Now it's time for a self-insertion fic! YAY! Okey-dokey, this is my second fic. It was a huge hit with my friends, who are also in it, and a bigger hit with the voices in my head, who are in it too. PLEASE REVEIW!! Thank you!
Disclaimer: You knew it was coming...okay I don't own the FF7 charactors, but I wish I did. I do own myself ( I think ) the teachers, and my friends, and I wish I didn't. Go figure.... -_-;;;
ENJOY THE FICCY!!
*In deep announcer voice* AND NOW, WE PRESENT TO YOU,
HIGH SCHOOL GOES FINAL FANTASY 7
*Bell rings*
Mrs. M: Take your seats class. Today is the first day of a brand new school year. I hope you all have enjoyed your summer vacation. *Lightning strikes out the window behind her* ( In deep, evil voice ) Now that it's over, you belong to me! Mwahahahahahahaha!!
All: .................
Mrs. M: *sweatdrop* Heh heh....I mean, you belong in school.
( Suddenly a boy appars in the doorway )
Mrs. M: You're late. What is your name?
Sephy: Sephiroth.
Mrs. M: Well pick a seat and sit down.
Renoke: Oh, wow.
Alex: What?
Renoke: He's cute.
Alex: Who? Him? Oh, gag. He's the cute one. *Points to Vincent*
Vincent: Why are you pointing at me?
Alex: Oops. Sorry. *Blushes*
Mrs. M: Settle down, we're starting class now.
Cloud: *Waves his hand around* What class is this?
Mrs. M: Science.
All: *Groan*
Tifa: I have to go to the bathroom!
Mrs. M: Later. Now take out your textbooks....
Alex: Why?
Aeris: Science is so much fun!
Sephy: Shut the hell up.
Mrs. M: You are getting a check!
Sephy: What the hell is that?
Mrs. M: That's it! Your getting two!
Sephy: Two what?!
Mrs. M: Just keep it up!
Sephy: *sticks out his tongue at Mrs. M while her back is turned*
Renoke: He's smooth AND cute.
Alex: Oh brother.
Elena: This sucks. It's a waste of time. *Throws her book into the hallway*
Voice from the hallway: ARRRGG!! MY PLASTIC HIP!! OH THE PAIN!! ARRGGggg.....
Mrs.: M: *Ignoring the voice* Elena! That is school property!
Elena: So?
Mrs. M: So, you cannot do that to school property!
Cloud: Why?
Mrs. M: Will you people raise your hands?
All: *Raise their hands*
Mrs. M: Put your hands down!
Reno: You're the one who told us to put them up in the first place.
Mrs. M: Only when you want to talk!
All: Ooooh!
Mrs. M: All right. Wait here while I go get Miss Elena's textbook.
Sephy: Isn't she getting a damn check?!
Mrs. M: No, but you are!
Sephy: Damn bitch.
Mrs. M: WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?!
Sephy: I said....I want to pitch. You know, in gym?
Mrs. M: Oh, ok. *Leaves*
Reno: She's gone.
Alex: Nice going Elena! We can do whatever we want while she's gone!
R.J: Whoohoo! Everyone, throw your books out the window!
Tifa: Um....why?
R.J: Because it will be cool!
Tifa: How so?
R.J: We won't be able to have class without them!
All( Except Aeris ): SWEET!!
( Everyone throws their books out the window, except Aeris )
All( Except Aeris ): Whoohoo!
Cid: Hell ya'! *Takes out a pack of cigarettes*
Garcia: Give me one! *Reaches for a cigarette*
Cid: Get the %^&* away from my @#$%ing cigarettes!!
Alex: Oooh! I want one!
Sephy: Me too!
R.J: Whoohoo! Away, they are MINE!!!
Everyone else( Except Aeris ): I want one, too!
( All tackle Cid )
Aeris: Such childish behavior!
Tifa: Shut up. *Throws an apple from Mrs. M's desk at Aeris*
Aeris: OW! I'm telling my mommy!
Tifa: o_O; Your mom's dead.
Aeris: Oh, right.
R.J: Whoohoo! *Takes out a lighter and lights everyones cigarettes* I WIN!
Cid: Why the @^%$ do you need to smoke MY cigarettes?!
R.J: Cause I forgot my morning sniff of oregano^_^!!
Cid: *sweatdrop*
Alex: *Staring at her cigarette*
Tifa: What's wrong Alex?
Alex: I just remembered something.
All: What?
Alex: ^_^ I don't smoke!
All: *sweatdrop*
Alex: Oh well. *Throws her cigarette out the window. Instantly the books catch fire*
Alex: Whoopsy.
Cloud: We're all gonna die!! Hold me Tifa!! *Hugs Tifa*
Aeris: CLOUD!! *slaps Cloud*
Cloud: Okay, hold me Aeris?! *Hugs Aeris*
Tifa: CLOUD!! *Slaps Cloud*
Cloud: Fine! Hold me R.J.!! *Hugs R.J.*
R.J: *Blushes*
Tifa and Aeris: CLOUD!! ( Both slap Cloud )
Cloud: FINE!!! HOLD ME DESK!! *Hugs his desk*
Red XIII: Get a fire extinguisher!
( All grab Cait Sith and chuck him out the window )
( The flames are extinguished )
Cait Sith*From out the window*: OH THE PAIN!! I CAN FEEL MY MUSCLES TEARING!! Hey....five bucks...
R.J: ( Yells out the window ) THAT'S MY LUNCH MONEY, YOU BASTARD!!!
Reno: Hey, guys! I here Mrs. M comin' back!
Alex: ( Pulls R.J. from the window ) Come on, do you wanna get caught?!
R.J: NO, BUT HE HAS MY MONEY!! GIVE IT BACK, YOU HELL-DAMNED, CRISPY CAT!!!
Alex: Shut up! ( Drags R.J. to her chair )
Reno: I MEAN IT!! SHE'S COMING!!
Cid: Shit! Get rid of the cigarettes!
Renoke: Put them on Rudes chair!
Alex: Why?
Reno: Cause he won't yell if his pants catch on fire!!
Alex: Oh, okay then.
( Everyone throws their cigarettes on Rudes chair )
Reno: RUDE! Sit down, quick!
