoa's waiting for me at our room."
Quistis nodded. "Thanks for the advice, Squall." She and Squall exchanged good byes with short waves, before Squall made his way back upstairs to the hotel. Quistis sighed and rested her head on her upward palm. The words from Squall's mouth somewhat surprised her, but it did not surprise her that Squall, the lonely little boy she remembered him to be, was right.
Squall took a deep breath. It was overwhelming to express his feelings like that, but it was quite good that he did. He sniffed and took another step up the stairs.
"Here is your key for room 4, sir." Squall looked up from his thoughts and found Seifer taking the room key dangling from the desk clerk's hand. The blond thanked her silently and as he turned, he paused at the sight of the Commander standing there.
They stared at each other, both not really sure what to say.
Squall cleared his throat and nodded. "Seifer," he spoke.
Seifer nodded slightly. "Squall." He took a deep breath, gave him one last look and turned towards the direction of the upstairs to where all the rooms were.
"Seifer, wait a minute," Squall called. He took a step forward, watched as Seifer paused from the stairs and turned around to look at the younger man.
Annoyed, Seifer pursed his lips together, not wanting to attract any attention from the desk clerk watching their every move and forced a slight smile on his face. "What is it, Squall?"
Squall sighed. "I think you should go check out the drinks at the bar downstairs," he said, glancing quickly at the stairs.
Seifer looked at him curiously. "What the hell are you talking about, Puberty boy?"
"There's a new drink downstairs. I tried it myself and it's very...." Squall searched through his brain to find the right words. What's another word for blond? "It's very... Trepeffic..." He slapped himself mentally on the head for saying that. Trepiffic? What the hell? He glanced at the desk clerk, who stared at him like he was an idiot. He grinned. "That came out of my mouth wrong," he said, looking at the woman behind the desk.
It took a few moments for him to figure out what the younger man was trying to say. He squinted his eyes for a moment, trying to search Squall's face and when he had gotten the idea, Seifer almost fell off his feet. "OH! Is it?"
Squall nodded. "Yeah, it is."
The desk clerk furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. Both men glanced at her.
"It's very Trepiffic," Seifer said, grinning.
The dark haired woman gazed up at him in confusion. She shook her head and turned away, taking her eyes off of them and to the computer in front of her. She pretended she didn't know who they were.
Seifer looked back at Squall and cleared his throat. "Uh... thanks, Squall." He stuffed his keys inside his left pant pocket, walked pass Squall and down the stairs he went. Squall watched him go the last time and turned to the desk clerk, who was looking back at him, still wondering what was going on. He grinned and pointed towards Seifer with his thumb.
"He's an alcoholic," he explained, walking up the stairs.
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He saw her sitting on the far corner of the bar. She was staring at the glass, as if it was the most important thing in her life. He could tell that the drink itself was her only best friend. More people came in. It was still too early to be getting to bed anyway, so maybe he can stick around for awhile. Seifer continued to watch the blond woman. A jazzy song was playing in the background, sung by a woman dressed in the fifties. Her hair was short and curled, just like women at that year and wore a white satin dress with gloves that stretched out up to her elbows. Her dress was fairly short, reaching her knees and every time she moved, it would move with her. If Seifer was not too busy watching the blond woman from a distance, he would fall head over heels towards the singer on the stage.
The singer, who introduced herself as 'Orange Satin,' moved closer towards the microphone stand and opened her mouth to speak. "This song is dedicated to all the couples tonight. May you have an everlasting love." She grabbed the microphone stand with one hand and moved the microphone closer to her lips. The piano began to play and when the pianist finished her introduction, Orange Satin began to sing a fairly lively tune.
Seifer glanced back at the lonely woman sitting by the bar. She didn't seem to see him standing there, just staring. Quistis placed a very solemn look on her face. "Quistis, why do you torture yourself?" he spoke out loud.
Quistis watched the woman sing. Orange Satin swayed her hips at the slow beat before continuing song. The words had meaning to it.
