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Author's Note: If you haven't read my story "Children of a Broken World - A Long Way to Eden" yet you're insane to continue. http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=496938
LACRIMA AMARE - Chapter 11
Zack went into the bedroom and looked at Syl, peacefully asleep in one of the twin beds. Brin left them alone, smiling sadly as she shut the door. Zack tucked the blankets around Syl's form and moved to leave.
"Zack," her voice came; he turned back.
"Sorry," he said. She smiled.
"Sit down." Zack sat on the edge of the bed, smiled down at her. Then he saw the red in her eyes from crying all the way from Pittsburgh and he stifled a sigh.
"Did he hurt you?"
"No," she said immediately, shook her head. "No, he just pushed too hard and I couldn't take it. He wanted to know and he wouldn't take no for an answer." She let her breath out in a long sigh. "Is it ever going to go away?" she asked softly. Zack said nothing; what could he say? 'Yes' would be a lie, 'no' would be painful. "I understood," she breathed. "Why he wanted to know. But I couldn't... you know I couldn't."
"I know," Zack said softly, touching her hair. "You don't have to say anything else."
"Why did he have to do it?" she whispered, obviously wanting to talk about it.
"I guess he really wanted to know," Zack said, his voice gentle. "He shouldn't have pushed so hard, but I can see that. He wanted to understand, Syl." She closed her eyes, hard, clenched her fists.
"That's not what I meant," she whispered.
"Oh," he said, confused. "Then what-" He realized. He inhaled sharply, put a hand on her head as though she was still a small girl, still the happy child he'd lost a long time ago. "Oh, Syl, I don't know. I really don't. I'm so sorry I don't have the answers."
"It was my fault," she said, barely more than a whisper. Zack's hands were suddenly harsh against her shoulders, he shook her into a sitting position and stared into her dark eyes, edging on anger.
"It is not your fault, we've talked about this," he said firmly. "You were a child, Syl. And even if you hadn't been, if it happened now it still wouldn't be your fault. Things like that never are." A few tears slipped down her cheeks and he relaxed his grip around her, let her slump forward into his arms. "It's nobody's fault," he lied, knowing very well that it was his, that he could have shown up sooner, could have saved her sooner, maybe even prevented it altogether. He still didn't know how many times it had happened, or for how long it had gone on. He didn't want to know.
"It's just never going to go away," she repeated her earlier words in a whisper. He raised a hand and touched her soft hair.
"You know I have pictures if you want them," he said gently. She pulled away from him, not meeting his eyes.
"No," she said firmly. "No, I don't."
"Okay," he said immediately. "That's fine. I was just asking." She forced a slight smile.
"You ask every year."
"I'm just checking," he said; she raised a hand to his face, touched his cheek, all the tension and pain and stress of his life written in his expression, his stony gaze. What a miracle that she could find such immense love in those blue eyes, too.
"Thank you," she said, then hesitated. "I just want to know... does she look like me... or him?"
"You," he said, and she could tell he wasn't lying. "Maybe a little like him, in the nose, but otherwise you. All you." Syl smiled genuinely at him.
"Good," she said. "And the family? They're okay?"
"Of course," he told her. "Don't worry about that. I've checked them out a thousand different ways. I watch that house very closely. Nothing's going to happen to her."
"Good," she said again. "But I don't want any pictures. I don't want to know where she is."
"No," he agreed. Syl smiled, hugged him again.
"Thanks for coming to get me," she said.
"You're sure about this?" His experience with Zane and Jondy was making him question his staying apart rule more than he ever had before. "Krit loves you."
"And I love him," she answered, glancing away. "That's not the point." She looked at him. "I'd like to go somewhere cold. California was too hot. Somewhere with a lot of snow in the wintertime, maybe a little sun for variety every once in a while." He nodded.
"I can do that," he said slowly. "Sure." She smiled, turned away from him as she curled back into the bed.
"Thanks," she said sleepily. "Goodnight."
"Goodnight, Syl," Zack answered softly; he touched her hair again, and then left the room, smiling tensely at Brin as he passed her to go to his own. She didn't ask, and he was glad; he would always keep Syl's secrets, for as long as she needed him to.
