Author: Zierra

Disclaimer: I wish……

Story: Just something my weird mind came up with. Just for the record:

this is how I see the characters, so don't kill me….

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Alright. Irvines Confession… What is there to say… Next one can only be……….. Yes, you know who it is…. The one that everyone has asked about, and the one that I have postponed to later. Well, the waiting is almost over.

Enjoy Irvines messy head for the time being.

And, just so you know. I was sick when I wrote this, so it may be a bit different from the others….

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CONFESSION OF THE PONY

It's rather funny, come to think of it, that the feelings you cherish the most, are the ones you hide, deep inside you for safe keeping. And the ones you wish you didn't even had, well, those are the ones you have on display. Just to pick and chose whenever you want. Hate, is one of those emotions and together with anger, jealousy and sadness, I think we have many days of depression in front of us.

Being a transfer from Galbadia, it puts you a little to the side. You're not "one of the gang" and you're intruding. I hoped that wouldn't happen here, but Balamb Garden is just like the rest. Here people whisper when they see me coming, they don't hang out with me, and they avoid me, as well as they can.

The exceptions is a few people. Only two, actually. My girlfriend, Selphie, and Zell, SeeD marked with "Danger - Explosive." Those two are very alike. Exuberant and always in a good mood. The only difference is that it takes you forever to make Selphie angry, while it only takes one word in the wrong place with Zell, before you need to run for cover.

But I guess that's what I like about them. They shelter me from the rest of Balamb.

They haven't sheltered me enough though. One person has managed to get though their protection from outsiders. Her name is Xu. She's so much more mature than the others, and I guess that's what caught my attention. She gives me smiles sometimes, that just makes me melt.

I normally don't have problems with talking to people, but she glues my tongue and I end up looking like a fool.

I wonder what she thinks of me. If she thinks of me at all. I have a reputation of being a ladies man, but that is just something I brought with me from Galbadia. I had some women there, and when my reputation proceeded me, I decided to let them believe it. It's rather easy to keep it going, just wink at a few girls, and let them make what they want of it. But if my chances with Xu is smaller because of my rep, I would deny it in a second, but I guess I'm just another student for her. But, I wish I could make her see, that maybe I'm the one for her.

I know for a fact she's not involved with someone. She's always in her room, and if she's not sleeping, she's working. She's a classic work-oholic. I once thought she had something going on with Squall. But that was quickly contradicted, when Rinoa claimed to have Squall for possession. Don't envy him there. But I envy him when I see Xu look at him. I envy him when he can call her to his office, and just close the door for the rest of us. I know they only discuss work, but I've become so perceptive when it comes to her, that I can tell, that she wants more. Something Squall won't give to her, but something that I can.

I know I can, and I want to.

Why can't she just give me a chance?

I know why. Because I'm with Selphie. Xu would never break up a relationship. But as soon as I think I have my mind set, I realize that if I end things with Selphie, and it doesn't work between me and Xu, I'll be all alone. No one to protect me, and no one to love. Because the truth is, I do love Selphie. She was the first one to detect my presence, and she introduced me to Zell, and the others. She made me fall for her. It's not fair to her, that I have feelings for someone else, but sometimes, I just don't want to let her go. I don't care if I sometimes dream of Xu, when I wake up beside that bubbly girl, I can't help but feel…. Happy. Can Xu really give me that?

In my dreams she can, absolutely. But in real life, is she the kind that you spend late Saturday mornings in bed with, or take long walks around Balamb with? Does she even have time for me? She's always busy. Always…

" Unlucky love", some one once told me. " is necessary to keep your current love life exciting." I bet that person wasn't in my situation. Because my helpless crush, does nothing for my relationship with Selphie, it doesn't make it better, and it doesn't make it worse.

But, what do I want?

Do I even know?

Obviously not, otherwise, I wouldn't be with Selphie, I wouldn't flirt with every woman in a miles range, and I would most definitely not pine after Xu.

What a mess….

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# Explanation: I was, if you didn't notice, very in love with someone I can't have, and that reflected into this fic… Sorry. But I use personal things in my life to inspire my fics. Read my story " A Price for a Heart", there you can see it even more clear. If you stop by, review it!!

Review this fic too, hell, all of them!!

# Next one….. (drum-roll)……. Is CIDS!!!!!!!!!! Kidding!!! It's Zells, I promise… =o)

Later!

// Zierra