~Angel~



I had been expecting Giles's call. In all truth, I should have called him,
since I had seen this coming for three days longer than he had. But I was
scared. Scared of my suspicions being confirmed, scared of going back to
Sunnydale.

Scared of seeing Buffy again.

She always did scare me a little. In the best way imaginable.

But the instant that I stepped into his apartment, my fear seemed to
dissipate into thin air. I saw them all, sitting together like they had when
they were younger, and yet my mind registered only one of them. Buffy's
presence called out to me, as mine called out to her. The world faded away
in an instant, and there was no one left but the two of us. We were alone in
a quiet room, the rain pelting the window outside. Thunder boomed and
lightning cracked as she shivered in my arms, her eyes full of wonder. Her
dripping skin was as smooth as silk under my fingertips. Her eyelashes were
wet with tears and rain. Her lips were swollen from my kisses. Her blood
rushed through her body, her heart beat loud and fast. Her body blossomed
under mine, under my touch.

And then she spoke, and the moment ended. As much as it ever did, anyway.

Her eyes were full of wonder yet again and I found that my hands trembled as
her words seeped into my consciousness. As she said my name.

"Hi, Angel."
* * * * * * * *

Later, in the courtyard, we were actually left alone, and I stood, glorying
in her presence. We stood in silence for a few minutes, looking at each
other, searching for the right words.

Finally, she said, "I'm glad you came."

I let myself smile, just a little, with relief. "I am, too."

"I've missed..." She trailed off uncertainly, her beautiful eyes revealing
her fear to me. I was glad that I could still read her eyes. She searched
my face, and then quickly changed her mind about what she had been about to
say. "How've you been?"

"Tortured," I whispered, unable to help myself. Her eyes widened, and I
shook my head apologetically. "And fine. It's been different since Cordelia
came back here last year, but Wesley helps. He would have come, but he's
gone to England for a month, visiting some old friends."

"Tell him I said hi," she said vaguely, her eyes catching mine and holding
them.

"How've you been?" I asked after a moment.

"I've missed you," she suddenly confessed, then looked as though she wished
she could take the words back; trap them under her tongue before they left
her mouth. For a split second, she was sixteen again, the girl I was just
beginning to fall in love with. She was innocent and strong, and loved me
without knowing any better. Loved me like she had when there had been
nothing to be afraid of.

I reached out and touched the smoothness of her arm, letting my hand fall
away when she flinched. But I knew she was only flinching because she felt
too much, saw too much, could sense too much in me. Her eyes were pained and
sad, and she was again the adult she'd grown into. My eyebrows drew together
in worry. "Something's happening, Buffy. And I don't know exactly what, but
I don't like it. I don't want..."

She waited expectantly, fear showing plainly on her face.

I finished, "I don't want it to happen without you knowing how I feel. Still
feel. Will always feel. About you."

Slowly, a smile curved her mouth, warm and pleased. "I know, Angel."

"I hoped you did," I whispered. I reached out again, brushing her cheekbone
lightly with my knuckles. She trembled slightly under my touch.

"Well, I'd better..." Buffy spoke slowly, lingeringly, as though she wanted
to stay with me. I wanted to stay with her. There was nothing I wanted more
than to walk her home, hear her gentle voice as we talked about everything
and nothing. Possibly feel her hand in mine for the first time in... Far too
long.

But there were things I needed to do.

"Yes." I cleared my throat to prevent myself from asking her to stay. "You
should sleep. I'll see you tomorrow?"

She nodded silently, then leaned up and gave me a swift, feather-light kiss
on the cheek. "Goodnight, Angel."

I stared down at her. Her eyelashes were brushing against her cheek. My
cool skin burned from the contact of her lips. I wanted to take her into my
arms and kiss her decently, kiss her like she hadn't been kissed since the
day she would never remember. But I didn't. I dipped my head instead, and
when I spoke, my voice was rough with wanting her. "Goodnight, Buffy."

A whisper of a sigh escaped her, but she smiled, resigned. Then she turned
away and walked quickly out of the courtyard, perhaps knowing that if she
didn't leave soon, I was going to make it impossible for her to leave at all.
* * * * * * *

Giles was waiting for me when I came back inside. He didn't even look up
when I entered. "You expected me to call you, didn't you?"

"Yes," I answered simply, seeing no need to lie. My voice was heavy. My
heart was heavier.

At that, he looked up. His eyes were sad. "How is Buffy?"

"I couldn't tell you," I said, sinking onto the couch. "I suppose she's as
well as can be expected. She's gone home to get some sleep."

"Good," Giles said firmly. "She'll need it, from what I can see."

"Yes."

He paused for a moment. "What do you know?"

"Virtually nothing," I admitted. "For the past few days, I've been seeing
portents. I know that... I think that I saw the foreshadowing of someone's
death."

"Who?" Giles leaned forward imperceptibly.

"I don't know. One of them, one of us. One person's death." I shook my
head. "It's probably nothing, though. And if it does turn out to be
something, it could be a death like the one that Buffy's already had. Maybe
it won't be permanent. Maybe we'll be able to bring them out of it."

"Possibly." His tone told me that he didn't agree, but didn't want to
disagree for hope's sake. "Would you hand me that book, to your left?"

I reached over and picked it up, giving it to him. Giles nodded his thanks.
He began flipping through it quickly.

"What book is it?"

"The Realm of Death." Again, he didn't look up. "There might be a spell in
here to reverse the effects of the death of a loved one. I thought I read
something about... No." He sighed in annoyance. "No. Where did I hear of
it?"

"The Pudendum Scrolls?" I suggested. His eyes snapped to mine.

"Yes. Thank you. Do you have them?"

"No. I only know of them because Wesley mentioned that we should find it,
that it had some very useful spells to conquer death." I paused, something
new occurring to me. "As a matter of fact, it's supposed to be some sort of
a guide to the underworld. It might be able to explain what's happening with
the Old Ones."

Giles nodded excitedly. "Angel, do you know any people that might be able to
locate the book?"

"A few. I'm not sure if any of them have it, though."

"Would you mind calling them for me?" he asked quickly.

I shook my head. And reached for the phone.
* * * * * * * *

I lowered myself into bed and took a deep, useless breath. I could smell the
sun lifting over the horizon. The earth would be baking under its heat in
less than twenty minutes.

None of my numbers had worked out. Giles had told me to go home and get some
rest, considering that I would be one of the most important people during the
battle. I finally resigned to his will, after he pointed out that the sun
would be up soon and that I would be trapped in his bathroom for the length
of the day if I didn't want it to hit me. So I laid in bed. I tried to rest.

But when I closed my eyes, all I saw was Buffy.