Author: Zierra
Disclaimer: I wish……
Story: Just something my weird mind came up with. Just for the record:
this is how I see the characters, so don't kill me….
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This is Selphies confession. I feel like a monkey at the moment (I bought Britney Spears new album today….). Anyways, since I'm in the funny mode (the same mode I was in when I wrote Squalls and Seifers) I've made her….. Well, read and see…. *evil grin* Enough said, you'll notice what I mean.
Selphie fans, DON'T HATE ME! This is merely to make it all a little more interesting. =o)
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PLEASE REVIEW, and for all of you that have. THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I owe you my heart……….. Almost……………… *kisses*
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CONFESSION OF THE MONKEY
Sometimes I wonder what makes us what we are. Tall or short, blonde or dark, happy or sad, gay or lesbians, straight or bisexual. There are so many things you can be, who chooses what you'll become at birth. A boy or a girl? Human or animal? I'd really like to know who chose for me. Just to know what he or she (or it) thought went they selected it. The one that chose for me, made me short, dark, happy and bisexual. Great.
I can't help but think I'm more lesbian that I'm straight, and sometimes vice versa. I mean, sure, I get attracted to men, a lot. Irvine is one good example. I'm attracted to him. He and I even go out, and I don't find that hard. But when I see a beautiful girl, the feeling is different. Someone who isn't bisexual wouldn't understand what I mean, but they could guess. It's like when you eat Vanilla and Chocolate ice-cream, (or two other flavours you prefer). You like them both, but they taste different… Making sense? And if someone asked you which you liked the most, which would you answer? Could you answer? I can't, that's why I'm bisexual. But the thing is (if women is Vanilla and men Chocolate), I sometimes imagine, that I prefer Vanilla, and sometimes it's all money on Chocolate. Confusing to the max.
The problem with all this is, that since I can't make up my mind (if I like both just as much, or if I'm leaning more to one side) I feel like I'm cheating on Irvine.
But the most confusing part of all, is that, when I'm with Irvine, I'm "cheating" on this woman (tell you later), and when I spend time with her, I'm "cheating" on Irvine.
Seifer came with an interesting point a few days ago. " Being bisexual is only a transition period, where you decide whether or not you're straight or gay."
According to him, there's no middle ground. Is he right, or completely delusional? I don't know, and that's just the tip of the iceberg.
I need to say who this woman is, my Vanilla. She's older than me, but not by much. I don't know what made me fall for her, maybe her maturity, her maternal actions towards us. Or maybe because she's so damn hot!
Alright, I'm gonna say her name, I can hear you sighing over my difficulty to get to the point. Xu. Can you blame me? If you say no, wanna start a Xu-admiration club with me? If you said yes, well, stop listening then!
I wonder how people would react to it, if I decided to tell. Not that I have a major crush on Xu, but that have deceived everyone, especially Irvine. Maybe I'm not deceiving him, just myself, but I will never know, unless I spend some time with Xu, just to see if it's the same thing, better, or even worse. But how do I spend the kind of time I want with her, without admitting to being bi? Problems, problems, problems….
I've never met anyone with similar feelings (problems, if you want), so I have no one to talk to. I try find out on my own, but it seems like I'm just entwining myself more and more in some thin thread of issues.
I've tried to talk to people. Just hinting. Seifer come with incomprehensible comments no one understands. Zell seems to have issues of his own, so I don't want to disturb him unnecessarily, and I have personal reasons to avoid him. With him it feels like I'm cheating on both Irvine and Xu…. Ah, well, Squall is out of the question already, isn't he? He wouldn't talk to me, even if I bribed him with a way to escape Rinoa. And her, I wouldn't even ask for help if I were dying. There's no one left…
If I could sigh any louder, I would.
Why did I come here? Maybe this (whatever that is) wouldn't have happened if I hadn't come to Garden. Why did I want to become a SeeD? To save the world, off course. Yes, but in the meantime, I'm destroying my own…
I need to make a decision, and soon. Very soon. I can't keep this facade up for long. Not without getting caught. What would I do, if I were to be exposed? I don't even know if Xu is lesbian. Help me, SOMEONE!
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# My, this one was short! Sorry, I'll try to compensate with Irvines…. Or even Zells….
Someone asked me not to make Zell straight, while others has asked me to do just that. I have some ideas how to solve that, but I have to think about it a while longer, that's why I took Selphies and Irvines first. But I can't wait until it's Zells turn to fess up!
# I've never even considered Selphie bisexual before this, but as I said, it needed a twist, and this was what came of it. I've never thought that she's that happy for no reason, and her little secret sort of fitted with that. ( that's what she meant with facade…… )
# Not long until the grand finale….. =o)
# Can't tell you to many times: REVIEW! I beg you on my bare knees!!
// Zierra