The life and times of Harry Potter
Once upon a time there was a boy, and he had nice parents. They got killed, and he almost got killed, and the guy who did it got almost killed and disappeared for a while. Harry lived with rotten relatives until he went to school. His first year of school he fought the almost dead bad guy who was using a wussy teacher. His second year of school he fought the almost dead guys spirit out of a book and a big dragonny type thing. His third year, his friends rat tried to kill him and he almost got his soul eatten. His fourth year he got a fellow student killed and fought the almost dead guy who used him to become not so dead. And after that, his story went out of fashion and nobody really cared what happened to him. Anyway, His fifth year, he got drunk and fought with usless minions of the bad guy. His sixth year, he tried to start a rock band and got this snotty upper class traitor guy thrown out of school. His seventh year was really exciting. He stomped on some useless minions of the bad guy, did some stuff he regretted later with a large number of female students, had the snobby traitor guy come back with more useless minions and beat him down, watched a big showdown between the bad guy and the really old principal guy who lost and died, though it still didnt make as good a battle scene as Gandalf VS the Balrog, won a drinking contest against the entire Slytherin house, participated in an idiotic riot that caused vandalism of most of the schools campus, fought the bad guy in a big high budget battle and beat him for unknown reasons related to better marketability of a young man over a skinny old man. He spent the remainder of his life on a well paying contract in Las Vegas as a greeter.