Rude: .............*Sits down*
( Mrs. M walks in )
Mrs. M: Alright class, I'm back.
( Everyone groans and scrambles back into their seats )
Mrs. M: Here you are, Elena. *Hands Elena a book* Now, if everyone would turn to page...
Cloud: I don't get it!
Mrs. M: I didn't even give you a page number.
Cloud: Oh....right...
Mrs. M: Turn to page 303 everybody. Sephiroth, will you read?
Sephy: No.
Mrs. M: Why?
Sephy: I don't have a book.
Mrs. M: Well, what did you do with it?
Sephy: Um.....Yuffie stole it!
Yuffie: *Who is trying to steal Aeris' ribbon* Who? Me?
( Cait Sith appears in the window )
Mrs. M: Cait Sith, what happened?!
Cait Sith: Well, I was consumed in a raging fire where half of my flesh and muscle tissue was burnt off, then, while I was climbing up here a squirrel sank his teeth into my still flaming skin and ripped off most of my remaining body tissue. After that, everywhere where I was still blackened from the fire peeled off slowly revealing my naked bones...
Mrs. M: *turns green*
( Mrs. M passes out )
Alex: Cool!
Red: Cait Sith is a robot.......
Cait Sith: So, she passed out didn't she?
R.J: Whoohoo! Gimme the cigs, Rude!
Yuffie: Let's get out of here!
Vincent: Quick, before she regains consciousness!
Sephy: ( Kicks Mrs. M in the head ) Heehee. Give ME a check will ya'....
( All run out the door )
Tifa: Hey, what's our next class?
Sephy: How the hell should we know?
Aeris: We have Math next.
Cid: %^&*.
Alex: Damnit all to hell, I hate math!
Renoke: Me too!
Tifa: Me three!
R.J: Me four!
Garcia: Me five!
Cloud: Me seven!
Alex: Um....what happened to six?
Cloud: That's why I hate math!
All: *sweatdrop*
Aeris: Math is fun!
All: Shut the hell up!
Aeris: I'm telling my mom!
Cloud: But, your mom's dead.
Aeris: Oh, right.
All: *Walk into math class*
*In Math Class*
Mrs. R: *With a Texan accent* Mornin' kids!
Sephy: *Mockingly with a Texan accent* Mornin' farmer R!
Mrs. R: You're gettin' a check!
Sephy: What exactly are the point of these checks?
Mrs. R: You're pushing your luck!
Sephy: Dumb bitch.
Mrs. R: WHAT?!
Sephy: I said my dog is a bitch. A female.
Mrs. M: Whatever. Okay, open your math books. We're gonna do some problems on the board.
Renoke: Damn board. How I loath thee.
Mrs. R: Vincent, do number 1 on the board.
Vincent: Damnit!
Mrs. R: Cloud, do number 2. Alex, you can do number 3. Reno, number 4, and Aeris can do number 5, and Yuffie can do 6.
Aeris: Hurray!
Alex: Freak!
Cloud: Do I have to?
Alex: Where's Yuffie?
Reno: I saw her leave with all of the extra chalk.....
Mrs. R: *Runs out of the room* YUFFIE!!
Cloud: *Runs to Mrs. R's desk and grabs the Teachers manual* Thank God.
Alex: Cloud, what's the answer to number 3?
Cloud: Um..56.
Alex: Thank you....*uses the last peice of chalk to write her answer*
R.J: Get out the cigarettes!
Cid: I don't have 'em.
R.J: Rude?
Rude:................*Shakes his head*
R.J: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO*Gasp*OOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO*Gasp*OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO*Gasp*OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cid: Hey, look what I got! *Holds out a 500 carton of cigarettes*
R.J: HELL YEAH! *Grabs the entire carton*
Cid: Hey, those are mine!
R.J: Quit your wining!
Cid: I'll kick you if you don't give 'em back!
R.J: You wouldn't kick a GIRL would you?
Cid: Try me.
Garcia: Hey, I still want one!
Cid: Hell no, they're MINE!
R.J: They're MINE!!
Garcia: They're MINE!!!
Cid: MINE!!!!
R.J: MINE!!!!
Garcia: MINE!!!!
( All tackle each other )
Yuffie: Heeheehee! *Steals the cigarettes while they fight*
( Mrs. R comes back in pulling Yuffie behind her )
( Everyone scrambles back to their seats )
Reno: ( Sarcastically ) Nice one, Yuffie!
Yuffie: *Kicks Reno in the shin* Shut up!
Sephy: Is Yuffie getting a check NOW?
Mrs. R: No, but would you like one, Mr. Tattletale?
Sephy: Son of a bitch!
Mrs. R: You asked fur it. Your gettin' three checks!
Sephy: WHAT IS A CHECK?!?!
Mrs. R: *Ignoring Sephy* All right, have you completed the problems on the board?
All: Yeeees.
Mrs. R: *Inspecting the board* Alex, correct. Vincent, correct. Reno, correct. Cloud...... *Sees Clouds problem: "1 + 1 = ?"* ....well you're just an idiot.
Mrs. R: Alright, time to go to music. Get out of my classroom, NOW!
( All race out the door )
Mrs. R: I'm too old for this. *Takes out a cigarette and starts smoking*
*In The Hall*
Aeris: Music is soooooo much fun!
Tifa: Will you get over it already? School sucks. Life sucks. This story sucks.
Cloud: I wanna go home!
Cid: I want my damn cigarettes!
R.J: So do I!
Garcia: I want more lines in this story!
Sephy: I WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE HELL A CHECK IS!!!
All: *Walk into the music room.*
*In The Music Room*
Mrs. D: Hello and good morning students. Please pick an instrument, as today we will be learning how to work in time and in tempo with others.
Garcia: Yeah, that's what she thinks.
R.J: I GET THE GUITAR!!
Sephy: I WANT THE GIUTAR!!
R.J: YOUR BAD!!
Sephy: Fine, I really wanted the drums anyway!
Mrs. D: Sorry Sephiroth, but every instrument has been taken except for this tambourine.
Sephy: GOD DAMNIT! *Takes the tambourine*
R.J: Yay! *Starts playing Garth Brooks' "Thunder-something or other"*
Tifa: I love Garth Brooks.
