Author: Hmmm…… Where to begin today? Maybe some Raiden bashing? Nah.
Ooooo.. Fatman dies! More U.S. Cellular bashing! Me like!::
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
::Raiden beats Fatman into a bloody pulp, then defuses BAB (big ass bomb). About to walk downstairs when Ninja pops up::
Raiden: Who the hell are you?
Ninja: I'm like you. I have no name.
Raiden: Liar.
Ninja: I AM NOT A LIAR!
Raiden: Yes you are!
Ninja: BITCH! DIE!
:: Ninja proceeds to chop Raiden into fifty million little pieces::
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
Author: Ummmm…. No. Try again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
::Raiden beats Fatman into a bloody pulp, then defuses BAB (big ass bomb). About to walk downstairs when Ninja pops up::
Raiden: Who the hell are you?
Ninja: I'm like you. I have no name.
Raiden: Wudeva. You're Olga and you KNOW IT!
Ninja: No I'm not.
Raiden: Yes you are.
Ninja: No I'm not, take this.
::Ninja gives Raiden a pink thong ::
Ninja: This will get you into the Shell 1 Core.
Raiden: It will?
Ninja: Yup.
Raiden: Are you sure?
Ninja: Yup.
::Raiden crouches and then gives himself a Wet Willy, which calls the Colonel::
Raiden: Colonel, are you there?
Colonel: Nope.
Raiden: OK.
::Raiden calls Pliskin::
Raiden: Snake, you there?
Snake: Yup. AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
::Gun shots heard in background. Game over screen pops up::
Mei Ling: Snake? SNAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Raiden: What the hell is GOING ON?
Snake: Kidding.
::Game over screen falls off, showing Raiden still giving himself a Wet Willy::
Raiden: Snake, I see a Ninja.
Snake: Yeah. And?
Raiden: Should I trust him?
Snake: Yeah, you should trust her…….. er…….. I mean….. ummmm…… him.. Yeah, go ahead and do what HE says.
Otacon in background: Snake, will you get off the codec with that girlie man and help me out here?
Snake: Yeah, gotta go Raiden.
::Snake hangs up::
::Raiden runs to Strut C bathrooms and tries on pink thong.::
Raiden: Hmmm…. How is this supposed to get me into the Shell 1 Core?
::Ninja suddenly appears out of nowhere::
Ninja: It just will.
Raiden: Hey! Are you checking me out!?
::Ninja blushes (even though metal can't blush)::
Ninja: Ummm… no.
Raiden: YOU ARE TOO!! YOU ARE A GAY SICK BASTARD!!
Ninja: No I'M NOT!
:: Ninja whacks herself in the face, which makes the suit disappear, revealing a very nude Olga Gurlukovich::
::Raiden's jaw gapes open::
Raiden: Ok, so you aren't gay.
Olga: Sank you. So….. do you vant to get eet own?
Raiden: Huh?
Olga: Take me NOW!
::Olga throws Raiden into a stall, and they proceed to do the dirty. At that very moment, a guard decides to relieve himself. He goes into stall and lets loose.::
Olga: Awwww… DO DAT TING WIT YOUR TONGUE AGAIN!
Raiden (in a very Austin Powers-like way): YEAH BABY!!! YEAH!!!
:: Guard opens the stall door where they are doing the dirty, and gazes in aww. Pulls out a Kodak camera, and proceeds to take many many snapshots.::
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
::Later, at Wal-Mart::
Photography Guy: Hey, Fred, come take a look at these pics!
Fred: Damn! Two lesbians!!!!
Photo Guy: Yup, that blonde one doesn't have very much boobs, but… wait!!! WHAT IS THAT!!???
Fred: That blonde girl HAS A PETER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Photo Guy: Yucky.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Author: Sorry, that was kinda spontaneous. For a brief moment I REALLY HATED RAIDEN. Won't happen again.
::Author crosses fingers behind back, just in case::
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Author: This is the reunion of the three Snakes on Jerrie Springhead (no law-suits please)
Jerrie: Today, on Jerry Springhead. "I am one of many clones of an evil villain dead-set on taking over the world, and I would like a chance at killing every other clone of my old man (or woman) so that I can be The One!"
