Spike was in heaven. That was his only solution for the day that he'd spent
with Buffy. The two had spent the whole day in bed, kissing, laughing,
touching, and talking. This was more than Spike ever thought would be
possible between Buffy and himself.
It was dusk and Buffy was out at the grocery store getting dinner for Dawn, Spike, and herself for the next couple of weeks. Spike had found out that he was indeed living here full time, Buffy was financially set, and Dawn hadn't even been injured by Doc. The two had talked about the fight against Glory since Spike had seemed especially spooked that afternoon.
Since Buffy was out at the store, this gave Spike the opportunity to snoop around for anything about his relationship with Buffy, such as when it started, how it started, and so on. He looked at a calendar and noticed a date circled with a big heart in the center. The date read June 17, 2002.
"Well, what'd'ya know?" He asked himself. "We've been goin' out for a whole bloody year, me and the slayer."
Spike moved over to Buffy's desk and his eyes wandered over a few pictures of the two of them together and then a picture of Dawn, Buffy, and himself. It was somewhat obvious to Spike that the three of them had formed an unconventional family, but he was only guessing about this...he wasn't 100% sure.
He looked at the desk and noticed a small, pink and purple journal sitting on the edge of the desk. Oooh, what could this be? Spike thought to himself. A diary, perhaps? After all, Buffy's diary would probably answer most of his questions. He opened the book and quickly thumbed though the pages, seeing if it was written in. Only the first few pages actually had writing, the rest were blank.
Turning to the first page, Spike started reading, instantly smiling after the first sentence.
June 12, 2001
Spike kissed me...he *kissed* me! Ahh! Oh God, can that man kiss. We were outside on the porch getting ready to say good night to each other when...wham! He just leaned over and quickly kissed me...well, not quickly, but I wouldn't have minded if it was longer.
Now my only problem is...what am I going to do with him?
Everything is so weird right now. It's been about a month since Glory and everyone is fine...and now this thing with Spike comes along. He's said that he loved me for months, but I have never believed him, not until that fight with Glory. Now I know that he loves me, but I'm just so afraid.
What if I lose him?
If I have to kill him?
What if he leaves me? I guess that's my biggest concern.
He'd say that he never would, but...that's what they all say in the beginning. I don't want to get hurt...no more heartache for Buffy, that's very bad. I don't know, but I don't see Spike being the "leave town" type of guy. He's...dedicated.
Dawn is bugging me about going to a friend's house, more later.
June 14, 2001
Note to self- hide diary better! Dawn read the last entry and then she made fun of me all day long. Now she knows that I totally want Spike....Oh God, I just wrote that I want Spike in my dairy! Now I need to lock it up in my closet or something. I'm never going to let Dawn see this.
Spike and I patrolled tonight for the first time since the 12th. Well, I wouldn't really call it patrolling...it's more or less about what Angel and I used to do. Sit on a headstone and make out all night long, not caring if there are vampires or not. But MAN, can this guy kiss...I keep expecting his lips to be so rough, but they're not. Spike's...he's perfect.
And I just realized that I wrote that Spike is perfect...and now I'm drooling.
I need help, I like Spike.
I don't know why we're doing this, why we're so drawn to each other all of a sudden. Dawn thinks it's great, she wants me to profess my undying love to him and then let him move in, she's already got it planned out. I'm so worried that this isn't going to go right.
I keep telling myself, he's a vampire...but then so was Angel. And then I say, he doesn't have a soul, but then I remember everything that he's done for me. He's got a chip, but what would happen if it broke?
Am I willing to risk everything again? Just to find out where this thing with Spike is going?
June 16, 2001.
OK, I'm ready.
I have to tell him soon, I want to tell him that I need to know where we are going, that I want to have more.
I'm going to tell him tomorrow @ the Bronze when we all meet up. Dawn supports me, and I think the rest of the female population of the scooby- gang will too. Anya will probably talk Xander into agreeing, and Giles...well...I'm so worried.
June 17, 2001
I told him.
God, I don't think that I've ever seen anyone's eyes light up the way his did tonight when I told him that I loved him. Yeah, that's right...I love him. I love Spike! There's no shame in that, I openly, freely love him 110% of the way.
He kissed me differently tonight...with love, and passion that I haven't ever felt before.
Please, god, make this one go right. I want this one to go right.
