~Willow~



Buffy came down the stairs with a sad look on her face. "He's asleep."

"Thank *God!*" Cordelia declared, rolling her eyes. "I was afraid that he
was going to pass out and be of no use to us if he kept on going like he was."

I nodded. I could see the same fear in her eyes as I was sure was in mine.
"Yeah. He's been pushing himself too hard lately. And it's not exactly like
he's been exercising the old Watcher muscles lately, you know? Not that he
can't do it, just..."

Buffy nodded at me, patting my shoulder. "I know what you mean, Will. I was
worried too."

We shared a small smile. "Did he like the donuts?"

"Yeah," she murmured, her eyes twinkling. "And it's a good thing too,
because he'll be really hungry when he wakes up."

"Did he tell you when to wake him?" Xander asked, glancing up from the pile
of books he was looking through.

"When Oz comes back," she shrugged. Nonchalantly, she continued. "Of
course, if anyone wakes him up before sunset, they're going to have a *very*
upset Slayer on their hands. And no one wants that, right?" Buffy surveyed
the room, satisfied at our amused and still slightly frightened nods.

"Okay then." She nodded back. "Let's get back to work."

"Doing what, exactly?" Cordelia pointed out.

"Uhm..." Buffy's eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "I don't know
really. Something, I'm sure, will come up if we keep looking. Oh, and take
out the books that Giles hasn't already taken off the book shelf. Look for
anything with a mention of the Old Ones. Then we'll..."

"Mark the pages so that Giles-- the only one of us who would really
understand what we're looking at-- can go through them later?" Xander
suggested. Cordelia laughed slightly and he winked at her.

"Yes," Buffy said, smirking. "Exactly. Even if we don't understand it,
it'll help him if we manage to find something that he's overlooked. I
*really* need to learn about a thousand different languages, like Giles
knows," she sighed. "Then this would all be much easier."

The soft sound of pages turning filled the room after that.
* * * * * * * *

It was three o'clock before Oz arrived. Without thinking, I stood and let
the book that was on my lap tumble to the floor. Oz looked at me for a
second, his eyes sort of sad, and then opened his arms widely. I rushed into
them blindly, tears obscuring my view and laid my head against his shoulder,
sobbing quietly. His breath was steady, reassuring, and his arms were tight
around me. He rubbed my back soothingly, like he knew without asking what I
was feeling.

I was surprised at myself. I had managed to keep it together this long, I
didn't think that there would be anything to worry about. But when I saw him
standing in the doorway, I just... Wanted to be held by him, I guess.

I had a sudden recollection of the first night we made love, of what I said
to him then. "It's just that everything's really scary right now." Maybe
that's what it was about. Whatever it was, I knew that Oz would be there to
comfort me. He would let me hold on as tight as I wanted, let me cry until
his shoulder was sopping wet. He would let me lean on him when I couldn't
stand anymore. He would be totally Oz in the way that only he could be.

I finally got myself under control and pulled back. Oz looked at me
sympathetically, wiping away some of my tears. "I love you," he murmured.

I clung to him. "I love you too," I whispered back.

"Hey." He lifted my chin a little, making me look him in the eyes. A gentle
smile accompanied that beautiful green gaze. "When we get through this,
we're going to get married."

I laughed quickly, but it sounded more like a drowned sob. "Yes."

"And everything is going to turn out fine," he continued.

"Yes."

"Will?" I turned around at Xander's voice. His eyes flickered with concern.
"Are you...?"

"I'm fine," I nodded, brushing my remaining tears away. "I just... Guess I
was hit by a little too much stress to handle in a single second or
something."

Buffy lifted her head, looking at me steadily. "It's okay."

Oz led me back to the couch, pulling me down next to him. "Where's Giles?"

"Asleep," Buffy said before anyone else could talk. "And I've already
threatened everyone else against waking him." She batted her eyelashes
playfully, "And you wouldn't really want to displease me, would you?"

Oz grinned slightly, glancing at me. "I need to make it to my wedding a
whole man."

"Uh huh," she said wryly, giving me a wink. I snickered.

I just love how laughter, even the most subtle kind, is contagious. Cordelia
giggled and Xander laughed. Oz chuckled a little bit, and Buffy just leaned
her head back against her chair and closed her eyes with a soft smile on her
face. For a moment, she looked relaxed.

