stealing Eden, part six
Spike rolled out of bed and looked groggily at the clock. Somehow life had gotten out of focus since Lynda's return from the dead. If this would have been a normal morning where he'd overslept by two and a half hours, Lynda would have been on the phone from the newsroom screaming at him and threatening to deliver him bound and gagged to Kerr's office. After the fire, normal mornings no longer seemed to exist, as was obvious when you wind up in bed with your editor and nobody bothers to call you and complain. This certainly struck him as very strange. Perhaps his new job with the Junior Gazette was to make sure Lynda didn't show up for work. Nobody had said.
He wandered out into the living room and picked up the phone, dialing the Junior Gazette number and hearing the notice from the phone company that the line was disconnected. Of course, he said to himself, they'd be at the main building now. He punched up another set of numbers, and after passing through the operator, wound up talking with Julie.
"How is she?" Julie asked
"Calmer now," Spike answered. "She and I are going to go public with our engagement today. I don't think I'll be in to work."
"I wasn't planning on it," Julie answered, sounding strangely relieved. "Has she said anything about coming back?"
"Not really. She's mad at you big time, though."
"Sarah wants to get her position sorted out, so I think we need to get a meeting together and decide----"
"Sarah? What's Sarah got to do with anything?"
"Oh, you mean you haven't heard?" Julie asked, seeming rather surprised. "I thought Frazz was going to tell you."
"Lynda was here, and he didn't want to tell me while she was around."
"Good idea. Is she still around?"
"Out of earshot. Now tell me."
"Sarah Jackson is managing the Junior Gazette for the Marriner Group."
Spike whistled. "How did she pull that one off?"
"Teacher's pet," Julie muttered. "Fortunately, she's letting me run the newsroom while she handles getting the building rebuilt. We should be publishing our post-fire edition in a couple of days. It is coming together very well, under the circumstances. Everyone is pulling together, things are going smoothly, and nobody has been screamed at."
Spike let out a yawn. "Enjoy it while it lasts, Julie."
"It will last, Spike. I look very good in this chair, and I'm not leaving."
"Julie," a voice said on another extension. "How are you and Mr. Kerr getting along these days?"
"Lynda, don't make this worse for yourself."
"I'm sleeping with Spike. How much worse can it get for me?"
"Try messing with me and you'll find out." Julie hung up the phone.
Spike walked into the bathroom where Lynda was brushing her teeth. "Whatever happened to the idea of being nice growing on you?" he asked her.
She spat in the sink. "Did I say that? Don't know what came over me." She kissed him. "Oh, I remember. Well, I'm being nice to you. Doesn't that count?"
"I'm not paying your salary, Lynda."
"True," she said with a glint of wickedness in her eyes, "you just give me my perks." She kissed him again--longer, this time. "Julie isn't paying my salary, either, and if I'm going to grovel to anyone, it won't be to her."
"Why are you out to get Julie?" Spike asked. "You seem to think she and Kerr--"
"Are up to no good." Lynda finished his thought. "Julie has gotten some idea into her head that she knows how the Junior Gazette should be run better than I do. She talks to Kerr behind my back. Kerr's been mad since Kenny and I took the Junior Gazette commercial. He wanted it to be his own little philanthropic showpiece and we spoiled it for him. Put two and two together."
"How do you know she's talked to Kerr?"
"Reliable sources," Lynda said.
"Your book?" Spike asked, with a raised eyebrow.
"I don't need the book for this one. Julie's too stupid to keep secrets without blabbing to somebody. She wanted Kate to back her up, and Kate's smart enough to know how to say 'Yes, Julie' and call Lynda right afterwards. She didn't get to head Graphics because she was talented, Spike. Julie's got her over in America now snooping around on Marriner. She'll give Julie a report--I'll get the faxed copy before Julie does. I'll go to Marriner with it and Julie Craig will be yesterday's news and I'll be editor again."
"You are a devious woman, Lynda Day."
"Count on it, Spike." She paused. "You don't talk in your sleep, do you?"
Spike looked confused. "Not that I'm aware of."
"Thought I heard voices," Lynda said. "Nothing important. How is it you and I have both been in front of a mirror for five minutes and you haven't made a joke about it yet?"
