Heart cries, "No,
I have not a crumb of comfort, not a grain;
Time but can make her beauty over again;
Because of that great nobleness of hers
The fire that stirs around her, when she stirs,
Burns but more clearly. O she had not these ways
When all the wild summer was in her gaze."
--W.B Yeats
* * * * * *

Cordelia woke abruptly at an hour before sunrise. Angel glanced up from
looking down at Buffy for just a moment before his eyes moved swiftly back to
their target. Cordelia sat up, stretching like a cat in the sun. She yawned.

"How'd things go?" she whispered.

Angel didn't look up from Buffy's sleeping face. He slowly let his hand slip
into the silk of her hair. "Just as they were supposed to," he murmured
softly, as to not disturb Buffy.

Cordelia arched her eyebrows. "Kill them?"

This time Angel did look up again, his eyes meeting with hers briefly.
"Things went as they were supposed to," he repeated quietly, and Cordelia
nodded with a sudden silent understanding. The kind of understanding that no
one was ever supposed to really understand, the kind that no one was *ever*
supposed to speak about. And for once, she obeyed the unspoken rules out of
respect for her friends.

Cordelia stood wordlessly, flashing Angel a tired smile, and gathered her
shoes and her purse. "Why don't you stay the rest of the night?" she
suggested softly. "I'm sure Buffy wouldn't mind. Anyway, I need to call
Xander. He likes it when I annoy him by waking him up at ungodly hours," she
grinned.

Angel nodded, a slight smile lifting his lips as he stretched out on the warm
place in the bed, the place Cordelia had occupied not minutes before.
Gathering Buffy in his arms as comfortably as possible, he glanced at
Cordelia, relaying his thanks through his eyes.

Cordelia smiled again and walked over to the window, pulling the shade down
as an afterthought. She smirked at Angel for not having thought of it, and
then made her way out of the room.

Buffy mumbled something in her sleep, then went about gnashing her teeth.
Angel grinned for a moment at the innocent and slumbering gesture, and then
smoothed her furrowed brow with his fingertip. She fell quiet and still
beside him, instinctively curling closer into his arms, though he offered
nothing more than a cool embrace.

It didn't matter; she huddled as close as she could get.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Buffy's eyes fluttered open; her bright, soft gaze landed on Angel, who was
asleep and holding her tightly. She reached up and kissed his chin lightly,
and smiled when he opened his eyes to look at her.

"Hey," she whispered.

"Hey." His mouth curved up. "How did you sleep?"

Her eyes shone as she looked up at his face. "Really well, actually. I feel
pretty good."

He kissed her hair. "I'm glad for that."

Buffy pulled out of his arms to sit up on the bed and stretch. She looked at
him knowingly. "So, what did you do last night?"

Angel seemed startled but, as he caught her gaze, his eyes softened and he
shrugged. "Little of this, little of that," he said, donning his cryptic man
act. Buffy laughed lightly, standing and walking to her closet.

"Why are you getting up?" he asked, "It's not even seven yet."

"I know," Buffy mumbled, pulling out some clothes and beginning to get
dressed, "But, school, remember?"

"Oh, you're not on that... break thing?"

Buffy smirked. "We've been back in college since the day after New Year's.
Get up with the program, Vampire Man." She slipped on a new shirt and
wiggled into a flouncy skirt. Angel watched her as she dressed and raised
his eyebrows as he contemplated her choice of clothes. She looked at him.
"What?"

"You just... Haven't been wearing clothes like that, in a long while," he
said softly.

She grinned at him; winked. "Well, I'm feeling fashionable today."

Angel let himself laugh; an open, almost boyish sound. "You look good," he
murmured, drinking in her appearance.

Buffy twirled for him, her skirt flaring out as she spun. Angel let his eyes
wander up her long, tan legs. "I feel good," she bubbled. "Really, really
good." Walking over to him, she sat down next to him on the mattress, taking
his hands in hers. She kissed his knuckles, knuckles that weren't entirely
healed from his fight the night before. Her eyes met his, and they shared
secrets in the silent gaze. "For the first time in a long time," she
whispered.

He lifted her hands in return and kissed the backs of her wrists. "Again, I
can say I'm glad. You give me a lot to be thankful for, Buffy."

Her eyes dipped and she smiled, leaning up to kiss him tenderly. "So do you.
For me, I mean." Standing, she started gathering her things for school.
"Listen, come by Giles's tonight, okay? I need to talk to both of you."

He nodded. "Anything important?"

"Yeah, but not in the bad way," she said, smiling. "You can get home through
the basement of the dorm? Or you could stay here, if you like."

"Either way," he said with a grin. "I might just stay because I'm obsessive
in that way."

Buffy laughed. "Well, if my roommate comes back from her sabbatical to
Hell," she said, referring to her decidedly odd dorm mate, "Just don't let
her get a hold of any sharp wooden things. *And* don't let her find out that
you're a.... Anyway, if she does, no doubt she'd be wanting you to give her
some major hickeys, and, as the girlfriend, I can say that I'm definitely not
okay with that."