As long as I'm here and on this earth
My whole life is only worth
The moment that I spend, ooo, just loving you
She sighed. Her voice was like an angel and she wished sometimes that the song she sang would come true to her. If only she stayed with him, maybe she wouldn't feel this way. She noticed couples moving to the dance floor. They began to dance, making Quistis feel jealous of their intimacy. One couple had their arms wrapped around each other and gave each other kisses on the lips once and awhile. The piano played a solo part and then Orange Satin sang again.
Yes, indeed, it's you, it's you that keeps me strong
When times are bad and things go wrong
And I wanna spend from now on, yeah yeah, just loving you.
Quistis turned away from the dancers and pivoted around to face the bar again. She glanced around her and the moment she laid eyes on a very familiar stranger, her heart stopped for a moment. Seifer stood there, watching her and their eyes met in an intense gaze. He just stared at her with a serious expression. Quistis turned away and sip on her half drunk tequila. It was hard to believe that Quistis was still drinking the same tequila the moment she walked in the room.
Seifer approached her cautiously and cleared his throat when he made it there. He offered her his hand as Orange Satin continued to sing.
Yeah, I can't help it, I can't help it, darling
It's the way that I feel about you
When you're around, love has me bound
Strange, strange as it seems, oh.
Quistis looked up. She took his hand and Seifer led her to the dance floor, along with the other couples. Seifer watched her with so much love, but Quistis was still unsure. The blond man put an arm around her waist, while the other took her hand in his. Quistis blushed at their intimacy, as she wrapped her arms around his neck.
"Seifer...." She whispered. She looked up to meet his emerald orbs. "I'm sorry for running away from you." She turned her head away from him and looked down on the ground nervously. "I... I was scared. I didn't think that- I didn't think someone would love me back."
"Why would anyone not love you?" he asked, with an arched eyebrow.
Quistis shrugged. "I guess for all the years being an Instructor, I've learned to shut out everyone else." She sighed. "This is my first time feeling this way. The way with it with Squall... it was just a crush." She looked down, avoiding eye contact.
It's your love that fills my world
And I'll skip through life like a foolish girl
Seifer snorted. "You think you're the only one with that problem?"
The blond woman looked up.
"Quistis, I was as scared as you when I realized I felt this way about you. I've never had anyone make me feel this way."
"What about Rinoa?"
Seifer shook his head. "With Rinoa... it was just like what you had with Squall. It was just some stupid high school crush. Nothing happened there. I mean, yeah, she and I spent our summer here, but it was just friends hanging out." He sighed and placed a finger under Quistis' chin, then lifted her head up to face him. "I guess what I'm trying to say is...." He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "I'm as scared as you are now. Wherever I am, you're always there like a ghost haunting me."
Quistis looked at him.
The blond man rolled his eyes. "God, did that sound SO pathetic!"
Quistis laughed and shook her head. "No, I think it's sweet!"
Seifer looked at her and smiled. He leaned closer, their faces only inches away. Both of them took quiet deep breaths, their hearts beating together like symphony.
'Cause I wanna spend from now on just loving you
Yeah, I wanna spend my life just loving you.
Their lips met into a loving kiss. Quistis felt herself melting in his embrace and the kiss that was making things possible. Seifer felt the same, his heart racing in a million beats.
They were too wrapped up in each other's kiss that none of them knew that Orange Satin had stopped singing. They were standing in the middle of the room, oblivious to the world around them. Orange Satin reached for the microphone once again.
"Congratulations to the new couple!" she spoke.
Claps were heard all around them. Both blondes opened their eyes, their lips still locked in bliss. Quistis and Seifer quickly pulled away from each other and looked around. Quistis took a deep breath. Both of them had the matching colour of crimson red on their faces.
Seifer took Quistis' hand and led her out of the dance floor and back up the stairs to the hotel lobby.
"Seifer?" Quistis looked up, staring at the door instead of the person she was speaking to and took a deep breath. She inserted her key in the lock and began to twist it. She slowly pushed the door open.
Seifer and herself had their backs facing each other. None of them knew that their rooms were in front of each other. The blond woman though to the kiss they mad earlier and that thought made her smile and blush some more. She took another deep breath to contain herself from smiling. "Are you coming back to Garden?" she asked. She smiled again, hoping for the right answer and turned around to face him.
The blond man stopped twisting the door open and removed his key from the lock. He turned around and looked at her in a serious look. "I... I can't," he retorted.
