Everything You Want
By: SleepyAngel
Angels Who Won't Return
The kiss was so automatic, Jean didn't even feel any emotion attached to it
anymore. Scott would come, kiss, eat, leave again for class. She felt silly for suddenly
finding something wrong with this schedule they'd kept for so long. But wasn't love
supposed to be spontaneous, so unpredictable you just craved more?
Love wasn't supposed to be anything set, specific; that was the point. It was
different for each couple. Jean knew that the relationship she and Scott shared would be
alien to the one she and Logan would have.
With a start, she shook away the thought. She couldn't be thinking of that,
especially with Scott dropping hints about an engagement, any day now. A year ago,
maybe even less than that, she would've been ecstatic, chattering to Orroro about
arrangements, dresses, maid-of-honor decisions. The joy of a marriage would take away
the sting of a family she'd lost to gain these powers, the relationships she'd made at the
School. It was never completely buried in her mind; it always lurked near the surface. Only
the Professor knew, understood, her pain and he kept it to himself, occasionally
comforting her mentally, soothing emotions no one could express in words.
Marriage shouldn't be an escape. That much, she knew, and if she married Scott
now, she knew it would be because she didn't want to take the confusing feelings that
came along with Logan and his own past. If he'd never come to the School, she'd still be
happy, the empty spaces filled with a love she thought no one else could experience. The
filling sand had run out when she'd met two as jumbled as she: Logan and Marie, both
complex puzzles in their own.
Marie's puzzle could never be un-jigsawed. If only one person could give her a
hug, a slight squeeze, skin to skin, the pieces would fall into place, barely a break in the
picture visible. With her mutation, she was isolated, alone in her misery. Jean had wished
to hold the girl, understanding the alienation, even if she couldn't feel it as deeply as Marie
did. Only, one man kept the two from sharing anything more than random hellos in the
hall. Logan kept so many people away from himself, that something about him drove
Marie and Jean crazy with mixed feelings that came with a mixed man.
Logan's past would never be found; she had perceived this as soon as she had
probed his green thoughts, seen the terrible memories he lived with. The people
responsible for his metal bones and mixed animal instincts had covered themselves, never
wanting the the interference of finding what would happen to the monster they created.
Logan could search the rest of his life, and still be caught in green water and painful metal.
.........Jean, come see me please.......
Jean replied to the Professor with yes, and left to his office, glad to leave the
solitary loneliness of her and Scott's apartment. She needed some one who understood this
being clogged down with one's own thoughts, and having to deal with everyone elses' too.
Whenever she got distracted, all the problems in the school flooded in, creating a very
disasterous headache.
She hurried across the halls, realizing too late that she had forgotten shoes and was
shuffling around in socks. She shrugged as she opened the door to the Professor's office.
He wouldn't mind, though she knew Scott would frown with disapproval, thinking she was
acting childish and needed him there to tie her shoes. The more Jean thought about Scott's
behavior concerning her responsibility, the less it seemed protective and the more it
seemed annoying or even obsessive.
The Professor chuckled when she sat on the couch in his living space. "Love is too
confusing, isn't it?" Jean blushed, hiding her face, but unable to close her mind off behind
her hair in the same way. She didn't answer and had no need to; the Professor could hear
her thoughts as if she were shouting at the top of her lungs. His face was grim, a drastic
change from the merriment that had marked his face earlier. "Logan is running into his
past and you and I can hear those confused thoughts from thousands of miles away. He
found the military base, Jean."
She finally looked the Professor, her whole face shocked. "Military base? I
thought...I thought..."
The Professor's ironic smile, the one that told he he'd already heard the sentence
before you said it, appeared on his face and he replied, "No, I wasn't leading him on and
saying there was one just to rest his mind. I have better ways of reassuring him that the
torture had happened and he wasn't dreaming up green scenes. I had to keep my promise
to him."
Jean didn't ask what promise, knowing he wouldn't reply, and instead asked, "Why
did you have to do that, give him an answer that you know would send him away? Some
of us were growing attached, you know." She covered her mouth as soon as the words
had left her lips. Even if the Professor already knew about her confused feelings for
Logan, she didn't have to announce them verbally. But it was already too late.