Angel laughed again, nodding. "You got it."

She leaned down for another kiss, then started for the door. "I love you."

He watched her step out, his eyes soft and velvet at her words. As she
closed the door behind her, he called out, "I love you too!", and he could
hear her smile.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Willow gripped Oz's hand tightly. She leaned against him as they made their
way through the halls. "How was it?" she murmured quietly.

Oz lifted his shoulders. "Your location spell worked, if that's what you're
asking."

Willow smirked playfully. "It's not what I'm asking, and you know it. I'm
asking how it went, over all."

Oz nodded. "It went fine. I have a feeling they won't be bothering any
other girls from now on, even though I didn't really get into the mix.
Neither did Xander."

"Yeah," Willow said brightly, "But you helped, a lot! I know that you did!
My location spell only could take you within fifty feet. I'm sure you...
sniffed them out or something."

"A little," he conceded. "Xander was a help too. But you really should have
seen Giles and Angel. They sort of went nuts."

"They did?" she asked, her brow furrowed. "I guess that makes sense... You
know, Angel is her boyfriend and Giles is sort of like her dad. You don't
feel bad that you weren't more involved, do you?"

"Not at all," he said easily. "I'm glad it's over, though."

"What are we talking about?" Buffy's voice broke in as she caught up to them
in the hall. Willow jolted, but Oz held her hand steady and just smiled.
"What's over?" Buffy asked again.

"Break. For the holidays," Oz answered, his mind moving swiftly. Willow
smiled at him then and, as much as Oz didn't like to lie, he felt that his
words had been worth it.

Buffy nodded curtly, her eyes understanding. Patting Willow on the arm, she
leaned closer. "Hey, will you guys come to Giles's apartment tonight? Say,
around seven or so? I need to talk to you guys and Giles."

Willow looked at her, concerned, and even Oz looked a little surprised. "Is
everything okay, Buffy?" Willow asked hesitantly.

"Yup," she said brightly, "But I'd still like to talk to you."

"Sure thing," Oz said with a smooth smile.

Buffy nodded and disappeared into the crowd, checking her watch and realizing
she was late for class.

"Wonder what that was about," Oz said quietly as they watched her go.

Willow smiled slowly, the change in her friend not escaping her. "Does it
really matter?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Mighty Pizza," Xander intoned, "We can make your pizza mighty quick."

Buffy grinned. "So this is the new job you refused to tell any of us about?"

Xander rolled his eyes. "Is this an emergency that you needed to call me
here?" he said playfully.

"Not really. So, I'll have a dozen pepperoni topped pizzas."

"Very funny." He smirked, boxing up a pizza for a customer. "Now, do you
mind telling me what's going on? Or are you just wanting to be the sarcastic
superhero for a while? 'Cause I can go with that. Especially if you're
dressed in something naughty."

"Now now, Xand," she cautioned, "How would Cordelia react if she knew what
you just said?"

"How would she find out?" he countered.

"I would tell her," Buffy said smugly.

Xander gave a dramatic sigh. "She'd kill me. How would Angel react if he
knew you had flirted back with me?"

"Where would he get that idea?" she asked indignantly.

"I would lie," he laughed. "So, really. What's going on with you?"

"Okay, here's the thing. What time do you get off work?"

"Six, I think," he answered slowly. "Is something wrong?"

"No!" she exclaimed with a giggle. "Why does everyone ask me if something's
wrong when I just want to talk to them or something?"

"Because so many things go wrong in this town," he said instantly with a
smile.

"I was just wondering if you could come by Giles's apartment tonight at
around seven, and clue Cordelia in? I need to talk to you guys." She paused.
"There will be food there... Tea and cookies and those weird pastry things
that Giles always has."

"I love those pastry things!" he muttered brightly.

"I know. So you'll be there?"

"Count me in." Xander hesitated for a second, looking at the clock on the
wall. "But I need to go now. I shouldn't really take this break. This is
the only un-supernatural job I've had this year and I really don't want to
blow it."

"Yeah. Sorry, Xandman. I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"Later, Buffgirl."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The doorbell rang and Giles answered it, getting more concerned by the
moment. His eyebrows lifted when he saw Xander there, holding a six pack of
sodas. Xander breezed past him, handing him the Pepsi's. "Giles," he
deadpanned, "Fancy meeting you here."

"Yes, quite," Giles murmured, glancing out the door for a sign of Buffy.
There were none, and he sighed, closing the door. "The others are in the
den."

"Others?" Xander walked into the den, stopping short when he saw the whole
group. "I thought it was only going to be me, the Watcher, and the Ice
Princess." He strode over to Cordelia, who treated him with an ironic smile
and let him drop a kiss onto the top of her head.

"That's what we thought," Willow spoke up. "That it would just be Oz and
Giles and me. She didn't mention a whole meeting of everyone."