And it makes me damn happy to think that that was partly due to me.
* * * * * * *

As the sun was beginning to set, Buffy yawned, putting down her book and
standing up. She stretched a little and then nodded, a faraway look in her
eyes. "You guys? I don't like leaving you in a lurch, but... I need to go
for a little while. Will you be okay?"

Xander rolled his eyes. "Yes. And considering we haven't found anything so
far, I don't think we'll mourn your absence *too* much."

Buffy flashed him a smile and then started out the door. I squeezed Oz's
hand quickly and got up, going after her. I caught up to her in the
courtyard. "You all right?"

"Yeah." She looked in my eyes and I saw that she was telling me the truth.
There was a serenity there that hadn't been there earlier. Part of her mind
was still reeling, I could see, probably from the whole Hellmouth thing, but
another part of her-- a deeper, more secret part-- had come to a decision
about something and whatever that something was, it made her content. "Just
something I need to do."

Impulsively, I hugged her. "Angel?"

"Yes," she murmured against my shoulder, hugging me back. "I love you, Will."

"I love you too." I let go but held onto her arms firmly. "You're my best
friend, Buffy."

Her eyes glittered for a moment. "You're mine. I don't know what I would
have done if I hadn't met you and Xander. You guys saved my..." She paused
for a moment, thoughtfully. "Heart. My sanity. You guys saved everything
about me that was ever worth saving. I don't know what I would have done if
you hadn't come into my life."

I smiled and we started walking for her car. "Probably have ended up a hard
ass who didn't take lip from anyone."

"I'm that anyway," she grinned. We reached her car and stopped, and she
turned to look at me once more. Her voice was soft. "I see you in my mind
sometimes as the same girl I met so long ago. Your hair is down to your
waist and you hesitate when you speak. I know you did a lot to get rid of
that girl, for a long time, but I wanted to tell you that I think she's still
there. Under the rest. Under everything else, all of your other attributes.
And I think she's beautiful. I think she's priceless. I think her
uncertainty over the right thing to say is what made me love her. I think
her pride over how well she could work with the computer makes her
fascinating. I don't think that she's anything to be ashamed of. I think
that the way she smiles shyly lights up a room. I think that the kind of
friend she is makes her one of the best people in the world. I think that
she's always been beautiful, even though she didn't know it. She's always
shined in her own way. I love you for everything you are, Willow, but also
for keeping her inside of you for so long."

Somewhere in the middle of what she was saying, I had started to cry. I
wiped furiously at my tears and nodded, hugging her briefly again. "Thank
you, Buffy."

"You're welcome," she said simply, "To the truth of it all, that is."

We stepped away from each other and she got into her car. "When will you be
back?" The tears were still in my voice.

"Less than an hour, I think," she told me. Her mouth curved up gently. "I
need to tell Angel some truths we've been avoiding now, too."

I touched her hand and she grinned, subtly wiping her eyes before zooming off
into the setting sun. I watched after her for a moment before turning back
into Giles's apartment.

My thoughts seemed very quiet inside of me, like I had to strain to hear
them. I remembered a dream that I had once, when the first Slayer had been
stalking our sleep... A dream where I had been running away from that old
girl, the girl I was in high school. The class nerd, the computer geek. The
girl who made me ashamed of everything I was. I dreamed that I was running
from her but then was revealed as being her the whole time. She was hidden,
though, underneath me, and I never let her out.

I always thought that I was just being paranoid. I told myself so many times
over the years that the dream didn't mean anything. That it was old
insecurities rising up to hurt me. I told myself that I had grown up and
that that girl was long gone.

But I was wrong.

Buffy was right. She'd always been inside me, secretly. Maybe the more I
wanted to let her go, the tighter she held onto my soul. I smiled. Maybe,
just maybe, she was who made me who I am today.

I touched my chest lightly, over my heart. I suddenly loved her too, with
the vengeance of love long-ignored. I hoped that people would be able to see
her in my eyes from time to time. I hoped that I would never try to forget
her again.

I went inside and sat down next to Oz, looking at him, testing it out. His
eyes widened-- almost imperceptibly-- and he leaned forward to kiss me softly
on the mouth. "Well," he murmured. "Hello again."

"Can you see her?" I asked, slightly surprised, and then laughed a little,
realizing that he didn't know what I was talking about.

But he didn't laugh along with me. His voice was steady and smooth. "I can
see *you*," he said quietly. He leaned in for another kiss.

The girl inside of me shined.