That answer was a slap on her face. Quistis' smile faded so quickly that Seifer might not have even seen her happy face. "Oh," was her only reaction. Inside though, she was ready to laugh and think of it as a joke, but as she looked into his eyes, she knew now that he was serious. She put her weight on her other leg and rubbed her arm. It seemed colder today, she thought. "Seifer, I don't understand.... With all the talk that we had together, maybe I could change your mind, but I guess I was wrong." She looked down on the ground, ashamed to show him her disappointment.
Seifer shook his head and stepped forward towards her. "God, Quistis, why do you have to make a conclusion on something when you haven't even heard the whole story? It's not because of that!"
Quistis looked up at him.
"Okay, some part of it is that, but SeeD isn't the only thing in my life anymore. I've moved on and decided to think of something better to do. I know I can't spend my whole life fighting damn monsters that aren't even a match for me and that's just a waste of time for me. There are other things more important than that."
Quistis frowned. "So, you're staying here then," she spoke softly.
Seifer nodded. "Yeah I am. I found a job already and I'm planning on going to school so I can find a better career... Quistis..." He moved closer, then reached out with his hand towards her. He placed his hands on her shoulders and looked into her eyes. "I wish I could come with you but...."
"But you want to start a new life here," she continued for him.
They were quiet for awhile. It was now difficult for them. For only a few short moments of happiness, the tragedy was about to begin once more.
Quistis' life was with SeeD and as being an Instructor in Balamb Garden and Seifer's life is moving on and finding a new life of his own in Deling City. Seifer had made up his mind and Quistis has yet to make up hers.
"I wish I could say the same to you, Seifer," Quistis spoke, opening the door wider to her room. She turned and paused for a moment. "I wish I could stay with you, but you already know the answer on why I can't. I guess that means I can't change your mind, huh?"
Seifer nodded. "I know." He turned as well, finishing his job on opening the door with his key and twisted it open. He too, paused. "Quistis!" He turned around.
"Seifer!" she twisted her whole body around. Both of them had called each other at the same time. Anyone could have laughed at that awkwardness, but none of them felt like laughing.
Seifer moved closer and leaned down to kiss her the second time that night. He closed his eyes, feeling her lips against his. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in for a tight embrace, an embrace that felt like the whole world was watching him. "I love you," he whispered. He kissed her forehead and squeezed her, gently, yet tightly.
Quistis closed her eyes and felt the warmth of his lips against her skin. Tears fell from her eyes. How she only wished he could come with her. "I love you too," she whispered back. "Good bye, Seifer," she included. She wrapped her arms around his waist and laid her face on his chest.
The blond man closed his eyes in pain. "Good bye, Quisty," he said, calling her by her childhood nickname.
Tears fell from her eyes and streaked down her face. She smiled, forcefully, but deep down inside, she was hurting. "See, I said good bye to you."
"Yes, you did," he replied. He smiled, but, like Quistis, he was hurt deep down inside. Why does this have to end this way? Why do the Gods punish them so much? Just when their relationship begins to grow, the sun slowly fades away and keep their love from growing in the garden. "I'm not angry anymore, I was never angry," he said, mostly to himself. He was never angry with her when she left. He loved her more when she did.
GoodGurl: Okay, this one is SOOOO sad! Is this the end? NO WAY! I can't leave it like this! I like a Queifer happy ending so don't worry folks, there's more where that came from! Thanx for all the reviewers who made this story happen:
Lissa
Shadow@ngel
Ashbear
Industrialis
Grrl gamer
Optical Goddess
Ava Adore
Nee
Aeris Deathscythe
Tickle the dragon
Jacks
Angelprinczess29
Punker*chick
Vick330
Terra Trepe
Jazzy
Rinoa Tilmitt
Selphie Ducky
Stargazer
Amelie
Michelle
Star Pheonix
Sad-Dream
Lovethestory
Wonderful Failure
Needhk03
Crystal Ruby
Seyenaidni
Lil Selphie
Chapter 20 - Just Loving You
~ "Love is something unexpected; you never know when it will come to you. It's a jump start to a whole new life." (Squall)
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So many thoughts ran through her mind. Her, the Instructor who teaches her students the basics of fighting various types of weapons and the one who was known to be the most 'beautiful' woman on earth. Her, with a fan club, who follow her around like dogs on a leash. Her, known to be the 'Ice Queen' of Garden, who follows orders given by the Headmaster. For seven years, it was the only life she has ever known. She took part in many things and when last year's Sorceress war occurred, she became one of the heroes who brought down Ultimaecia and her reign for power. She was all that.