Aeris: Yeah, but Alan Jackson is WAY cooler.
Tifa: What crack are YOU sniffing? Garth Brooks could kick Alan Jackson's ass any day!
Aeris: Huh, you bitch! Alan Jackson scrubs his toilet with Garth Brooks!
Tifa: *Gasp* You dirty slut! *Slaps Aeris*
Aeris: Uh! *Slaps Tifa*
( This continues for a while )
R.J: *Stops playing* So young, so angry. Damn that country music!
Mrs. D: GIRLS! Stop fighting! Stop! STOP!
Sephy: *Sarcastically* Are you gonna' give them checks?
Mrs. D: NO, they are getting DETENTION!!
( Girls stop in their tracks )
Mrs. D: Now, sit down and play your instruments! Mr. Sephiroth, because you seem so concerned with the well-being of the other students, you can write!
Sephy: ARRGG!! WHY AM I BEING TORTURED?! WHY?! *Head falls on desk dramatically*
All: *Ignore Sephy and play their instruments*
Sephy: Fine, I will get my revenge soon enough!
Mrs. D: Write! Now I have to run an errand. Stay here and practice your scales. *Leaves*
Renoke: Why do the teachers keep leaving us unattended when they know we cause havoc and chaos when we are left alone?
Alex: They are stupid, that's why.
R.J: Makes sense to me.
Alex: It would.
Vincent: This bites.
Alex: I'm ditching this and going to lunch early. Are you with me?!
All: YEAH!!
Alex: Alright, let's move out! *Runs out the door*
Aeris: Are we going to follow her?
Tifa: Nope, we're just gonna' let her delude herself.
Cloud: Wow! A big word!
Tifa: *Slaps her forehead* I'm surrounded.
Alex: *From down the hallway* Aren't you coming?
Tifa: We'll catch up to you!
Alex: *From down the hallway* OKAY!
Sephy: Sucker.
Alex: *Re-appears in doorway* I heard that!!
Sephy: Whatever.
Tifa: That's it, I really am going to lunch.
Barret: We comin' too.
Tifa: Your in this fic?
Barret: Yeah, I just feel too old to be here. I'm like twenty fi'.
Tifa: Ok. To lunch!
( All run out the door )
Mrs. D: *Enters the room* Where did those kids go?
*In The Lunch Room*
Alex: I love lunch. It's my favorite time of the day!
Aeris: I can't believe we ditched two teachers in one day! I can't even imagine how this will tarnish my permanent record!
Tifa: Please, spare us.
Aeris: How can I? This may ruin my chances at college, I could end up a bum on the street selling toilet paper to people and telling them that it helps make their land suitable for plant life! Oh my God, I don't wanna be a bum! WAAAAAAAA!!!
Tifa: Would you just SHUT UP! *Throws her lunch at Aeris*
Aeris: ...............*Throws her lunch at Tifa. Tifa ducks and it hits Vincent*
Vincent: *Scowls and throws his lunch at Aeris, who ducks. Instead it hits Cloud*
Cloud: HEY!! *Throws his lunch at Vincent, who shields himself with Tifa*
Tifa: CLOUD!! *Throws Vincent at Cloud...Just kidding!.......throws a gelatin cup at Cloud who shields himself with Alex*
Alex: Grrrr. *Throws her lunch at Sephy because he's laughing at her*
R.J: *Is staring at her spork while food is flying past her* The spork is staring at me. *Gets hit in the head with a potato* You did that, didn't you? Die spork, DIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! *Breaks spork in half* I have gotten my revenge spork, but we shall meet again! *Turns around* WHO THREW THAT POTATO?!
Aeris: Oh, I did, I did!
R.J: Good. *Whacks Aeris upside the head with her lunch tray* That'll do, pig. That'll do. *Walks away grinning*
Aeris: Hi, my name is Chummy. I was born freshly bake-ed in Yummy Tummy land. Heh heh. *Falls over*
Cloud: AERIS! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Tifa: Grrrr! *Throws another gelatin cup at Cloud*
All: FOOD FIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!
( You can imagine what happened next. Everyone in the cafeteria started throwing their food at each other. R.J. jumped up on a table at one point and pelted the third graders that were visiting the school for a play with milk cartons. Alex knocked out Sephy with a soup ladle. Elena and Tseng disappeared again. Ewwww..... Cloud was ganged up on by the Seniors, and is passed out covered head to toe with tuna noodle casserole. Tifa and Aeris went to tray-to-tray combat. Cid is huddled in a corner smoking with Reno and Rude. Vincent is ducked behind a trash can. Barret took over the lunch ladies' jobs and helped dish out food to toss. Rufus and Renoke are watching all of this from the hall, laughing their asses off. Then, the teachers came. )
Principal: What is going on here?! *Gets hit in the head with a lunch tray* STOP THIS INSTANT!
( They don't )
Principal: STOP THIS INSTANT, DAMNIT!!! *Gets hit with a plate of brocoli*
( They don't )
Principal: TELETUBBIES ARE INVADING!!!!!!! *Gets hit straight in the face with a pudding cup*
( All stop in their tracks, scream, and run out the door. People who are passed out regain consciousness and join them )
Principal: *wipes the food from his face* There we go. All settled.
Alex: RUN, THE TELETUBBIES ARE INVADING!!
Aeris: GOD HELP US!!!
Tifa: I DON'T WANNA DIE AT THE HANDS OF TINKY-WINKY!!!!
Barret: Ain't that the one with the purse.......
All: ............
All: HEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPP UUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!
( They all climb up a tree outside )
Principal: *Runs outside* Where did they go?
Cloud: *From the tree* I don't see any Teletubbies.
Alex: *From the tree* No shit Sherlock.
Kiki: *From the tree* That's my line!
Alex: *From the tree* Who are you?
Kiki: *From the tree* I dunno.^_^
All: *sweatdrop*
Alex: *From the tree* Whatever.
Principal: HEY YOU KIDS! GET DOWN HERE!!
Cloud: *From the tree* Are the Teletubbies gone?
Principal: YES!!
Renoke: *From the tree* Are they dead?
Principal: YES!!!