Angel nodded. "And I thought it would be me. Of course we were a little
hasty to assume that just because she asked us individually, that we would be
the only ones here."

"And she didn't inform me at all!" Giles muttered.

Willow cleared her throat. "Do you guys think it's.... about... You know,
what happened? Last year, and last night?"

Angel lifted his shoulders helplessly. "That could be it. She refused to
say." He paused, closing his eyes briefly. "She's here now."

Oz nodded. "I smell her too."

"Gee," Xander commented mildly, "Has anyone really contemplated how many
freaks of nature there are in our little clique?" Cordelia swatted him and
he gave her a knowing smirk.

Giles was already walking to the door. He opened it without hearing a knock,
in time to see Buffy starting to fit her key into the lock. He pursed his
mouth. "You do realize that you needn't use that key unless it's of absolute
necessity, don't you?"

She stepped inside. "Yeah," she said lightly, "But it's so fun to surprise
you."

Giles lifted his head silently, as if sending up a prayer, and then led her
into the den. As soon as he was seated, he looked at Buffy expectantly.
"Would you mind terribly if I asked you to explain what this impromptu
meeting is about?"

She shook her head. "I wouldn't mind at all. But you don't need to actually
ask." She seated herself on the long couch, next to Angel, and made herself
comfortable before turning her eyes to Giles and continuing.

"Do you remember what you told me, almost a year ago?" Buffy asked. Giles
simply stared at her, confused, so she elaborated. "You know, about the test
and what happens to every Slayer when she turns eighteen and that sort of
thing?"

Giles started, licking his lips. He nodded. "Yes."

"Well, I've been thinking about that a lot lately. Actually, a lot, ever
since you told me about it. I thought about the test that was supposed to
happen with that male Drusilla that you mentioned, and I wondered if I would
have gotten out alive."

Angel took her hand; stroked the top of it. "You would have."

She smiled at him. "Maybe. I like to think that I'm that strong, that
useful. But I didn't have to take the test. At least not that one." She
paused. "I had to take another, one that was much worse and much harder, and
one that I still don't like to think about too much."

Giles began to speak, but she held up her hand, effectively silencing him.
"The point is, I think I passed. I think I came out of that experience...
Better. A better me. A *stronger* me, really. Which is what's important.
That I'm strong enough to handle it. There have been times, even when I
thought I was healing, that I went through some kind of hell, some kind of
personal hell. A nightmare. But all those nightmares have helped to heal me
in the long run." She smiled. "I guess you could say that they purged my
soul of everything I didn't need."

"I'm glad," Willow whispered, her eyes glittering.

Buffy shared a smile with her. "Me too. And this is why I brought all of
you here. Giles told me that I needed to say something, that I was allowed
to choose my destiny. That all I have to say is that I want or don't want to
remain the Slayer, and it'll be so. I think Giles assumed I had done it on
my own." She glanced at him and he lifted his mouth in a wry smile,
confirming her suspicion.

"Well, I hadn't. And my birthday-- the cutoff date-- is not even three days
away now. So I wanted to bring you in on this, let all of you know what I've
chosen. Because it affects you either way. I mean, if I'm still the Slayer,
I know you guys will feel obligated to help and stuff, and I'd have to stay
out every night, get no sleep, and have a huge dry-cleaning bill."

The group seemed to hold their breath collectively. "And if I'm not, then I
get to have a normal life, and I don't have to put my life on the line
nightly. It could be easier." She paused, drawing the moment out in
silence. "So..."

Buffy closed her eyes, breathing in deeply. "What I choose, for my destiny,"
she opened her eyes and looked at each of her friends briefly, her eyes
finally falling on Giles, who was looking down with an understanding
expression, "To remain the Slayer."

Giles's head bolted up.

Willow gasped, a tear tracking down her cheek.

Oz smiled.

Cordelia smirked.

Xander began laughing.

And Angel just looked at her, as if he had known what she would say all along.

"Way to freak us, Buffy," Xander laughed.

Giles finally got his tongue working. "W-why?"

Buffy shrugged. "As terrible as I think it is, and as terrible as you guys
sometimes think it is, it's who I am. I don't know how to *not* be the
Slayer now. And I've learned that sometimes you put your life on the line
nightly by *not* being strong. I don't want to be helpless again. I don't
want anyone else to feel that way either." She held a steady gaze with her
Watcher. "I want to help people."

"I think," he murmured softly, "That may be the best reason of all to make
the choice you did."

She nodded sagely. "It is." She looked at the coffee table; changing the
subject abruptly. "I say we eat."

"I second that," Xander called.

The gang began talking, laughing, and smiling together, and Buffy watched in
silence, thinking. She smiled. When she was hurt, they went through every
single one of her wounds with her, bandaging them up, cleaning them, helping
her not to scar. And she was glad of the one thing that had been able to
come out of all of it, all the pain and terror, and tears.

In healing herself.... She had healed them all.

The End