Spike made a theatrical squint at the mirror. "You have your hair up in a towel and are wearing my bathrobe. I just got up and look like crap, since I haven't had a shower yet. We both look a sight."
"Well, the day isn't getting any younger, and we've got work to do, so get busy already." Lynda took the towel off, and started brushing her hair.
"Uh, I was waiting for you, in case you hadn't noticed."
She put the hairbrush down and looked at him. "Spike, it's a woman's divine right to take forever in the bathroom. You guys just have to learn how to pick your spots." She picked the brush back up and set to work again.
Spike eyed Lynda, who was pretending not to notice him. "You're up to something, Lynda. I know it."
She put the brush down again, turned to face Spike and started tapping her foot in annoyance. "I think you stayed up too late. I've just given you two juicy invitations and you've missed them both. I expect better of you when we're married. Anyway, I'm all done and you can have the bathroom now." She turned to walk out, stopped, and made a slow turn back to face Spike. "You'll be wanting this, I suppose," she said, as she took off the bathrobe and handed it to him. She walked out of the bathroom laughing, leaving a gawking Spike in her wake.
Sarah had been working at her desk in her Gazette office for an hour when she heard a man's voice in the office with her. "How long am I to be ignored?" he said in a haughty tone. She was shocked at first--she had not heard anyone come in through the door. The man was rather extraordinarily dressed in a long blue robe that went all the way to the floor, and had a cowl that covered the top of his head. He was an old man with a piercing glare that immediately set you on edge.
"My apologies," she hastily said. "I did not hear you come in." She rose to greet him and offered her hand. "Sarah Jackson," she said. "Managing director of the Junior Gazette."
The man shook her hand. "Cardinal Thriptos," he replied. "I am looking for Colonel Marriner. He's late."
Sarah looked at her watch. "A little," she admitted. "Shall I give him a call and let him know you are here?"
"Most thoughtful of you," he replied.
She dialed his cellular phone. He usually carried one with him at all times, and he answered after only two rings. After exchanging greetings, she told him of the Cardinal's arrival.
"Thriptos is here? That's strange."
"Yes, and he's watching the clock, so I suggest you get over here now or sooner. He's not happy."
"Is your office door closed?" he asked her.
"Yes, why?"
Suddenly, she heard the materialization of a TARDIS in her office. Thriptos allowed himself a faint smile. "I take it this is not a surprise to you, Sarah Jackson?"
"My life is rather a surprise at the moment," she said. "But I know that's a TARDIS, if that's what you're asking."
"I'm going to have to have a long talk with that boy. Would you excuse us?"
"Sure, you can have the office," she said, wishing dearly she could hear what the old man was going to say. It was a rare moment indeed for someone to bully Paul. She left just as Marriner exited his TARDIS.
"You fool," Thriptos growled, and threw a book at him.
Paul caught the book. "I got what you wanted. What are you upset about now?"
"Read a little. Pick any page."
"If you wish." Paul opened the book and began reading. 'Why, Farmer Oak,' she said over the top, looking at him with rounded eyes, 'I never said I was going to marry you.' Paul stopped and closed his eyes, a look of horror spreading over his face. "Thomas Hardy."
"She switched the book jackets. Obviously, she guessed you were going to try to steal it."
"She's a good opponent. I'll just have to try a little harder next time."
"This is a little more serious than another game of cops and robbers. We don't take damage to the time continuum as a joke. She'll have read the book by now. And if that isn't bad enough, your managing director knows of space-time travel, too. Why do you persist in interfering?"
"I am an agent of yours," Paul said darkly. "Though I am well aware you personally were in favor of my dissolution. You lost that vote, and you know very well I am permitted some help while I am here. Sarah's character and discretion are impeccable. You have nothing to fear from her."
"Lynda Day I do fear." Thriptos pointed a bony finger at him. "I don't like fear. I don't want to feel fear. So you are going to see to it that I don't feel any more fear or you won't feel anything more, ever."
"You want me to do what, exactly?" Paul said quietly.
"Eliminate her, I expect. You don't have many choices left, and you've bungled the ones you've had so far."
"And how do I explain that away? Lynda's a well-known local figure. I can't just kill her and go back to watering the marigolds."