Author: HEY NOW!!! I DON'T WANT JET LI TO SUE MY ASS!!! TAKE THAT OFF!!
Jerrie: No, damnit!
Author: NOW, or I'll write you in as a TRANSVESTITE!!!!
Jerrie: Oh shit!! OK!! Today, on Jerry Springhead. "I am one of many clones of an evil villain dead-set on taking over the world, and I would like a chance at killing every other clone of my old man (or woman) so that I can be the only clone of my old man (or woman)! How's that?"
Author: Better.
::Ocelot walks onto stage and sits down in big chair.::
Jerrie: So… What is your name, and who are you a clone of?
Ocelot: I am Shalashaska, and I am no one's clone. My arm is, though!!!
Jerrie: O…k… So, Mr. Arm, who are you, and who is your "clone-daddy"?
Arm: Hello. First of all, Jerrie, I would just like to say that I LOVE YOUR SHOW!!! JERRIE ROCKS!!!!!! YEAH!!!
::Arm starts a chant throughout the crowd::
Audience: JERRIE!!! JERRIE!! JERRIE!!!! JERRIE!!!!
:: Chant slowly dies down::
Arm:: Anyways, I am Liquid Snake, and I am the clone of Big Boss!!!! My story is actually kinda sad. ::sniffles:: I have tried so ::sniffles:: hard to destroy ::sniffles:: my brothers, but then ::sniffles:: I get stuck ::sniffles:: as an ARM!
Jerrie: ::snore::
Audience: (sadly) Awwwwwww!
Jerrie: ::wakes up:: Oh! Well, anyway, let's bring out our next clone. SOLIDUS!! COME ONE DOWN!!!!!
:: An eighty year old janitor with the name tag Bud steps out from the curtain::
Bud: BITCH!! I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!!!!!!!!!
Liquid: BRING IT ON!!!!
:: They start to attack each other, before big tough guys break them up and sit them in opposing chairs::
Liquid: Fag.
Bud: Cocksucker.
Jerrie: Guys, chill! So, Bud, where is Solidus?
Janitor Bud: Oh, yeah. He's right here.
::Bud lifts up pants leg::
Leg: Hello Jerrie, I am Solidus Snake! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!
Jerrie: O.k. That's kinda freaky. Next, we have SOLID SNAKE!!!!!!!!!!!
:: Nothing happens. Suddenly, a wall across from the stage explodes. Snake walks through the smoky hole in the wall::
Liquid: Dumbass, always gotta make a grand entrance.
Solid: Are you talking to ME!?
Solidus: Yeah, he was talking to you! You ARE BOTH INCOMPETENT FOOLS!!!!
Solid: Oh yeah? Well, you are fat, ugly, have a small peter, and will do anything that has a hole (and yes, that includes trees)!
Jerrie: Ouch.
:: The Snake brothers start to fight each other. Solid stabs a knife into Janitor Bud's leg, Solidus tries to shove his foot up Ocelot's ***, and Liquid tries to bite Solid's ear off::
Jerrie: Hey guys, now chill!
::They continue to fight, Snake pulls out a Nikita, while Liquid pulls out a Revolver. Solidus is just SOL::
Jerrie: I SAID CHILL!
:: Jerrie takes a dart gun and shoots all three brothers in the crotch. They all pass out on the floor instantly::
Jerrie: Damn, they are annoying. Now, for the final Big Boss clone, Gaseous Snake!!!!!
::A wasted college frat guy walks out on stage::
Jerrie: Who are you, and where is Gaseous?
Frat Guy: He's right here!
::Frat Guy turns so that his back is facing the audience, and proceeds to pull his pants to his ankles.::
Jerrie: OH **CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED*** *CENSORED** **CENSORED** **CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CE NSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSOR ED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED** **CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CE NSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED**
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Moral of the story: FAMILY REUNIONS ALWAYS END IN F****D UP BODY PARTS.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Author: Sorry about that. Next time, on Jerrie Springhead: "I AM TOO WASTED TO UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE SAYING." Guest starring Rosie O'Donnell!