Kiki: *From the tree* How did you kill them?
Principal: A FLAMETHROWER, OKAY?! GET DOWN HERE NOW!!!
Sephy: Okay. *Jumps down from the tree*
( Everyone jumps from the tree )
Principal: Now..I can't deal with you right now. Go to your next class, and I'll have that teacher tell you what your punishment is.
Kiki: Can I go with them?
Principal: Yes. Just go. *Walks back into the school*
Alex: What do we have this afternoon?
Aeris: English.
Reno: Great. We can die of boredom before we get in trouble.
Alex: That solves that problem.
*In English Class*
Mrs. Z: I heard about that little stunt you pulled in the cafeteria.
Kiki: I didn't. I'm not in this class, I just got here.
Mrs. Z: Who are you?
Kiki: I dunno.^_^
Mrs. Z: *sweatdrop* Um...anyway the principal has informed me that you will start your three month long detention tomorrow.
All: *Unenthusiastically* Yay.
Mrs. Z: Until then you will all receive fifteen checks and write this entire period.
All: *groan*
Sephy: What the hell is a check?! Why does everyone refuse to explain this to me?!
Mrs. Z: Sephiroth! How dare you use such language in my classroom! That's FIVE MORE checks for you!
Sephy: ARRRGGGHH!!! Fine, I DON'T CARE ANYMORE!!!
Mrs. Z: Be quiet! Now, Aeris, would you please pass out a piece of paper to every student?
Aeris: Yes, I would love to Ma'am.
Reno: Suck up.
Aeris: *Raises her hand and points at Reno* He hurt my feelings!
Tifa: Oh God, not again!
Reno: *To R.J.* I don't think you hit her hard enough.
Mrs. Z: Reno, apologize to Aeris or-
Sephy: *Hopeful voice* He'll get a check?
Mrs. Z: Precisely.
Sephy: THANK YOU!!
Mrs. Z: And so will you.
Sephy: GRRRR!! OMAE O KOROSU!!! *Tries to get up and kill Mrs. Z but Alex and Renoke who sit behind him hold him back*
Alex: No....don't....you'll get more checks!
Sephy: I don't care! I deserve this! Just let me decapitate her, nice and simple! I'll even clean up the blood! PLEEEEEEEESE!!!!!
Renoke: NO! Just...sit! *Ties him to his chair*
Sephy: PLEASE! HANASE!! I NEED TO KILL! I NEED TO KILL HER!! OMAE O KOROSU!!
Mrs. Z: Maybe someone should take him to the nurses office. He isn't speaking English.
Sephy: NOOOO!! MUST KILL MRS. Z!! KILL!! KOROSU!!
Alex: No, not necessary. I'm sure he's fine.
Sephy: KILL!!!
Alex: Heh. *Puts her hand over Sephy's mouth to keep him from talking*
Sephy: *Muffled* Kill!!
Renoke: Shut up or we'll put Reno's sock in your mouth!
Sephy: ..............
Alex: Good one.
Renoke: Thank you.
Mrs. Z: Now, if we can continue with class. I am going to put what you are to write on the projector. Cloud and Garc-e-a, will you plug in the projector?
Garcia: It's pronounced Gar-sha.
Mrs. Z: Whatever. Just plug in the projector.
Cloud and Garcia: YAY!!!!
( Run up to the center of the room and turn on the projector thingy )
Cloud: Oooooh. A light!
Garcia: Pretty!
Cloud: Ooooh, aaaahhh! I LIKE it!
Garcia: It's pretty-ful!
Cloud: It's like a firefly!
Garcia: *Drools*
Cloud: *Drools*
( Both sway stupidly, apparently hypnotized by the light on the side of the projector )
Mrs. Z: Boys, are you alright?
Both: Pret......ty!
All: *sweatdrop*
Alex: *Claps* CLOUD!! GARCIA!!
Cait Sith: *Through his megaphone* WAKE UP!!!
Both: Pretty!
Renoke: They are getting dumber every day.
Kiki: Well that's scary.
Tifa: CLOUD!!!
Red XIII: I have an idea! Cloud, Garcia, Look quick! Tifa and Aeris are naked!!
Cloud and Garcia: WHERE?! WHERE?!
Tifa: Why you little......*Punches Red, Cloud and Garcia* Baka's.
Aeris: YEAH! *Beats them over the head with her bookbag*
Cloud: My bologna is yummy! *Passes out*
Garcia: Heh heh. Oregano is a good cocaine substitute! *Passes out*
Red XIII: Seven silly swans swam along the seash.....! *Passes out*
All: *sweatdrop*
Cloud: *Wakes up* GOATS! *Passes out again*
Garcia: *Wakes up* SPOOOOOOOOOOR....K! *Passes out again*
All: *BIG sweatdrop*
( Yuffie secretively pulls the fire alarm and Reno sets off a smoke bomb. The room is full of smoke )
Tifa: AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Alex: What do we do?!
Aeris: I DON'T WANNA' DIIIIIEEEEE!!!! *Clings to Rude*
Rude: ...........*Blushes*
Mrs. Z: You...girl!
Kiki: Me?
Mrs. Z: YES! What's your name?!
Kiki: I dunno.^_^
Mrs. Z: Just grab Cloud, Garcia and Red! The rest of you, get outside!
All: *Run outside. Again.*
*Outside*
Alex: That was the best first day of school ever.
Renoke: Yeah.
R.J: Maybe we shouldn't have brought the final fantasy 7 characters with us to high school.
( Look at each other )
All: Nah.
( They lean back and watch their teacher chase Elena and Tseng around, Cloud being pulled at by Aeris and Tifa, and Vincent, Sephiroth, and Cid chase Yuffie cause she stole their stuff )
Alex: I love high school.
Kiki: Me too!
R.J: Who are you again?
Kiki: I dunno.^_^
Alex: You're weird.
Kiki: We all are Alex, we all are.
THE END
THE END
Tifa: You said that already.
Author: I'm trying to end this fic! Be quiet!
Aeris: We don't wanna.
Author: Fine, have it your way. *Snaps her fingers and Tifa and Aeris turn into chickens*
Ed( From "Edd, Ed and Eddy" ) CHICKENS! I LOVE CHICKENS!!! *Chases Tifa and Aeris off screen*
Author: For real this time, I swear it.