Now.... She's just a worthless love-sick fool, her heart beating for the one man that have changed her from being who she was. Was....? She may never go back to who she was before.
The floor shook from the beat of the loud music echoing from the two large stereos at the front of the stage by the singer. Quistis ignored everything around her, even her name being called by the one man whom she wished she never met. Why did this have to happen to her?
"Quistis!" Seifer called. She ignored his calls, never turning nor glancing behind her to see him running after her. He pushed his way through the crowd. They were both too ignorant of the people around them; she, intent on running away from him; he, intent on running after her. They were too eager to notice they had stepped up into the dance floor, amongst the couples. Quistis ran faster, avoiding any eye contact with anyone who gave her curious stares. She was about to reach the end of the dance floor, when a hand grabbed her arm gently and roughly turned her around. Quistis struggled, forcing herself not to lose her cool so they would not attract any attention from the people around them. Calmly, she let Seifer pull her with him. She never wanted this. Not ever. Why?
"Seifer, let me go!" she yelled, just slightly. The noise drowned out her voice. The music itself was then replaced by a slow song. Quistis tried to twist her arm away from him, but it was to no avail. Seifer pulled her against him, leading her into a slow trot, following the beat of the slow music.
"For God's sakes, Quistis! Will you listen to me!?" The blond man was losing his temper. Why did this woman have to be so stubborn?
She tried to struggle again, but it was still no use. His tone of voice was pulling her back to him. While waiting for him to continue, Quistis contemplated everything that is going on with her life. Her wish was to finish being an Instructor and be promoted to an even higher level. She did not want to fall in love. She never asked anyone to love her back. A tear came falling unexpectedly from her left eye and fell slowly down the path to her neck and on the floor, where it made small little puddles that quickly faded away. She closed her eyes, not wanting to meet his.
"Quistis, please look at me." He placed a hand underneath her chin and lifted her head up towards him. When he saw another tear streaking down her face, he quickly caught it with his thumb and brushed it away. He realized that Quistis was slowly melting. "You have no idea how scared I was with this feeling that I have for you. I thought maybe I could forget this feeling by leaving Garden, but everyday I see your face. It's been hard for me to forget, but I just couldn't."
"Why me, Seifer? Why me of all people? You could have any other woman, yet you choose me? Why?" Quistis was afraid to hear the answer.
Seifer shrugged. "It's always been you, Quistis," he whispered. He tried to lean closer so she could lean her head against his shoulder.
"No!" Quistis shouted. Seifer felt himself being pushed away- hard. The blond man found himself staring at her from far away and in disbelief.
Quistis put her arms down that was used to push him away and shook her head once again. She looked down on her shoes, afraid to see his hurt expression. She can't do this. She can't. Why? Why her? The answer he gave her was not enough. It was still not enough. She still doesn't understand. "I can't Seifer... I'm sorry." Once again for the second time, Quistis turned and walked away. More tears fell from her eyes and she wiped it angrily before it streaked down her face. She pushed her way through the crowd, looking over her shoulder once and awhile, hoping that Seifer did not follow her. She pushed some more people out of her way and made it back to where Rinoa and Squall said they were going to be waiting for her at one of the tables.
At the sight of a blond woman with a red face coming towards them, Rinoa and Squall suddenly stood up. The dark haired girl watched her in worry.
"Quisty? What's the matter?" She lifted up her arms up, hoping that Quistis would come running in her arms and cry on her shoulder, but Quistis just shook her head and walked pass her.
"I'm sorry, Rin. I can't stay here any longer. If you need me, I'll be at the Deling City Hotel." With that said, Quistis walked out of the club.
Rinoa glanced at Squall and the two just stared at each other. Squall looked over Rinoa's shoulder and wondered what it was Quistis was running from and found an upset blond standing on the dance floor all alone, with his hands in his trench coat front pockets. He eyed the man for a moment, when the man himself looked back at him.
