'What is wrong with me?' Vash had ran the question through his mind many times. 'Why are things happening this way?' He had been left alone to his thoughts in the kitchen; Rina was taking care of Meryl, and Milly and Knives were in the other room. They were having a bit of a quarrel, but he didn't catch what it was about. Neither did he care. Why now? Why was everything ripping apart at the seams? Just when he left like he had gotten things patched up and solved, it crashed right before his eyes. It felt like he could never do anything right; he was always screwing up others' lives.
Meryl's words returned to his mind.
"You think you cause everything, don't you?"
"Why the HELL don't you burst that ego bubble of yours?"
"So stop trying to make yourself the super hero."
"YOU caused this to happen to me."
He shuddered in fear and self-loathing. 'She's right. It's all my fault. I should have been there to protect her.' He sipped his water to get rid of the lump that was slowing rising in his throat. He didn't realize that his fingers were gripped tightly on the glass, not until it shattered in his hand. But he felt no pain. He stared at his bloody hand, the skin on his fingers torn into shreds. But he felt no pain. The fingers....each had been cut differently, but by the same source.
He was the cause of all his friends' pain.
He yanked the shards of glass out of his hand without wincing, tossing them aside carelessly.
"What's gotten you so upset now, Milly? What went wrong back there?" Knives had his back to her, staring out the window at the heavy downpour.
"Me?! What is WRONG with you, Knives? The food? Is that really what your concern was?" Milly had her fists clenched into tight balls, her eyes staring angrily at his back.
"This isn't about the food, is it?" He glanced over his shoulder at her, his icy blues searched for what had gotten the big girl so irate. She sighed, supporting his conviction that it indeed wasn't the food. "Milly........it's about Wolfwood, isn't it?" Her silence gave him his answer. "Milly....."
"Listen, Knives. I don't need your pity. The past is the past...."
"It's NOT the past if you keep burying yourself in it!" he interrupted. "You think I don't see when you're by yourself? When your face is filled with the pain? Of something I did? That I could have prevented??!" He shook his head. "No, Milly. It only stays in the past if you let it go. And I KNOW you're not going to let go, so don't even bother trying to convince me that I should." He walked towards the girl, seeing tears appearing in the corner of her eyes. He placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, easing her to the couch. "Now tell me. So I can know. So I can know the terrible things I did, and how much it hurts. Show me how stupid I was to be so blind as to what I wanted. Show me the terrible things I did in order to attain that." He sighed, knowing that he was speaking from his heart, but unsure as to whether she was believing him.
"Why? WHY DO YOU CARE ALL OF A SUDDEN?" She shrugged his hand off her shoulder as she stared at him with hate-filled eyes. "Why? So I'll feel sorry for you? That I won't hate you as much because you'll be wallowing in self-loathing and pity? I'm sorry, but I'm not going to do that." She wiped the tears from her face with the back of her sleeve. "Now I see why Meryl's angry with Vash." She stood to leave the room, but his grip on her wrist prevented her. "Let me go!" She turned to strike him.......but that never happened.
She saw his sad blue eyes, the concern on his face. It wasn't for self-pity. It wasn't for self-loathing. He just wanted to know. To get past this. He knew all the time that Milly kept a facade towards him, that she still hated him for what he did. He wanted to know the pain he had caused so that he would never do something like that ever again. He wanted to form a closeness to someone other than his brother. But he also wanted to know the effects of what he had done. Not the physical damage that people spoke of with their towns; it was the emotional pain.
"Please, Milly." He lowered his head, releasing his grip on her. He had expected to hear the door open and her footsteps disappearing down the hall, but she sat down instead. At the moment she had no words to say, but she knew she would tell him eventually.
"Was...was it hard when you were in the church?" She finally managed to say.
"More difficult that you could ever imagine. It's hard to ask someone for forgiveness when you killed them with your own hands."
"Now now. Wolfwood's a nice guy, so I'm sure he found some way to forgive you."
"Do you really think so?"
"I'm positive about it."
Vash tore off a piece of his shirt, twisting it tightly around his hand to stop the bleeding. He swept the shards of glass together with the toe of his shoe, the tiny pile of glittering pieces resting between his feet.
A knock at the door.
He questioned whether he should answer the door. It wasn't his house.........but Rina was busy with Meryl. And if she came to answer the door, it meant that he'd have to go upstairs in her place.
He opened the door, muttering a non too-polite hello, but the sight prevented the rest of the word from leaving his mouth.
"Oi, Vash." The big man tipped his hat at the blonde-haired Stampede.
"Brilliant Dynamites Neon? What are you....?" He forced his way inside past Vash, throwing himself onto a nearby couch.
"I heard you were having some kind of reunion. What? Was I not included on the MIP* list?" BDN glanced at him out of the corner of his eye.
"Umm...heh heh. No...it's not like that at all. I guess.....we were going to come see you eventually." Vash rubbed the back of his head, hoping that he had given a sufficient answer.
"Hmph." He rested his feet up on the table. "You know, the kid misses you."
'The kid?'
Seeing on his face that he was totally clueless, he decided to enlighten the former Humanoid Typhoon. "The kid....what his name......Kaite?"
Ah! Him! "What's he up to now?"
"Well, he's moving up the ranks....might be the boss of the company someday." He snuffed, lowering his hat over his eyes.
"And what've you been up to?" The question surprised Vash himself. What ELSE could BDN be suited for rather than his usual business?
"Decided to settle down with my wife and kids. Live a brilliant beautiful life."
'BDN? With a wife and kids? She must be a real looker. Not to mention tough.'