THE END
Disclaimer: You knew it was coming...okay I don't own the FF7 charactors, but I wish I did. I do own myself ( I think ) the teachers, and my friends, and I wish I didn't. Go figure.... -_-;;;
ENJOY THE FICCY!!
*In deep announcer voice* AND NOW, WE PRESENT TO YOU,
HIGH SCHOOL GOES FINAL FANTASY 7
*Bell rings*
Mrs. M: Take your seats class. Today is the first day of a brand new school year. I hope you all have enjoyed your summer vacation. *Lightning strikes out the window behind her* ( In deep, evil voice ) Now that it's over, you belong to me! Mwahahahahahahaha!!
All: .................
Mrs. M: *sweatdrop* Heh heh....I mean, you belong in school.
( Suddenly a boy appars in the doorway )
Mrs. M: You're late. What is your name?
Sephy: Sephiroth.
Mrs. M: Well pick a seat and sit down.
Renoke: Oh, wow.
Alex: What?
Renoke: He's cute.
Alex: Who? Him? Oh, gag. He's the cute one. *Points to Vincent*
Vincent: Why are you pointing at me?
Alex: Oops. Sorry. *Blushes*
Mrs. M: Settle down, we're starting class now.
Cloud: *Waves his hand around* What class is this?
Mrs. M: Science.
All: *Groan*
Tifa: I have to go to the bathroom!
Mrs. M: Later. Now take out your textbooks....
Alex: Why?
Aeris: Science is so much fun!
Sephy: Shut the hell up.
Mrs. M: You are getting a check!
Sephy: What the hell is that?
Mrs. M: That's it! Your getting two!
Sephy: Two what?!
Mrs. M: Just keep it up!
Sephy: *sticks out his tongue at Mrs. M while her back is turned*
Renoke: He's smooth AND cute.
Alex: Oh brother.
Elena: This sucks. It's a waste of time. *Throws her book into the hallway*
Voice from the hallway: ARRRGG!! MY PLASTIC HIP!! OH THE PAIN!! ARRGGggg.....
Mrs.: M: *Ignoring the voice* Elena! That is school property!
Elena: So?
Mrs. M: So, you cannot do that to school property!
Cloud: Why?
Mrs. M: Will you people raise your hands?
All: *Raise their hands*
Mrs. M: Put your hands down!
Reno: You're the one who told us to put them up in the first place.
Mrs. M: Only when you want to talk!
All: Ooooh!
Mrs. M: All right. Wait here while I go get Miss Elena's textbook.
Sephy: Isn't she getting a damn check?!
Mrs. M: No, but you are!
Sephy: Damn bitch.
Mrs. M: WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?!
Sephy: I said....I want to pitch. You know, in gym?
Mrs. M: Oh, ok. *Leaves*
Reno: She's gone.
Alex: Nice going Elena! We can do whatever we want while she's gone!
R.J: Whoohoo! Everyone, throw your books out the window!
Tifa: Um....why?
R.J: Because it will be cool!
Tifa: How so?
R.J: We won't be able to have class without them!
All( Except Aeris ): SWEET!!
( Everyone throws their books out the window, except Aeris )
All( Except Aeris ): Whoohoo!
Cid: Hell ya'! *Takes out a pack of cigarettes*
Garcia: Give me one! *Reaches for a cigarette*
Cid: Get the %^&* away from my @#$%ing cigarettes!!
Alex: Oooh! I want one!
Sephy: Me too!
R.J: Whoohoo! Away, they are MINE!!!
Everyone else( Except Aeris ): I want one, too!
( All tackle Cid )
Aeris: Such childish behavior!
Tifa: Shut up. *Throws an apple from Mrs. M's desk at Aeris*
Aeris: OW! I'm telling my mommy!
Tifa: o_O; Your mom's dead.
Aeris: Oh, right.
R.J: Whoohoo! *Takes out a lighter and lights everyones cigarettes* I WIN!
Cid: Why the @^%$ do you need to smoke MY cigarettes?!
R.J: Cause I forgot my morning sniff of oregano^_^!!
Cid: *sweatdrop*
Alex: *Staring at her cigarette*
Tifa: What's wrong Alex?
Alex: I just remembered something.
All: What?
Alex: ^_^ I don't smoke!
All: *sweatdrop*
Alex: Oh well. *Throws her cigarette out the window. Instantly the books catch fire*
Alex: Whoopsy.
Cloud: We're all gonna die!! Hold me Tifa!! *Hugs Tifa*
Aeris: CLOUD!! *slaps Cloud*
Cloud: Okay, hold me Aeris?! *Hugs Aeris*
Tifa: CLOUD!! *Slaps Cloud*
Cloud: Fine! Hold me R.J.!! *Hugs R.J.*
R.J: *Blushes*
Tifa and Aeris: CLOUD!! ( Both slap Cloud )
Cloud: FINE!!! HOLD ME DESK!! *Hugs his desk*
Red XIII: Get a fire extinguisher!
( All grab Cait Sith and chuck him out the window )
( The flames are extinguished )
Cait Sith*From out the window*: OH THE PAIN!! I CAN FEEL MY MUSCLES TEARING!! Hey....five bucks...
R.J: ( Yells out the window ) THAT'S MY LUNCH MONEY, YOU BASTARD!!!
Reno: Hey, guys! I here Mrs. M comin' back!
Alex: ( Pulls R.J. from the window ) Come on, do you wanna get caught?!
R.J: NO, BUT HE HAS MY MONEY!! GIVE IT BACK, YOU HELL-DAMNED, CRISPY CAT!!!
Alex: Shut up! ( Drags R.J. to her chair )
Reno: I MEAN IT!! SHE'S COMING!!
Cid: Shit! Get rid of the cigarettes!
Renoke: Put them on Rudes chair!
Alex: Why?
Reno: Cause he won't yell if his pants catch on fire!!
Alex: Oh, okay then.
( Everyone throws their cigarettes on Rudes chair )
Reno: RUDE! Sit down, quick!
Rude: .............*Sits down*
( Mrs. M walks in )
Mrs. M: Alright class, I'm back.