The Professor sighed, not amused as he usually would be at Jean's bumble. "You
know why. You could hear his thoughts bursting at the insides of his mind, just pushing to
be free and none of us could have put up with it for long. Even the students seemed to feel
the depressing state of Logan's mind." Jean clenched her teeth, not liking how the
Professor characterized Logan as a burden. His thoughts had been loud and demanding,
but the person of him was just so intriguing she didn't mind at all. "He has a right to know
his past, like all of us, to satisfy that inner hunger and yearning. I don't know if he will ever
be complete, but at least he'll be closer to it."
Jean nodded. "I understand. I do want him to understand his past. Really, I do. It's
just...well, what if he's changed by what he finds? I can't, I don't want to, have to deal with
a new, different Logan. I miss the old one and will if a new one shows up."
The Professor nodded, his eyes soft with understanding. "None of us will know how he will be
changed. Who can predict the human, even mutant, mind? I don't know how any of this will turn out.
But I do know that the truth sets one free, and if he finds this, he will finally be free from the
worry and pain. He'll have the same body, but, you're right. His mind will be new. Free."
Jean felt the tears in her eyes and hurriedly wiped at them. The Professor sighed.
"Besides, Marie...she was getting so close to him. I-I couldn't stand it if..." Jean stared at
the Professor, worried by the man's stuttering voice. He was always strong, never a word
said without assurance. Her mind invaded his and she recoiled at the swirling downpull of
sadness that swelled there. "It breaks my hear that she has to be so...alone. If some of can
be discriminated so harshly, what about her? She needs love like any of us, yet none can
get close enough to hold her. Who knows what Logan would do, seeing how vulnerable
she is, thinking he could just help if he hugged her." The Professor shook his head. "I
hoped that maybe she could forget about him for awhile, so she wasn't too attached..."
Jean quietly squeezed the bald man's hand, and slipped out, feeling like she'd
intruded too far into the Professor's mind, even if it was he who had spilled the feelings
willingly.
One thing she knew for sure: Marie wasn't the only one to become attached to Logan, the
disappearing act who could tug your heart and make you wish you could forget him in the
same thought. Jean knew what she had to do and ran to her and Scott's room, dissolving
into tears because she knew how wrong she was and how much it was going to hurt when
Logan came back. If he came back....
By: SleepyAngel
Angels Who Won't Return
The kiss was so automatic, Jean didn't even feel any emotion attached to it
anymore. Scott would come, kiss, eat, leave again for class. She felt silly for suddenly
finding something wrong with this schedule they'd kept for so long. But wasn't love
supposed to be spontaneous, so unpredictable you just craved more?
Love wasn't supposed to be anything set, specific; that was the point. It was
different for each couple. Jean knew that the relationship she and Scott shared would be
alien to the one she and Logan would have.
With a start, she shook away the thought. She couldn't be thinking of that,
especially with Scott dropping hints about an engagement, any day now. A year ago,
maybe even less than that, she would've been ecstatic, chattering to Orroro about
arrangements, dresses, maid-of-honor decisions. The joy of a marriage would take away
the sting of a family she'd lost to gain these powers, the relationships she'd made at the
School. It was never completely buried in her mind; it always lurked near the surface. Only
the Professor knew, understood, her pain and he kept it to himself, occasionally
comforting her mentally, soothing emotions no one could express in words.
Marriage shouldn't be an escape. That much, she knew, and if she married Scott
now, she knew it would be because she didn't want to take the confusing feelings that
came along with Logan and his own past. If he'd never come to the School, she'd still be
happy, the empty spaces filled with a love she thought no one else could experience. The
filling sand had run out when she'd met two as jumbled as she: Logan and Marie, both
complex puzzles in their own.
Marie's puzzle could never be un-jigsawed. If only one person could give her a
hug, a slight squeeze, skin to skin, the pieces would fall into place, barely a break in the
picture visible. With her mutation, she was isolated, alone in her misery. Jean had wished
to hold the girl, understanding the alienation, even if she couldn't feel it as deeply as Marie
did. Only, one man kept the two from sharing anything more than random hellos in the
hall. Logan kept so many people away from himself, that something about him drove
Marie and Jean crazy with mixed feelings that came with a mixed man.
Logan's past would never be found; she had perceived this as soon as she had
probed his green thoughts, seen the terrible memories he lived with. The people
responsible for his metal bones and mixed animal instincts had covered themselves, never
wanting the the interference of finding what would happen to the monster they created.