Seifer placed a frown on his face, erasing the hurt on his handsome features and walked away, never to be seen again.
She smothered her face on the pillow, hopelessly trying not to cry. It was because of him that she was crying. It was because of him that she felt this way. Why did she have to go and rescue him from Death? He wanted to die in the first place, then why didn't she let him die if he wanted to?
'You are a very generous person' a voice spoke in her head.
Quistis snorted, taking a deep breath from the sadness in her heart. She turned around on her back so she was facing the ceiling and looked up into the white walls of the roof that could only be seen from the inside. Shadows from her own figure laying on the bed danced and mocked her as if saying, 'You're scared! You scaredy-cat! You're too scared to admit your feelings for him!' She shook her head. Even though she did not believe it, it was true. She was afraid.
'Maybe a few drinks wouldn't be that bad to take my mind off of things,' she thought. Making her decision, the blond woman sat up from bed and prepared her way downstairs to where the bar was.
He searched around the room. He knew where she would be. The stairs creaked at every step he took. It was time to fix these stairs, he contemplated in his head. Brushing a strand of brown hair from his eyes, Squall took one last step and found himself back at the bar that Rinoa remembered where her mother played the piano. There was indeed a piano on the left side of the room, at the small stage consisting of only one step. There was a woman, similarly dressed to what Julia was wearing when Selphie, himself and Zell were taken back to the past by Ellone. The only difference was her hair colour, which was a slightly shade of auburn. There was a violinist and a flute player right by the piano, both similarly dressed women with similar hair colour.
Squall scanned the area for a certain blond woman. He knew Quistis never drank that much, but when it came to 'drowning her sorrows,' she would most definitely would be at a bar. Waiters went to and fro from the bar to the tables where people sat. He looked pass an old couple sitting near the bar and to the bar counter itself, where an obvious blond colour seemed to glitter like a light to his path. He could easily recognize the chain whip attached to the left side of the belt.
"Do you mind if I join you?" Squall asked, softly. Quistis did not look up, as if expecting Squall to be here.
She shrugged. "Do whatever you want, Squall."
Squall sat down beside her and clasped his hands in front of him, placing them calmly on the counter table. He glanced at her. He could not recognize Quistis at her disheveled hair, her baggy eyes and her tired, slouching form. She took a sip of her favourite drink and downed it quickly. She wiped the remaining content that slithered at her face with her arm and put the glass back down.
"You know, Squall, this is probably the stupidest thing I've ever done in my life," Quistis spoke.
"Your drinking?" Squall asked, although he knew what the answer was.
Quistis shook her head. "No. I ran away. I ran away from the one person who actually truly cares about me."
"He's not the only person who truly cares about you. What about Matron and all of us?" He was not helping at all, but he does care for Quistis and so does everyone else.
"I know you care for me, but not in the way that I wish for." She took a deep breath, placed her elbows on the counter and looked at him. "For a long time, I've been hiding behind my books and my students. Whenever I loved someone, I thought of it as just a crush. I never expected for anyone to love me back, because I was used to it. I was used to the fact that I had the feeling so I didn't have to worry about anyone loving me at all." She paused. "I mean, I even loved you, Squall."
Squall looked down in shame. "I'm sorry for what I said, Quistis. I didn't mean that." He remembered being at the back of the Garden and seeing the night outside. He remembered Quistis telling him how she felt and all he said to her was, 'Talk to the wall.' He never cared about it, until now.
Quistis smiled. "Don't worry about that. There's no need to be sorry about it. I'm over it."
"Quistis... I think you're just scared. Believe me, I've been there. I've been scared all my life to love anyone, because maybe, just maybe they won't love me back. When I met Rinoa, it was like the whole world turned around and changed into something different. At first, I was scared- very scared, but Rinoa made me feel good inside. She made me feel comfortable in what I feel." He looked up into her eyes. "Love is something unexpected; you never know when it will come to you. It's a jump start to a whole new life."
Quistis thought about it, absorbing the knowledge that Squall has never revealed in the years she has ever known him. Has she been afraid all this time to admit it? Maybe it was just fear that forced her to push Seifer away.