( Everyone groans and scrambles back into their seats )
Mrs. M: Here you are, Elena. *Hands Elena a book* Now, if everyone would turn to page...
Cloud: I don't get it!
Mrs. M: I didn't even give you a page number.
Cloud: Oh....right...
Mrs. M: Turn to page 303 everybody. Sephiroth, will you read?
Sephy: No.
Mrs. M: Why?
Sephy: I don't have a book.
Mrs. M: Well, what did you do with it?
Sephy: Um.....Yuffie stole it!
Yuffie: *Who is trying to steal Aeris' ribbon* Who? Me?
( Cait Sith appears in the window )
Mrs. M: Cait Sith, what happened?!
Cait Sith: Well, I was consumed in a raging fire where half of my flesh and muscle tissue was burnt off, then, while I was climbing up here a squirrel sank his teeth into my still flaming skin and ripped off most of my remaining body tissue. After that, everywhere where I was still blackened from the fire peeled off slowly revealing my naked bones...
Mrs. M: *turns green*
( Mrs. M passes out )
Alex: Cool!
Red: Cait Sith is a robot.......
Cait Sith: So, she passed out didn't she?
R.J: Whoohoo! Gimme the cigs, Rude!
Yuffie: Let's get out of here!
Vincent: Quick, before she regains consciousness!
Sephy: ( Kicks Mrs. M in the head ) Heehee. Give ME a check will ya'....
( All run out the door )
Tifa: Hey, what's our next class?
Sephy: How the hell should we know?
Aeris: We have Math next.
Cid: %^&*.
Alex: Damnit all to hell, I hate math!
Renoke: Me too!
Tifa: Me three!
R.J: Me four!
Garcia: Me five!
Cloud: Me seven!
Alex: Um....what happened to six?
Cloud: That's why I hate math!
All: *sweatdrop*
Aeris: Math is fun!
All: Shut the hell up!
Aeris: I'm telling my mom!
Cloud: But, your mom's dead.
Aeris: Oh, right.
All: *Walk into math class*
*In Math Class*
Mrs. R: *With a Texan accent* Mornin' kids!
Sephy: *Mockingly with a Texan accent* Mornin' farmer R!
Mrs. R: You're gettin' a check!
Sephy: What exactly are the point of these checks?
Mrs. R: You're pushing your luck!
Sephy: Dumb bitch.
Mrs. R: WHAT?!
Sephy: I said my dog is a bitch. A female.
Mrs. M: Whatever. Okay, open your math books. We're gonna do some problems on the board.
Renoke: Damn board. How I loath thee.
Mrs. R: Vincent, do number 1 on the board.
Vincent: Damnit!
Mrs. R: Cloud, do number 2. Alex, you can do number 3. Reno, number 4, and Aeris can do number 5, and Yuffie can do 6.
Aeris: Hurray!
Alex: Freak!
Cloud: Do I have to?
Alex: Where's Yuffie?
Reno: I saw her leave with all of the extra chalk.....
Mrs. R: *Runs out of the room* YUFFIE!!
Cloud: *Runs to Mrs. R's desk and grabs the Teachers manual* Thank God.
Alex: Cloud, what's the answer to number 3?
Cloud: Um..56.
Alex: Thank you....*uses the last peice of chalk to write her answer*
R.J: Get out the cigarettes!
Cid: I don't have 'em.
R.J: Rude?
Rude:................*Shakes his head*
R.J: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO*Gasp*OOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO*Gasp*OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO*Gasp*OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cid: Hey, look what I got! *Holds out a 500 carton of cigarettes*
R.J: HELL YEAH! *Grabs the entire carton*
Cid: Hey, those are mine!
R.J: Quit your wining!
Cid: I'll kick you if you don't give 'em back!
R.J: You wouldn't kick a GIRL would you?
Cid: Try me.
Garcia: Hey, I still want one!
Cid: Hell no, they're MINE!
R.J: They're MINE!!
Garcia: They're MINE!!!
Cid: MINE!!!!
R.J: MINE!!!!
Garcia: MINE!!!!
( All tackle each other )
Yuffie: Heeheehee! *Steals the cigarettes while they fight*
( Mrs. R comes back in pulling Yuffie behind her )
( Everyone scrambles back to their seats )
Reno: ( Sarcastically ) Nice one, Yuffie!
Yuffie: *Kicks Reno in the shin* Shut up!
Sephy: Is Yuffie getting a check NOW?
Mrs. R: No, but would you like one, Mr. Tattletale?
Sephy: Son of a bitch!
Mrs. R: You asked fur it. Your gettin' three checks!
Sephy: WHAT IS A CHECK?!?!
Mrs. R: *Ignoring Sephy* All right, have you completed the problems on the board?
All: Yeeees.
Mrs. R: *Inspecting the board* Alex, correct. Vincent, correct. Reno, correct. Cloud...... *Sees Clouds problem: "1 + 1 = ?"* ....well you're just an idiot.
Mrs. R: Alright, time to go to music. Get out of my classroom, NOW!
( All race out the door )
Mrs. R: I'm too old for this. *Takes out a cigarette and starts smoking*
*In The Hall*
Aeris: Music is soooooo much fun!
Tifa: Will you get over it already? School sucks. Life sucks. This story sucks.
Cloud: I wanna go home!
Cid: I want my damn cigarettes!
R.J: So do I!
Garcia: I want more lines in this story!
Sephy: I WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE HELL A CHECK IS!!!
All: *Walk into the music room.*
*In The Music Room*
Mrs. D: Hello and good morning students. Please pick an instrument, as today we will be learning how to work in time and in tempo with others.
Garcia: Yeah, that's what she thinks.
R.J: I GET THE GUITAR!!
Sephy: I WANT THE GIUTAR!!
R.J: YOUR BAD!!
Sephy: Fine, I really wanted the drums anyway!
Mrs. D: Sorry Sephiroth, but every instrument has been taken except for this tambourine.
Sephy: GOD DAMNIT! *Takes the tambourine*
R.J: Yay! *Starts playing Garth Brooks' "Thunder-something or other"*
Tifa: I love Garth Brooks.
Aeris: Yeah, but Alan Jackson is WAY cooler.