Logan could search the rest of his life, and still be caught in green water and painful metal.
.........Jean, come see me please.......
Jean replied to the Professor with yes, and left to his office, glad to leave the
solitary loneliness of her and Scott's apartment. She needed some one who understood this
being clogged down with one's own thoughts, and having to deal with everyone elses' too.
Whenever she got distracted, all the problems in the school flooded in, creating a very
disasterous headache.
She hurried across the halls, realizing too late that she had forgotten shoes and was
shuffling around in socks. She shrugged as she opened the door to the Professor's office.
He wouldn't mind, though she knew Scott would frown with disapproval, thinking she was
acting childish and needed him there to tie her shoes. The more Jean thought about Scott's
behavior concerning her responsibility, the less it seemed protective and the more it
seemed annoying or even obsessive.
The Professor chuckled when she sat on the couch in his living space. "Love is too
confusing, isn't it?" Jean blushed, hiding her face, but unable to close her mind off behind
her hair in the same way. She didn't answer and had no need to; the Professor could hear
her thoughts as if she were shouting at the top of her lungs. His face was grim, a drastic
change from the merriment that had marked his face earlier. "Logan is running into his
past and you and I can hear those confused thoughts from thousands of miles away. He
found the military base, Jean."
She finally looked the Professor, her whole face shocked. "Military base? I
thought...I thought..."
The Professor's ironic smile, the one that told he he'd already heard the sentence
before you said it, appeared on his face and he replied, "No, I wasn't leading him on and
saying there was one just to rest his mind. I have better ways of reassuring him that the
torture had happened and he wasn't dreaming up green scenes. I had to keep my promise
to him."
Jean didn't ask what promise, knowing he wouldn't reply, and instead asked, "Why
did you have to do that, give him an answer that you know would send him away? Some
of us were growing attached, you know." She covered her mouth as soon as the words
had left her lips. Even if the Professor already knew about her confused feelings for
Logan, she didn't have to announce them verbally. But it was already too late.
The Professor sighed, not amused as he usually would be at Jean's bumble. "You
know why. You could hear his thoughts bursting at the insides of his mind, just pushing to
be free and none of us could have put up with it for long. Even the students seemed to feel
the depressing state of Logan's mind." Jean clenched her teeth, not liking how the
Professor characterized Logan as a burden. His thoughts had been loud and demanding,
but the person of him was just so intriguing she didn't mind at all. "He has a right to know
his past, like all of us, to satisfy that inner hunger and yearning. I don't know if he will ever
be complete, but at least he'll be closer to it."
Jean nodded. "I understand. I do want him to understand his past. Really, I do. It's
just...well, what if he's changed by what he finds? I can't, I don't want to, have to deal with
a new, different Logan. I miss the old one and will if a new one shows up."
The Professor nodded, his eyes soft with understanding. "None of us will know how he will be
changed. Who can predict the human, even mutant, mind? I don't know how any of this will turn out.
But I do know that the truth sets one free, and if he finds this, he will finally be free from the
worry and pain. He'll have the same body, but, you're right. His mind will be new. Free."
Jean felt the tears in her eyes and hurriedly wiped at them. The Professor sighed.
"Besides, Marie...she was getting so close to him. I-I couldn't stand it if..." Jean stared at
the Professor, worried by the man's stuttering voice. He was always strong, never a word
said without assurance. Her mind invaded his and she recoiled at the swirling downpull of
sadness that swelled there. "It breaks my hear that she has to be so...alone. If some of can
be discriminated so harshly, what about her? She needs love like any of us, yet none can
get close enough to hold her. Who knows what Logan would do, seeing how vulnerable
she is, thinking he could just help if he hugged her." The Professor shook his head. "I
hoped that maybe she could forget about him for awhile, so she wasn't too attached..."
Jean quietly squeezed the bald man's hand, and slipped out, feeling like she'd
intruded too far into the Professor's mind, even if it was he who had spilled the feelings
willingly.
One thing she knew for sure: Marie wasn't the only one to become attached to Logan, the
disappearing act who could tug your heart and make you wish you could forget him in the
same thought. Jean knew what she had to do and ran to her and Scott's room, dissolving
into tears because she knew how wrong she was and how much it was going to hurt when
Logan came back. If he came back....