Bit by bit, the entires became shorter and shorter, until Spike noticed that Buffy was just jotting down little phrases and sentences.
June 29, 2001
I love him.
Tonight I'm going to show him how much.
July 1, 2001
We made love...I love this man so much.
Now he won't let me out of his sight, not that I mind.
Spike closed the book and sighed. "We made love," the words seemed to echo in his mind. Bloody hell, if this is real, I don't want it to ever end. Buffy loved him- all of him, the dream that Spike thought would never come true. Spike was lost in his thoughts about the two of them- everything they had shared and everything they will have.
"Spike?" A voice called out from below. "I'm home!"
Spike's head snapped up. Buffy was home. "I'm coming, love!" He yelled back down to her. He placed the diary back where he had found it and walked downstairs, wanting to savor every minute he had with Buffy because he knew how valuable it was.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That night, they were at the Bronze along with everyone else. Spike noticed that Anya and Xander were engaged and his relationship with Buffy was out in the open. What was even more important than that, was that everyone accepted the two of them as a couple. Spike's head was spinning because of all of this new information.
Willow, Tara, Spike, and Buffy all sat around a round table. Spike had an arm draped around Buffy's waist in order to keep contact with her the whole time. Buffy had her cheek resting against his shoulder and her hands resting on his leg. Around them, the group listened to the music as they watched Xander and Anya on the dance floor.
Willow and Tara talked together as Buffy raised her head and kissed Spike on his cheek. "I love Saturdays, don't you?"
"Mmm, love them," Spike said, leaning over and kissing her back. Their kiss deepened as he pushed her and she inched herself closer towards him.
"Do you want to dance?" Buffy asked him.
"Well...maybe we should just go on home," Spike suggested. He kept telling himself that this wasn't real and it wouldn't last; therefore, he wanted to spend as much time as possible with her instead of being here with her friends.
"No way, Spike. I came here to party and dance and you are going to show me a good time here tonight. C'mon, let's dance." Buffy said, climbing out of the stool. Spike followed her out onto the dance floor and the two started dancing together. Buffy pressed herself up to his body as the music came on, breathing in the scent of him.
Spike wrapped his arms around her waist, also breathing her in. Well, this isn't so bad, he thought to himself as he swayed back and forth along with Buffy.
I have a smile
Stretched from ear to ear
To see you walking down the road
We meet at the lights,
I stare for a while,
The world around us dissappears.
It's just you and me
On my island of hope,
A breath between us could be miles
Let me surround you, my sea to your shore
Let me be the calm you seek.
Oh, and every time I'm close to you,
There's too much I can't say,
And you just walk away,
And I forgot
To tell you I love you
And the night's too cold here without you.
"Hey, this is our song," Buffy said to Spike. She had been thinking about the lyrics and remembered the night in the Bronze where this song had been playing the first time and she had been dancing with Spike.
"Hmm?" He asked back to her.
"Don't you remember?" Buffy asked him firtst. "Oh...well, we weren't really concentrating on the lyrics of a song back then.
"It was that night...I remember that all I could think of was...what if I lost you? What if you...you went away, like all the others do, and I never got to tell you how I felt about you," Buffy explained. Spike assumed that she had never told him any of this before. "You asked me to dance, and this song was playing as I made up my mind to tell you that I loved you. That was the first night that we kissed, like...really kissed." Buffy explained. "It wasn't like the others."
Spike, who didn't remember this ever happening, only nodded. The only things he knew about was what he read in her diary. Here she was, bearing her heart and soul to him, and Spike couldn't remember a second of it. "Knew it sounded familiar," he said. It was as though he was living in a completely different alternate universe. One where Buffy loved him, and aparently had gotten rid of Glory. One where she was happy and everyone accepted them, even Xander.
I grieve in my condition
For I cannot find the strength to say
I need you so
Oh and every time I'm close to you
There's too much I can't say and you just walk away,
And I forgot
To tell you I love you
And the night's too long and cold here without you.
I grieve in my condition
For I cannot find the strength to say
I need you so
"I love you," Buffy whispered into his ear before kissing it, "and I'm never going to stop saying it. You make me feel something that's...that's beyond love, and I finally feel free. You make me feel so...so full of life."
Spike sighed, knowing that he would never get tired of hearing her profess her love for him. "I love you too, Buffy, and I promise that I will *always* make you feel that loved." He kissed her lips softly, before starting to whine, "Can we go home *now*?" he asked.