"Not my problem. You want to be an agent, you have to deal with the business. That's how the game is played, son." He suddenly disappeared out of existence, leaving Marriner standing alone in the office, feeling very worried indeed.
Bobby Campbell was flipping channels on his office's television set that afternoon, when he happened across the children's show "Crazy Stuff" and its hyperkinetic host-on-roller-skates, Zack. Bobby remembered how this unlikely forum had saved the Junior Gazette in the first place, and he allowed his eyes to linger perhaps a little longer than he otherwise might have before flipping up to the next channel. This was very good timing indeed, for he happened to witness the following:
Zack and Cool Cat were sitting together on the big oversized couch. "Guess what, gang, we have for you today a pair of special guests to introduce today's Karate Pigs episode," Zack said.
"Who could they be?" Cool Cat asked.
From out of camera range, a male voice could be heard. "You know, Lynda, I've always thought the Karate Pigs were really great. My favorite pigs are Baby Pig and Scary Pig."
"Baby Pig," exclaimed a female voice in mock horror. "Figures you'd go for the airhead."
"Which pig do you like the best, then?"
"Whichever one winds up pork chops."
Cool Cat looked at Zack and exclaimed, "I know those voices!"
The camera panned stage left and there stood Spike and Lynda beside the famous Crazy Stuff magic screen. "Today, the Karate Pigs take on the evil Doctor Dread and his sausage gun--" Spike began.
"Sausage gun? That's pretty lame," Lynda interrupted.
"I think it turns the pigs into sausage, Lynda. Anyway, grab a friend and sit back while the pigs do their thing." Spike said, pointing at the screen.
"Oh, I get it. Sausages," Lynda said, a light bulb going off inside her head. "No guy should be without one. Can I borrow yours? You did say grab a friend."
"Here?" Spike said incredulously. "Not while we're on camera!"
"But the cartoon's already started. Nobody will see us."
"In front of everyone?" Spike whispered.
"They could use some excitement around here." Lynda said with a smile.
In the control room, the technicians fell on the floor laughing. The camera switched to Zack and Cool Cat, who just stared at each other, and then back at Spike and Lynda in horror. The floor director was waving his arms frantically. Someone mercifully cut to the cartoon. Colin Matthews watched off-stage with visions of pounds floating in his head. Bobby Campbell did not flip the channel.
In the Junior Gazette office, the phone rang and Tiddler grabbed it. After a short explanation, she yelled to anyone who happened to listen, "Get a TV in here now!" Someone rushed out to find one.
Julie heard the fuss and wandered over to Tiddler's desk. "Story breaking?" she asked.
"Better than a story, Julie," she said. "Spike and Lynda are doing 'Crazy Stuff' again."
"No!" Julie yelled in delight. "What did they pull this time?"
Tiddler whispered it to Julie, who started laughing. The TV was being hauled into the room, and Sarah and Paul happened to follow along behind.
"We were going to go see Lynda now; are you coming?" Sarah asked.
"Lynda's got plans of her own this afternoon, I think. Watch and weep, everybody." The television was plugged in and on 'Crazy Stuff' the games continued.
"So, are you cool today," Lynda asked the cat.
"Nine of my lives just flashed before my eyes," the cat dead-panned.
"I have that problem a lot lately," Lynda nodded in agreement.
"Now for those of you at home who have not yet died of shock and didn't see the last time Spike and Lynda came to visit us, here's a little clip of what you missed," Zack said as the TV picture cut to a taped flashback of Spike and Lynda slapping each other and then kissing.
"Children's television?" Paul asked Sarah quizzically.
Sarah shrugged. "You were expecting 'Sesame Street' or something?"
"So," Zack gulped, "what brings you on the show today?"
"Lynda heard you were still on the air and wanted to get you suspended," Spike said only half-jokingly.
"We have an announcement to make," Lynda said, "and as you were kind enough to help us get back together, we thought we'd come and make it on your show."
"Delighted," Cool Cat said in a distinctly undelighted monotone.
"Nobody else would have us. We break too much furniture," Spike added.
"Spike and I want to announce that we are officially engaged to be married," Lynda said.
In the newsroom, Tiddler let out a squeal. Julie smiled, and looked at Sarah, who smiled back. Many people cheered or clapped. Marriner silently watched the screen and said nothing.
