Sins Absolved
written by NemKess

"Cathy!"

Kate Bailey, formerly Catherine Bloom, froze for a minute. No, she thought. It can't be him. Not after all this time. Please let it be someone else.

Fate had never been particularly forgiving when it came to this one woman and sure enough, when she turned around, she could see a familiar tall figure striding through the crowded zoo with another equally familiar figure being drug behind him.

"Cathy, wait up!"

Although every instinct in her body was fairly screaming at her to run, she took a deep breath and steeled herself for the encounter. She used the time it took for Trowa and Quatre to catch up with her to study the man she had loved and left so long ago. The last ten years had been kind to him, she thought. He'd grown a little taller, filled out a little more, but was, for the most part, the same beautiful creature who had stolen her heart. Quatre too looked far better than any body had a right to. And he looked every bit as uncomfortable as she felt as the pair drew up along side of her. He'd ever been the polite one of the gundam pilots. Cathy could only imagine how awkward he must feel trying to reconcile his deep dislike and instinctive hatred of her with his equally deep belief that hating was wrong. Not that she blamed him. She'd hurt him as deeply as she'd hurt Trowa all those years ago. With his sensitivity, maybe even more.

"Hello Trowa. Quatre," she spoke quietly, barely above a whisper. "What a pleasant surprise." It wasn't though. As much as leaving him had hurt, she would have much preferred never seeing either of them again. Time and distance, even the knowledge that he was her brother, had done nothing to change the love she'd felt.

Quatre was looking at her oddly, perhaps he sensed what was still in her heart, perhaps he was just leery of the possible ramifications of the situation, but Trowa was completely oblivious to the fact that both his companions were silently longing to be anywhere but there.

Cathy remembered that look, and knew that he was determined to have some answers. Fortunately, she'd had years to plan for this occasion. Ten long years.

"Isn't it though? How are you, Catherine?" She turned her attention to her one time rival and smiled softly in gratitude. Still a peacemaker, still trying to make everyone comfortable, despite his own feeling.

"Fine, thank you. And you? Are you.. both well?" Her voice caught for a moment, but she still managed to get the whole question out. She knew they were both fine. Nine years ago, the media had been scandalized when the youngest Winner had announced their marriage. Oh, it hadn't bothered anyone that he was marrying a male. What had everyone titillating was the fact that he was marrying a circus clown, a poor man with no known real name at that. For anyone other than Quatre Raebaba Winner, it would have been political suicide. For him, it had been considered a made for TV romance frequently compared to Romeo and Juliet. Cathy had always had to stifle the urge to point out that the lovers at the end of that particular play died. Despite Quatre's request that the media leave his spouse alone, the pair could frequently be found in the news. In the early days, there had been a haunted quality to them both. As time went on, she'd noticed that they both looked more happy and at peace.

"Yes. I guess you must have heard."

"Well, it was big news at the time. I'm glad to see you're both happy."

"Why?" It was the first thing Trowa had said since they'd caught up with her and she could hear the belligerence and hurt in his voice.

She deliberately misunderstood him, hoping he wouldn't force the issue. "Everyone should be happy, Trowa. It makes the world a better place."

Good grief, she thought. That sounded rather trite.

"Dammit Cathy, that's not what I meant and you know it!" She flinched and ducked her head as she noticed people staring at the angry man in front of her. She'd never heard him so much as raise his voice in the entire time she'd known him and now, here, he was practically screaming.

"Please, Trowa. Don't make a scene," Quatre begged as he ran one hand up and down his lover's back. Cathy could only watch, wistfully, as the pair leaned against one another.

If only things could have been differently. It would have been her arms that Trowa sought instead of Quatre's. But things weren't different, and she had to live with that. It didn't mean that Trowa and Quatre did.

"Why did you leave?" It was the blonde who posed the question that Trowa couldn't seem to get out calmly.

"What does it matter now? You're together and you're happy, the way it should have been all along. What good can come from dredging up the past?" She knew she sounded old and weary. Funny, she was only thirty-two but most days, she felt at least twice that.

"He deserves to know."

No, she thought. He deserves not to be burdened with the knowledge. He deserves not to know that pain. Still, she had to tell them something or they'd never leave it alone. There was nobody in the world as stubborn as a gundam pilot; nothing except two gundam pilots.

"I could see the way you felt, Trowa. It was in your voice that night. It killed you to choose me over Quatre. I can remember wondering if I'd have to live with the jealousy and insecurity for the rest of our lives. That would have come between us. We'd have grown to hate each other."

He scowled at her. "So you did it for me?" His disbelief was evident.

Yes. "No, I did it for all three of us. I couldn't live like that Trowa. Always wondering if you were going to leave me, always wondering if maybe he really wasn't the better choice. Having your friends looking down at me. I just couldn't. I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough." She paused to catch her breath and then used her last ace. "Besides, can you honestly say you would have traded these last years with Quatre for anything? Even I can see how much you love each other."

There was no softening in Trowa's expression as he stared her down and she had to will herself not to flinch from that look. Finally, he just snorted to himself and turned around, stomping off in the other direction.

Catherine and Quatre stood together, watching him for a moment before the blonde man turned back to her.

"For what it's worth, Catherine, we are glad to see that you're okay. We've all been worried for you."

She smiled faintly and pulled him close for the hug she hadn't been able to give her brother. "Please take care of him, Quatre. All I want is his happiness."

He gazed at her thoughtfully. "And what about your happiness?"

"I'm happier now, than I thought I could be when I left. It's enough for me." She held his gaze, willing him to see the truth. When she'd run out that night, she'd thought her life completely over, thought that she could never glue her shattered soul back together. It had taken years and one damn good reason to live to keep her from just ending it all. Now there were days when it caught up with her, when the wrenching pain was too much to ignore, but overall, she was content. Hell, some days she was even happy. As long as Trowa was happy and with someone he loved, then it really was enough.

Quatre seemed to gauge her words before nodding slowly and hugging her back. "I'll always take care of him, you needn't worry."

"Thank you."

"No, thank you." He pulled out a card and handed it to her. "You should write every now and then, just to let us know that you're still okay. No matter how he seems now, he will appreciate it."

"I will. Goodbye, Quatre."

He smiled and waved before jogging away to catch up with his mate.

Cathy just watched for a moment before sighing to herself.

"Mum! Mum! Come look at the camels! They're so cool! Ray says they live in the desert, did you know that? But how come they're here? There's not a desert here. Mum!" She turned and smiled at the tall boy who came running up to her and the smiling man that was following him. The first man she'd met in almost eleven years that didn't mind the fact that she had a ten year old son. The first man who actually had a chance at filling the empty places inside her. "Mu-um! Are you listening to me?!"

"Of course, Triton. Why don't you and Ray take me to these camels, hmm?"

"He's quite fond of them, Kate. They have a few set aside to ride, but I thought we'd best get your permission first."

"I think it'll be fun." She linked arms with both of them and let them lead her away. "Let's go."

Goodbye, brother.

She didn't look back.