Two days later Krit dialled the number again, the number he'd dialled at
least twelve times now, but this was the first time he hadn't slammed the phone
down angrily before he'd finished all the numbers. He made himself hold onto the
phone and waited for the first ring, preparing himself, calming his nerves and
his frustration. He wasn't going to push, wasn't going to even mention their
argument if she didn't bring it up first. The phone clicked as it connected and
he held his breath.
"The number you have reached is not in service and there is no new number. This is a recording." It repeated, "The number you have reached-" Krit hung up the phone shakily, disbelievingly. He'd never known Zack to work so fast. Jondy came into the room, saw him staring down at the telephone, a shocked expression on his face. She touched his shoulder.
"Didn't go well?" she asked gently; he turned to her, his eyes misted over with tears.
"She's gone," he said, his voice soft with disbelief. "It's over. I lost her." Jondy bit her lip.
"Oh," she said, taking his hand. "Oh, I'm so sorry, Krit." She reached out, hugged him close. He held her tightly, dropping his head onto her shoulder. A thousand thoughts went through her mind- if only he had let it be, hadn't pushed, understood, hadn't tried so hard to get her to tell him, taken it slow, just let her get into it on her own one day, or not if she didn't want to...
"Shshsh," Jondy whispered into his hair as she felt a few tears drop against her shoulder. He pulled back from her and smiled.
"You and Zane are going to be fine, aren't you?" he asked. She nodded slowly.
"Zane found a job. Well, it's not for sure yet, but someone's always looking for a good mechanic." She watched him stare at his hands, nod.
"That's good."
"You're going to leave now?" she asked, her voice small; he looked up at her.
"You two need to be alone now. I've helped all I can."
"Thank you," she said. "For-" He took her hand, squeezed it, shook his head.
"You don't have to thank me," he said. "I'm your brother."
"Thank you anyway," she said. "You went above and beyond the call of duty here." She laughed a little. "I'm just sorry I wasn't better company." He smiled softly.
"You were great company, Jondy."
"Where will you go?"
"Home," he said. "I can't go chasing after her, I'd have no idea where to look. Zack would have made sure of that." His voice was bitter; he ran a hand through his hair. "If only I hadn't pushed her, then maybe-"
"Don't," Jondy said. "If there's anything I've learned from all of this it's not to obsess over what could have been." She smiled at him. "The past is done, Krit. Remember, learn from it, but don't obsess over it. You'll just depress yourself." He nodded.
"Maybe," he said, then nodded. "You're probably right."
"Zane!" Jondy called. "Come here!" They waited for him to come downstairs; he shot them a questioning look.
"He's leaving now," Jondy said. Zane nodded.
"That was quick."
"Syl's not coming back," Jondy explained.
"I figured."
"She's not going home, either," Krit added; Zane cringed slightly, shooting a look at Jondy. They knew this kind of pain better than anyone else.
"I'm sorry, man," he said, touching Krit's shoulder.
"Keep in touch," Jondy said, hugging him again. He nodded into her shoulder.
"I will, don't worry." He pulled back, touched her hair. "You'll be okay."
"Yes," she said. Krit nodded, hugged Zane, then pulled on his shoes and jacket at the door.
"I'll see you," he said. "Later. I'll be back to see that baby."
"Yes," Zane agreed, smiled. "Of course. We'll see you." He took Jondy's hand as their brother walked down the sidewalk to his truck, climbing in and tossing them a heavy wave before starting the car. Then, just like Syl, Krit was gone, another troubled child struggling in a world that was better than Manticore.
A/N: Well, what did you think?? Review, review, review, please tell me if
you liked it!! I'm so sad that Via Memorius is over forever! I've been
clinging to Some Assembly Required since I started VM 1 in November, the last
time we heard any significant mentions of siblings... but what am I going to do
now?!?!? What am I going to write about when there's no Zack and it doesn't look
like he's coming back in the next six episodes and the season will end and
there'll be nothing to say and there's still 3 siblings we know nothing about,
not to mention Jondy and Zane whose names are pretty much all we know about
them... Oh no, what am I going to do?!?! *crying* Okay, I'll shut up
now... thanks for reading! (Chapter 12 is a question- it would really help me if
you'd answer it!!)