Spike rolled out of bed and looked groggily at the clock. Somehow life had gotten out of focus since Lynda's return from the dead. If this would have been a normal morning where he'd overslept by two and a half hours, Lynda would have been on the phone from the newsroom screaming at him and threatening to deliver him bound and gagged to Kerr's office. After the fire, normal mornings no longer seemed to exist, as was obvious when you wind up in bed with your editor and nobody bothers to call you and complain. This certainly struck him as very strange. Perhaps his new job with the Junior Gazette was to make sure Lynda didn't show up for work. Nobody had said.
He wandered out into the living room and picked up the phone, dialing the Junior Gazette number and hearing the notice from the phone company that the line was disconnected. Of course, he said to himself, they'd be at the main building now. He punched up another set of numbers, and after passing through the operator, wound up talking with Julie.
"How is she?" Julie asked
"Calmer now," Spike answered. "She and I are going to go public with our engagement today. I don't think I'll be in to work."
"I wasn't planning on it," Julie answered, sounding strangely relieved. "Has she said anything about coming back?"
"Not really. She's mad at you big time, though."
"Sarah wants to get her position sorted out, so I think we need to get a meeting together and decide----"
"Sarah? What's Sarah got to do with anything?"
"Oh, you mean you haven't heard?" Julie asked, seeming rather surprised. "I thought Frazz was going to tell you."
"Lynda was here, and he didn't want to tell me while she was around."
"Good idea. Is she still around?"
"Out of earshot. Now tell me."
"Sarah Jackson is managing the Junior Gazette for the Marriner Group."
Spike whistled. "How did she pull that one off?"
"Teacher's pet," Julie muttered. "Fortunately, she's letting me run the newsroom while she handles getting the building rebuilt. We should be publishing our post-fire edition in a couple of days. It is coming together very well, under the circumstances. Everyone is pulling together, things are going smoothly, and nobody has been screamed at."
Spike let out a yawn. "Enjoy it while it lasts, Julie."
"It will last, Spike. I look very good in this chair, and I'm not leaving."
"Julie," a voice said on another extension. "How are you and Mr. Kerr getting along these days?"
"Lynda, don't make this worse for yourself."
"I'm sleeping with Spike. How much worse can it get for me?"
"Try messing with me and you'll find out." Julie hung up the phone.
Spike walked into the bathroom where Lynda was brushing her teeth. "Whatever happened to the idea of being nice growing on you?" he asked her.
She spat in the sink. "Did I say that? Don't know what came over me." She kissed him. "Oh, I remember. Well, I'm being nice to you. Doesn't that count?"
"I'm not paying your salary, Lynda."
"True," she said with a glint of wickedness in her eyes, "you just give me my perks." She kissed him again--longer, this time. "Julie isn't paying my salary, either, and if I'm going to grovel to anyone, it won't be to her."
"Why are you out to get Julie?" Spike asked. "You seem to think she and Kerr--"
"Are up to no good." Lynda finished his thought. "Julie has gotten some idea into her head that she knows how the Junior Gazette should be run better than I do. She talks to Kerr behind my back. Kerr's been mad since Kenny and I took the Junior Gazette commercial. He wanted it to be his own little philanthropic showpiece and we spoiled it for him. Put two and two together."
"How do you know she's talked to Kerr?"
"Reliable sources," Lynda said.
"Your book?" Spike asked, with a raised eyebrow.
"I don't need the book for this one. Julie's too stupid to keep secrets without blabbing to somebody. She wanted Kate to back her up, and Kate's smart enough to know how to say 'Yes, Julie' and call Lynda right afterwards. She didn't get to head Graphics because she was talented, Spike. Julie's got her over in America now snooping around on Marriner. She'll give Julie a report--I'll get the faxed copy before Julie does. I'll go to Marriner with it and Julie Craig will be yesterday's news and I'll be editor again."
"You are a devious woman, Lynda Day."
"Count on it, Spike." She paused. "You don't talk in your sleep, do you?"
Spike looked confused. "Not that I'm aware of."
"Thought I heard voices," Lynda said. "Nothing important. How is it you and I have both been in front of a mirror for five minutes and you haven't made a joke about it yet?"
