Author: Zierra
Disclaimer: I wish……
Story: Just something my weird mind came up with. Just for the record:
this is how I see the characters, so don't kill me….
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This is Xu's confession. I don't really know all that much about her, so this may not be close to your idea of the instructor, but as I have said millions of times, and probably will have to repeat over and over, is that this is my idea of the characters. Remember that before flaming or correcting me. Besides, I'm tired, and I feel obligated to write this, so it may not be good. SORRY! One day, when I feel better, I might re-write it, so you get what you want. Maybe.
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CONFESSION OF THE POLAR BEAR
" What she doesn't know won't hurt her", right? Well, they think I don't know, but it still hurts. What's she talking about, you wonder, and that doesn't surprise me much. Most people don't have a clue what I'm talking about, or, they just don't care. Well, I really don't care, that they don't care, but I wish they did. Care, that is. Confusing, right? Then put yourself in my shoes: You're a instructor at Balamb Garden. You're well known and probably a little frightening, considering that I have the students "lives" in my hands. (Well, not literally, off course. If it's someone who has the students lives in his hands, it's Squall.)
Does anyone ever approach you? Does anyone try to be your friend? Would you try to become "buddy" with your teacher? Didn't think so. So what do you make of this? That I'm lonely? Correct. It didn't bother me much before, I was so caught up in doing a good job, I didn't have time with a social life, so I never tried to "connect" with my students. I regret that now. The closest I've gotten to anyone, if you can call that close, is to Squall. He treats me like he treats his friends. Sort of. He doesn't take me with him to the local bar, he doesn't invite me to his dorm room, but at least he talks to me like he would a friend, and that's all I want. Well, not from him…..
He's the one everyone looks up to, the one everyone respects and admires. Myself not excluded. But I do a little more than all of that. I also love him. Crazy, isn't it?
I'll try to explain what draws me to him, although it means I have to reveal personal information, but that's what a confession is all about, besides making you feel better.
It's his mysteriousness, the way he's not displaying his feelings, like certain others…
I'm not saying I don't like Zell, he is probably a very nice guy, but he's too obvious for me.
I like mysteries, the first reason I took this job. The mystery in teaching students, seeing them for the first time. Always discovering new things about them, even though I never do anything about it.
Squall is mysteries personified, and it's a very attractive quality. But there's more than my own insecurity that stands in my way of a life with Squall. And that would be Rinoa.
A teacher should never take favourites, neither should instructors, and I certainly haven't done so in Rinoas case. But what's worse than taking favourites is disliking a student. But there I'm guilty. Shamelessly guilty.
She's always around Squall, although he's obviously not interested. Sometimes I almost feel sorry for her when he completely ignores her. Almost. I can't help but feel some kind of hope. At least his not with Rinoa. If he wanted her, I would have given up on him a long time ago, and NOT because he would be taken, but because he would be with Rinoa. I don't want a guy who finds that, tramp, attractive and girlfriend material. I would be insulted if he showed me any attention then. Maybe I should be insulted now too, considering he's not giving me any attention either. Not in that way, anyway.
I'm not being very instructor-like right now. And it's strange. I feel kind of like I'm acting my age for the first time. I never had a reason to act in that way before. I've always been supposed to be the "older and wiser", and I've taken on that burden (it really is) with a smile (although a fake one) and continued to do my job.
So many things I've missed, so many things I never will experience. Maybe it's time to do something about it. I can't keep on regretting the decisions I've made in my life.
Yes, I will do something about all of this. About my job, Squall and my lack of a life. I am going to do the things I've always wanted to do. It's never too late, right?
I hope that's true. I really do.
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# Not a very long confession, but it was necessary. You see, I have an ulterior motive, sort of, to all of this. Nah, I'm just kidding. The very LAST chapter, it won't be a confession. It is going to be, kind of like an epilogue. What happens when everyone acts out on their feelings…. That's why ALL the characters need to confess. And that is also there, that Quistis will make her grand entrance. Hope you will wait and see.
# Thanks to everyone who has shown their interest!! Appreciate it A LOT!!!!!!! Keep on reviewing, I take it in like a sponge does with water!!!!
# Zells confession has been requested, and I tell you, I really WANT to write that, but I need to keep your attention to this fic, so if I give ALL of you what you want, some may stop reading…. Don't want that… But, for those who wait to see the Tigers confession, you will get the best of me, so to speak…. ;o)
# Rin up next…… ;o) (YAY!!!!!!! Indirect bashing!)
// Zierra