Mandatory Disclaimer: This series belongs to Lemony Snicket… Although I'm
under the impression from reading them that he'd rather it didn't…
A/N: Don't get me wrong… I like these books a lot, and have read them all… But seeing that there's not much in the way of fics out there… I figured I'd try my hand at a little parody.
To Beatrice: You said I'd be published over your dead body… and hey you're right about that one!
Chapter 1.
Why are you reading this? Did you not have enough of these miserable books yet? What? Your friends recommended them? ("recommended" is a word that means here to suggest that someone take a look at) They said they were good? What do you mean good??? Haven't my characters been maimed, beat- up, abused and untrusted enough??? DIDN'T YOU READ THE BACK THAT HAD THAT LITTLE NOT THAT SAID THIS BOOK IS SCARY????? No? Well, these books are very scary and sad. Hence the title. NO! I mean it… They're scary. In fact click off your browser window right now… you don't want to read this.
HEY! Don't you listen? This is one horrible story you are reading. Okay… maybe I'm embellishing a little bit here for dramatic effect. Embellishing by the way means overdoing it. But you all knew that. You don't take this seriously, or any of it, but the books are selling and I'm getting paid so the heck with that (or not because I'm a fanfic writer)! The only thing you care about is what happens next.
Okay… Fine. Be that way. Spoil my theatrics. But don't expect me to drop the "Oh! Look miserable my books are" attitude anytime soon.
There are many miserable things in this world, and the Baudelaires are among them. You might have guessed that if you go to the biography section of a library and look up that name. There is a real life Baudelaire who insists he is cursed. Well guess what???? So are the fictitious ones.
Currently, our friends Violet, Klaus, and Sunny, aged 14,13 and 1 respectively, are in grave peril. To sum up all characterization, I will tell you that Violet likes to invent, Klaus likes to read and Sunny bites. Literally. Literally by the way is a term used to an expression means what it says and not meta-oh wait can't use that word, you wouldn't know it- people interpret it as meaning something else. If I said that you had literally kicked the bucket- it means you kicked a bucket and not that you died. Where was I? Oh yeah….
Our friends are (still) running from Count Olaf and his henchmen, not to mention the authorities, and running towards what's left of Quagmire triplets who are floating in the air, all the while being wanted for a murder they did not commit. On top of all that there is a great mystery involving Olaf, the Baudelaire parents, whether the situation between the Quagmires and the Baudelaires are related and what the initials V.F.D. mean.
All the Baudelaires knew about V.F.D. was that it was very important and related to everything... but they didn't know how. They did know that V.F.D. stood for Very Fancy Doilies, Volunteers Fighting Disease, and Village of Fowl Devotees, and that neither of those things were the real V.F.D.
But they were still determined as ever to find them, which is absolutely amazing considering what they had been through. So that's why they stopped when they saw a store called V.F.D.
"Sunny, Violet, look!" said Klaus. That store is called V.F.D!"
"Bfishjeet!" said Sunny, which meant You're right Klaus- great observation – why don't we investigate the matter further.
"Okay Sunny, good idea," said Violet.
The three of them went into the shop.
A/N: Don't get me wrong… I like these books a lot, and have read them all… But seeing that there's not much in the way of fics out there… I figured I'd try my hand at a little parody.
To Beatrice: You said I'd be published over your dead body… and hey you're right about that one!
Chapter 1.
Why are you reading this? Did you not have enough of these miserable books yet? What? Your friends recommended them? ("recommended" is a word that means here to suggest that someone take a look at) They said they were good? What do you mean good??? Haven't my characters been maimed, beat- up, abused and untrusted enough??? DIDN'T YOU READ THE BACK THAT HAD THAT LITTLE NOT THAT SAID THIS BOOK IS SCARY????? No? Well, these books are very scary and sad. Hence the title. NO! I mean it… They're scary. In fact click off your browser window right now… you don't want to read this.
HEY! Don't you listen? This is one horrible story you are reading. Okay… maybe I'm embellishing a little bit here for dramatic effect. Embellishing by the way means overdoing it. But you all knew that. You don't take this seriously, or any of it, but the books are selling and I'm getting paid so the heck with that (or not because I'm a fanfic writer)! The only thing you care about is what happens next.
Okay… Fine. Be that way. Spoil my theatrics. But don't expect me to drop the "Oh! Look miserable my books are" attitude anytime soon.
There are many miserable things in this world, and the Baudelaires are among them. You might have guessed that if you go to the biography section of a library and look up that name. There is a real life Baudelaire who insists he is cursed. Well guess what???? So are the fictitious ones.
Currently, our friends Violet, Klaus, and Sunny, aged 14,13 and 1 respectively, are in grave peril. To sum up all characterization, I will tell you that Violet likes to invent, Klaus likes to read and Sunny bites. Literally. Literally by the way is a term used to an expression means what it says and not meta-oh wait can't use that word, you wouldn't know it- people interpret it as meaning something else. If I said that you had literally kicked the bucket- it means you kicked a bucket and not that you died. Where was I? Oh yeah….
Our friends are (still) running from Count Olaf and his henchmen, not to mention the authorities, and running towards what's left of Quagmire triplets who are floating in the air, all the while being wanted for a murder they did not commit. On top of all that there is a great mystery involving Olaf, the Baudelaire parents, whether the situation between the Quagmires and the Baudelaires are related and what the initials V.F.D. mean.
All the Baudelaires knew about V.F.D. was that it was very important and related to everything... but they didn't know how. They did know that V.F.D. stood for Very Fancy Doilies, Volunteers Fighting Disease, and Village of Fowl Devotees, and that neither of those things were the real V.F.D.
But they were still determined as ever to find them, which is absolutely amazing considering what they had been through. So that's why they stopped when they saw a store called V.F.D.
"Sunny, Violet, look!" said Klaus. That store is called V.F.D!"
"Bfishjeet!" said Sunny, which meant You're right Klaus- great observation – why don't we investigate the matter further.
"Okay Sunny, good idea," said Violet.
The three of them went into the shop.