She smiled up at him. "Sure thing," She grabbed his hand and started leading him out of the Bronze.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
It was dusk and Buffy was out at the grocery store getting dinner for Dawn, Spike, and herself for the next couple of weeks. Spike had found out that he was indeed living here full time, Buffy was financially set, and Dawn hadn't even been injured by Doc. The two had talked about the fight against Glory since Spike had seemed especially spooked that afternoon.
Since Buffy was out at the store, this gave Spike the opportunity to snoop around for anything about his relationship with Buffy, such as when it started, how it started, and so on. He looked at a calendar and noticed a date circled with a big heart in the center. The date read June 17, 2002.
"Well, what'd'ya know?" He asked himself. "We've been goin' out for a whole bloody year, me and the slayer."
Spike moved over to Buffy's desk and his eyes wandered over a few pictures of the two of them together and then a picture of Dawn, Buffy, and himself. It was somewhat obvious to Spike that the three of them had formed an unconventional family, but he was only guessing about this...he wasn't 100% sure.
He looked at the desk and noticed a small, pink and purple journal sitting on the edge of the desk. Oooh, what could this be? Spike thought to himself. A diary, perhaps? After all, Buffy's diary would probably answer most of his questions. He opened the book and quickly thumbed though the pages, seeing if it was written in. Only the first few pages actually had writing, the rest were blank.
Turning to the first page, Spike started reading, instantly smiling after the first sentence.
June 12, 2001
Spike kissed me...he *kissed* me! Ahh! Oh God, can that man kiss. We were outside on the porch getting ready to say good night to each other when...wham! He just leaned over and quickly kissed me...well, not quickly, but I wouldn't have minded if it was longer.
Now my only problem is...what am I going to do with him?
Everything is so weird right now. It's been about a month since Glory and everyone is fine...and now this thing with Spike comes along. He's said that he loved me for months, but I have never believed him, not until that fight with Glory. Now I know that he loves me, but I'm just so afraid.
What if I lose him?
If I have to kill him?
What if he leaves me? I guess that's my biggest concern.
He'd say that he never would, but...that's what they all say in the beginning. I don't want to get hurt...no more heartache for Buffy, that's very bad. I don't know, but I don't see Spike being the "leave town" type of guy. He's...dedicated.
Dawn is bugging me about going to a friend's house, more later.
June 14, 2001
Note to self- hide diary better! Dawn read the last entry and then she made fun of me all day long. Now she knows that I totally want Spike....Oh God, I just wrote that I want Spike in my dairy! Now I need to lock it up in my closet or something. I'm never going to let Dawn see this.
Spike and I patrolled tonight for the first time since the 12th. Well, I wouldn't really call it patrolling...it's more or less about what Angel and I used to do. Sit on a headstone and make out all night long, not caring if there are vampires or not. But MAN, can this guy kiss...I keep expecting his lips to be so rough, but they're not. Spike's...he's perfect.
And I just realized that I wrote that Spike is perfect...and now I'm drooling.
I need help, I like Spike.
I don't know why we're doing this, why we're so drawn to each other all of a sudden. Dawn thinks it's great, she wants me to profess my undying love to him and then let him move in, she's already got it planned out. I'm so worried that this isn't going to go right.
I keep telling myself, he's a vampire...but then so was Angel. And then I say, he doesn't have a soul, but then I remember everything that he's done for me. He's got a chip, but what would happen if it broke?
Am I willing to risk everything again? Just to find out where this thing with Spike is going?
June 16, 2001.
OK, I'm ready.
I have to tell him soon, I want to tell him that I need to know where we are going, that I want to have more.
I'm going to tell him tomorrow @ the Bronze when we all meet up. Dawn supports me, and I think the rest of the female population of the scooby- gang will too. Anya will probably talk Xander into agreeing, and Giles...well...I'm so worried.
June 17, 2001
I told him.
God, I don't think that I've ever seen anyone's eyes light up the way his did tonight when I told him that I loved him. Yeah, that's right...I love him. I love Spike! There's no shame in that, I openly, freely love him 110% of the way.
He kissed me differently tonight...with love, and passion that I haven't ever felt before.
Please, god, make this one go right. I want this one to go right.
Bit by bit, the entires became shorter and shorter, until Spike noticed that Buffy was just jotting down little phrases and sentences.
June 29, 2001
I love him.