Spike made a theatrical squint at the mirror. "You have your hair up in a towel and are wearing my bathrobe. I just got up and look like crap, since I haven't had a shower yet. We both look a sight."
"Well, the day isn't getting any younger, and we've got work to do, so get busy already." Lynda took the towel off, and started brushing her hair.
"Uh, I was waiting for you, in case you hadn't noticed."
She put the hairbrush down and looked at him. "Spike, it's a woman's divine right to take forever in the bathroom. You guys just have to learn how to pick your spots." She picked the brush back up and set to work again.
Spike eyed Lynda, who was pretending not to notice him. "You're up to something, Lynda. I know it."
She put the brush down again, turned to face Spike and started tapping her foot in annoyance. "I think you stayed up too late. I've just given you two juicy invitations and you've missed them both. I expect better of you when we're married. Anyway, I'm all done and you can have the bathroom now." She turned to walk out, stopped, and made a slow turn back to face Spike. "You'll be wanting this, I suppose," she said, as she took off the bathrobe and handed it to him. She walked out of the bathroom laughing, leaving a gawking Spike in her wake.
Sarah had been working at her desk in her Gazette office for an hour when she heard a man's voice in the office with her. "How long am I to be ignored?" he said in a haughty tone. She was shocked at first--she had not heard anyone come in through the door. The man was rather extraordinarily dressed in a long blue robe that went all the way to the floor, and had a cowl that covered the top of his head. He was an old man with a piercing glare that immediately set you on edge.
"My apologies," she hastily said. "I did not hear you come in." She rose to greet him and offered her hand. "Sarah Jackson," she said. "Managing director of the Junior Gazette."
The man shook her hand. "Cardinal Thriptos," he replied. "I am looking for Colonel Marriner. He's late."
Sarah looked at her watch. "A little," she admitted. "Shall I give him a call and let him know you are here?"
"Most thoughtful of you," he replied.
She dialed his cellular phone. He usually carried one with him at all times, and he answered after only two rings. After exchanging greetings, she told him of the Cardinal's arrival.
"Thriptos is here? That's strange."
"Yes, and he's watching the clock, so I suggest you get over here now or sooner. He's not happy."
"Is your office door closed?" he asked her.
"Yes, why?"
Suddenly, she heard the materialization of a TARDIS in her office. Thriptos allowed himself a faint smile. "I take it this is not a surprise to you, Sarah Jackson?"
"My life is rather a surprise at the moment," she said. "But I know that's a TARDIS, if that's what you're asking."
"I'm going to have to have a long talk with that boy. Would you excuse us?"
"Sure, you can have the office," she said, wishing dearly she could hear what the old man was going to say. It was a rare moment indeed for someone to bully Paul. She left just as Marriner exited his TARDIS.
"You fool," Thriptos growled, and threw a book at him.
Paul caught the book. "I got what you wanted. What are you upset about now?"
"Read a little. Pick any page."
"If you wish." Paul opened the book and began reading. 'Why, Farmer Oak,' she said over the top, looking at him with rounded eyes, 'I never said I was going to marry you.' Paul stopped and closed his eyes, a look of horror spreading over his face. "Thomas Hardy."
"She switched the book jackets. Obviously, she guessed you were going to try to steal it."
"She's a good opponent. I'll just have to try a little harder next time."
"This is a little more serious than another game of cops and robbers. We don't take damage to the time continuum as a joke. She'll have read the book by now. And if that isn't bad enough, your managing director knows of space-time travel, too. Why do you persist in interfering?"
"I am an agent of yours," Paul said darkly. "Though I am well aware you personally were in favor of my dissolution. You lost that vote, and you know very well I am permitted some help while I am here. Sarah's character and discretion are impeccable. You have nothing to fear from her."
"Lynda Day I do fear." Thriptos pointed a bony finger at him. "I don't like fear. I don't want to feel fear. So you are going to see to it that I don't feel any more fear or you won't feel anything more, ever."
"You want me to do what, exactly?" Paul said quietly.
"Eliminate her, I expect. You don't have many choices left, and you've bungled the ones you've had so far."
"And how do I explain that away? Lynda's a well-known local figure. I can't just kill her and go back to watering the marigolds."