Squall felt quite awkward when he said that. He cleared his throat and nervously rubbed the back of his neck. "So uh... I think I better go. Rinoa's waiting for me at our room."
Quistis nodded. "Thanks for the advice, Squall." She and Squall exchanged good byes with short waves, before Squall made his way back upstairs to the hotel. Quistis sighed and rested her head on her upward palm. The words from Squall's mouth somewhat surprised her, but it did not surprise her that Squall, the lonely little boy she remembered him to be, was right.
Squall took a deep breath. It was overwhelming to express his feelings like that, but it was quite good that he did. He sniffed and took another step up the stairs.
"Here is your key for room 4, sir." Squall looked up from his thoughts and found Seifer taking the room key dangling from the desk clerk's hand. The blond thanked her silently and as he turned, he paused at the sight of the Commander standing there.
They stared at each other, both not really sure what to say.
Squall cleared his throat and nodded. "Seifer," he spoke.
Seifer nodded slightly. "Squall." He took a deep breath, gave him one last look and turned towards the direction of the upstairs to where all the rooms were.
"Seifer, wait a minute," Squall called. He took a step forward, watched as Seifer paused from the stairs and turned around to look at the younger man.
Annoyed, Seifer pursed his lips together, not wanting to attract any attention from the desk clerk watching their every move and forced a slight smile on his face. "What is it, Squall?"
Squall sighed. "I think you should go check out the drinks at the bar downstairs," he said, glancing quickly at the stairs.
Seifer looked at him curiously. "What the hell are you talking about, Puberty boy?"
"There's a new drink downstairs. I tried it myself and it's very...." Squall searched through his brain to find the right words. What's another word for blond? "It's very... Trepeffic..." He slapped himself mentally on the head for saying that. Trepiffic? What the hell? He glanced at the desk clerk, who stared at him like he was an idiot. He grinned. "That came out of my mouth wrong," he said, looking at the woman behind the desk.
It took a few moments for him to figure out what the younger man was trying to say. He squinted his eyes for a moment, trying to search Squall's face and when he had gotten the idea, Seifer almost fell off his feet. "OH! Is it?"
Squall nodded. "Yeah, it is."
The desk clerk furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. Both men glanced at her.
"It's very Trepiffic," Seifer said, grinning.
The dark haired woman gazed up at him in confusion. She shook her head and turned away, taking her eyes off of them and to the computer in front of her. She pretended she didn't know who they were.
Seifer looked back at Squall and cleared his throat. "Uh... thanks, Squall." He stuffed his keys inside his left pant pocket, walked pass Squall and down the stairs he went. Squall watched him go the last time and turned to the desk clerk, who was looking back at him, still wondering what was going on. He grinned and pointed towards Seifer with his thumb.
"He's an alcoholic," he explained, walking up the stairs.
*****************
He saw her sitting on the far corner of the bar. She was staring at the glass, as if it was the most important thing in her life. He could tell that the drink itself was her only best friend. More people came in. It was still too early to be getting to bed anyway, so maybe he can stick around for awhile. Seifer continued to watch the blond woman. A jazzy song was playing in the background, sung by a woman dressed in the fifties. Her hair was short and curled, just like women at that year and wore a white satin dress with gloves that stretched out up to her elbows. Her dress was fairly short, reaching her knees and every time she moved, it would move with her. If Seifer was not too busy watching the blond woman from a distance, he would fall head over heels towards the singer on the stage.
The singer, who introduced herself as 'Orange Satin,' moved closer towards the microphone stand and opened her mouth to speak. "This song is dedicated to all the couples tonight. May you have an everlasting love." She grabbed the microphone stand with one hand and moved the microphone closer to her lips. The piano began to play and when the pianist finished her introduction, Orange Satin began to sing a fairly lively tune.
Seifer glanced back at the lonely woman sitting by the bar. She didn't seem to see him standing there, just staring. Quistis placed a very solemn look on her face. "Quistis, why do you torture yourself?" he spoke out loud.
Quistis watched the woman sing. Orange Satin swayed her hips at the slow beat before continuing song. The words had meaning to it.
