~Cordelia~
I was exhausted. That was the only word I could really think of to describe
how I felt. Every part of me, even inside my soul, was so tired that I could
barely see straight. I let the research book I was holding fall off my lap
and I leaned back in the chair, staring out the window at the fading light of
the sky.
I wasn't cold, but I suddenly had the urge to shiver. It was going to get
dark tonight. Dark and cold and still. I hated nights like the one that was
coming. They made me lonely.
They scared me.
Xander patted my hand and I looked at him. His eyebrows were drawn together,
his eyes dark with worry. "You okay?"
"Tired," I murmured, squeezing his hand. "But... Not. I'm more mentally and
emotionally tired, I think."
"All right." He nodded and then tugged on my hand slightly. "Come on."
"What?" I stood, looking around in confusion. "Where are we going?"
"You're going out," Giles answered me without looking up from his book.
"It's best that you rejuvenate yourself. It won't do us any good to have you
falling asleep or not concentrating as well as you could be when we go into
battle."
I glanced at Xander, who grinned. "What he said," he shrugged.
I suppressed a yawn and stood, allowing Xander to pull me out the door. It
was quiet outside, and getting pretty dark. I sighed.
"Head hurt?" he asked casually, swinging my hand in his as we walked around
the courtyard. It was almost funny-- if I hadn't known what was happening
and had seen us just then, I would have thought we were just a typical couple
in love, out for a walk. But we were anything but typical.
"Sort of," I admitted.
"How long?"
"Since yesterday morning." I sucked in some breath, looking up at the stars.
"It's not as bad now, though. Just a dull ache that I can't quite get rid
of."
There was a noticeable pause and I glanced at him. His eyes were on his
shoes. After a moment he mumbled, "I wasn't really there for the most...
notable moments of the vision thing, so I'm just sort of going to hope that
you'll give me an honest answer instead of trying to protect me. Should I be
worried?"
I stopped walking and turned to him. When he still didn't look at me, I
reached up to lift his chin, wanting to see his eyes. He turned his gaze on
me and I shivered. "I would tell you if you should be worried. You should,
actually. But not about the headache. All I can say is that something bad
is coming, Xander. We're not going to be prepared for it. At least not as
prepared as we'll need to be. Something bad is coming and we won't win like
we normally do, if we win at all."
He drew me closer, fitting my body to his, and kissed me lightly on the
temple. "You saw all of that in your vision?"
I dug my fingernails gently into the shoulder of his shirt, liking the
security I felt when I was in his arms. "No," I whispered in a moment. "I
don't know how I know... Maybe a side effect of getting the visions at all.
But it's there. It's hanging over us. We can't escape it. Like death."
He tensed and his grip on me tightened. "No," he murmured and I could hear
the fear in his voice. Fear for me, for him. Fear for every one of the
people that we've loved so dearly these past unbelievable, terrifying and
magical years in our lives.
I didn't want to say it, but the word escaped my mouth.
"Yes."
* * * * * * *
For what seemed like a long time we sat outside, on the bench around the
fountain. It was night but for some weird reason I felt completely safe.
Impending doom everywhere and I felt totally taken care of, wouldn't you know
it? Maybe it was the calm before the storm. Maybe I knew that.
Maybe we all did.
When we went back inside, we fell silent at the sight that greeted us. Giles
was still reading, his glasses slightly askew. Buffy's back was leaning
against his shoulder, her eyes closed, her feet propped up on Angel's lap
where he kneaded them gently. Willow and Oz lay curled together in Giles's
overstuffed chair, glancing through two fat books and fighting back yawns of
their own.
It seemed comfortable. A place I've known my entire life. Where everyone
knew my name. My goodness, it was the damn Cheers bar.
And still the air trembled.
I was exhausted. That was the only word I could really think of to describe
how I felt. Every part of me, even inside my soul, was so tired that I could
barely see straight. I let the research book I was holding fall off my lap
and I leaned back in the chair, staring out the window at the fading light of
the sky.
I wasn't cold, but I suddenly had the urge to shiver. It was going to get
dark tonight. Dark and cold and still. I hated nights like the one that was
coming. They made me lonely.
They scared me.
Xander patted my hand and I looked at him. His eyebrows were drawn together,
his eyes dark with worry. "You okay?"
"Tired," I murmured, squeezing his hand. "But... Not. I'm more mentally and
emotionally tired, I think."
"All right." He nodded and then tugged on my hand slightly. "Come on."
"What?" I stood, looking around in confusion. "Where are we going?"
"You're going out," Giles answered me without looking up from his book.
"It's best that you rejuvenate yourself. It won't do us any good to have you
falling asleep or not concentrating as well as you could be when we go into
battle."
I glanced at Xander, who grinned. "What he said," he shrugged.
I suppressed a yawn and stood, allowing Xander to pull me out the door. It
was quiet outside, and getting pretty dark. I sighed.
"Head hurt?" he asked casually, swinging my hand in his as we walked around
the courtyard. It was almost funny-- if I hadn't known what was happening
and had seen us just then, I would have thought we were just a typical couple
in love, out for a walk. But we were anything but typical.
"Sort of," I admitted.
"How long?"
"Since yesterday morning." I sucked in some breath, looking up at the stars.
"It's not as bad now, though. Just a dull ache that I can't quite get rid
of."
There was a noticeable pause and I glanced at him. His eyes were on his
shoes. After a moment he mumbled, "I wasn't really there for the most...
notable moments of the vision thing, so I'm just sort of going to hope that
you'll give me an honest answer instead of trying to protect me. Should I be
worried?"
I stopped walking and turned to him. When he still didn't look at me, I
reached up to lift his chin, wanting to see his eyes. He turned his gaze on
me and I shivered. "I would tell you if you should be worried. You should,
actually. But not about the headache. All I can say is that something bad
is coming, Xander. We're not going to be prepared for it. At least not as
prepared as we'll need to be. Something bad is coming and we won't win like
we normally do, if we win at all."
He drew me closer, fitting my body to his, and kissed me lightly on the
temple. "You saw all of that in your vision?"
I dug my fingernails gently into the shoulder of his shirt, liking the
security I felt when I was in his arms. "No," I whispered in a moment. "I
don't know how I know... Maybe a side effect of getting the visions at all.
But it's there. It's hanging over us. We can't escape it. Like death."
He tensed and his grip on me tightened. "No," he murmured and I could hear
the fear in his voice. Fear for me, for him. Fear for every one of the
people that we've loved so dearly these past unbelievable, terrifying and
magical years in our lives.
I didn't want to say it, but the word escaped my mouth.
"Yes."
* * * * * * *
For what seemed like a long time we sat outside, on the bench around the
fountain. It was night but for some weird reason I felt completely safe.
Impending doom everywhere and I felt totally taken care of, wouldn't you know
it? Maybe it was the calm before the storm. Maybe I knew that.
Maybe we all did.
When we went back inside, we fell silent at the sight that greeted us. Giles
was still reading, his glasses slightly askew. Buffy's back was leaning
against his shoulder, her eyes closed, her feet propped up on Angel's lap
where he kneaded them gently. Willow and Oz lay curled together in Giles's
overstuffed chair, glancing through two fat books and fighting back yawns of
their own.
It seemed comfortable. A place I've known my entire life. Where everyone
knew my name. My goodness, it was the damn Cheers bar.
And still the air trembled.