"Not my problem. You want to be an agent, you have to deal with the business. That's how the game is played, son." He suddenly disappeared out of existence, leaving Marriner standing alone in the office, feeling very worried indeed.
Bobby Campbell was flipping channels on his office's television set that afternoon, when he happened across the children's show "Crazy Stuff" and its hyperkinetic host-on-roller-skates, Zack. Bobby remembered how this unlikely forum had saved the Junior Gazette in the first place, and he allowed his eyes to linger perhaps a little longer than he otherwise might have before flipping up to the next channel. This was very good timing indeed, for he happened to witness the following:
Zack and Cool Cat were sitting together on the big oversized couch. "Guess what, gang, we have for you today a pair of special guests to introduce today's Karate Pigs episode," Zack said.
"Who could they be?" Cool Cat asked.
From out of camera range, a male voice could be heard. "You know, Lynda, I've always thought the Karate Pigs were really great. My favorite pigs are Baby Pig and Scary Pig."
"Baby Pig," exclaimed a female voice in mock horror. "Figures you'd go for the airhead."
"Which pig do you like the best, then?"
"Whichever one winds up pork chops."
Cool Cat looked at Zack and exclaimed, "I know those voices!"
The camera panned stage left and there stood Spike and Lynda beside the famous Crazy Stuff magic screen. "Today, the Karate Pigs take on the evil Doctor Dread and his sausage gun--" Spike began.
"Sausage gun? That's pretty lame," Lynda interrupted.
"I think it turns the pigs into sausage, Lynda. Anyway, grab a friend and sit back while the pigs do their thing." Spike said, pointing at the screen.
"Oh, I get it. Sausages," Lynda said, a light bulb going off inside her head. "No guy should be without one. Can I borrow yours? You did say grab a friend."
"Here?" Spike said incredulously. "Not while we're on camera!"
"But the cartoon's already started. Nobody will see us."
"In front of everyone?" Spike whispered.
"They could use some excitement around here." Lynda said with a smile.
In the control room, the technicians fell on the floor laughing. The camera switched to Zack and Cool Cat, who just stared at each other, and then back at Spike and Lynda in horror. The floor director was waving his arms frantically. Someone mercifully cut to the cartoon. Colin Matthews watched off-stage with visions of pounds floating in his head. Bobby Campbell did not flip the channel.
In the Junior Gazette office, the phone rang and Tiddler grabbed it. After a short explanation, she yelled to anyone who happened to listen, "Get a TV in here now!" Someone rushed out to find one.
Julie heard the fuss and wandered over to Tiddler's desk. "Story breaking?" she asked.
"Better than a story, Julie," she said. "Spike and Lynda are doing 'Crazy Stuff' again."
"No!" Julie yelled in delight. "What did they pull this time?"
Tiddler whispered it to Julie, who started laughing. The TV was being hauled into the room, and Sarah and Paul happened to follow along behind.
"We were going to go see Lynda now; are you coming?" Sarah asked.
"Lynda's got plans of her own this afternoon, I think. Watch and weep, everybody." The television was plugged in and on 'Crazy Stuff' the games continued.
"So, are you cool today," Lynda asked the cat.
"Nine of my lives just flashed before my eyes," the cat dead-panned.
"I have that problem a lot lately," Lynda nodded in agreement.
"Now for those of you at home who have not yet died of shock and didn't see the last time Spike and Lynda came to visit us, here's a little clip of what you missed," Zack said as the TV picture cut to a taped flashback of Spike and Lynda slapping each other and then kissing.
"Children's television?" Paul asked Sarah quizzically.
Sarah shrugged. "You were expecting 'Sesame Street' or something?"
"So," Zack gulped, "what brings you on the show today?"
"Lynda heard you were still on the air and wanted to get you suspended," Spike said only half-jokingly.
"We have an announcement to make," Lynda said, "and as you were kind enough to help us get back together, we thought we'd come and make it on your show."
"Delighted," Cool Cat said in a distinctly undelighted monotone.
"Nobody else would have us. We break too much furniture," Spike added.
"Spike and I want to announce that we are officially engaged to be married," Lynda said.
In the newsroom, Tiddler let out a squeal. Julie smiled, and looked at Sarah, who smiled back. Many people cheered or clapped. Marriner silently watched the screen and said nothing.