*Most Important People
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
More of BDN next chapter. And he actually gives Vash some *ahem* BRILLIANT advice. ^_^x Confrontation between Rina and Meryl, but it's not the kind you might think it is.
Thanks for reading.
Meryl's words returned to his mind.
"You think you cause everything, don't you?"
"Why the HELL don't you burst that ego bubble of yours?"
"So stop trying to make yourself the super hero."
"YOU caused this to happen to me."
He shuddered in fear and self-loathing. 'She's right. It's all my fault. I should have been there to protect her.' He sipped his water to get rid of the lump that was slowing rising in his throat. He didn't realize that his fingers were gripped tightly on the glass, not until it shattered in his hand. But he felt no pain. He stared at his bloody hand, the skin on his fingers torn into shreds. But he felt no pain. The fingers....each had been cut differently, but by the same source.
He was the cause of all his friends' pain.
He yanked the shards of glass out of his hand without wincing, tossing them aside carelessly.
"What's gotten you so upset now, Milly? What went wrong back there?" Knives had his back to her, staring out the window at the heavy downpour.
"Me?! What is WRONG with you, Knives? The food? Is that really what your concern was?" Milly had her fists clenched into tight balls, her eyes staring angrily at his back.
"This isn't about the food, is it?" He glanced over his shoulder at her, his icy blues searched for what had gotten the big girl so irate. She sighed, supporting his conviction that it indeed wasn't the food. "Milly........it's about Wolfwood, isn't it?" Her silence gave him his answer. "Milly....."
"Listen, Knives. I don't need your pity. The past is the past...."
"It's NOT the past if you keep burying yourself in it!" he interrupted. "You think I don't see when you're by yourself? When your face is filled with the pain? Of something I did? That I could have prevented??!" He shook his head. "No, Milly. It only stays in the past if you let it go. And I KNOW you're not going to let go, so don't even bother trying to convince me that I should." He walked towards the girl, seeing tears appearing in the corner of her eyes. He placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, easing her to the couch. "Now tell me. So I can know. So I can know the terrible things I did, and how much it hurts. Show me how stupid I was to be so blind as to what I wanted. Show me the terrible things I did in order to attain that." He sighed, knowing that he was speaking from his heart, but unsure as to whether she was believing him.
"Why? WHY DO YOU CARE ALL OF A SUDDEN?" She shrugged his hand off her shoulder as she stared at him with hate-filled eyes. "Why? So I'll feel sorry for you? That I won't hate you as much because you'll be wallowing in self-loathing and pity? I'm sorry, but I'm not going to do that." She wiped the tears from her face with the back of her sleeve. "Now I see why Meryl's angry with Vash." She stood to leave the room, but his grip on her wrist prevented her. "Let me go!" She turned to strike him.......but that never happened.
She saw his sad blue eyes, the concern on his face. It wasn't for self-pity. It wasn't for self-loathing. He just wanted to know. To get past this. He knew all the time that Milly kept a facade towards him, that she still hated him for what he did. He wanted to know the pain he had caused so that he would never do something like that ever again. He wanted to form a closeness to someone other than his brother. But he also wanted to know the effects of what he had done. Not the physical damage that people spoke of with their towns; it was the emotional pain.
"Please, Milly." He lowered his head, releasing his grip on her. He had expected to hear the door open and her footsteps disappearing down the hall, but she sat down instead. At the moment she had no words to say, but she knew she would tell him eventually.
"Was...was it hard when you were in the church?" She finally managed to say.
"More difficult that you could ever imagine. It's hard to ask someone for forgiveness when you killed them with your own hands."
"Now now. Wolfwood's a nice guy, so I'm sure he found some way to forgive you."
"Do you really think so?"
"I'm positive about it."
Vash tore off a piece of his shirt, twisting it tightly around his hand to stop the bleeding. He swept the shards of glass together with the toe of his shoe, the tiny pile of glittering pieces resting between his feet.
A knock at the door.
He questioned whether he should answer the door. It wasn't his house.........but Rina was busy with Meryl. And if she came to answer the door, it meant that he'd have to go upstairs in her place.
He opened the door, muttering a non too-polite hello, but the sight prevented the rest of the word from leaving his mouth.
"Oi, Vash." The big man tipped his hat at the blonde-haired Stampede.
"Brilliant Dynamites Neon? What are you....?" He forced his way inside past Vash, throwing himself onto a nearby couch.
"I heard you were having some kind of reunion. What? Was I not included on the MIP* list?" BDN glanced at him out of the corner of his eye.
"Umm...heh heh. No...it's not like that at all. I guess.....we were going to come see you eventually." Vash rubbed the back of his head, hoping that he had given a sufficient answer.
"Hmph." He rested his feet up on the table. "You know, the kid misses you."
'The kid?'
Seeing on his face that he was totally clueless, he decided to enlighten the former Humanoid Typhoon. "The kid....what his name......Kaite?"
Ah! Him! "What's he up to now?"
"Well, he's moving up the ranks....might be the boss of the company someday." He snuffed, lowering his hat over his eyes.
"And what've you been up to?" The question surprised Vash himself. What ELSE could BDN be suited for rather than his usual business?
"Decided to settle down with my wife and kids. Live a brilliant beautiful life."
'BDN? With a wife and kids? She must be a real looker. Not to mention tough.'
*Most Important People
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
More of BDN next chapter. And he actually gives Vash some *ahem* BRILLIANT advice. ^_^x Confrontation between Rina and Meryl, but it's not the kind you might think it is.
Thanks for reading.