P.S. Now, kids, remember. Lawsuits, bad! Tequila, good! Byebye now.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
::Raiden beats Fatman into a bloody pulp, then defuses BAB (big ass bomb). About to walk downstairs when Ninja pops up::
Raiden: Who the hell are you?
Ninja: I'm like you. I have no name.
Raiden: Liar.
Ninja: I AM NOT A LIAR!
Raiden: Yes you are!
Ninja: BITCH! DIE!
:: Ninja proceeds to chop Raiden into fifty million little pieces::
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
Author: Ummmm…. No. Try again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
::Raiden beats Fatman into a bloody pulp, then defuses BAB (big ass bomb). About to walk downstairs when Ninja pops up::
Raiden: Who the hell are you?
Ninja: I'm like you. I have no name.
Raiden: Wudeva. You're Olga and you KNOW IT!
Ninja: No I'm not.
Raiden: Yes you are.
Ninja: No I'm not, take this.
::Ninja gives Raiden a pink thong ::
Ninja: This will get you into the Shell 1 Core.
Raiden: It will?
Ninja: Yup.
Raiden: Are you sure?
Ninja: Yup.
::Raiden crouches and then gives himself a Wet Willy, which calls the Colonel::
Raiden: Colonel, are you there?
Colonel: Nope.
Raiden: OK.
::Raiden calls Pliskin::
Raiden: Snake, you there?
Snake: Yup. AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
::Gun shots heard in background. Game over screen pops up::
Mei Ling: Snake? SNAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Raiden: What the hell is GOING ON?
Snake: Kidding.
::Game over screen falls off, showing Raiden still giving himself a Wet Willy::
Raiden: Snake, I see a Ninja.
Snake: Yeah. And?
Raiden: Should I trust him?
Snake: Yeah, you should trust her…….. er…….. I mean….. ummmm…… him.. Yeah, go ahead and do what HE says.
Otacon in background: Snake, will you get off the codec with that girlie man and help me out here?
Snake: Yeah, gotta go Raiden.
::Snake hangs up::
::Raiden runs to Strut C bathrooms and tries on pink thong.::
Raiden: Hmmm…. How is this supposed to get me into the Shell 1 Core?
::Ninja suddenly appears out of nowhere::
Ninja: It just will.
Raiden: Hey! Are you checking me out!?
::Ninja blushes (even though metal can't blush)::
Ninja: Ummm… no.
Raiden: YOU ARE TOO!! YOU ARE A GAY SICK BASTARD!!
Ninja: No I'M NOT!
:: Ninja whacks herself in the face, which makes the suit disappear, revealing a very nude Olga Gurlukovich::
::Raiden's jaw gapes open::
Raiden: Ok, so you aren't gay.
Olga: Sank you. So….. do you vant to get eet own?
Raiden: Huh?
Olga: Take me NOW!
::Olga throws Raiden into a stall, and they proceed to do the dirty. At that very moment, a guard decides to relieve himself. He goes into stall and lets loose.::
Olga: Awwww… DO DAT TING WIT YOUR TONGUE AGAIN!
Raiden (in a very Austin Powers-like way): YEAH BABY!!! YEAH!!!
:: Guard opens the stall door where they are doing the dirty, and gazes in aww. Pulls out a Kodak camera, and proceeds to take many many snapshots.::
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
::Later, at Wal-Mart::
Photography Guy: Hey, Fred, come take a look at these pics!
Fred: Damn! Two lesbians!!!!
Photo Guy: Yup, that blonde one doesn't have very much boobs, but… wait!!! WHAT IS THAT!!???
Fred: That blonde girl HAS A PETER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Photo Guy: Yucky.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Author: Sorry, that was kinda spontaneous. For a brief moment I REALLY HATED RAIDEN. Won't happen again.
::Author crosses fingers behind back, just in case::
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Author: This is the reunion of the three Snakes on Jerrie Springhead (no law-suits please)
Jerrie: Today, on Jerry Springhead. "I am one of many clones of an evil villain dead-set on taking over the world, and I would like a chance at killing every other clone of my old man (or woman) so that I can be The One!"