Tifa: What crack are YOU sniffing? Garth Brooks could kick Alan Jackson's ass any day!
Aeris: Huh, you bitch! Alan Jackson scrubs his toilet with Garth Brooks!
Tifa: *Gasp* You dirty slut! *Slaps Aeris*
Aeris: Uh! *Slaps Tifa*
( This continues for a while )
R.J: *Stops playing* So young, so angry. Damn that country music!
Mrs. D: GIRLS! Stop fighting! Stop! STOP!
Sephy: *Sarcastically* Are you gonna' give them checks?
Mrs. D: NO, they are getting DETENTION!!
( Girls stop in their tracks )
Mrs. D: Now, sit down and play your instruments! Mr. Sephiroth, because you seem so concerned with the well-being of the other students, you can write!
Sephy: ARRGG!! WHY AM I BEING TORTURED?! WHY?! *Head falls on desk dramatically*
All: *Ignore Sephy and play their instruments*
Sephy: Fine, I will get my revenge soon enough!
Mrs. D: Write! Now I have to run an errand. Stay here and practice your scales. *Leaves*
Renoke: Why do the teachers keep leaving us unattended when they know we cause havoc and chaos when we are left alone?
Alex: They are stupid, that's why.
R.J: Makes sense to me.
Alex: It would.
Vincent: This bites.
Alex: I'm ditching this and going to lunch early. Are you with me?!
All: YEAH!!
Alex: Alright, let's move out! *Runs out the door*
Aeris: Are we going to follow her?
Tifa: Nope, we're just gonna' let her delude herself.
Cloud: Wow! A big word!
Tifa: *Slaps her forehead* I'm surrounded.
Alex: *From down the hallway* Aren't you coming?
Tifa: We'll catch up to you!
Alex: *From down the hallway* OKAY!
Sephy: Sucker.
Alex: *Re-appears in doorway* I heard that!!
Sephy: Whatever.
Tifa: That's it, I really am going to lunch.
Barret: We comin' too.
Tifa: Your in this fic?
Barret: Yeah, I just feel too old to be here. I'm like twenty fi'.
Tifa: Ok. To lunch!
( All run out the door )
Mrs. D: *Enters the room* Where did those kids go?
*In The Lunch Room*
Alex: I love lunch. It's my favorite time of the day!
Aeris: I can't believe we ditched two teachers in one day! I can't even imagine how this will tarnish my permanent record!
Tifa: Please, spare us.
Aeris: How can I? This may ruin my chances at college, I could end up a bum on the street selling toilet paper to people and telling them that it helps make their land suitable for plant life! Oh my God, I don't wanna be a bum! WAAAAAAAA!!!
Tifa: Would you just SHUT UP! *Throws her lunch at Aeris*
Aeris: ...............*Throws her lunch at Tifa. Tifa ducks and it hits Vincent*
Vincent: *Scowls and throws his lunch at Aeris, who ducks. Instead it hits Cloud*
Cloud: HEY!! *Throws his lunch at Vincent, who shields himself with Tifa*
Tifa: CLOUD!! *Throws Vincent at Cloud...Just kidding!.......throws a gelatin cup at Cloud who shields himself with Alex*
Alex: Grrrr. *Throws her lunch at Sephy because he's laughing at her*
R.J: *Is staring at her spork while food is flying past her* The spork is staring at me. *Gets hit in the head with a potato* You did that, didn't you? Die spork, DIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! *Breaks spork in half* I have gotten my revenge spork, but we shall meet again! *Turns around* WHO THREW THAT POTATO?!
Aeris: Oh, I did, I did!
R.J: Good. *Whacks Aeris upside the head with her lunch tray* That'll do, pig. That'll do. *Walks away grinning*
Aeris: Hi, my name is Chummy. I was born freshly bake-ed in Yummy Tummy land. Heh heh. *Falls over*
Cloud: AERIS! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Tifa: Grrrr! *Throws another gelatin cup at Cloud*
All: FOOD FIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!
( You can imagine what happened next. Everyone in the cafeteria started throwing their food at each other. R.J. jumped up on a table at one point and pelted the third graders that were visiting the school for a play with milk cartons. Alex knocked out Sephy with a soup ladle. Elena and Tseng disappeared again. Ewwww..... Cloud was ganged up on by the Seniors, and is passed out covered head to toe with tuna noodle casserole. Tifa and Aeris went to tray-to-tray combat. Cid is huddled in a corner smoking with Reno and Rude. Vincent is ducked behind a trash can. Barret took over the lunch ladies' jobs and helped dish out food to toss. Rufus and Renoke are watching all of this from the hall, laughing their asses off. Then, the teachers came. )
Principal: What is going on here?! *Gets hit in the head with a lunch tray* STOP THIS INSTANT!
( They don't )
Principal: STOP THIS INSTANT, DAMNIT!!! *Gets hit with a plate of brocoli*
( They don't )
Principal: TELETUBBIES ARE INVADING!!!!!!! *Gets hit straight in the face with a pudding cup*
( All stop in their tracks, scream, and run out the door. People who are passed out regain consciousness and join them )
Principal: *wipes the food from his face* There we go. All settled.
Alex: RUN, THE TELETUBBIES ARE INVADING!!
Aeris: GOD HELP US!!!
Tifa: I DON'T WANNA DIE AT THE HANDS OF TINKY-WINKY!!!!
Barret: Ain't that the one with the purse.......
All: ............
All: HEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPP UUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!
( They all climb up a tree outside )
Principal: *Runs outside* Where did they go?
Cloud: *From the tree* I don't see any Teletubbies.
Alex: *From the tree* No shit Sherlock.
Kiki: *From the tree* That's my line!
Alex: *From the tree* Who are you?
Kiki: *From the tree* I dunno.^_^
All: *sweatdrop*
Alex: *From the tree* Whatever.
Principal: HEY YOU KIDS! GET DOWN HERE!!
Cloud: *From the tree* Are the Teletubbies gone?
Principal: YES!!
Renoke: *From the tree* Are they dead?
Principal: YES!!!
Kiki: *From the tree* How did you kill them?
Principal: A FLAMETHROWER, OKAY?! GET DOWN HERE NOW!!!