As long as I'm here and on this earth
My whole life is only worth
The moment that I spend, ooo, just loving you
She sighed. Her voice was like an angel and she wished sometimes that the song she sang would come true to her. If only she stayed with him, maybe she wouldn't feel this way. She noticed couples moving to the dance floor. They began to dance, making Quistis feel jealous of their intimacy. One couple had their arms wrapped around each other and gave each other kisses on the lips once and awhile. The piano played a solo part and then Orange Satin sang again.
Yes, indeed, it's you, it's you that keeps me strong
When times are bad and things go wrong
And I wanna spend from now on, yeah yeah, just loving you.
Quistis turned away from the dancers and pivoted around to face the bar again. She glanced around her and the moment she laid eyes on a very familiar stranger, her heart stopped for a moment. Seifer stood there, watching her and their eyes met in an intense gaze. He just stared at her with a serious expression. Quistis turned away and sip on her half drunk tequila. It was hard to believe that Quistis was still drinking the same tequila the moment she walked in the room.
Seifer approached her cautiously and cleared his throat when he made it there. He offered her his hand as Orange Satin continued to sing.
Yeah, I can't help it, I can't help it, darling
It's the way that I feel about you
When you're around, love has me bound
Strange, strange as it seems, oh.
Quistis looked up. She took his hand and Seifer led her to the dance floor, along with the other couples. Seifer watched her with so much love, but Quistis was still unsure. The blond man put an arm around her waist, while the other took her hand in his. Quistis blushed at their intimacy, as she wrapped her arms around his neck.
"Seifer...." She whispered. She looked up to meet his emerald orbs. "I'm sorry for running away from you." She turned her head away from him and looked down on the ground nervously. "I... I was scared. I didn't think that- I didn't think someone would love me back."
"Why would anyone not love you?" he asked, with an arched eyebrow.
Quistis shrugged. "I guess for all the years being an Instructor, I've learned to shut out everyone else." She sighed. "This is my first time feeling this way. The way with it with Squall... it was just a crush." She looked down, avoiding eye contact.
It's your love that fills my world
And I'll skip through life like a foolish girl
Seifer snorted. "You think you're the only one with that problem?"
The blond woman looked up.
"Quistis, I was as scared as you when I realized I felt this way about you. I've never had anyone make me feel this way."
"What about Rinoa?"
Seifer shook his head. "With Rinoa... it was just like what you had with Squall. It was just some stupid high school crush. Nothing happened there. I mean, yeah, she and I spent our summer here, but it was just friends hanging out." He sighed and placed a finger under Quistis' chin, then lifted her head up to face him. "I guess what I'm trying to say is...." He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "I'm as scared as you are now. Wherever I am, you're always there like a ghost haunting me."
Quistis looked at him.
The blond man rolled his eyes. "God, did that sound SO pathetic!"
Quistis laughed and shook her head. "No, I think it's sweet!"
Seifer looked at her and smiled. He leaned closer, their faces only inches away. Both of them took quiet deep breaths, their hearts beating together like symphony.
'Cause I wanna spend from now on just loving you
Yeah, I wanna spend my life just loving you.
Their lips met into a loving kiss. Quistis felt herself melting in his embrace and the kiss that was making things possible. Seifer felt the same, his heart racing in a million beats.
They were too wrapped up in each other's kiss that none of them knew that Orange Satin had stopped singing. They were standing in the middle of the room, oblivious to the world around them. Orange Satin reached for the microphone once again.
"Congratulations to the new couple!" she spoke.
Claps were heard all around them. Both blondes opened their eyes, their lips still locked in bliss. Quistis and Seifer quickly pulled away from each other and looked around. Quistis took a deep breath. Both of them had the matching colour of crimson red on their faces.
Seifer took Quistis' hand and led her out of the dance floor and back up the stairs to the hotel lobby.
"Seifer?" Quistis looked up, staring at the door instead of the person she was speaking to and took a deep breath. She inserted her key in the lock and began to twist it. She slowly pushed the door open.
Seifer and herself had their backs facing each other. None of them knew that their rooms were in front of each other. The blond woman though to the kiss they mad earlier and that thought made her smile and blush some more. She took another deep breath to contain herself from smiling. "Are you coming back to Garden?" she asked. She smiled again, hoping for the right answer and turned around to face him.