Tonight I'm going to show him how much.
July 1, 2001
We made love...I love this man so much.
Now he won't let me out of his sight, not that I mind.
Spike closed the book and sighed. "We made love," the words seemed to echo in his mind. Bloody hell, if this is real, I don't want it to ever end. Buffy loved him- all of him, the dream that Spike thought would never come true. Spike was lost in his thoughts about the two of them- everything they had shared and everything they will have.
"Spike?" A voice called out from below. "I'm home!"
Spike's head snapped up. Buffy was home. "I'm coming, love!" He yelled back down to her. He placed the diary back where he had found it and walked downstairs, wanting to savor every minute he had with Buffy because he knew how valuable it was.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That night, they were at the Bronze along with everyone else. Spike noticed that Anya and Xander were engaged and his relationship with Buffy was out in the open. What was even more important than that, was that everyone accepted the two of them as a couple. Spike's head was spinning because of all of this new information.
Willow, Tara, Spike, and Buffy all sat around a round table. Spike had an arm draped around Buffy's waist in order to keep contact with her the whole time. Buffy had her cheek resting against his shoulder and her hands resting on his leg. Around them, the group listened to the music as they watched Xander and Anya on the dance floor.
Willow and Tara talked together as Buffy raised her head and kissed Spike on his cheek. "I love Saturdays, don't you?"
"Mmm, love them," Spike said, leaning over and kissing her back. Their kiss deepened as he pushed her and she inched herself closer towards him.
"Do you want to dance?" Buffy asked him.
"Well...maybe we should just go on home," Spike suggested. He kept telling himself that this wasn't real and it wouldn't last; therefore, he wanted to spend as much time as possible with her instead of being here with her friends.
"No way, Spike. I came here to party and dance and you are going to show me a good time here tonight. C'mon, let's dance." Buffy said, climbing out of the stool. Spike followed her out onto the dance floor and the two started dancing together. Buffy pressed herself up to his body as the music came on, breathing in the scent of him.
Spike wrapped his arms around her waist, also breathing her in. Well, this isn't so bad, he thought to himself as he swayed back and forth along with Buffy.
I have a smile
Stretched from ear to ear
To see you walking down the road
We meet at the lights,
I stare for a while,
The world around us dissappears.
It's just you and me
On my island of hope,
A breath between us could be miles
Let me surround you, my sea to your shore
Let me be the calm you seek.
Oh, and every time I'm close to you,
There's too much I can't say,
And you just walk away,
And I forgot
To tell you I love you
And the night's too cold here without you.
"Hey, this is our song," Buffy said to Spike. She had been thinking about the lyrics and remembered the night in the Bronze where this song had been playing the first time and she had been dancing with Spike.
"Hmm?" He asked back to her.
"Don't you remember?" Buffy asked him firtst. "Oh...well, we weren't really concentrating on the lyrics of a song back then.
"It was that night...I remember that all I could think of was...what if I lost you? What if you...you went away, like all the others do, and I never got to tell you how I felt about you," Buffy explained. Spike assumed that she had never told him any of this before. "You asked me to dance, and this song was playing as I made up my mind to tell you that I loved you. That was the first night that we kissed, like...really kissed." Buffy explained. "It wasn't like the others."
Spike, who didn't remember this ever happening, only nodded. The only things he knew about was what he read in her diary. Here she was, bearing her heart and soul to him, and Spike couldn't remember a second of it. "Knew it sounded familiar," he said. It was as though he was living in a completely different alternate universe. One where Buffy loved him, and aparently had gotten rid of Glory. One where she was happy and everyone accepted them, even Xander.
I grieve in my condition
For I cannot find the strength to say
I need you so
Oh and every time I'm close to you
There's too much I can't say and you just walk away,
And I forgot
To tell you I love you
And the night's too long and cold here without you.
I grieve in my condition
For I cannot find the strength to say
I need you so
"I love you," Buffy whispered into his ear before kissing it, "and I'm never going to stop saying it. You make me feel something that's...that's beyond love, and I finally feel free. You make me feel so...so full of life."
Spike sighed, knowing that he would never get tired of hearing her profess her love for him. "I love you too, Buffy, and I promise that I will *always* make you feel that loved." He kissed her lips softly, before starting to whine, "Can we go home *now*?" he asked.
She smiled up at him. "Sure thing," She grabbed his hand and started leading him out of the Bronze.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~