Sephy: Okay. *Jumps down from the tree*
( Everyone jumps from the tree )
Principal: Now..I can't deal with you right now. Go to your next class, and I'll have that teacher tell you what your punishment is.
Kiki: Can I go with them?
Principal: Yes. Just go. *Walks back into the school*
Alex: What do we have this afternoon?
Aeris: English.
Reno: Great. We can die of boredom before we get in trouble.
Alex: That solves that problem.
*In English Class*
Mrs. Z: I heard about that little stunt you pulled in the cafeteria.
Kiki: I didn't. I'm not in this class, I just got here.
Mrs. Z: Who are you?
Kiki: I dunno.^_^
Mrs. Z: *sweatdrop* Um...anyway the principal has informed me that you will start your three month long detention tomorrow.
All: *Unenthusiastically* Yay.
Mrs. Z: Until then you will all receive fifteen checks and write this entire period.
All: *groan*
Sephy: What the hell is a check?! Why does everyone refuse to explain this to me?!
Mrs. Z: Sephiroth! How dare you use such language in my classroom! That's FIVE MORE checks for you!
Sephy: ARRRGGGHH!!! Fine, I DON'T CARE ANYMORE!!!
Mrs. Z: Be quiet! Now, Aeris, would you please pass out a piece of paper to every student?
Aeris: Yes, I would love to Ma'am.
Reno: Suck up.
Aeris: *Raises her hand and points at Reno* He hurt my feelings!
Tifa: Oh God, not again!
Reno: *To R.J.* I don't think you hit her hard enough.
Mrs. Z: Reno, apologize to Aeris or-
Sephy: *Hopeful voice* He'll get a check?
Mrs. Z: Precisely.
Sephy: THANK YOU!!
Mrs. Z: And so will you.
Sephy: GRRRR!! OMAE O KOROSU!!! *Tries to get up and kill Mrs. Z but Alex and Renoke who sit behind him hold him back*
Alex: No....don't....you'll get more checks!
Sephy: I don't care! I deserve this! Just let me decapitate her, nice and simple! I'll even clean up the blood! PLEEEEEEEESE!!!!!
Renoke: NO! Just...sit! *Ties him to his chair*
Sephy: PLEASE! HANASE!! I NEED TO KILL! I NEED TO KILL HER!! OMAE O KOROSU!!
Mrs. Z: Maybe someone should take him to the nurses office. He isn't speaking English.
Sephy: NOOOO!! MUST KILL MRS. Z!! KILL!! KOROSU!!
Alex: No, not necessary. I'm sure he's fine.
Sephy: KILL!!!
Alex: Heh. *Puts her hand over Sephy's mouth to keep him from talking*
Sephy: *Muffled* Kill!!
Renoke: Shut up or we'll put Reno's sock in your mouth!
Sephy: ..............
Alex: Good one.
Renoke: Thank you.
Mrs. Z: Now, if we can continue with class. I am going to put what you are to write on the projector. Cloud and Garc-e-a, will you plug in the projector?
Garcia: It's pronounced Gar-sha.
Mrs. Z: Whatever. Just plug in the projector.
Cloud and Garcia: YAY!!!!
( Run up to the center of the room and turn on the projector thingy )
Cloud: Oooooh. A light!
Garcia: Pretty!
Cloud: Ooooh, aaaahhh! I LIKE it!
Garcia: It's pretty-ful!
Cloud: It's like a firefly!
Garcia: *Drools*
Cloud: *Drools*
( Both sway stupidly, apparently hypnotized by the light on the side of the projector )
Mrs. Z: Boys, are you alright?
Both: Pret......ty!
All: *sweatdrop*
Alex: *Claps* CLOUD!! GARCIA!!
Cait Sith: *Through his megaphone* WAKE UP!!!
Both: Pretty!
Renoke: They are getting dumber every day.
Kiki: Well that's scary.
Tifa: CLOUD!!!
Red XIII: I have an idea! Cloud, Garcia, Look quick! Tifa and Aeris are naked!!
Cloud and Garcia: WHERE?! WHERE?!
Tifa: Why you little......*Punches Red, Cloud and Garcia* Baka's.
Aeris: YEAH! *Beats them over the head with her bookbag*
Cloud: My bologna is yummy! *Passes out*
Garcia: Heh heh. Oregano is a good cocaine substitute! *Passes out*
Red XIII: Seven silly swans swam along the seash.....! *Passes out*
All: *sweatdrop*
Cloud: *Wakes up* GOATS! *Passes out again*
Garcia: *Wakes up* SPOOOOOOOOOOR....K! *Passes out again*
All: *BIG sweatdrop*
( Yuffie secretively pulls the fire alarm and Reno sets off a smoke bomb. The room is full of smoke )
Tifa: AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Alex: What do we do?!
Aeris: I DON'T WANNA' DIIIIIEEEEE!!!! *Clings to Rude*
Rude: ...........*Blushes*
Mrs. Z: You...girl!
Kiki: Me?
Mrs. Z: YES! What's your name?!
Kiki: I dunno.^_^
Mrs. Z: Just grab Cloud, Garcia and Red! The rest of you, get outside!
All: *Run outside. Again.*
*Outside*
Alex: That was the best first day of school ever.
Renoke: Yeah.
R.J: Maybe we shouldn't have brought the final fantasy 7 characters with us to high school.
( Look at each other )
All: Nah.
( They lean back and watch their teacher chase Elena and Tseng around, Cloud being pulled at by Aeris and Tifa, and Vincent, Sephiroth, and Cid chase Yuffie cause she stole their stuff )
Alex: I love high school.
Kiki: Me too!
R.J: Who are you again?
Kiki: I dunno.^_^
Alex: You're weird.
Kiki: We all are Alex, we all are.
THE END
THE END
Tifa: You said that already.
Author: I'm trying to end this fic! Be quiet!
Aeris: We don't wanna.
Author: Fine, have it your way. *Snaps her fingers and Tifa and Aeris turn into chickens*
Ed( From "Edd, Ed and Eddy" ) CHICKENS! I LOVE CHICKENS!!! *Chases Tifa and Aeris off screen*
Author: For real this time, I swear it.
THE END