Author: HEY NOW!!! I DON'T WANT JET LI TO SUE MY ASS!!! TAKE THAT OFF!!
Jerrie: No, damnit!
Author: NOW, or I'll write you in as a TRANSVESTITE!!!!
Jerrie: Oh shit!! OK!! Today, on Jerry Springhead. "I am one of many clones of an evil villain dead-set on taking over the world, and I would like a chance at killing every other clone of my old man (or woman) so that I can be the only clone of my old man (or woman)! How's that?"
Author: Better.
::Ocelot walks onto stage and sits down in big chair.::
Jerrie: So… What is your name, and who are you a clone of?
Ocelot: I am Shalashaska, and I am no one's clone. My arm is, though!!!
Jerrie: O…k… So, Mr. Arm, who are you, and who is your "clone-daddy"?
Arm: Hello. First of all, Jerrie, I would just like to say that I LOVE YOUR SHOW!!! JERRIE ROCKS!!!!!! YEAH!!!
::Arm starts a chant throughout the crowd::
Audience: JERRIE!!! JERRIE!! JERRIE!!!! JERRIE!!!!
:: Chant slowly dies down::
Arm:: Anyways, I am Liquid Snake, and I am the clone of Big Boss!!!! My story is actually kinda sad. ::sniffles:: I have tried so ::sniffles:: hard to destroy ::sniffles:: my brothers, but then ::sniffles:: I get stuck ::sniffles:: as an ARM!
Jerrie: ::snore::
Audience: (sadly) Awwwwwww!
Jerrie: ::wakes up:: Oh! Well, anyway, let's bring out our next clone. SOLIDUS!! COME ONE DOWN!!!!!
:: An eighty year old janitor with the name tag Bud steps out from the curtain::
Bud: BITCH!! I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!!!!!!!!!
Liquid: BRING IT ON!!!!
:: They start to attack each other, before big tough guys break them up and sit them in opposing chairs::
Liquid: Fag.
Bud: Cocksucker.
Jerrie: Guys, chill! So, Bud, where is Solidus?
Janitor Bud: Oh, yeah. He's right here.
::Bud lifts up pants leg::
Leg: Hello Jerrie, I am Solidus Snake! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!
Jerrie: O.k. That's kinda freaky. Next, we have SOLID SNAKE!!!!!!!!!!!
:: Nothing happens. Suddenly, a wall across from the stage explodes. Snake walks through the smoky hole in the wall::
Liquid: Dumbass, always gotta make a grand entrance.
Solid: Are you talking to ME!?
Solidus: Yeah, he was talking to you! You ARE BOTH INCOMPETENT FOOLS!!!!
Solid: Oh yeah? Well, you are fat, ugly, have a small peter, and will do anything that has a hole (and yes, that includes trees)!
Jerrie: Ouch.
:: The Snake brothers start to fight each other. Solid stabs a knife into Janitor Bud's leg, Solidus tries to shove his foot up Ocelot's ***, and Liquid tries to bite Solid's ear off::
Jerrie: Hey guys, now chill!
::They continue to fight, Snake pulls out a Nikita, while Liquid pulls out a Revolver. Solidus is just SOL::
Jerrie: I SAID CHILL!
:: Jerrie takes a dart gun and shoots all three brothers in the crotch. They all pass out on the floor instantly::
Jerrie: Damn, they are annoying. Now, for the final Big Boss clone, Gaseous Snake!!!!!
::A wasted college frat guy walks out on stage::
Jerrie: Who are you, and where is Gaseous?
Frat Guy: He's right here!
::Frat Guy turns so that his back is facing the audience, and proceeds to pull his pants to his ankles.::
Jerrie: OH **CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED*** *CENSORED** **CENSORED** **CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CE NSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSOR ED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED** **CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CE NSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED**
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Moral of the story: FAMILY REUNIONS ALWAYS END IN F****D UP BODY PARTS.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Author: Sorry about that. Next time, on Jerrie Springhead: "I AM TOO WASTED TO UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE SAYING." Guest starring Rosie O'Donnell!
P.S. Now, kids, remember. Lawsuits, bad! Tequila, good! Byebye now.