The blond man stopped twisting the door open and removed his key from the lock. He turned around and looked at her in a serious look. "I... I can't," he retorted.
That answer was a slap on her face. Quistis' smile faded so quickly that Seifer might not have even seen her happy face. "Oh," was her only reaction. Inside though, she was ready to laugh and think of it as a joke, but as she looked into his eyes, she knew now that he was serious. She put her weight on her other leg and rubbed her arm. It seemed colder today, she thought. "Seifer, I don't understand.... With all the talk that we had together, maybe I could change your mind, but I guess I was wrong." She looked down on the ground, ashamed to show him her disappointment.
Seifer shook his head and stepped forward towards her. "God, Quistis, why do you have to make a conclusion on something when you haven't even heard the whole story? It's not because of that!"
Quistis looked up at him.
"Okay, some part of it is that, but SeeD isn't the only thing in my life anymore. I've moved on and decided to think of something better to do. I know I can't spend my whole life fighting damn monsters that aren't even a match for me and that's just a waste of time for me. There are other things more important than that."
Quistis frowned. "So, you're staying here then," she spoke softly.
Seifer nodded. "Yeah I am. I found a job already and I'm planning on going to school so I can find a better career... Quistis..." He moved closer, then reached out with his hand towards her. He placed his hands on her shoulders and looked into her eyes. "I wish I could come with you but...."
"But you want to start a new life here," she continued for him.
They were quiet for awhile. It was now difficult for them. For only a few short moments of happiness, the tragedy was about to begin once more.
Quistis' life was with SeeD and as being an Instructor in Balamb Garden and Seifer's life is moving on and finding a new life of his own in Deling City. Seifer had made up his mind and Quistis has yet to make up hers.
"I wish I could say the same to you, Seifer," Quistis spoke, opening the door wider to her room. She turned and paused for a moment. "I wish I could stay with you, but you already know the answer on why I can't. I guess that means I can't change your mind, huh?"
Seifer nodded. "I know." He turned as well, finishing his job on opening the door with his key and twisted it open. He too, paused. "Quistis!" He turned around.
"Seifer!" she twisted her whole body around. Both of them had called each other at the same time. Anyone could have laughed at that awkwardness, but none of them felt like laughing.
Seifer moved closer and leaned down to kiss her the second time that night. He closed his eyes, feeling her lips against his. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in for a tight embrace, an embrace that felt like the whole world was watching him. "I love you," he whispered. He kissed her forehead and squeezed her, gently, yet tightly.
Quistis closed her eyes and felt the warmth of his lips against her skin. Tears fell from her eyes. How she only wished he could come with her. "I love you too," she whispered back. "Good bye, Seifer," she included. She wrapped her arms around his waist and laid her face on his chest.
The blond man closed his eyes in pain. "Good bye, Quisty," he said, calling her by her childhood nickname.
Tears fell from her eyes and streaked down her face. She smiled, forcefully, but deep down inside, she was hurting. "See, I said good bye to you."
"Yes, you did," he replied. He smiled, but, like Quistis, he was hurt deep down inside. Why does this have to end this way? Why do the Gods punish them so much? Just when their relationship begins to grow, the sun slowly fades away and keep their love from growing in the garden. "I'm not angry anymore, I was never angry," he said, mostly to himself. He was never angry with her when she left. He loved her more when she did.
GoodGurl: Okay, this one is SOOOO sad! Is this the end? NO WAY! I can't leave it like this! I like a Queifer happy ending so don't worry folks, there's more where that came from! Thanx for all the reviewers who made this story happen:
Lissa
Shadow@ngel
Ashbear
Industrialis
Grrl gamer
Optical Goddess
Ava Adore
Nee
Aeris Deathscythe
Tickle the dragon
Jacks
Angelprinczess29
Punker*chick
Vick330
Terra Trepe
Jazzy
Rinoa Tilmitt
Selphie Ducky
Stargazer
Amelie
Michelle
Star Pheonix
Sad-Dream
Lovethestory
Wonderful Failure
Needhk03
Crystal Ruby
Seyenaidni
Lil Selphie